Your resume

[Wirey]

Revoltingest mentioned:

My resume......
- 82K posts on RF
- Experienced at eating bacon.
- Can sit long hours in a green leather chair.
- Good at snow shoveling.

Which made me think that my resume would be:

- 9K (almost) RF posts
- know appx. 10 million knock knock jokes
- can turn vodka into happy
- makes fantastic sausage tortellini

Let's hear yours!

 

[Quetzal]

- ~1300 posts
- Largest collection of red turtle neck sweaters
- Changed a flat tire. Once.
- Once held the world record for the youngest person alive.

 

[Mycroft]

• 3,845 Posts
• Expert at seducing @Deidre
• Lies about his achievements.
• Hates making lists.
• Also hates irony.

 

[beenherebeforeagain]

-about 2,400 posts, with about 960 frubals
-has a short attention span due to depression and associated treatments
-Green
-What?

 

[Laika]

Laika
-Soviet Space Dog
-3k messages
-2k likes
-out of this world
-out of his mind
-will play fetch

woof!

 

[Buttercup]

~ 20k + posts, of which, approximately 10k of those are from the music threads from a decade ago. Seriously.

~ I was the first female to reach a million frubals back in the old days when they were worth something.

~ I'm 50% Hispanic which should jettison me to the top of the applicant field without further qualification

~ I've had a crush on @Sunstone since I was 5 years old. That feat should be worth some consideration.

~ I still have feral chimp tendencies ready and waiting to be put to good use.

~ I continue to lead the field in thumb wrestling and am current world champion.

 

[Iti oj]

12.5\6k post
mod and guru
worst speller, typer and grammar
most likely to hug you
mostly likely to have his name in a thread

 

[Yerda]

- Skilled contrarian.
- Hugely, vastly, deeply experienced in exaggeration.
- Long term goals include discovering just how lazy/comfy a man can be.
- My spicy lentil soup caused the Syrian refugee crisis.

 

[Mycroft]

Laika
-Soviet Space Dog
-3k messages
-2k likes
-out of this world
-out of his mind
-will play fetch

woof!

I think you've left out the part where you're dead.

 

[Rival]

Rival

Nearly 2k posts

The further away you stay from me the better.

 

[Wirey]

Rival

Nearly 2k posts

The further away you stay from me the better.

How you doin'?

 

[Buttercup]

The further away you stay from me the better.

That statement makes me want to become your BFF even though I know the chances are less than zero.

What ya doin', cutie?

 

[Tumah]

• 5.3k posts
• 30 years experience consuming confectionery
• Manged a growing body:
  • lengthwise ('83 - '01)
  • in circumference ('01- present)
• Skill set includes:
  • Manducating large pieces of comestibles
  • Remaining sedentary
  • Maintaining extremely personable behavior to the benefactor of my steak dinner
• Long term goals:
  • I hope to sit around for extended periods of time eating chocolate chip cookies
  • I intend to streamline how the company arranges who will pay for my dinners at the steakhouse nightly

 

[McBell]

 

[Wu Wei]

- 9,609 RF posts
- big sharp pointy teeth
- can smell a pic a nic basket 10 miles
- RF official pic a nic basket inspector
- enjoys spending time on hiking trails

 

[sun rise]

My background:
Know-it-all for almost 71 years.
Expert at whatever I talk about.
Able to translate female-language into male-language and sometimes back again.
Several year being useful to myself and others (aka retirement)
Too few postings but I'm working on it.

 

[Revoltingest]

My background:
Know-it-all for almost 71 years.
Expert at whatever I talk about.
Able to translate female-language into male-language and sometimes back again.
Several year being useful to myself and others (aka retirement)
Too few postings but I'm working on it.

Pbbbbbtttttttt!
What an inaccurate & ineffective resume!
Fortunately, I'm here to write a better one for you......

Sunrise!
- Able to lick own genitals on a moment's notice & repeatedly
- Can read fecundity status of female employees by sniffing their butts
- Shiny coat & wet nose
- All kinds of legs humped, male, female, & table.
- House trained
- Have all my shots
- No reflexive barking at black guys.

 

[Daemon Sophic]

Daemon Sophic
- 1369 posts (and rising)
- knower of all things unknowable
- speaker of things unspeakable
- first on the forum with the whole "eyeball avatar" fashion statement
- President of the Procrastinators of America Scholastic Society (P.A.S.S.).......well, I would be if we ever get around to organizing an election.

 

[Brickjectivity]

Over 300,000 computer reboots since 1987
Banhammer certified instructor
Experienced in:

• Spam Rehashing
• Spam Relabeling
• Spam Reusing
• Misattribution

Also offer computer perforation services:

• Computer unscrewing
• Cable decoupling
• Chip chipping
• Magnetization
• De-clouding

 

[Revoltingest]

Over 300,000 computer reboots since 1987
Banhammer certified instructor
Experienced in:

• Spam Rehashing
• Spam Relabeling
• Spam Reusing
• Misattribution

Also offer computer perforation services:

• Computer unscrewing
• Cable decoupling
• Chip chipping
• Magnetization
• De-clouding

After some Cointreau, I really misread the forth item.
Don't ask.