A Rather Risky Black Mass

[1137]

Apologies.

 

[jasonwill2]

I'm sorry doors, and I'm sorry everyone.

I just realized I don't want my house burnt down... hmm I will need to think about how stupid this all was...

 

[ron4711]

Jasonwill2, I have to say I don't know much about Satanism especially what you would consider good, evil, moral etc. I certainly believe you have a right to practice whatever worship gives you satisfaction. I do not, however, condone pushing your belief onto others, just as there should be a separation between church and state. That is different on a discussion board, where people seek various and even controversial dialog.

What you are plotting is in effect to ambush a whole unsuspecting congregation. I think this crosses a line of not doing harm to others. If you want to build your self esteem and inner power then build it on truth and respect. You will see that when you treat others with truth and respect, they will treat you likewise. If they do not, then they are not worth your company.

 

[GabrielWithoutWings]

If I may post in here, I agree with the rest of the posters that this would be a rather bad idea.

Imagine that you know a fellow in your Satanic group (something formal). You've watched him (or her) go from shy and withdrawn to confident and interactive. They help write rituals and have overcome their fears and assisted with a Mass.

The day of his or her official Dedication ceremony, during the apex, he or she throws down his or her Baphomet and whips out a huge crucifix hanging around his or her neck. They proudly proclaim that they've successfully infiltrated your group to bring you all to Christ and that his or her Christian congregation has been advised of all the members of your group so that they may be brought to Jesus.

This isn't some stranger that's been there for one day. This is someone that you've maintained a relationship with and has gained your trust that has just admitted to defrauding the entire group.

How would that make you feel? If you think they're justified, then go through with your plans. If not, perhaps you should re-evaluate your plan.

 

[Orias]

May 20th is the day I admitted I was a Satanist, after denying the realization for at least 4 months (It could of went back further but I can't find any written record of me writing about it otherwise, I keep lots of pen and paper and electronic ramblings). I have been thinking that perhaps I should do something to mark the anniversary.
I have considered many things, dedicating my soul to Satan for at least another year, doing some big ritual, just praising Satan on that day, treating it like a holiday, ect ect. Then I realized something even more sinister. If anyone remembers the topic I had about me going to xtian churches they might recall how I said that I wanted to yell how I was proud to be a Satanist and all, and that I actually went out and did that as a form of psychodrama. This stems from something I never finished. When I Renounced the Christian Trinity, my original plan was to essentially do what I am going to say below, but I never did. So now that this opportunity has opened again in a spectacular way, I feel compelled to finish what I started nearly half a year ago: I want to do this Renunciation the Way I originally intended: with an audience of hardened Christians.

Now understand this isn't about attention. This is about fear, and me getting over it. I can barely say "I'm a Satanist" without a very shaky fear of what might happen. Realistically I doubt people will come burn down my house for this, even though a couple people know where my house is (they dropped me off a couple of times). But knowing both of those people they are the least likely to engage in violence. Of all the people I know there actually, I can't say that any would be prone to doing anything, meaning that I don't see a terrible amount of danger of my house being burnt down for this. Then again, I will prepare afterwards for the worst case scenario in terms of my safety. I actually, do to how the circumstances have played out, doubt that the forces at hand nudging me down this path spiritually and mundanely speaking would do so without knowing that it's worth it. Let me rephrase that. The number of coincidences that have been working over the last few months make this situation so inherently desirable and do-able that it must mean that this will be worth it.\

Currently, the Youth Pastor there and the actual Pastor know I'm a Satanist. I was there a bit ago again since they give out free donuts every other week, and noticed that they have a baptismal service on the 20th. Perfect. Also when I talked to the Youth Pastor last (and the time before) he thought that "God" was working on my heart. Actually he didn't know I was a Satanist until about two weeks ago... hmm. Anyway, so the seeds are planted and I'm a good actor so to speak with all of this, they read into things what they want, so this is all so working for me.

So I plan to come to him either later today (Wed.) or Sunday morning and tell him that I thought about what all was said, give some random verse that I will claim to have "spoke" to me, and I will then say that I re-confessed the name of Jesus and have come back to the flock! And then I will proceed to say that I want to re-baptized to mark my new dedication to "God"!

So when the 20th comes around, I will ask that right before I get baptized as i stand up there if I can give a testimonial about how Satan entered my life and how I came back to Jesus. They will eat it up! They are Baptists after all! I'll mention how God has a sense of humor as that will be the one year anniversary of when I "fully left God for Satan" and a bunch of half-truths. So then I will get a point of telling the real story, blah blah Satan was gonna make my life better, ect ect, then I will abruptly break from that and declare them all fools and then say that I am still a Satanist and proud and that Satan is the true god and life incarnate, then I will scream shemhamforash hail Satan hail leviathan praise sin and all that jazz then declare that I shall be dedicating my soul to Satan when i get home, then skip on out home and do just that!

I imagine that when I do this my heart-rate will be through the roof and that the very act of doing all this will be enough to throw me into a gnosis-like state. I will probably be shaking and having insane heart-palpitations and might even convulse in nervousness... but that is the point... to get that all out of my system. Even fantasizing about it is scary and somewhat upsetting in a very deep way... I will have to just swallow it and let the very essence of Satan take over as I voice the words.

I swear I will probably feel so powerful because of the transformation that this will bring that I will probably feel like god himself as he echoes within my flesh.

So uhh... bad idea? Good idea? Any suggestions on precautions I can take either before or after? I really want to do this and get all this fear and inhibition out of me. This might finally be the way, even if dramatic.

In all seriousness, I think you may just need to partake in a physical working. Not a magician on one side of the country to another on the other side of the country but side by side.

I actually think about the same sort of things but I know thats its not the best choice, and that there is in fact many better choices.

I have one that I plan on doing soon, though with all of my hearts content I face the same fear that you do. And this step in essence, maybe only the first real step I have taken in my Satanic career.

Xeper

 

[HerDotness]

The sad thing is that finding another LHPer of any sort adept enough to work such a ritual is really pretty unlikely in West Virginia unless there are a whole lot more Satanists and such living there openly than I'd guess there are.

It's not unusual at all for occultists to have no real life contacts but only those we get to know online. Sure is better today than when I got into Thelema 15 years ago. However, it's still no easy thing if you don't live in California or other very liberal areas of the U.S. to find another person who is serious about it and not just a wannabe whose friends dared hir to read LaVey because it would be soooooo cool to be a Satanist.

I wouldn't be surprised if Jasonwill doesn't know a single person anywhere within a reasonable distance whom he'd trust as a magick partner.

Edit to add: I live in St. Louis, and the closest OTO lodge or camp to me is almost three hours' drive. Even though I'm pretty mobile, a six-hour round trip to find Thelemic contacts in real life is simply not workable or affordable to do often enough that it would be worth going to one even once. Jasonwill is probably even more isolated from such contacts than I am. And you learn really fast if you're at all concerned about keeping your skin that asking around if anyone's a Satanist is simply not the smart thing to do.

 

[Orias]

All it really is, is learning how to control and maintain adrenaline release.

 

[jasonwill2]

Guys I don't know if this topic is really worth it anymore, but as a direct result of it and all the things you guys said (and esp. to herDottness) I have realized in combination with some earlier revelations I had a few days before that it might be best if I left the forums for a while.

I give the full explanation and reason in this topic:

http://www.religiousforums.com/foru...2544-i-have-go-while-apology.html#post2921341

 

[Mindmaster]

Edit to add: I live in St. Louis, and the closest OTO lodge or camp to me is almost three hours' drive. Even though I'm pretty mobile, a six-hour round trip to find Thelemic contacts in real life is simply not workable or affordable to do often enough that it would be worth going to one even once. Jasonwill is probably even more isolated from such contacts than I am. And you learn really fast if you're at all concerned about keeping your skin that asking around if anyone's a Satanist is simply not the smart thing to do.

Best thing is to start an informal occult study/new age study group (I recommend you do this yourself if others aren't local). Make it open to all paths and eventually you will run into a good partner and learn a great deal about contrasting magical techniques. I don't recommend soliciting for Satanists and for ritual magic purposes it generally doesn't matter if they are; they only have to be sympathetic to your workings. The famous organizations like Golden Dawn and OTO are just like this -- eclectic in membership. If your groups focus is magic and not religion then it will be able to work together regardless of the faiths of the individuals. You will have to be rather democratic in what you present as your curriculum, but that is to be expected in these circumstances; think of it as broadening your horizons.

It's really hard to find X Satanists, X Wiccans, X Thelemites or whatever but easier to find a few of each. Most groups that become covens do so starting as I had mentioned and converting into one belief system later. It's very hard to find specific people of any faith, and better to just work on education to gather interest and recruit new people into your path by discussing the merits of that path. Does this require work? Yes... a lot... Are the rewards worth it? Most of the time you get good contacts even if the group disbands. It is also likely that the group starts spinning off into smaller groups for work (all the wiccans may work together on some days... all the Satanists on others.. and in generic non-specific workings all may come in..) This is how the Church of Satan, Temple of Set, and all the other big groups started.

 

[Iti oj]

You people make me so happy I live in the dirty jersey.