Are Open Marriages Immoral?

[Reverend Rick]

I'm not going to judge, but I would not want to be judged by man or God if I had an agreement like that.

 

[Valjean]

Boy, does this thread bring back memories...

1970s: I'm living in a hippie commune, in a large flat/apartment, in Maryland. Below me is a physician and his psychiatric-nurse wife.

I go off with his wife for a camping weekend. He stays home with a nurse from the hospital.
Everyone has a good time. Everyone remains friends.

I go down to their flat for dinner next weekend....

 

[Comprehend]

Are there any grounds for asserting that open marriages (marriages in which both partners willingly allow each other to have sexual partners outside the marriage) are immoral? If so, what are those grounds?

Yup.

God.

 

[Comprehend]

It's quite dangerous to think that way about morality. Morality divorced from circumstances is morality divorced from reality.

Kant would disagree. see: Metaphysics of Morals.

 

[doppelganger]

Kant would disagree. see: Metaphysics of Morals.

Nietzsche would agree however. See: Genealogy of Morals.

On the other hand, it's easy enough to understand that once pigs who have had bad luck are persuaded to worship chastity—and there are such swine!—they see in chastity only their opposite, the opposite to unlucky pigs, and will worship that—and with such zealous tragic grunting! We can imagine it—that embarrassing and unnecessary antithesis, which Richard Wagner at the end of his life unquestioningly still wanted to set to music and produce on stage. What on earth for? That's a fair question. For why should he be concerned about pigs? Why should we?

 

[ChristineES]

While Nanda is right that it is none of my business, I think open marriages are very immoral.
Even if both parties agree, there is a chance that bad feelings sooner or later may creep in, I have heard people who used to be in an open marriage say as much. There is a chance that no bad feelings will ever come in, but I personally would not take any chances with my marriage.

I certainly can't tell another married couple what to do and I wouldn't try, but I wouldn't do it in any case.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Yup.

God.

So if it weren't for what you take as God's commandments that prohibit open marriages, you'd have no moral problem with the practice?

While Nanda is right that it is none of my business, I think open marriages are very immoral.
Even if both parties agree, there is a chance that bad feelings sooner or later may creep in, I have heard people who used to be in an open marriage say as much. There is a chance that no bad feelings will ever come in, but I personally would not take any chances with my marriage.

It's none of my business either, but I do get the impression that an open marriage can be a risky situation, even despite the initial good feelings of the spouses. Doing something that stands a good chance of making your spouse very unhappy can often be considered immoral, IMO.

 

[Papersock]

You say immoral, I say potato.
Is it possible that some people would actually be happier in an open marriage than in a "closed" monogamous marriage?
It all depends on the people and their view on things whether a marriage like that could work or not.

 

[Nanda]

While Nanda is right that it is none of my business, I think open marriages are very immoral.
Even if both parties agree, there is a chance that bad feelings sooner or later may creep in, I have heard people who used to be in an open marriage say as much.

And I know plenty of former Christians who have told me that bad feelings for Christianity eventually crept in, and they had to divorce themselves from the religion. That doesn't mean it's going to happen to you, or that your belief in Christ is wrong because they eventually found it to be wrong for them. Everything's relative, you see.

 

[Comprehend]

Nietzsche would agree however. See: Genealogy of Morals.

haven't read that one actually...

 

[Comprehend]

So if it weren't for what you take as God's commandments that prohibit open marriages, you'd have no moral problem with the practice?

Nope.

I don't really care what consenting adults do even if it *is* breaking commandments. That is between them and God.

I was just saying that it was my opinion that there is a basis for it to be immoral.

 

[Panda]

Meh none of my buisness. I guess if all involved partys know what is going on and consent to it then who am I to deny them happiness?

 

[Stellify]

Is it possible that some people would actually be happier in an open marriage than in a "closed" monogamous marriage?

I know a married couple who have an open marriage and are extremely happy with it. Of course they have certain rules to go along with their open relationship to keep them both safe and happy, and to help ensure that no bad feelings enter the relationship over their extra-marital...socializing. The wife is bisexual, and they both spend a lot of time away from each other because of work. So, they are both allowed to sleep with women outside of their relationship. And it is just sex, no emotional attachment.
I see nothing immoral about their arrangement. They love each other very much, and reserve those romantic feelings for themselves and no one else. It's possible to participate in "just sex", as opposed to "making love" or having some other kind of emotional involvement. I see nothing wrong with simply satisfying physical desires outside of a marriage, as long as all parties are completely willing and honest with each other. In a case like this, the only immoral thing I can think of would be if one of them were to get into an "emotional relationship" as opposed to a purely physical one.

 

[Buttercup]

And I know plenty of former Christians who have told me that bad feelings for Christianity eventually crept in, and they had to divorce themselves from the religion. That doesn't mean it's going to happen to you, or that your belief in Christ is wrong because they eventually found it to be wrong for them. Everything's relative, you see.

*raises hand* You must be talking about me?

It's not my call to say if open marriage is immoral, it's between the two who are married to decide. I do however think it's a bad idea and would voice my concern to anyone I considered a good friend who was thinking it might be fun and wanted to try it out.

 

[Papersock]

Is it not also possible to love more than one person? I'm not sure why having an "emotional relationship" with another person should ruin a marriege.
It seems to be the "choose one or the other" attitude that causes problems.
Though I suppose it can be difficult to share a person. And maybe it is good to be happy with who you have.
Meh, I don't know. It's all up to the people involved and none of my business.

 

[Stellify]

Is it not also possible to love more than one person? I'm not sure why having an "emotional relationship" with another person should ruin a marriege.
It seems to be the "choose one or the other" attitude that causes problems.
Though I suppose it can be difficult to share a person. And maybe it is good to be happy with who you have.
Meh, I don't know. It's all up to the people involved and none of my business.

I think it's possible to love more than one person...but I've never met anyone that would be able to handle sharing someone or being shared without major problems eventually arising (not that there isn't someone capable of it, I just have yet to meet/hear of them). Jealousy, favoritism, feelings of being in a one-sided relationship, doubts, etc. can all cause difficulties.
I agree with you, though; it's whatever works for the people involved. Just because I may or may not be able to do something doesn't mean that it must be right or wrong for others as well.

 

[Isabella Lecour]

Are there any grounds for asserting that open marriages (marriages in which both partners willingly allow each other to have sexual partners outside the marriage) are immoral? If so, what are those grounds?

Oh boy, here we go! Are there grounds; what are those grounds? Morality is dependent on religious and cultural bias which indicates to me that morality is relative and subjective, as well. Mainstream religions tend to object to this wider freedom in marriage, for various reasons. Currently USA law tends to frown on it within the context of divorce proceedings and within the mores of the ruling judge on the bench.

Yet there is moral grounds to approve of open marriage. The nature of USA's freedom loving nature has nurtured open marriage right along with the attitude to "mind your own business." Our freedom of religion has supported unpopular practices like this one and has given it a safe haven culturally. I find holding to the morals of honesty and self-responsibility has helped support healthy open marriage relationships.

Personally, I am in an open marriage, so there in lies my bias. I do not find it immoral but I understand that other religions and cultures do. It is not a practice for the emotionally immature. It takes a lot of guts, honesty, hard work and owning up to mistakes. For me the marriage bed is pure because we have both been honest and work together and play together making our marriage the best one we can.

 

[ChristineES]

Maybe it has never occurred to anyone that if a couple decides to have an open marriage that it may be a sign that the marriage is in trouble already.

I really don't know what having a open marriage and maybe having trouble with it down the road has anything to do with someone leaving Christianity. That is not a comparison I would make.

And, believe it or not, I have a bias, too. A few years ago, I decided to allow my husband (very grudgingly) to find a woman who would satisfy him in a certain way I was unable to do. It ruined our marriage completely. I didn't really want him to do this in the first place. My husbands morals certainly don't match mine.

 

[Nanda]

Maybe it has never occurred to anyone that if a couple decides to have an open marriage that it may be a sign that the marriage is in trouble already.

Maybe. But maybe not. There are many successful polyamourous couples who would disagree with your assessment of their marriage.

I really don't know what having a open marriage and maybe having trouble with it down the road has anything to do with someone leaving Christianity. That is not a comparison I would make.

But it is a comparison I would make, obviously. To put it simply, some people eventually have trouble with their open marriages, and some don't, just like some people eventually have trouble with Christianity (or any religion) and some don't - but you can't judge every situation by the ones that don't work out, because for every failure, there is a success story.

And, believe it or not, I have a bias, too. A few years ago, I decided to allow my husband (very grudgingly) to find a woman who would satisfy him in a certain way I was unable to do. It ruined our marriage completely. I didn't really want him to do this in the first place. My husbands morals certainly don't match mine.

Your situation was hardly consenting, wouldn't you say? If both partners aren't happy with the arrangement, of course it isn't going to work. :no:

 

[Ever learning]

If that is what both people want then why not? There are people who seem to be quiet happy with it. I do not see a need to get married in the first place if that is how one wants to live their life. But, whatever rock´s your boat.