Angering people

[Vinayaka]

I have a dilemma, and would like some insight, fellow Hindus.

I've come to this realisation (actually for a long time now) that I sometimes anger people on the forum. It FEELS like bad karma. It seems adharmic to do that, whether intentional or not. In real life, it's easier, because you do get to know which buttons not too push. Here it's not so easy.

Often, to me, it feels like I am merely expressing a point of view. The other person disagrees, gets in a huff, and tells me off. Then I feel like I shouldn't have said or written anything at all. (Oftyen I go delete all my posts even.) I don't feel like I (or anybody really) should be in the business of angering people.
Here are a couple of examples ... mentioning that not all sects believe something and having a person of a different sect take offense ..
... mentioning syncretism isn't that wide in Hinduism,
... mentioning socialism around capitalists

Should I just shut up already?

I'm sure everyone does it, and many might feel like I do on some days. But, in terms of sadhana, or in terms of self-reflection, what do you do about it? Cause I really don't like it.

One thing I've done is put a couple of overly sensitive people on ignore. So then I can't see their reaction, or respond to one of their posts in a way that would make them angry.

 

[George-ananda]

No, don't shut up. Keep bringing your perspective. Sometimes too, written words can be taken differently by different people because of the issues they're focused on. Written words don't have inflection and emphasis like spoken words. Usually a couple follow-up posts can clarify things.

 

[Fireside_Hindu]

I'd say you can't go around not expressing an opinion or offering an alternative view-point just because someone might get butt-hurt about it. I wouldn't think of it as a karmic thing either. Every person we interact with has the potential to teach us something - patience courage, kindness etc. We need these people (negative or not) to help us grow in our maturity and to help us really examine how we feel. Its not you're fault if they don't want any part of from their end. That's their circus and their monkeys.

If you don't express a viewpoint, you are allowing them to go around with their beliefs unchallenged and unexamined, which doesn't do them any good in the long run (even if it makes them uncomfortable to face it now. Boo hoo.)

Also anyone who doesn't want their opinions or views challenged shouldn't be posting on a public forum. If they want to exist in a echo chamber they can go to a private forum and hash it out there. Its not your problem if they can't control their feelings.

 

[Shantanu]

Conversations are healthy for all.

 

[Orbit]

As long as you aren't dismissive of other views, disagreement is part of discussion.

 

[ShivaFan]

I never put anybody on ignore. It wouldn't even occur to me. Because in real life, it doesn't really work that way.

Let us say some Devata is giving me a headache. Think about - I only have one head! So it's not like Brahma has five heads so then Shiva cuts off only one head and now Brahma has only four.

I have only one (currently) and though it is rare, let's say Dattatreya gives me a head ache. He is saying, "ShivaFan, stop spending so much time investing in the stock market and become a Supreme Swan-like Person or Paramhamsa!"

Wait! The bond market is about to tank, can we get back to this later?

"No ShivaFan. You see, in the all-pervading space there exists clouds, stars, planets, dust-storms, and so on, but I am not touched by any of them. So is Atman, which, pervading all bodies of men and animals, of saints, sages, kings, madmen, sinners, and paupers, forum members and stock investors is untainted by any of them."

Ok, but wait. You are giving me a headache!

"I would cut your head off"....

No! Not right now! Carry on.

.... now. Should I just put Dattatreya on ignore?

OF COURSE NOT! Meaning, I would not like push a button, and the audio turns off. I wouldn't do that. He can carry on. AND ... I will watch the ticker tape! BOTH! Sort of like ignoring, but is not the ignore button. I can multi-task. I can have a head ache and become richer both at the same time and NOT ignore Dattatreya!

Some people can chew gum and walk at the same time.

In the end, a lot of this stuff folks get all sensitive about, really isn't a big deal. In fact ... it sort of is fun!

 

[Satyamavejayanti]

I have a dilemma, and would like some insight, fellow Hindus.

I've come to this realisation (actually for a long time now) that I sometimes anger people on the forum. It FEELS like bad karma. It seems adharmic to do that, whether intentional or not. In real life, it's easier, because you do get to know which buttons not too push. Here it's not so easy.

Often, to me, it feels like I am merely expressing a point of view. The other person disagrees, gets in a huff, and tells me off. Then I feel like I shouldn't have said or written anything at all. (Oftyen I go delete all my posts even.) I don't feel like I (or anybody really) should be in the business of angering people.
Here are a couple of examples ... mentioning that not all sects believe something and having a person of a different sect take offense ..
... mentioning syncretism isn't that wide in Hinduism,
... mentioning socialism around capitalists

Should I just shut up already?

I'm sure everyone does it, and many might feel like I do on some days. But, in terms of sadhana, or in terms of self-reflection, what do you do about it? Cause I really don't like it.

One thing I've done is put a couple of overly sensitive people on ignore. So then I can't see their reaction, or respond to one of their posts in a way that would make them angry.

What is Dharmah, is it not to have a opinion, is not to have a say, is it not to voice your concern, is it not to protect the truth specifically your truths. Those who get easily offended are not prone to the truth, those who fall pray to anger are Adhramic in my book.

 

[Kirran]

I feel the intention is what's important in such a case.

You're certainly doing your best to engage in a peaceful and non-aggressive manner, so that's what's important here. The fact that some people are offended by your opinion, or by the way you put it, is a real shame, but is something you've tried to avoid.

If it's a situation where you know it's just going to get confrontational, then keep out of that one. IMHO.

 

[Vinayaka]

Thanks, people. I don't see much changing though, in the way I do it. On another forum, after someone got angry at my words for about the sixth time, I've just told myself I won't respond to that person any more at all. It just ain't worth it. So in many ways this models real life. Angry people push others way from them, and often, sadly, they don't even know it. That's life.

 

[Vinayaka]

If it's a situation where you know it's just going to get confrontational, then keep out of that one. IMHO.

Good to hear someone sees this similar to me. After a long period of time, people just look critically.

 

[Kalibhakta]

I admire your piety and wisdom, Vinayaka. If it wasn't for you I would have never understood Skanda.

If you can enlighten just one person, you have done good to the lord.

 

[Aupmanyav]

Should I just shut up already?

As George said, don't, at least in this forum, or the pressure starts building up. Kindly understand that this is your own forum. Yes, the mods suggested that I ignore a few people with whom I was not going well. I did that for a time and do not regret it.

 

[Poeticus]

Should I just shut up already?

Psst---rout them entirely, sending them asunder! Having gone through life without causing offense is bland and unworthy to have lived.

But...quiet down on the socialism, will ya? That ain't cool, yo.

 

[Kalibhakta]

Eh. I don't agree on socialism, but if I can be an anarchist, he has the right to be socialist. Your politics don't matter if God is in your heart.

 

[Vinayaka]

Eh. I don't agree on socialism, but if I can be an anarchist, he has the right to be socialist. Your politics don't matter if God is in your heart.

You see, Kali, that's how easy it is. I didn't say I was a socialist. All I did was use the word 'socialism'. But upon reflection, it just shows the high degree of anava ruling the planet. Look at the number of people who advise the 'one and gon'ers' 10 years later.

 

[StarryNightshade]

No, @Vinayaka , you shouldn't shut up. If people get easily offended by inherently non-offensive posts, then that is more of an issue on their part. Not yours.

I'll admit, there have been a few posts of yours that jarred me in the past, but guess what? I got over it very quickly, and realized that you are only speaking from your POV and had no intent of actually offending anyone.

 

[Vinayaka]

No, s.
I got over it very quickly,

An admirable trait, that.

 

[shivsomashekhar]

I think there are two things here -

1. Do not be condescending.
2. If you are thin-skinned and are prone to getting emotional, you should stay away from topics you disagree with. Because then, a lot of things will be perceived as insults, though they may not be.

 

[Vinayaka]

'Condescending' can be in the eyes of the beholder alone. Neither the watchers let alone the supposed 'condescender' think it is. There was a time when much more of this board had opinions prefaced with 'In my opinion', from my POV' etc. But now I think it's just a given that most people accept that. Still, the occasional time it's probably useful to restate it. This is just my opinion.

 

[Poeticus]

You see, Kali, that's how easy it is. I didn't say I was a socialist. All I did was use the word 'socialism'. But upon reflection, it just shows the high degree of anava ruling the planet.

I wasn't angered, but I'm sure you know how socialist policies have greatly affected, for the worse, Hindus in India. Remember when I said and showed that most of the current anti-Hindu encroachments come from the left? I was alluding to that.