Bible - Alternative Translation

[angellous_evangellous]

I'll play along.

(1) The Dookie-ball of Duckwad, the Son of Malcontent;
--deleted Isaiah interpolation

(4) Fartbasket was cleaning weapons whilst Melatonin demanded from Kermit the Frog the dismissal of his army.

(5)And there went out unto him all the band of Dipstick and they of Car, and cleaning the Cheerleader Zombies in the river of the great Mississippi, praising their worms

(6) Fartbasket was clothed with butt-hair , and with a belt made of leathor around his waist ; and during supper consumed pancakes with wild honey;

(7)Fartbasket preached by saying, here comes one mightier than me who is helping me with my shoes, for i am not worthy to stoop down myself.

(8)Indeed clean you with water but he shall clean you with the Word of Dookie.

(9)And it came to pass in those days that Son of Malcontent coming from the third butthole of Mars, whos weapons where cleaned by Cheerleader Zombies in the river of the great Mississippi

(10)And Straightaway coming up from the water, he saw the skies opening, and a monkey testicle like a dove descending upon him

(11)And there came a voice from the gravy bowl, he make me so horney. Love you long time.

(12)And Immeditately the Spirit drivewth him into Duckwad

(13)And he was there in Duckwad tempted by the Angry Midgets, and was with ants in his pants and the gay fashion designers ministered unto him

(14)
Now after that Fartbasket was put in Prison, the Son of Malcontent came into north Duckwad, preaching the Good News of Dookie

(15)
And Saying, the time is fulfilled, and the Dookie is at hand, repent ye, and believe the Word of Dookie

(16)
Now as he walked by the left monkey nut, he saw his reflection and ALF his brother casting a net into the sea for they were cats

Whoot!

 

[angellous_evangellous]

If you're going to pull something out of your butt, for the love of god wash it off before you spam it.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Hey did you folks know that Mazran the Fake Man -- in the book of Soft Apples swung around the desert with a rope that he made out of butt hair with his teeth? The crazy thing is he never cut the hair out. He just stuck his head right up his butt and out came the rope (after about three years).

Now that would be one hell of a bar trick.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

A translation of the book of Revelation

Angellous is beaufiul
Angellous is great
Angellous is mighty
Angellous is funny

He is kind, sincere, and brave
He will never never cave
He humor is almost as adorable is he is devastatingly intelligent
His enemies love him
Women can never resist him

Angellous is the silver lining on his cloud
He pees silver and gold

When children see him they burst into dancing and song
========

Now that's one hell of a damn good book.

 

[Rakhel]

Now you're just being silly. You know those kids ran in fear. says so in my translation

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Now you're just being silly. You know those kids ran in fear. says so in my translation

haha I'm dead serious.

I've even had a few people gouge out their eyes so that my beautiful image would be the last thing that they will ever see.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Now you're just being silly. You know those kids ran in fear. says so in my translation

Ha! We both know that (unfortunately) there's at least one soul-less moron who would buy that as a legitimate translation.

And I'm selling it for as much as I can.

 

[Rakhel]

yeah well my translation says that they gouged their eyes out so they wouldn't have to look at you again.
so there.


wait....

 

[Rakhel]

Ha! We both know that (unfortunately) there's at least one soul-less moron who would buy that as a legitimate translation.

And I'm selling it for as much as I can.

yeah we do.

 

[LegionOnomaMoi]

Now you're just being silly. You know those kids ran in fear. says so in my translation

Angellous is using a corrupted text. The original does use phoboi to describe the poor kids.

 

[angellous_evangellous]

Angellous is using a corrupted text. The original does use phoboi to describe the poor kids.

If they are afraid, it's because they aren't using to seeing such a "fine specimen of a man" (quoting from Matthew 12:3).

 

[angellous_evangellous]

How 'bout a rendition of John 18:

There once was a duck-billed platypus who had a taste for those hairy black jumping spiders. A kangaroo who was shot up on crack ran right into a cactus. Then they all milked a cat and lived happily ever after.

Three hundred years later some idiots made a religion out of that.

 

[Rhadamanthus]

Because a central belief of Judaism is that there is only one God. Even before that, it was worship of one God. There is no reason to think that a shoddy translation, done by someone who doesn't know scholarship on the subject or even Hebrew will change that.

Monotheism was the central belief of Zoroastrian, is was only when the Persian Empire took over Judea,that Monotheism started to appear, and the first Torah started to be compiled around 600BC

Originally, they where the Phoenicians and Canaanite cultures with many gods e.g. elohim/adonay/yahweh and his consort Asheroth, the original Jewish culture, before Zoroastrians corrupted them.

 

[Rakhel]

I just love it when people say a religion can't start until the books are compiled.

 

[Rhadamanthus]

I just love it when people say a religion can't start until the books are compiled.

Imperial Religions (judaism/xianity/islam) does not start until the emperor nods his head. for they are two types of Religion, Imperial (to control mass) and Spiritual that worship Nature(god/ess) (opposite of Judaism/Xianity/izlam)

You still posting negative comments on this thread, don't like, don't come to the park.

 

[LegionOnomaMoi]

You still posting negative comments on this thread

I think that's a pretty fair description of almost all posts on this thread

don't like, don't come to the park.

The issue is that the "park" here is situated within a larger realm of discourse, and part of that discourse involves negative commentary. I would think a major point to this forum is the exchange of ideas and opinion on ideas, and when one has a negative opinion of another's idea, there's no reason one can't react negatively (this doesn't mean cruelly, of course).

You started a thread about an "alternative translation" you are creating out of languages you can't read. It would be funny if you were joking (as it was in angellous' "alternative translation). But as you aren't, it's just ridiculous. Perhaps for those who haven't actually learned other languages, especially ancient languages, the idea that one can translate using a dictionary or lexicon isn't as laughable as it is to those who have. I would think, though, that most people would recognize that translation requires at least the ability to actually read the language (in reality it involves more).

 

[Iti oj]

well i think its cool what the op is trying to do and i encourage him, however i might second that you learn more..but we should always learn more

 

[Rakhel]

Look if you can't handle criticism then perhaps this isn't the right place for you.
Many have pointed out where your information and sources are flawed and you have chosen not to listen. You have made assumptions about languages you know little about and accuse others of negativity?
now that is interesting.

 

[fallingblood]

Monotheism was the central belief of Zoroastrian, is was only when the Persian Empire took over Judea,that Monotheism started to appear, and the first Torah started to be compiled around 600BC

Originally, they where the Phoenicians and Canaanite cultures with many gods e.g. elohim/adonay/yahweh and his consort Asheroth, the original Jewish culture, before Zoroastrians corrupted them.

Or, one could look at actual historical scholarship on the subject, and see that what really happened is quite different. Such as, the Jews had a monolatrous belief form before the monotheism. Not to mention that the sources for the Torah predate when it was actually compiled.

And really, none of that matter. Because we are talking about now. The vast majority of the history of Judaism shows that it had only one God. A poor translation, by someone who has no idea about Hebrew, isn't going to change anyone besides a gullible person.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Or, one could look at actual historical scholarship on the subject, and see that what really happened is quite different. Such as, the Jews had a monolatrous belief form before the monotheism. Not to mention that the sources for the Torah predate when it was actually compiled.

And really, none of that matter. Because we are talking about now. The vast majority of the history of Judaism shows that it had only one God. A poor translation, by someone who has no idea about Hebrew, isn't going to change anyone besides a gullible person.

May I ask how people bought it when they made it monotheistic?