Your Friends are Making You Sick

[jonny]

We all have them: Friends we have fun with, but who also make us crazy - and maybe even sick, according to new research.

In research-speak, such friends are called "ambivalent." They can be caring and warm, but maybe they're competitive, critical or frustrating.

And depending on how we interact with them, the relationship can raise our heart rates and blood pressure, which could lead to heart disease, according to Brigham Young University and University of Utah researchers.

Do you have friends like this? I do. I'm currently living with two people who I cannot stand. We used to be really good friends, but when I went through some depression last year after my grandma died the friendship suffered and it's never been repaired. It has gotten to the point where the thought of being around them makes me want to scream - literally. I'm counting down the days before I move (August 18)...

For about a year after the friendship changed, I was ambivalent about the friendship. It's been just recently that I realized in order to stay sane and happy myself, I had to quit considering these people as being my friends.

"It makes you wonder, if these relationships are potentially detrimental . . . why do we have these friends?" Holt-Lunstad said.

Here's the complete article in the Salt Lake Tribune: http://www.sltrib.com/ci_6222732

“The type of friend we are talking about is someone we may really love or care about,” Holt-Lunstad said. “However, they can also at times be unreliable, competitive, critical or frustrating. Most people have at least a few friends, family members or co-workers that fit the bill.”

Here's the press release from BYU: http://news.byu.edu/archive07-JUN-AmbivalentFriends.aspx

 

[Lindsey-Loo]

ha, I so know how you feel. Almost all of my friends drive me crazy in some way at least once a week. It gets so frustrating!

 

[Gentoo]

Do you have friends like this?

Oh yes... in fact, I lovingly call them: friends that I hate.

 

[Blindinglight]

I know what you mean.
What's hard is when you know these "friends" are bad for you, but you desperatly want to help them turn there lives around, and they don't want to.

 

[Booko]

I try to take Ben Franklin's advice to make friends slowly and lose them even slower. It seems to save me a lot of trouble.

There are a few people in the world who can literally suck the energy out of others. These are not people to make your friends. It doesn't mean discourtesy or unkindness or hatred is called for. I may have to love my fellow humans, but occasionally it is best to love them...from a distance.

There are a very few people I've met that I prefer to have little to zero contact with, because they have proved their near complete lack of integrity and dangerous nature to such a level that I consider it damaging to my health and well being to be around them.

Sometimes it's wisest to recognize when you simply don't have the power to help another person and trying to pretend otherwise will only be a cause of disunity and strife for everyone.

 

[MaddLlama]

I'm feeling like the odd man out today. I don't really have this experience with any of my friends.

Then again, I don't have "friends"; I have "close friends" and "acquaintances."

 

[Booko]

I know what you mean.
What's hard is when you know these "friends" are bad for you, but you desperatly want to help them turn there lives around, and they don't want to.

Don't I know it. :cover:

I've found reflecting on this quote from St. Francis of Asissi of inestimable value, even in my most militant atheist days:

"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and
the wisdom to know the difference."

...especially useful when dealing with addicts.

It does help to keep priorities straight and put efforts where they can actually do some good.

 

[Azakel]

I had a friend I went to Job Corp(a trade school) with, and we where in the sane dorm, so a year after I get out I moved in with him....... Not a good idea. Okay to hang out with not live with.

 

[Booko]

I had a friend I went to Job Corp(a trade school) with, and we where in the sane dorm, so a year after I get out I moved in with him....... Not a good idea. Okay to hang out with not live with.

My best friend and I shared a dorm room for 11 weeks.

Disaster.

Just because you're best friends with someone does NOT mean you can live with them. :cover:

 

[Azakel]

My best friend and I shared a dorm room for 11 weeks.

Disaster.

Just because you're best friends with someone does NOT mean you can live with them. :cover:

Ya, I learned that the hard way.

 

[Booko]

Ya, I learned that the hard way.

So did I, but because of that, I sure did learn it well!

 

[Caina]

I have one friend, all the rest are acquaintances

 

[fullyveiled muslimah]

What I really hate are people who are fake friends, or users. Only they are around to get something out of you, then when your usefullness is gone, they go bye-bye. I have an ex-friend I am dealing with right now. Or rather I'm not dealin with her. She seemed cool at first, we got kinda close in about a year, which is unlike me, she was unmarried and I intorduced her to a good guy and she got married. Quickly after that she dropped me like I was hot. This comes after not being her chaufer, her handmaid, and kissing her butt all the time.

She ended up not talking to my sister anymore, for a stupid reason I might add, and I still was cool with her. Then she wanted to me to like choose between friends with her, and friends with my own sister. So .....duh, I don't know what she thought was going on but it didn't end good for her, so she just cut me off cold turkey.


I call friends you can't stand....frenemies. They wanna be your friend but can't help being you enemy.

 

[Aqualung]

I avoid that problem by not having any friends.

 

[Quagmire]

A bad friend is the worst kind of enemy. It's too easy to forget you can't trust them.

I call friends you can't stand....frenemies. They wanna be your friend but can't help being you enemy.

"Frenemies"! I love that!

I avoid that problem by not having any friends.

There are no strangers; only friends who haven't tried to borrow money from you yet.

 

[jonny]

Those are the worst types of friends to have. It's really hard when you actually live with them and can't move (I had apartment contracts in Provo...). I'm so excited to move at the end of next month that I started moving my stuff into a storage unit today. I'd love to just 'disappear' from the apartment one afternoon and leave them wondering where I went. I think it would really be the only way to cut these "friends" completely out of my life.

Ugh. One thing that I really agree with is what they say about blood pressure. I can physically feel mine go up when one of my roommates walk into our apartment.

 

[Mike182]

i have 1 person who my friendship with them went this sour and we were still spending time together - though i was in a situation to finally just turn round and say "get out of my face".

one of my best friends is moving in with her boyfriend, and i can see their relationship going sour due to spending all of their time together for the next year... not gonna be pretty lol.

 

[Katzpur]

Then again, I don't have "friends"; I have "close friends" and "acquaintances."

Wow! That's me!