Abuse in "Christian" Marriages

[james blunt]

He is the one trying to use her against me by telling her things no 5 year old should have to hear. Never - would I ever - USE my child. So I just deal with what he says and don't talk bad about him and hope she sees the truth someday.

That was the point that caught my eye . You made a note of seeking advice on this. As a mother you should just explain to your child that daddy is just being a bit silly right now , he is upset.
You seem like you are quite smart, you should of been able to predict this sort of behavior from the father and realized it is just sadness of the split.
In predicting this type of behavior, this will allow you to stay strong and deal with the behavior without being too ''vicious'' back. I personally knew several fathers who have killed themselves because they were not allowed to see their kids , I should hope you are strong minded enough to make sure this never happens to your ex husband who you loved once and is the child's father.

 

[CLee421]

That was the point that caught my eye . You made a note of seeking advice on this. As a mother you should just explain to your child that daddy is just being a bit silly right now , he is upset.
You seem like you are quite smart, you should of been able to predict this sort of behavior from the father and realized it is just sadness of the split.
In predicting this type of behavior, this will allow you to stay strong and deal with the behavior without being too ''vicious'' back. I personally knew several fathers who have killed themselves because they were not allowed to see their kids , I should hope you are strong minded enough to make sure this never happens to your ex husband who you loved once and is the child's father.

Oh yes. I expected it. One factor in leaving was that maybe it would lead to him actually getting help someday.

 

[james blunt]

Oh yes. I expected it. One factor in leaving was that maybe it would lead to him actually getting help someday.

Well he will probably grow more bitter by the day , the minds resistance to change is an unusual ''thing''.

 

[CLee421]

I think it may be higher among born-again Christians than main stream, mostly because of a theology which encourages "submission" on the part of women. How our theological narratives can reinforce abuse

He often said I was to submit to his authority. "OBEY ME" ...

His demands were unrealistic or all over the place or contradictory.

He definitely waved his "I own you" flag. And I thought it was okay. But that is not the picture of a real biblical husband.

 

[jac]

As a divorced, and remarried Christian I have studied this topic. There are other reasons for divorce besides adultery. Your ex needs help for one reason but what you and you daughter need is love. I am so sorry for your experience but stay strong in the Lord. He sent me wife in a unexpected way and I have been blessed with her for the last 25 years.

 

[nPeace]

As a divorced, and remarried Christian I have studied this topic. There are other reasons for divorce besides adultery. Your ex needs help for one reason but what you and you daughter need is love. I am so sorry for your experience but stay strong in the Lord. He sent me wife in a unexpected way and I have been blessed with her for the last 25 years.

Twenty five years... congrats.
You say

There are other reasons for divorce besides adultery.

I have never come across those. What are they?

 

[Patrick Miron]

Sorry if this thread doesn't belong in this area - I couldn't really see anywhere else it would fit.

I was married for 4 years - I thought he was a believer - he turned out to be manipulative, emotionally abusive and in the final year, physically abusive.

We had a daughter together. As a believer in Christ I did not want to divorce. I prayed he would change. I hardened myself to his behavior thinking I could help him. He supposedly had a very troubled past so I said "that's why he's like this, you can help him get better" but it did not get better. It got worse.

It took opening up to my best friend after years of hiding it, to realize what I was doing was wrong. Allowing it. Allowing our daughter to think that was okay.

God also released me from my "desire" for my ex in a moment of prayer. All the weight of all I experienced, felt, longed for, was removed. Then I was able to begin moving forward with a clear mind.

I ended it last year but that didn't end the turmoil. Just the direct abuse. Now I'm "unsaved" according to him. Adulteress. Liar. Unfit mother.

Yet - I have still encountered Christians who say I should've stayed. Divorce is never okay. I want to start this thread to get opinions, see if anyone went through or is going through something similar, and make this okay to talk about here.

I guess the Q&A part would be - what are your thoughts on this? Thanks.

These are complex issues, BUT you made the correct choice in getting out of an abusive situation.

The most prudent advice is to discuss this with your Pastor {if qualified?}, or a marriage councilor. Your entitled to inner - PEACE; it's God's desire for us. So do something to help you and your child find it.

You do NOT have to put up with his ongoing verbal {please God, not STILL physical} abuses. Get HELP NOW!

Continue to pray very much,
Patrcik