Would you advise oral sex instead of . . . ?

[bobhikes]

Honestly, just remember yourself as teenager, and the what to do becomes, I think, more obvious.
.

As a teenager I was not occupied with sexual fantasies for whatever reason. It wasn't until I was 21 I had my first sexual encounter and it wasn't all that good. Probably after the age of 25 sex kicked into high gear for me.

It wouldn't have mattered what anyone told me about sex my natural drive controled me.

I think each teenager needs to be handled differently. All given the knowledge so that they know what's in store for them but you don't suggest any specific method of sex.

 

[Acim]

I must admit when I first saw this thread, I wouldn't have thought that after 10 votes were cast that 90% of the respondents would go with "no, oral sex is not an alternative to sexual intercourse." That is surprising to me, really.

 

[methylatedghosts]

If I knew a daughter or son was thinking about having sex, I'd hand em a box of condoms, tell them to have fun, tell them to be safe, and that if they want to talk about anything, they're welcome to come and see me.

Mistakes will be made at some point, and I can't prevent them. I would assume that by that stage, they already know what they need to know about sex, from me or from the sex ed classes. But there's more in learning from your own mistakes than being told about someone else's.

 

[Skwim]

"Reasonable" in what way? Safer? More socially acceptable?

Reasonable in that a girl can't get pregnant from oral sex.

I don't think I'd want to cultivate an attitude that oral sex isn't "real" sex.

Then I'd say one has to make their euphemisms clear.

IMO, if a person is ready for one, he or she is probably ready for the other. OTOH, if he or she isn't ready for intercourse, then oral sex is probably a bad idea, too.

And by "ready" I assume you mean mature. So what percentage of teens under 17 (13, 14, 15, or 16) do you figure are mature enough to handle sexual intercourse responsibly?

 

[methylatedghosts]

Reasonable in that a girl can't get pregnant from oral sex.

Then I'd say one has to make their euphemisms clear.

And by "ready" I assume you mean mature. So what percentage of teens under 17 (13, 14, 15, or 16) do you figure are mature enough to handle sexual intercourse responsibly?

That depends on the percentage of teens under 17 that have the support they need and have been taught how they can handle it.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Reasonable in that a girl can't get pregnant from oral sex.

She can't get pregnant from protected intercourse, either.

Actually, if we're talking about someone who's unlikely to use a condom during oral sex, I'd say that the overall risk would be less with intercourse. I think kids who wouldn't use a condom for oral sex would use one for intercourse (because of that pregnancy issue if nothing else), so there would be much less risk of disease transmission.

And by "ready" I assume you mean mature. So what percentage of teens under 17 (13, 14, 15, or 16) do you figure are mature enough to handle sexual intercourse responsibly?

Heh... that depends on your definition of "responsibly". Probably none of them are capable of handling it entirely responsibly... but they'll probably be doing it anyway.

I just think that most teenagers will be equally ready (or unready) for oral sex as for intercourse, so I don't really see how it helps things to say "don't have intercourse; have oral sex instead".

 

[Skwim]

She can't get pregnant from protected intercourse, either.

That's one of those fallacies we should all be aware of.

Birth Control Effectiveness.

Pregnancies per 100 women each year

Less than 1 per 100 . . Vasectomy, Female Sterilization, IUD, Implant

2-9 per 100 . . . . . . . .LAM (breast feeding), Shot, Pill, Ring, Patch

15-24 per 100 . . . . . . Diaphragm, Male Condom, Female Condom, Withdrawal, Sponge, Cervical Cup.

about 25 per 100 . . . . Spermicide, Fertility-Awareness Based Methods
source
​

Actually, if we're talking about someone who's unlikely to use a condom during oral sex, I'd say that the overall risk would be less with intercourse.

Excuse me, but although certainly possible with fellatio, I've never heard of people using a condom during oral sex. Perhaps I'm just out of the loop. And why would the overall risk (I assume you're still talking pregnancy) be less with sexual intercourse?

I think kids who wouldn't use a condom for oral sex would use one for intercourse (because of that pregnancy issue if nothing else), so there would be much less risk of disease transmission.

To repeat, using a condom for oral sex is a new one on me. I wouldn't expect a condom to be used for fellatio.

Heh... that depends on your definition of "responsibly". Probably none of them are capable of handling it entirely responsibly... but they'll probably be doing it anyway.

Which is why it would be better that they engage in oral sex as an alternative.

I just think that most teenagers will be equally ready (or unready) for oral sex as for intercourse, so I don't really see how it helps things to say "don't have intercourse; have oral sex instead".

Okay.

 

[Renji]

I can't see myself having that kind of intercourse, so I guess I won't advice it to anyone

 

[The Sum of Awe]

No, you cannot get pregnant off of Oral Sex.

 

[Erebus]

If I knew a daughter or son was thinking about having sex, I'd hand em a box of condoms, tell them to have fun, tell them to be safe, and that if they want to talk about anything, they're welcome to come and see me.

Mistakes will be made at some point, and I can't prevent them. I would assume that by that stage, they already know what they need to know about sex, from me or from the sex ed classes. But there's more in learning from your own mistakes than being told about someone else's.

Funnily enough that was pretty much my parents' reaction and I'd probably do the same thing. One additional thing that they said that I've stuck with and would probably also mention is that it's just not a good idea to pick people up in clubs for a night. IMO you should at least know the people you sleep with.

Anyway, I think that oral sex before actual intercourse tends to be the way most teenagers work anyway. When I was with my first girlfriend we spent probably around 6 months sticking with oral sex etc before actually having intercourse. I don't think oral sex is so much a substitute for intercourse (although it certainly can be) as it is a preparation for sex. At least that's how it is for teenagers.

 

[ConfusedKuri]

If your kid wants to have sexual intercourse, he/she will do it, I do not see how oral sex could PREVENT any further sexual activities

 

[Levite]

If you found out your young teenager---say, under seventeen---was seriously, very seriously, thinking about loosing his or her virginity would you suggest fellatio or cunnilingus as a reasonable alternative?

If I did a good job raising him or her, then s/he will know enough to know that they should really love the person with whom they lose their virginity, and that they should be safe when they do so.

In which case, it's not my business to presume that this is the wrong time for him/her to lose her virginity.

But I would also have taught them that oral sex can be a good first step in a sexual relationship, presuming that they are safe. So I would guess they would remember that.

 

[Valjean]

Sprinkle saltpeter in their food till they get married and move out.

 

[jarofthoughts]

If you found out your young teenager---say, under seventeen---was seriously, very seriously, thinking about loosing his or her virginity would you suggest fellatio or cunnilingus as a reasonable alternative?

No.
I'd advice her on the various forms of contraceptives instead, as well as having a chat about personal boundaries and feeling safe and ready.

 

[Alceste]

I would just leave a bunch of books on sexuality lying around the house, send her to her doctor to arrange what type of birth control she wanted to use and let her doctor advise her of the associated risks. The last thing any girl needs to be thinking about at such a time is that her dad wants her to have oral sex. That kind of conversation is not for fathers and daughters, full stop.

 

[Banner]

If you found out your young teenager---say, under seventeen---was seriously, very seriously, thinking about loosing his or her virginity would you suggest fellatio or cunnilingus as a reasonable alternative?

Yeah...I'm going to have to go with a no here as well. But I'll be the type of parent to try to discourage all sexual acts as long as possible (without shaming them) mainly because I think teens don't know themselves very well. And regardless of how much we want to de- emotionalize sex, it just hasn't happened yet. Teen pregnancy isn't my biggest worry when it comes to the possible side effects of teen sex.

 

[Sunstone]

Teen pregnancy isn't my biggest worry when it comes to the possible side effects of teen sex.

What's your biggest worry?

 

[Banner]

What's your biggest worry?

Well...other than disease, I'd probably say emotional baggage. I've seen teens get so so caught up in these relationships and suffer humiliation among other things because they often don't have enough self esteem to handle rejection and what not. I think adding sex in mix just amps it up. Especially in younger teens. These kids are usually too immature to be respectful...and um...smart lol.

 

[Sunstone]

Well...other than disease, I'd probably say emotional baggage. I've seen teens get so so caught up in these relationships and suffer humiliation among other things because they often don't have enough self esteem to handle rejection and what not. I think adding sex in mix just amps it up. Especially in younger teens. These kids are usually too immature to be respectful...and um...smart lol.

I agree teens generally take things harder than older people, but aren't they resilient? I've seen teens bounce back from the depths of depression over a broken relationship within a week or less. I'm not arguing with you, Banner. I'm just wanting to explore this.

 

[Banner]

I agree teens generally take things harder than older people, but aren't they resilient? I've seen teens bounce back from the depths of depression over a broken relationship within a week or less. I'm not arguing with you, Banner. I'm just wanting to explore this.

I have to admit I'm not sure about the resiliency of teens in this area. I suppose for some yes. It seems that many hold on to what happened to them in adolescence for far longer than you'd think. And let me admit that I have no statistical backing on this thought, just basic life experience. But really, in the long run I do think people shake their teen mistakes (if perceived as such). And maybe I just know a lot of overly emotional chicks and prideful dudes