Why Praise God When He's The One Who Brought Coronavirus To Us?

[SeekingAllTruth]

You are my friend and a kindred spirit because we are both seekers of truth in our own ways, so I want to add something to what I said before.that just came to my mind...

I said:
I don't want to be in God's elect cuz I'm kind of mad at Him right now, again.
He's not going to like that but I cannot be less than honest about how I feel.

I was going to add that even if God does not like that I am not that worried if He likes that (as some Christians have said I should be worried) because I believe that God knows why I said that and why i feel this way and I don't think there will be any punishment... What these Christians do not understand is that God is not going to hold me accountable for any psychological problems I have, especially since I have battled them my entire life. I am only responsible for spiritual problems that I have, that which is under my control since I can choose good or evil. Just as God would not blame someone who had cancer God is not going to blame me for depression which does distort my perception of Him and makes me believe He is uncaring, unfair, and even out to get me and teach me lessons by torturing me endlessly. I do not really believe this is true on a rational thinking level, but I feel it on an emotional level, and as you probably know, emotions often trump rational thoughts.

Unfortunately, we have the scriptures that say that God sends us tests to strengthen us and we should be grateful for those so that really messes up my thinking and then I am right back in the loop with the emotions and I hate God because I consider what He does as cruel and I cannot be grateful for it. And because these scriptures essentially say I am a bad person if I do not feel what I am supposed to feel for God (love) and appreciate His tests and I can't feel that way I end up being more depressed than I was in the first place because I feel guilty that I am not grateful to God and that i don't love God.

I don't know if I am making much sense but maybe if you knew the circumstances my life you could better understand why I feel this way. On top of the circumstances that I cannot change, I have an inherited tendency to depression and there is no cure for that. Maybe this passage will help me explain. I feel like everyone I meet is joyful regardless of their circumstances with Covid-19, etc. and in comparison I feel like a dead being. That is painful, and one reason I isolate most of the time unless I have to deal with people in the real world.

“In this world we are influenced by two sentiments, Joy and Pain.

Joy gives us wings! In times of joy our strength is more vital, our intellect keener, and our understanding less clouded. We seem better able to cope with the world and to find our sphere of usefulness. But when sadness visits us we become weak, our strength leaves us, our comprehension is dim and our intelligence veiled. The actualities of life seem to elude our grasp, the eyes of our spirits fail to discover the sacred mysteries, and we become even as dead beings.” Abdu'l-Baha, Paris Talks

Now I have been crying as I am writing this, something I do not normally do since I am always strong and I always face what I have to face, I never run away. I cannot believe God expects more of me, I think it is other believers that think He does expect more because they do not really understand their scriptures and what they say about God. I am not only referring to Christians, I am also referring to Baha's. It seems to me that belief overrides compassion for most believers, so that is why I always turn to atheists or deists who don't have a dog in the fight.

If I were a praying man I'd pray, "Baháʼu'lláh, please help this dear poor sister find her way." We all carry baggage accumulated throughout life. Hopefully it's sorted out before we depart so our passing is a little easier.

 

[Trailblazer]

If I were a praying man I'd pray, "Baháʼu'lláh, please help this dear poor sister find her way." We all carry baggage accumulated throughout life. Hopefully it's sorted out before we depart so our passing is a little easier.

Thanks, but I am not worried about my passing, I am worried about the rest of my life in THIS world.
But I always have this promise in the back of my mind, and given what Baha'u'llah said my life might even get better in this world.

“O My servants! Sorrow not if, in these days and on this earthly plane, things contrary to your wishes have been ordained and manifested by God, for days of blissful joy, of heavenly delight, are assuredly in store for you. Worlds, holy and spiritually glorious, will be unveiled to your eyes. You are destined by Him, in this world and hereafter, to partake of their benefits, to share in their joys, and to obtain a portion of their sustaining grace. To each and every one of them you will, no doubt, attain.”
Gleanings From the Writings of Bahá’u’lláh, p. 329