"Bikini or Headscarf": An interesting article via CNN and O Magazine

[Rakhel]

My only problem is that you imply other people are in the wrong for expressing their take. Problem?

Only if you are implying that I have a problem with my opinion of what you think

 

[TashaN]

I'm being honest here. perhaps we are taking this to dramatic places, but I simply put myself in the shoes of a father who would want to see his daughter grow without such practices.

Wanting to see her without hijab is also a *practice*, your child being raised in a secular or atheist family will influence her too and make her become more inclined to be atheist and to not wear hijab. It goes both ways.

 

[blackout]

In the end everybody chooses from whatever they're free to choose from,
and for whatever reasons they choose.

Some of us have a wider variety to choose from than others.
For whatever reason or another.

Of course the more choices, and less strings attatched the better. IMO.
As long as other people do not IN ANY WAY attempt to enforce
THEIR choices on me, or my kids, I'm good.

But don't expect me to throw confetti.
It's just not that big of a deal.
Unless parents are CONTROLING, it's normal
that kids choose their own "thing".
It's basic identity hunting/creation.
It's the beginning of the journey of Self.
And very often that "thing" changes over time,
as it should,
as a child grows and changes,
understanding life and Self from
the new perspectives that age, situation and experience bring.
People who are free to choose things,
often choose many different things
over the course of thier lives,
in differing seasons, for whatever reasons.

Some people choose an identity young,
and it continues to suit them.
The lucky ones, because they're truly at home there.
The less fortunate, because they either get stuck there,
they know nothing else, or they are afraid of identity change later in life.
It truly is like becoming a whole new person.
It can be very scary,
and the older you get, the harder it is.
Even for a person who is miserable for years with who they have never become.


I always think it's better when parents don't try and push their kids
to be like them.
Certainly it is TERRIBLE when such is DEMANDED.
Children are INDIVIDUALS. Not "property rights".
Personal Identity making is an art that should not only be allowed
but encouraged,
and treated 'seriously', but in a lighthearted manner.
(as a parent)

I wonder, if the article had been...
Conservative "Islamic" or "Christian" mother
gracefully steps back and allows
young daughter to wear upsidown pentagrams
ripped jeans and black teeshirts every day....

if everyone would (still) have the "warm fuzzies".

*envisions picture of mom and daughter with article*
*thinks Hallmark would not approve*

 

[Caladan]

Wanting to see her without hijab is also a *practice*, your child being raised in a secular or atheist family will influence her too and make her become more inclined to be atheist and to not wear hijab. It goes both ways.

In American society, the *practice* is to live without covering the body, therefore the practice in question here is the hijab. it has nothing to do with atheism.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

For the record, Vi, I would still get the warm fuzzies. Whenever I hear your story and how your kids are free to be themselves, I get the warm fuzzies, too.

In fact, Dana wants her hair pink. And I want streaks of...something...dunno yet. I'll probably be asking for your help soon.

 

[*Anne*]

I wonder, if the article had been...
Conservative "Islamic" or "Christian" mother
gracefully steps back and allows
young daughter to wear upsidown pentagrams
ripped jeans and black teeshirts every day....

if everyone would (still) have the "warm fuzzies".

That's a good point.

Regarding pink hair : If either of my kids wanted their hair some shocking color, I think we'd have WW3 in this house. I'd be uncomfortable with it because of my own built-in bias ~ I love their natural hair colors ~ but I realize it's only hair. My husband, on the other hand, would freak.

 

[TashaN]

In American society, the *practice* is to live without covering the body, therefore the practice in question here is the hijab. it has nothing to do with atheism.

I wasn't talking about Americans, but about you, Dan. You said you *want* to see your child being raised without having to cover herself like that kid, and you made so many accusations about the father that he has influnced his child, etc, and you forgot that you also will influence your child to NOT wear it.

Unless you think hijab has less value than *uncovering* i don't see the difference between them.

 

[Caladan]

I wasn't talking about Americans, but about you, Dan. You said you *want* to see your child being raised without having to cover herself like that kid, and you made so many accusations about the father that he has influnced his child, etc, and you forgot that you also will influence your child to NOT wear it.

I believe my reference to the father was minimal. however, you are right, you could say I would influence my child not to wear it, but only if I lived in a society in which it is the standard to wear it.

Unless you think hijab has less value than *uncovering* i don't see the difference between them.

My issue is not with value. my position is that she is too young to fully understand the deeply rooted psycholgy and social baggage behind the hijab. and I do realize this might come off as objectionable to many Muslims, however im trying to analyze it not from the cultural level.

 

[beenie]

My issue is not with value. my position is that she is too young to fully understand the deeply rooted psycholgy and social baggage behind the hijab. and I do realize this might come off as objectionable to many Muslims, however im trying to analyze it not from the cultural level.

i'm a Muslim and i agree with you.
hijab is much more than a fashion statement, it is a way of life (a way i'm struggling with myself at nearly 40, let alone her delicate age).

as long as this remains her choice, it's fine by me. it may be exploration indeed.

 

[perthwatch]

Living in a multicultural society can be hard, but isn't it great to have the choices?

 

[Mercy Not Sacrifice]

Definitely one of the better stories I've read in awhile.

What the mother is doing is good, not because she is requiring her daughter to wear the scarf, but because she is giving her a choice about it. It is so important to give children choices wherever possible, so long as they are safe and reasonable choices.

That's a good point.

Regarding pink hair : If either of my kids wanted their hair some shocking color, I think we'd have WW3 in this house. I'd be uncomfortable with it because of my own built-in bias ~ I love their natural hair colors ~ but I realize it's only hair. My husband, on the other hand, would freak.

Question: Whose need does this hesitancy fulfill?

 

[*Anne*]

Question: Whose need does this hesitancy fulfill?

The hesitancy on the part of myself and my husband? Ours, of course.

It's a bridge we'll have to cross if and when we come to it.

 

[Mercy Not Sacrifice]

The hesitancy on the part of myself and my husband? Ours, of course.

It's a bridge we'll have to cross if and when we come to it.

Well at least you can come to grips with it.

I have a great deal of respect for parents who do everything they can to give their kids a chance. Parents in today's society have SO much to deal with...

 

[*Anne*]

I think one of the hardest things about being a parent is recognizing where you end and your child begins.