I'm looking to learn what forgiveness is. For once I know what it is, I'll know how to forgive. Because I want to be forgiving.
I wish it worked like
that.
I see you trying to understand forgiveness specifically.
I believe learning forgiveness is a lifelong process. You may never know for sure what it is, how it works. But I think you can have an understanding of how it actually works apart from certain distortions.
Once you have an inkling of how it actually works, it would be hard to then suggest you have no idea how it works. Such an assertion may work on open forum with 'others' who don't know what you do understand, but I wonder how it would work for your own self when do you have some understanding, but pretend to have none?
To me, knowing how to forgive (as if that equates to knowledge) is actually knowing how to position yourself in any relationship so that forgiveness is seen for what it is, not necessary. It is only when a relationship is perceived as being out of balance where forgiveness is seen as plausible/necessary. In reality, no one needs forgiveness. Knowing that, I find, is very challenging. I think of it as lifelong journey. Saying it, as if I fully understand that, easy peasy. Like saying 2+2=4. I write it as truth. I understand it as truth. Yet, I still see in myself ways in which forgiveness is necessary for me.
In short sound bite form, forgiveness is: overlooking the error(s) you perceive in others.
It is important to realize it is not really (really) about others. It can be helpful early on in learning to use forgiveness if you make it entirely about others. Cause what forgiveness actually entails is adjusting your own filter about who 'others' are in reality to You.
So, if there is someone you (or I) have a grudge against, and perhaps reasons that feel self justified for maintaining that grudge, then it can help to use forgiveness as if overlooking the error will somehow impact them, as if it is THEIR ERROR. I emphasize 'their error,' because prior to my having a more acute understanding of how forgiveness works, I knew of no way to see it as 'my error.' I pretended like I did, and tried earnestly to see it in that way. But really understanding the nature of forgiveness, is understanding your own self and how mind works. If mind is split, where separation is identified as 'reality' then it may seem as it will forever be challenging to see another person's error as 'my responsibility.' Let's take Hitler as a pretty good example. Are Hitler's errors my responsibility or Hitler's? In the world of separation, it would seem impossible for me to identify Hitler's errors as my own. In actual reality, Hitler is not outside of me. I give (my version of) Hitler all the meaning it has for me. Therefore, it is my responsibility to forgive that. In some ways, forgiving Hitler is far (far) easier than forgiving say a relative you meet with regularly, or friend, or co-worker. Because you aren't likely to encounter that perceived error in Hitler ever again. With the person(s) you visit regularly, you will be tested. You'll self identify it as a test. And part of that test will be understanding who is responsible for the perceived error. Hence, a lifelong process.
It would be wonderful, IMHO, if the sound bite form of forgiveness was all it took to fully accomplish (and fully understand how) forgiveness (works). In some cases, if you practice forgiveness hourly, it will work as if very little effort or testing was needed. You feel full forgiveness. It seems, in those moments, like it is easy and how could it not be done by everyone given how easy it is. Yet, in my experience (YMMV), there are instances where forgiving once, doesn't quite cut it. Why? Because you are (or I am) very willing to reinforce the error rather than be vigilant for the peace (of God).
I could go on for another umpteen paragraphs on this. Haven't even mentioned the Love aspect for which forgiveness is ultimately aiming. Once you fully forgive, Love returns to your awareness. You realize it never truly left, but was kept at bay or disregarded in favor of the error. When the Love is realized and you are acting in relation to a perceived other, a miracle is not only plausible, but from the forgiven perspective, natural. When miracles don't occur, something has gone wrong.
