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Ask an Atheist, Get a Snide, Sarcastic Response

Alceste

Alceste

Vagabond
Does your head ever get so big you fear it will snap your neck and roll clean off your shoulders?
 
Kilgore Trout

Kilgore Trout

Misanthropic Humanist
Wandered Off said:
Dear atheist,

How much of your gross income do you give to the religion of atheism?
Click to expand...

Dear Wandered Off,
Your question makes me wish that Stalin was still alive! Atheism is not a religion - it is merely the absence of being a sucker. As a good, self-respecting atheist, I don't give money to anybody unless I have to. Why would I give it away, when it means more drugs, beer, and hookers for me? Everybody else can pay for their own drugs, beer, and hookers.
Sincerely,
ATS
 
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Kilgore Trout

Kilgore Trout

Misanthropic Humanist
monta said:
How much are you paid for converting people to atheism, is it less if you convert an angnostic ?
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Dear monta,
Your questions make me wonder whether some leprechaun snuck into your house and stole your brain! It's impossible to convert somebody to atheism. You have to be born completely selfish, evil, and immoral. You can't simply make somebody have these traits. Trust me, I've tried! And don't get me started on "agnostics." Like my daddy used to say "crap or get off the pot." Then again he also used to say, "mexicans are taking all the jobs."
Sincerely,
ATS
 
monta

monta

.
Who is the king of the atheists Dawkins or Hitchens does the ns at the end of their names signify atheist royalty, if so what does it mean ?
 
Kilgore Trout

Kilgore Trout

Misanthropic Humanist
Wandered Off said:
Dear Atheist,

How does your iguana handle the fact that bananas are clear proof of intelligent design?
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Dear Wandered Off,
I'm surprised you haven't suffocated in your sleep yet! When people say "intelligent design," they really mean, "look at me! I like being dumb, and I want everyone to know it!" The only thing bananas prove is that people don't mind looking like idiots when they eat fruit.
Sincerely,
ATS
 
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Kilgore Trout

Kilgore Trout

Misanthropic Humanist
angellous_evangellous said:
Do you know who your daddy is?
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Dear angellous_evangellous,
Just your name makes me want to rip out my own entrails and tie them to a jet about to take off! Sadly, I do, in fact, know who my daddy is. Sometimes, I think to myself, " I wonder if my poor relationship with my father has something to do with my atheism?" Then, I come to my senses and tell myself to stop being a complete moron. Then I get ready for the night's orgy.
Sincerely,
ATS
 
Kilgore Trout

Kilgore Trout

Misanthropic Humanist
Alceste said:
Does your head ever get so big you fear it will snap your neck and roll clean off your shoulders?
Click to expand...

Dear Alceste,
I'm amazed that you haven't swallowed your own tongue and choked on it yet! I do plenty of resistance training which strengthens the muscles of my neck and trapezius enough to support two heads. Additionally, I tend to keep my hair quite short and avoid wearing hats - both of which help to keep excess weight to a minimum.
Sincerely,
ATS
 
Morse

Morse

To Extinguish
Dear snide and sarcastic atheist,
I was wondering, how probable is it for me to draw the black ball if I was to randomly select it from a bag that contained the black ball, 12 christmas balls, 3 christian balls, and 2 blue balls?

Regards,
Morse
 
McBell

McBell

Unbound
why is is inappropriate to say that a wood chuck, who has increased the amount of wood chucked, has upchucked?


If a man is alone in the woods without any women to hear him and he says something, is he still wrong?


Why does a woman marry a man, spend 20 years trying to change him, then complain that he is not the same man she married?
 
Autodidact

Autodidact

Intentionally Blank
God wrote the Bible.
Therefore the Bible is true.
The Bible says that God exists.
Therefore God exists.
And you better be sure you're right, because after you die, it's too late to change your mind. So why don't you believe in God, since it's proven He exists?
 
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