withoutcharge
Point of view
Hello. I believed in an alpha/omega type of sentient being until the age of 11 when I finally (it felt like an eternity) told my parents that I did not believe in god and thus fancied myself Atheist.
My parents were strong believers, but not active. I was never forced to attend church. In fact, I enrolled myself in a summer camp near my house when I was 10, because I wanted to be a part of that community.
Once I realized that I did not and could not have faith in God or any kind of religion, I felt more empowered and free to be myself than I had at any time. However, my parents and grandparents were reluctantly supportive at best, and sarcastic, rude, and unforgiving at worst. I was asked to say prayer at christmas dinners, I was given the stink eye when I did not close my eyes or recite passages as funerals and weddings. There was a lot of pressure to conform, but I did not. I couldn't.
When I was 22 I realized that closing my mind off to the possibility of a higher being was just as damaging to my ability to see outside the box (something I had taking pride in) as having faith in what I considered to be nothing more than a myth.
I was at that time also seeing a Christian, whom I had been in love with for many years, though only dating on a casual level. She kept me at arms length as not to confuse her friends and family about her own beliefs. She's married now, but part of me wonders, had we shared the same belief system, could we have made it? I entertained the idea of going to church with her, reading her favorite passages form the bible, and opening my mind for the last time to what was so hard for me to swallow before. She wouldn't have it. Either she suspected that I was just doing it for her, or she thought it was a belief I could never stomach. In either case, we she wouldn't humor me, and we stopped seeing each other.
I am now 31, and my beliefs haven't change very much, though I've explored the nature of reality as much as I possibly could in order to find new answers. My thirsty mind seems to have sucked all the common knowledge out of the proverbial cup, so I'm waiting patiently for new developments.
That is why I am here. To learn new perspectives and share my own.
My parents were strong believers, but not active. I was never forced to attend church. In fact, I enrolled myself in a summer camp near my house when I was 10, because I wanted to be a part of that community.
Once I realized that I did not and could not have faith in God or any kind of religion, I felt more empowered and free to be myself than I had at any time. However, my parents and grandparents were reluctantly supportive at best, and sarcastic, rude, and unforgiving at worst. I was asked to say prayer at christmas dinners, I was given the stink eye when I did not close my eyes or recite passages as funerals and weddings. There was a lot of pressure to conform, but I did not. I couldn't.
When I was 22 I realized that closing my mind off to the possibility of a higher being was just as damaging to my ability to see outside the box (something I had taking pride in) as having faith in what I considered to be nothing more than a myth.
I was at that time also seeing a Christian, whom I had been in love with for many years, though only dating on a casual level. She kept me at arms length as not to confuse her friends and family about her own beliefs. She's married now, but part of me wonders, had we shared the same belief system, could we have made it? I entertained the idea of going to church with her, reading her favorite passages form the bible, and opening my mind for the last time to what was so hard for me to swallow before. She wouldn't have it. Either she suspected that I was just doing it for her, or she thought it was a belief I could never stomach. In either case, we she wouldn't humor me, and we stopped seeing each other.
I am now 31, and my beliefs haven't change very much, though I've explored the nature of reality as much as I possibly could in order to find new answers. My thirsty mind seems to have sucked all the common knowledge out of the proverbial cup, so I'm waiting patiently for new developments.
That is why I am here. To learn new perspectives and share my own.
