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Woke M&Ms are evil

SomeRandom

SomeRandom

Still learning to be wise
Staff member
Premium Member
sun rise said:
This opinion piece is funny in a sad way. The first part concerns the anger and fear about what the NHL was planning to do. But this part. Clearly they're dealing with femalevolence brought on by eating tafemales in the disfemalest environment. It needs to be femaledicted. Gov. DeSantis' anti-woke campaign is trying to get white men angry.

Attention insecure males: Feminism alert on candy aisle

The candy maker Mars announced last week a promotion to honor women in advance of International Women’s Day on March 8.

To do that, the candy maker will offer bags of M&M’s in packages that say “Supporting Women: Flipping the Status Quo.” The bags feature the cartoon images of its “female brand mascots” — the green and brown M&M — along with a recently added purple M&M, which symbolizes “acceptance and inclusivity.”

Men seeking candy equality find their voice

Political commentator Nick Adams released a viral video that calls for a boycott against the candy maker for its effort to celebrate women by creating “feminist M&M’s” and not creating, what he called, an “all-male package” of M&Ms.

(Side note: An “all-male package” of candy gives new meaning to the words “junk food.")

“Any male that buys a package of M&M’s from this day forward must hand in their man card because they are a soft, woke, beat up, male feminist who has serious, serious problems,” Adams said. “Until M&M rectifies this grave wrong, by giving us all-male M&M’s, this boycott will remain.

“We will not stand for this at all,” he said on the video, before stomping on a bag of M&M's.

I find this all very confusing. When were these “man cards” distributed? I just have a Costco card. And as for the all-male M&M’s, I assume we're not counting the ones with nuts?

At first, I thought Adams was just auditioning as a comic but then I remembered Tucker Carlson devoting extensive air time on Fox News last year to complain when the female green M&M’s footwear on the packaging was changed from knee-high boots (which Carlson called “sexy”) to sneakers.

“M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous,” Carlson said. “Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal.”

Wow, not only am I so far behind on taking umbrage over the color of M&M’s, and the lack of a “male package” of those candies. But I also had no idea that I should be pining for a drink with a female M&M?

I expect that the Anti-Woke Caucus in Congress will be tackling this, and that DeSantis will be looking into removing feminized M&M’s from Florida’s freedom shelves.

In the meantime, where are real men supposed to turn for their alpha-male candy needs?

Kit Kat sounds way too girlie. Twix sounds trans, and Milk Duds, well, that’s a testosterone killer.

And you know it’s only a matter of time before the Three Musketeers become the Three Musketpersons?

In the meantime, we straight, white men will continue to squeak by somehow, as we fight the field-leveling headwinds of inclusivity, equality and diversity.

We shall over-react.
Click to expand...
Okay my new personal conspiracy theory is that these companies are competing with each other to see who can get the most anti woke folks to get triggered over the most inane campaigns. Like this is beyond parody I swear
 
exchemist

exchemist

Veteran Member
sun rise said:
This opinion piece is funny in a sad way. The first part concerns the anger and fear about what the NHL was planning to do. But this part. Clearly they're dealing with femalevolence brought on by eating tafemales in the disfemalest environment. It needs to be femaledicted. Gov. DeSantis' anti-woke campaign is trying to get white men angry.

Attention insecure males: Feminism alert on candy aisle

The candy maker Mars announced last week a promotion to honor women in advance of International Women’s Day on March 8.

To do that, the candy maker will offer bags of M&M’s in packages that say “Supporting Women: Flipping the Status Quo.” The bags feature the cartoon images of its “female brand mascots” — the green and brown M&M — along with a recently added purple M&M, which symbolizes “acceptance and inclusivity.”

Men seeking candy equality find their voice

Political commentator Nick Adams released a viral video that calls for a boycott against the candy maker for its effort to celebrate women by creating “feminist M&M’s” and not creating, what he called, an “all-male package” of M&Ms.

(Side note: An “all-male package” of candy gives new meaning to the words “junk food.")

“Any male that buys a package of M&M’s from this day forward must hand in their man card because they are a soft, woke, beat up, male feminist who has serious, serious problems,” Adams said. “Until M&M rectifies this grave wrong, by giving us all-male M&M’s, this boycott will remain.

“We will not stand for this at all,” he said on the video, before stomping on a bag of M&M's.

I find this all very confusing. When were these “man cards” distributed? I just have a Costco card. And as for the all-male M&M’s, I assume we're not counting the ones with nuts?

At first, I thought Adams was just auditioning as a comic but then I remembered Tucker Carlson devoting extensive air time on Fox News last year to complain when the female green M&M’s footwear on the packaging was changed from knee-high boots (which Carlson called “sexy”) to sneakers.

“M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous,” Carlson said. “Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal.”

Wow, not only am I so far behind on taking umbrage over the color of M&M’s, and the lack of a “male package” of those candies. But I also had no idea that I should be pining for a drink with a female M&M?

I expect that the Anti-Woke Caucus in Congress will be tackling this, and that DeSantis will be looking into removing feminized M&M’s from Florida’s freedom shelves.

In the meantime, where are real men supposed to turn for their alpha-male candy needs?

Kit Kat sounds way too girlie. Twix sounds trans, and Milk Duds, well, that’s a testosterone killer.

And you know it’s only a matter of time before the Three Musketeers become the Three Musketpersons?

In the meantime, we straight, white men will continue to squeak by somehow, as we fight the field-leveling headwinds of inclusivity, equality and diversity.

We shall over-react.
Click to expand...
Hmph. M&Ms are just an inferior kind of Smartie. The orange ones aren't even orange-flavoured. Or should I say "flavored".

Mars: 0, Nestlé: 1 :D
 
ChristineM

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
exchemist said:
Hmph. M&Ms are just an inferior kind of Smartie. The orange ones aren't even orange-flavoured. Or should I say "flavored".

Mars: 0, Nestlé: 1 :D
Click to expand...

Damnit man, you got me a craving for smarties. And there aren't any for 150km
 
ChristineM

ChristineM

"Be strong", I whispered to my coffee.
Premium Member
The Sum of Awe

The Sum of Awe

Brought to you by the moment that spacetime began.
Staff member
Premium Member
Father Heathen said:
15244121652_648ed4282d_b.jpg
Click to expand...
 
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