Your experiences with friendships across belief divides?

[Jim]

There are people on both sides of intent on that - there are those that (like has been expressed) see the humanity in all individuals as one and have a genuine desire to connect and enjoy (or at least tolerate) the company of those across the ideological and / or religious divide - I have also run into those who start by being friends but then move on to let me know how I can be saved.

My question was, what motivates you, not what you think motivates other people. If you have consciously tried to be friends with people across belief divides, what do you think has motivated you to do that? Also have there been any rewards from it, that help motivate you to do it more?

 

[Jim]

I tend to have friends in different ethnicity..I like to observe in their understandings of life or in how they look in to life, i say!. I’m just curious on another’s being in life., I have my life and my own pathway in walking..but it’s not enough for me to understand what life is all about, so I tend to also look on others in their being and give its word ‘why’ to its work! English is not my first language but puzzles I’ll say I’m good especially riddles I love em! I’ve realised it now in what riddles does..and that is to break ones relationship they have with their eyes..don’t judge a book by its cover is what I think most seem to look at,. I learn a lot from following my emotions..and dropping my ego, admitting my wrongs, even in a debate where i know I’m in the right, I will drop it and claim that I am wrong..why? Because of my respect for the other person..I do not wish for any harm in emotions in his nor mines: I believe my emotion and the other ones are one in the same of God..IMO. Not only I walk away with all in peace but I have taken with me the debaters knowledge for use as part of my puzzle that lies ahead of me in life. It is why I choose to be more of it rather staying the same of my own in knowledge being the difference.

I'd like to keep this discussion going, if I can find anyone to do it with me. Are there any stories you can tell, about your friendships across belief divides, including difficulties, discouragements, challenges, and rewards that have helped motivate you to do it more?

What you said about riddles ... can you give an example? I remember one from middle school. "What has four legs, and flies?" The answer can be any animal that is sometimes bothered by flies. Also, a picnic table. The joke depended on taking "flies" as a verb with "what" as its subject, like what birds do with their wings, and finding out that it's a noun, the object of the verb "has," some insects called "flies." You find out that you misunderstood the meaning of the word, because you misunderstood the sentence construction. That might not be the best example, but the point is that what appears obvious isn't always true, and riddles can be a good way of learning that. Then a person might carry that learning into relationships with people, that what seems obvious about a person isn't always true. Is that what you mean?

You said that even in a debate where you know you're in the right, you'll say that you're wrong, because of your respect for the other person. Being dishonest about what you think doesn't seem respectful to me. What would you think about saying "Well, maybe I'm just wrong"? Or is that what you meant?

You said that you believe your emotion and the other ones are one in the same of God. I don't understand what you mean by that. Can you make up an example of a debate you might have with someone, and some emotions that might go with it on both sides? I know that it helps me, when I feel wronged in Internet discussions, to remember some times when I've treated others the same way, or if I can't think of any, at least some times when I've been tempted to treat people that way. That helps me feel like we're in the same boat together. Also, I've learned to welcome all my feelings and the thoughts that go with them, including the most antagonistic ones, and I'm learning to feel the same way about other people's antagonistic feelings and thoughts.

What you said about taking with you the debater's knowledge is part of an idea I had for making the best of even the most brief interactions in Internet discussions. I would like in every interaction to let the other person help me learn something, and get some encouragement from me for whatever good they're trying to do, wherever they are.in their path in life. One way I've thought of doing that is by considering thoughtfully and sympathetically what they're saying, and asking friendly questions about it.

 

[ManSinha]

My question was, what motivates you, not what you think motivates other people. If you have consciously tried to be friends with people across belief divides, what do you think has motivated you to do that? Also have there been any rewards from it, that help motivate you to do it more?

I like to broaden my horizons in every aspect - one of the reasons I am here - I have four degrees in disparate fields

As such I like to cultivate relationships with people that have views other than or opposing mine

It works sometimes (in my experience 30 to 40%) - other times - we just agree to disagree and go our separate ways

 

[Jainarayan]

I'm pretty open about my religion. I have small deity pictures in my truck at the top of the windshield, as well as a tiny brass Ganesha on the dashboard. The pictures make a great sun visor. I have a virtual shrine in my cubicle. Coworkers come from far and wide to see it (well, not really). I've occasionally said I probably should put the pictures away because it might be a little heavy-handed, but I've never gotten any flack. My politics is a little right of center, but I have libertarian leanings. I try not to get into political discussions, especially with my family, who are moderate conservatives but definitely conservatives.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

I’d like to read about people’s experiences with friendships across belief divides. I’m especially interested in friendships across liberal/conservative divides, and across religious/anti-religious divides.

(Edited to add the following)
I have some new ideas about what I’d like to see here. I’d like to see what fruits people have seen from their experiences with friendships across the widest belief divides, what problems they’ve had with them, and what they’ve learned to do to improve the fruits and avoid or resolve the problems. I’m interested in experiences across all belief divides, but again I’m especially interested in experiences across religious/anti-religious divides, and across liberal/conservative divides.

Also I’d like to know, from people who have consciously tried to be friends with people across those divides, what motivates you to do that?

I'm okay working with people of any beliefs toward common goals, but when it comes to friendship, there are a few things that are dealbreakers for me, like:

- racism
- homophobia
- strong anti-abortion views
- being heavy into quackery or "woo" (psychics, homeopathy, reiki, etc.)
- proselytizing
- excessively relying on prayer or religion (e.g. praying for a good parking space, or filling their social media feed with "let go and let God" memes).

Basically, if I can't figure out a way to respect a person's views, I'm going to find a friendship with them untenable.

 

[Jainarayan]

filling their social media feed with let go and let God" memes).

What about "Type 'Amen' for this sick dying quadraplegic child in 10 seconds or you are scum and will have 30 years of misery"? I hate those. I tend to block people who post them.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

What about "Type 'Amen' for this sick dying quadraplegic child in 10 seconds or you are scum and will have 30 years of misery"? I hate those. I tend to block people who post them.

Any sort of chain mail, religious or not, is a good way to get me to block a person.

 

[Revoltingest]

I’d like to read about people’s experiences with friendships across belief divides. I’m especially interested in friendships across liberal/conservative divides, and across religious/anti-religious divides.

What fun would it be if we all agreed?
Well....great fun.
But so is interesting difference of opinion.
I don't care about differences.
I care about interesting, which means being smart & civil.

Also I’d like to know, from people who have consciously tried to be friends with people across those divides, what motivates you to do that?

There is no try.
(I said that only to sound annoyingly precious.)

 

[Workman]

I'd like to keep this discussion going, if I can find anyone to do it with me. Are there any stories you can tell, about your friendships across belief divides, including difficulties, discouragements, challenges, and rewards that have helped motivate you to do it more?

I once knew a person so arrogant, upset of everything, depressed and took it out on the world, straight forward guy..speaks out of his mind, saying things that no-one don’t have guts to say..a smart person only in selfish time, the rest of it played dump to most of time.. trusted no-one but himself. I came in to this picture as the new guy..and for new guy like commonly gets partnered up with the arrogant guy. At first it was rocky.lol..but then I broke through his egos. I gained his full trust his respect even when I left job, he cried and said that he loves me and will miss me. I gave him something that he never got from anyone else and he gave me something that no-one could learn from. I gave him the free-will and it broke his ego and gained his trust. What is free-will? I believe free-will is more than one answer..but I can tell you who free-will is today. Kids!.are the free will because they’re innocent, I believe where there’s innocence..there are no intentions IMO..kids can do a lot of foolish things and many people react to it with love. That is how I thought it would break him and That was who I acted like ‘the foolish guy’ who showed nothing matters to me, whilst acting like one I did notice people taking advantage of my kindness..luckily I’m not the fool I played, and showed them where not to step over, however dealing with arrogance and the bad attitude that he did show me made me stronger then ever..don’t get me wrong I don’t get intimidated by anyone, But with him I allowed his ego and arrogance attack me, just so that I could learn how to say.. “yes you are right” even if I was wrong I still kept saying it. I let his ego work on me so that it could hipe me up and build up my ego in anger..then killing it by saying “sorry you are right”..I was training myselves inner ego into controlling more of..not only did I gain control of myself I too avoided a scenario from escalating. from me dealing with the worst attitude in a person I had ever knew of..there now can be no-one that can tick me off with their remark..I’ve learnt how not to clinch on anything that comes to me..unless if it’s worth it.

Ps give me more time to answer your other questions..sorry my English is not one of my strengths..you are right I can misread things it is because English is not my best understanding, and some words I use I have to be careful because of the clinch.lol

 

[Workman]

What you said about riddles ... can you give an example? I remember one from middle school. "What has four legs, and flies?" The answer can be any animal that is sometimes bothered by flies. Also, a picnic table. The joke depended on taking "flies" as a verb with "what" as its subject, like what birds do with their wings, and finding out that it's a noun, the object of the verb "has," some insects called "flies." You find out that you misunderstood the meaning of the word, because you misunderstood the sentence construction. That might not be the best example, but the point is that what appears obvious isn't always true, and riddles can be a good way of learning that. Then a person might carry that learning into relationships with people, that what seems obvious about a person isn't always true. Is that what you mean?

Exactly!

The Thing is with today no-one believes anything unless it’s approved by theirs eyes. See it to believe it..this is where many gain their faith from, is through their eyes: this is why objects is more proof and evidence than words itself, and reason why many deny Gods word..it’s not enough for many to believe..but in saying that, it is up2 the individual to make his own decision. Riddles I love..to be honest it was riddles that got the best out of me, I know now how this world was meant to be perfect but now i understand it has turned into a big puzzle..and we are pieces that are missing in it. I don’t believe in accidents, I look at it more like it’s a lesson; a lesson that was meant to happen for your cause! One just needs to figure it out what it is. Along my journey I found a book by accident and thought it can’t be an accident, so I looked through it and turns out it showed me something beyond my knowledge..it was a book of proverbs; I think proverbs are nearly same as riddles, so I gave this book all the time I had..I was inspired by it because of the love of puzzles, what I didn’t know whilst figuring this book it rearranged my mindset..everywhere I went or looked at I didn’t see the object of it I saw what was inside of it..I think this is reason why I have a different prospective of life now because of the many training of riddles and proverbs. Turns out the mind is more than what you think of.

 

[Workman]

You said that even in a debate where you know you're in the right, you'll say that you're wrong, because of your respect for the other person. Being dishonest about what you think doesn't seem respectful to me. What would you think about saying "Well, maybe I'm just wrong"? Or is that what you meant?

I’m sorry I should have explained it properly what I was meaning, depending on the debate or disagreements of the subject..I believe that there is nothing better or nothing worse of finding a way, it is a simple intention of being for the good or being for the bad along in your way. Best and worst confuses in ones choices and gains in ones ego for chasing the best way, there is ONLY one way I know of being the best of you..and that’s to go through the worst way you know. Because going the worst way will make everything else easy to do..wea is going through the best way(one will think of the easiest way) will make things hard for that one due to knowing of short cuts and not willing to work for it..becoming lazy and arrogance will birth in him. With debates and disagreements one will know his obvious answer but one must understand with the other person is his obvious answer to, what I’m trying to say is there is no wrong with both providing and proving their point, it just means the two persons are of whom to believe of..I did not mean to say I am right and he is not..no sorry if it had come out that way, but no..I would explain in why my belief is right for me then go detailed of how I came with that answer but if the debater disagrees and says it can not be right because of his being of the other side is what he believes in..I would then back down for I know now who he represents and is not willing to change himself..because of all kind of reasons, might he like it his own way..selfish act, might his intentions are not the same as mine..all I offer is goodness nothing else if someone debates me with that and disagrees with the way I showed and answers back a different way and being also a good intention..I would then withdrawal the debate and give his one to be winner..I look at it of him knowing of which is my way and doesn’t agree with it and so has come up with another different way in approach but to have the last say and same intention as mine ending in goodness..I would think that I’ve beaten my own egoness to his, wea is for he didn’t see the sameness intention of our answers because of his egoness to win, would not let him.

 

[Jim]

I'm looking for volunteers to tell more stories about heart-to-heart friendships across the widest religious divides, especially across liberal/conservative divides within each religion.

 

[Jim]

I've spent a lot of time in friendly conversations in Internet discussions with people across the widest divides, but maybe not the kind of deep friendship that I'm thinking of here. The deepest friendship that I think I've had across a wide divide was with an atheist that I met in the Air Force. We were close companions for the few years that I was in the Air Force, and we wrote letters to each other afterwards. We happened to sit at the same table in the mess hall, and got into a conversation and somehow immediately became close friends and companions. In that very first conversation between us he found out I was a Baha'i and I found out he was an atheist, but it never came between us at all. We never talked about religion, but it didn't feel to me like we were avoiding it. We just never had any reason to talk about it.

 

[Sirona]

It may be characteristic for Bahais, but I think the over-emphasis on notion of "friendship between religious divides" somewhat implies that friendship between people of religious groups is somewhat unnormal, or that people should only seek friendship with people of their own religion. In my area, 80-90% are atheists, and those who are religious are Lutherans. I can't just stop interacting with them just because of my religion. However, I wouldn't rub my religion into their faces either. I think it's some sort of politeness not to mention it. In Germany, we say, "there are two taboos, money and religion ." Only my two closest friends know that I'm a Hindu, and we talk about our different approaches to religion in confidence.

When I went through a time of personal problems, a friend who is a Jehovah's Witness gave me pamphlets, invited me to her family and to her congregation. JW's try proselytize, but I think a part of her was truly thinking to help me, and she just didn't know how to do it any differently.

I think friendships across religious divides are only unusual when they have a political component, like Bahais and Muslims, Jews and Palestinians, or Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland.

 

[Jim]

@Workman I've been reading your posts again, and I'm so grateful for you posting them. That's exactly the kind of conversation that I was hoping for, and I'm feeling sorry for neglecting this thread so much.

 

[sayak83]

I’d like to read about people’s experiences with friendships across belief divides. I’m especially interested in friendships across liberal/conservative divides, and across religious/anti-religious divides.

(Edited to add the following)
I have some new ideas about what I’d like to see here. I’d like to see what fruits people have seen from their experiences with friendships across the widest belief divides, what problems they’ve had with them, and what they’ve learned to do to improve the fruits and avoid or resolve the problems. I’m interested in experiences across all belief divides, but again I’m especially interested in experiences across religious/anti-religious divides, and across liberal/conservative divides.

Also I’d like to know, from people who have consciously tried to be friends with people across those divides, what motivates you to do that?

I had had many friends who were Christians, Jews, atheists, Buddhists, Muslims and Confucians. During my college years I was engaged in multi-faith discussions and activities a lot. That was where I made many friends.
A new faculty at an Indian university now, its more difficult, as there is too little time for that kind of discussion group. In time, I will start going somewhere again.
I am pretty sure that my awareness, knowledge, wisdom and people skills have increased a lot by engaging in such a diverse groups and making friends from so many places and countries and religions. I had friends from Niger, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Russia, South Korea, Iran, Germany, Sweden, Mexico, Columbia, Native Ameri-indians, Israel, Japan, China, Taiwan and all parts of India and USA of course.
I could not have become the person that I am without such broad ranging human interactions that I had had. I am better for it, certainly.

 

[Workman]

@Workman I've been reading your posts again, and I'm so grateful for you posting them. That's exactly the kind of conversation that I was hoping for, and I'm feeling sorry for neglecting this thread so much.

Thanks Jim,
My life has become much easier now because of what I have been studying lately. For instance!..with the proverbs I’ve been working in had somewhat made me think;
If I was to somehow find God how would I find in him?
So I thought what would everything have that is common to anything else? I then thought everything has two intentions in it...good or bad!
But there was something else deeper than that; everything had a name to it...but more deeper than that was every name had letters..and even deeper than that was what the letters carry..and that was a sound..with that sound is a vibration or sequence that somehow I thought this is the closes I could reach to God..bcos I found later that that sound is what controls the world..i have been working on this for years and I have discovered a lot..now when I read something I don’t read by words, I read through the letters. I later found out that Words can lie to one but the letters cannot! I now somehow speak through tounges and that’s where I’ve been getting all my answers.

 

[Terrywoodenpic]

I have acquaintances that are of all faiths and political persuasions.
and one family member by marriage that is a hard conservative, who I quite enjoy provoking.
However I have no close conservative friends.
I rarely meet people of other faiths these days, but it is not something that I would even ask about.

How people vote does effect me, at least that is their intention, their religion does not.

 

[Jim]

Thanks Jim,
My life has become much easier now because of what I have been studying lately. For instance!..with the proverbs I’ve been working in had somewhat made me think;
If I was to somehow find God how would I find in him?
So I thought what would everything have that is common to anything else? I then thought everything has two intentions in it...good or bad!
But there was something else deeper than that; everything had a name to it...but more deeper than that was every name had letters..and even deeper than that was what the letters carry..and that was a sound..with that sound is a vibration or sequence that somehow I thought this is the closes I could reach to God.

That has a lot of significance for me, and I learned something from what you said about good and bad intentions.

bcos I found later that that sound is what controls the world..i have been working on this for years and I have discovered a lot..now when I read something I don’t read by words, I read through the letters.

Is there anything you could say that might help other people learn how to do that?

(later) I've been thinking about the names, letters and sounds ... the closest you could reach to God ... now it all makes perfect sense to me.That's wonderful. Can you think of any highlights in how you learned that, any special moments?

 

[Jim]

@Workman Here's a thought I had about good and bad intentions.

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