Why is sexuality a choice?

[MissAlice]

Forgive me if this has been asked several times. I was wondering why so many faiths not only look down on sexuality but believe it's a choice? I see so much of this especially among abrahamic faiths, maybe it's just me. I was curious if this attitude is compltely natural or if it more or less geared from a set of beliefs one is raised by in childhood. The reason this puzzles me is for a long time as heterosexual, I had trouble in the suspision of disbelief. I know for sure that even if I wanted to be I could never be attracted to a female. I had a relative who was kicked out of the house for admitting his sexual orientation and his mom will pop in every now and then being nice and then trying to set him up with a date. It's as if she doesn't seem to "get it". Then she'd try to get us to help him out with his "disorder".

I was just curious as to why people would assume even after so much of the pain they endure from a community that isn't willing to tolerate it, why it's not only deemed as a choice but a great and evil sin. I still cannot put myself in the position of that said person choosing their lifestyle so maybe in someway I myself am limited?

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I wrote the following elsewhere to try to help sort the perception problem in relation to the calling of Gay priests. It applies equally to male and female gays.
(Paul... equality in Christ.)

Sexuality is a very difficult problem for many to address.
A male heterosexual has no more idea how a female feels about and contemplates sex and love, than he has about how a gay male feels. Both are equally alien to him.
Yet it is suggested that the female feelings are natural and that the gay male's are not.


It is clear neither God's love nor calling is dependant on sexuality or gender.

People do indeed have a revulsion when contemplating a different gender role for them selves in a relationship. the mere thought could horrify them.

The problem is they are projecting their own feelings on to some one who's sexuality finds that sort of relationship entirely natural and normal.

It is a question of comprehension and perception.
It is not a question of right or wrong.
or sinful or sinless.

Sexuality and Gender can quite naturally be opposite.

 

[Sunstone]

I think underlying the notion that homosexuality is a choice is the rejection of homosexuality as a moral sexual orientation. For some reason, it's harder to reject homosexuality as a moral sexual orientation if you cannot believe it's a choice.

Beyond what I've just said, the answer to your question -- why do people think sexuality is a choice? -- gets into some pretty heavy territory. For instance, it raises the question of how or why people can think something is the case when the weight of evidence is overwhelmingly that it is not the case. How can people think sexuality is a choice when the weight of evidence is overwhelmingly that sexuality is not a choice? And that might raise the related question of to what extent people are realistic or even capable of being realistic?

Nietzsche said more than a hundred years ago that there appeared to be no widespread or commonplace "will to truth" in humans. That is, most of us are not governed (when deciding what is true or not) by a desire to arrive at the truth. Instead, we are governed (when deciding what is true or not) by all sorts of passions, interests, hopes, fears, and influences other than a desire to know the truth. In consequence, we are not a very realistic animal.

So, the final answer to your question, "Why do people think sexuality is a choice?", is probably not something along the lines of, "Most people are wrongly informed about sexuality and would not think it was a choice if only they knew the truth." Rather the answer to your question is more likely along the lines of, "Most of those who think sexuality is a choice are probably in denial of what they on some level know to be the truth. They are most likely being willfully ignorant of the fact that sexuality is not a choice." And, of course, they are being willfully ignorant of that fact because they are ruled by their passions, interests, hopes, fears, and so forth -- and not by a desire to know the truth.

 

[Vigdisdotter]

People will use any number of things to justify their fear and bigotry. Claiming the sexual orientation is a choice and/or is against some divine being is just one such example.

 

[Midnight Pete]

People will use any number of things to justify their fear and bigotry. Claiming the sexual orientation is a choice and/or is against some divine being is just one such example.

FWIW I don't think sexual orientation is a choice and yet it clearly is a sin according to Scripture. But how many sins are overlooked by our so-called polite society? Clergy and politicians like to over-emphasize the sins of others to draw attention away from their own secret sins. That's just my opinion. I didn't choose to be heterosexual, yet that's what just I am. I've read about this thing called the Kinsey Scale and how sexuality exist on a continuum. I'm a straight guy but occasionally I have gay thoughts. Flashes of homosexual ideation. Not nearly enough to affect my behavior, but disconcerting nonetheless.

God loves all his children.

 

[Noaidi]

FWIW I don't think sexual orientation is a choice and yet it clearly is a sin according to Scripture.

Why is it clearly a sin? Because it's in the bible? What reason does god give for homosexuality being a sin?

People who regard homosexuality as a 'sin' or 'wrong' because it's written in an ancient text aren't thinking for themselves. Question your god as to why it is wrong and get back to us with the answer. If he doesn't provide an answer, then think if it really is as bad as is made out.

Note: that last para wasn't directed specifically at you, Midnight Pete.

 

[Willamena]

Sexuality in this context is a preference (for a gender), and while we cannot choose our preferences, we can influence them, and hence influence our decisions. By default, people will tend to think others are like them (of a kind), and be resistent to, or even repelled, by what are seen as significant differences. While some preferences (cucumbers, for example) may be innoculous, others that are a seen as impacting a major part of what it is be human (having a child, starting your own family) may be considered so significant as to be unthinkable. Of course, there are non-nuclear families, more of them than nuclear, but that may have to be part of a learning curve, i.e. debrainwashing. And then there's "brainwashing" from youth. There's also the strong consideration that conformity, "fitting in with the Jones," plays a considerable role in some people's make-up. Conformity, in general, is one of the most influencial factors in any decision we make (one of seven; learned that on a course last week, and that "logic" is the least influencial factor). We have a preference for conformity, we can influence our preference for cucumbers by inuring ourselves to them, and if we can influence one preference we can influence others, and the decision to do so may figure favourably into the preference for conformity. Also, there are choices associated with the preference that may be made indistinguishable from the preference in some people's minds, like the choice to express the preference.

 

[TheKnight]

Many of those who believe that sexuality is a choice beleive that way because to say that it isn't is to admit that God determined which sexual preference a person would have. And if they admit that God did that, then they must admit that God also determined that a homosexual be a homosexual. Which of course means they feel that they cannot oppose it if God determined it should be that way.

 

[Revoltingest]

Of those who believe sexual orientation is a choice, I ask when they chose to be hetero....& whether to be homo
was a real option they considered. Many times, they end up agreeing that there could be no choice involved.

 

[Nerthus]

FWIW I don't think sexual orientation is a choice and yet it clearly is a sin according to Scripture. But how many sins are overlooked by our so-called polite society? Clergy and politicians like to over-emphasize the sins of others to draw attention away from their own secret sins. That's just my opinion. God loves all his children.

That's how I have always seen it. There are many things in the Bible that often appear to be brushed under the carpet.

I don't believe homosexuality is a choice, you are either attracted to men, women (or both!), and there is nothing wring with that. I personally believe that the laws in Leviticus were wiped clean with Jesus, many don't believe that, but I do.

 

[Willamena]

Many of those who believe that sexuality is a choice beleive that way because to say that it isn't is to admit that God determined which sexual preference a person would have. And if they admit that God did that, then they must admit that God also determined that a homosexual be a homosexual. Which of course means they feel that they cannot oppose it if God determined it should be that way.

Good point.

 

[Zadok]

Forgive me if this has been asked several times. I was wondering why so many faiths not only look down on sexuality but believe it's a choice? I see so much of this especially among abrahamic faiths, maybe it's just me. I was curious if this attitude is compltely natural or if it more or less geared from a set of beliefs one is raised by in childhood. The reason this puzzles me is for a long time as heterosexual, I had trouble in the suspision of disbelief. I know for sure that even if I wanted to be I could never be attracted to a female. I had a relative who was kicked out of the house for admitting his sexual orientation and his mom will pop in every now and then being nice and then trying to set him up with a date. It's as if she doesn't seem to "get it". Then she'd try to get us to help him out with his "disorder".

I was just curious as to why people would assume even after so much of the pain they endure from a community that isn't willing to tolerate it, why it's not only deemed as a choice but a great and evil sin. I still cannot put myself in the position of that said person choosing their lifestyle so maybe in someway I myself am limited?

There is a great deal of hate generated over the various concepts of sexuality. My father once told me that personal pleasure becomes it own logic, reason and purpose. One of the primary objections I have to various ideas and theories concerning sexuality is the concept that an intelligent individual is incapable of making choices; that they are a preprogrammed irresponsible slave to and unable to have any input concerning their sexuality.

But this is not a subject to be challenged or questioned. Any question is treated as complete and utter heresy by those of a different opinion. This is not a subject where rational and open discussion is possible let alone encourage at any level. Rather arguments are given as intimidations, accusations and distortions. The only reason I see in even bringing up such a subject is in order that anyone that opposes the popular opinion can be treated poorly and disrespected by those that hold to the more popular opinion.

Zadok

 

[Vigdisdotter]

One of the primary objections I have to various ideas and theories concerning sexuality is the concept that an intelligent individual is incapable of making choices; that they are a preprogrammed irresponsible slave to and unable to have any input concerning their sexuality.

So the situation has to be one or the other?

What about the difference between "choosing who you are attracted to" and "choosing to act on your attraction"?

 

[James Humphreys]

To say that sexuality is a choice makes it sound like going into a supermarket and deciding on the spur of the moment to buy apples instead of oranges. Probably few think its that superficial. But I would suggest that ones sense of sexual identity can be influenced by both nature and nurture. Doesn't it sometimes happen that one who considers him/herself heterosexual, bi-sexual, homosexual, or any other gradation along the sexual spectrum, will find his/her sexual preferences changing with the course of time? Can we say those changes are completely independent of our life experiences, the friends we choose, and the life views we adopt?

The question also comes up, if we are born a certain way, with certain feelings and thoughts and tendencies, does that necessarily mean that's the way it should be? I'm not only talking about sexuality here. Are we born "normal", the way we "should be"? This could be both a scientific (genetic?) as well as religious question.

 

[gnomon]

Many of those who believe that sexuality is a choice beleive that way because to say that it isn't is to admit that God determined which sexual preference a person would have. And if they admit that God did that, then they must admit that God also determined that a homosexual be a homosexual. Which of course means they feel that they cannot oppose it if God determined it should be that way.

You have it exactly right.

But you can add to that one of the reasons there is an unwillingness to accept that sexuality is not a choice is it would logically contradict their view of God. Why would God place additional burdens on some of his children but not others. And for those who believe that merely being homosexual is a sin than why would God purposely create human beings to unable to remove themselves from sin? It takes away the concept of choice.

By maintaining sexuality is a choice it removes all burden from the believer to examine their own theology.

 

[yourhopeboundheart]

What about the difference between "choosing who you are attracted to" and "choosing to act on your attraction"?

and if we were all actually varying degrees of bisexual, then "choosing to act on your attraction" means taking into consideration a lot more factors than the physical equipment in a partner. i really dont see that it's as cut and dry as "homosexual" and "heterosexual". my sexual preference is typically for women, yet i dont find myself helplessly attracted to every woman i've ever seen/met. there's a little bit more to sex than gender.

so while sexual preference is rarely a chosen thing, there are hundreds of chosen factors within sexual decisions.

but of course this doesn't answer the question of why so many others think sexuality is chosen. the main reason why sexual preference is considered to be a choice by most people is because they have to make sure their population-machine is air tight- and if people are born with sexual desires that do not feed the population-machine, they are obviously just rebellious heathens.

 

[Midnight Pete]

and if we were all actually varying degrees of bisexual, then "choosing to act on your attraction" means taking into consideration a lot more factors than the physical equipment in a partner. i really dont see that it's as cut and dry as "homosexual" and "heterosexual". my sexual preference is typically for women, yet i dont find myself helplessly attracted to every woman i've ever seen/met. there's a little bit more to sex than gender.

so while sexual preference is rarely a chosen thing, there are hundreds of chosen factors within sexual decisions.

but of course this doesn't answer the question of why so many others think sexuality is chosen. the main reason why sexual preference is considered to be a choice by most people is because they have to make sure their population-machine is air tight- and if people are born with sexual desires that do not feed the population-machine, they are obviously just rebellious heathens.

The population-machine is overfed, especially in India and China. It's not such a bad thing if certain people don't ever reproduce.

 

[Zadok]

So the situation has to be one or the other?

What about the difference between "choosing who you are attracted to" and "choosing to act on your attraction"?

How does one choose anything?

Zadok

 

[blackout]

Everyone chooses their partners.

So many things go into those choices though.

Unless you are attracted to both sexes,
gender is the least of all those choices.
Attraction is a "given",
though sometimes it develops
as you get to know a person.
Availablilty of those you are attracted to is a 'given'.
Mutual attraction is necessary.
Life situation, economics, goals, common interests,
all so many choices and givens.

 

[Vigdisdotter]

How does one choose anything?

Zadok

You're kidding, right?