Beauty Standards

[Sunstone]

Phil my niece is 9 years old and thinks she is fat, when she was about 3/4 years old she said she wishes she was a different skin colour, my skin colour, light skinned or like her teacher, "peach" (white).

Well, that's the thing, Horrorble, children don't understand that what the beauty standards of the fashion, cosmetics, and entertainment industries are not the only legitimate standards. All they see is that those standards are the only ones being promoted as beautiful in the media. So, quite naturally, they measure themselves against them.

So it annoys me when people think I'm somehow trying to take away women's "strength" and freedom to express themselves creatively with what they look like. Missing the point much? I think so.

That's a strange thing for anyone to say who is not making money from saying it.

 

[Alceste]

I didn't present all that as if every man does it all. But, why does any man do anything save clean himself? Male grooming habits stem from societal pressure and stereotype as well.

Father Heathen has a morning ritual. He's grossed out if his neck gets too hairy. He's not into hair not being shaved straight on the back of his head. He asks me to check and ensure that there's no hair poking out of his ears and nose. He asks me more than I ask him if his shirt looks alright and carries this comb thing that I bought him in his pocket and almost ceremoniously busts it out at random and combs his hair. "Hey baby, does my hair look alright?"

This is a dude who doesn't lack confidence and he's freaking adorable.

But, he's got these little "ticks" for lack of a better word. Certain things have to be a certain way or he's not happy.



I wouldn't over simplify the issue. Though, yes, I don't disagree that women have greater anxiety over such issues, I think it's imperative that we don't disregard the comparable anxieties that men face.

My husband won't leave the dang house if he hasn't showered. I will absolutely leave the house to pick up breakfast if I haven't showered. As long as I have clean clothes and have cleaned my face - I'm good.

He will not leave the house unless he smells heavenly. In fact, I can tell you with assuredly that I have always been with men who have smelled heavenly and would go outside to walk the dog without showering first. Even my ex husband would not leave the house (to work in dirt, yes, literal dirt) without a shower, first. FH is the same way. Come to think of it, my ex boyfriends were the same way. Maybe it's just me and I'm attracted to clean dudes, but, even my sisters' dudes are clean like that. They just don't go out into public if they aren't clean.

Me...I've gone to work for a half day before without makeup, and with just a quick wash down of all my girlie parts. I can do myself up quite pretty but when I'm not feeling it, I just don't do it.



Again, there's something a bit amiss with these chicks. And my husband will admit that he is a little OCD, as were the majority of the males that I've been blessed with in my lifetime.

Part of this is greatly self perception and self expectation as it is external pressure.



Yes. But, many men do. And their pressures often come from the same sources. I think sometimes it's less evident to women as to how much thought men place into their appearance as efforts are less apparent and men are typically less verbose when discussing that which makes them insecure.

I also think that women are greatly pressured by other women as much as they are generic societal pressure. Again, you're not going to be bothered but so much unless something tickles an insecurity.

I agree with what you say - the insecurities and beauty rituals of men shouldn't be discounted. I'm just speaking in generalities for convenience. Sure, there are surely men who suffer crippling anxiety about their beauty rituals and their discomforts shouldn't be ignored. I would argue that they don't suffer to the same degree women do though. Men's magazines tend to be full of pictures of idealized women, just like women's magazines, but with most of their kit off. Flip on the telly and you will see men of every body type, age, race and description acting alongside a seemingly endless supply of slim, light-skinned, meticulously coiffed 20-something female knock-outs, whatever the role. The WEIGHT of social expectations for our appearance is certainly there for both genders, but narrower in scope for women and therefore heavier to bear.

 

[dawny0826]

Phil my niece is 9 years old and thinks she is fat, when she was about 3/4 years old she said she wishes she was a different skin colour, my skin colour, light skinned or like her teacher, "peach" (white).
So it annoys me when people think I'm somehow trying to take away women's "strength" and freedom to express themselves creatively with what they look like. Missing the point much? I think so.

My daughter, Emily, had this glittery belt that she started to wear under her clothing to hide "the lumps". It started to concern us.

FH and I pulled her aside and had a heart to heart with her. My sister who lives with us had some work done on her breasts and tummy and though she never outwardly discussed it with Emily, my daughter caught on and started to compare herself to my sister.

A boy that she was "seeing" in school had also been picking on her as well.

We talked to her about self acceptance, embracing that which makes us unique, changing that which we can and want to change and letting go of that which we really don't want to change but might feel pressured to.

She got rid of that stupid belt and kicked the meannie head to the curb.

I can certainly relate to the pressures that our kids face. It's sad. They need people who care to remind them of their inner beauty and worth and to lift them up when they're down.

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

My daughter, Emily, had this glittery belt that she started to wear under her clothing to hide "the lumps". It started to concern us.

FH and I pulled her aside and had a heart to heart with her. My sister who lives with us had some work done on her breasts and tummy and though she never outwardly discussed it with Emily, my daughter caught on and started to compare herself to my sister.

A boy that she was "seeing" in school had also been picking on her as well.

We talked to her about self acceptance, embracing that which makes us unique, changing that which we can and want to change and letting go of that which we really don't want to change but might feel pressured to.

She got rid of that stupid belt and kicked the meannie head to the curb.

I can certainly relate to the pressures that our kids face. It's sad. They need people who care to remind them of their inner beauty and worth and to lift them up when they're down.

So women are pressured and little girls catch on to this?
So beauty standards do contribute to the development of low self esteem in our girls?

 

[dawny0826]

So women are pressured and little girls catch on to this?
So beauty standards do contribute to the development of low self esteem in our girls?

Everyone is pressured by some sort of standard.

Our own personal expectations of self-image are always influenced to an extent by peers and standards established within society.

Beauty standards CAN contribute to the development of low esteem in our girls, but, certainly do not have to, if our girls have loving voices in their life to lift them and refocus their attention on self acceptance.

My daughter was comparing herself to my sister and to other girls at school. She was internalizing things that a boy said, as many girls her age do.

People find comfort in their social groups. We can't escape influence and a degree of comparison when with our social groups, as it's natural. Our own personality types do impact our reactions to different influence. My sister and daughter aren't the best mix, as sister is a type 1, naturally wired to strive for perfection of body and mind and my daughter is an emotive type 4, wired to internalize and overanalyze her feelings and perceptions.

Even my sister talked with my daughter and encouraged her to not feel pressured to follow in her footsteps. That talk meant alot to Emily too. The people in her life who love and support her are helping her to shape her self confidence just as external influences are.

I do believe comparisons as to the extent of societal pressures on boys and girls will become more challenging.

Both are pressured by beauty standards, just in different ways and on a spectrum of extent, based upon individual personality, pre-existing self-image concerns and other factors.

I won't simplify this and say that women have it harder than men, anymore. And to make such a statement, from my feministic perspective is a confliction of my feminist platform.

I believe that girls and women alike can embrace that which is positive within the beauty industry and use it to empower each other.