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Why so many people cannot forgive.
- Thread starter Jimmy
- Start date
RestlessSoul
Well-Known Member
There’s a difference between wanting to forgive, and being able to. Forgiveness is liberating, but it often takes time
Forgiving is a choice, not an ability.
There are acts so heinous that they do not warrant forgiveness.
Jimmy
King Phenomenon
That’s a good point. I agree. It’s very hard, especially when someone hurts one of your loved ones.
IndigoChild5559
Loving God and my neighbor as myself.
I think that when someone can't forgive, it is because they feel that forgiving means that they are saying it was somehow okay.
TagliatelliMonster
Veteran Member
Maybe it would be useful to explain / define exactly what you mean by "forgive" in practical terms.
Let's say for example that I beat you up without reason just for the fun of it.
What would be the practical difference between you forgiving me vs you not forgiving me?
What exactly would be the difference?
BTW: I ask, because imo people are rather loose with that term. Christians especially. Often times it feels like it is just something they say to claim some moral high ground while it actually being completely meaningless. Like the other day I read about some guy who stabbed a teenager to death. At the trial he was sentenced to x years in prison. And during an interview afterwards, the mother of the victim said that "she forgives" the stabber and that she is happy that "justice is served" (meaning: that the dude will rot in jail for many years to come).
What does that even mean then, that she "forgives" him?
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Some things cannot be forgiven.
Why does one have to forgive. Personally, I can forgive but many times I refuse to forgive and I have no issues with that. Generally, I'll give anyone 1 chance and few people multiple chances but there is a limit. I am not forgiving 7 times 70 and see no reason to.
Twilight Hue
Twilight, not bright nor dark, good nor bad.
I dunno about forgiveness , but I do recognize that some people are beyond recompense.
MayPeaceBeUpOnYou
Active Member
.
I agree with you the term is used very looselyI think it’s just a way for saying it to have some type of closure. Accepting what has happened in order to continue their lives with a contented heart.
And about theists in general that believes god can forgive us is also a reason. If a person wants god to forgive him for their own mistakes then shouldn’t we also try to forgive those who wronged us?
That she doesn’t hate him anymore for what he has done?
I agree with you the term is used very looselyI think it’s just a way for saying it to have some type of closure. Accepting what has happened in order to continue their lives with a contented heart.
And about theists in general that believes god can forgive us is also a reason. If a person wants god to forgive him for their own mistakes then shouldn’t we also try to forgive those who wronged us?
VoidCat
Use any and all pronouns including neo and it/it's
I am a forgiving person. But my therapist once told me one doesn't have to forgive to heal.
I believe that to be true. You can move past something without making amends with a person. Sometimes there's no making up with a person.
IndigoChild5559
Loving God and my neighbor as myself.
Really GOOD question.
The best book I read on the subject of forgiveness was back in my 30s (I don't remember the title but the author was a Jewish woman). She made many good points, such as:
- The number one reason people find it hard to forgive is because they feel that forgiveness will somehow say that what was done was okay.
- Only the person harmed is entitled to forgive. For example, if Joe rapes Sally, only Sally has the right to forgive Joe. For me to forgive Joe is an insult to Sally. Thus, it is inappropriate for people who were not put into death camps to forgive the Nazis for the atrocities there.
- You don't forgive slights. You feel angry for a while, and then you let go of it. No need to get an apology or anything.
- It is offenses that are major betrayals that need forgiveness. However there are two kinds of forgiveness.
- The first is true reconcilation. In order to achieve this, the harmed individual has to see that the person understands the gravity of what they did, understand the pain they have caused, and hurts that you are hurting, as well as devoting themselves to not repeating it.
- However, sometimes a person who has betrayed someone will not reconcile, or even offer a fake apology. In such cases, you reach a point where you realize it is fruitless to try to get them to own up to their wrong. All you can do is "let go" of the need for justice. It's not as good as reconciliation, but it will bring you peace. If you don't let go, you are enabling them to keep on hurting you.
Maninthemiddle
Active Member
Abrahamic Religions claim their Gods will send you to Hell for eternity, no chance to redeem yourself.
Why then would you expect People to be forgiving when the Abrahamic Gods are so disgustingly brutal and unjust.
Why then would you expect People to be forgiving when the Abrahamic Gods are so disgustingly brutal and unjust.
mikkel_the_dane
My own religion
Well, I guess you have never met a folk Christian culture Christian humanist. As long as you are a good human and try to help other humans, you will go to Heaven.
Maninthemiddle
Active Member
So the Christian Humanists decide who goes to Heaven now, God can take a break yes.
mikkel_the_dane
My own religion
Well, as an atheist I don't care one way or another. I just told you that it is not just as you claimed with it comes to Christians.
RestlessSoul
Well-Known Member
I think you’ll find that even the most severe interpretations of Christian doctrine place forgiveness and mercy at the heart of the religion. And isn’t the God of Islam referred to as Allah, the merciful and compassionate?
So no. You’re way out there, I think.
Maninthemiddle
Active Member
Do the Abrahamic Religions have an eternal Hell, yes or no.
If yes I’m not way of at all.
If a man is in Hell for many years and repents, why should he remain for eternity.
Not very forgiving of God is it, so if God is not why should we expect man to be.
MayPeaceBeUpOnYou
Active Member
Well maybe because god has set the rules of how he will judge his creation.
But besides point, don’t you think to that there is benefit for those that have been wronged to forgive others for their own sake?
RestlessSoul
Well-Known Member
That sounds like your personal interpretation of hell, based on a superficial generalisation of all Abrahamic religions.
What’s your interpretation of hell in Buddhism?