Can someone love someone they have never met?

[Trailblazer]

Hard to have a marriage on-line, but perhaps a zoom meeting would be official enough. Some person might be selling such a thing, I don't know. You could ask your local authorities, same place where you apply for a license. Not sure about the US laws.

I was not suggesting that the couple have a marriage online, I was wondering if a person could love a person enough to marry that person without meeting that person first.

 

[Trailblazer]

My husband and I met on the phone.

He was the friend of a friend on the other side of the country. My friend decided we should talk(against my will). He showed him a picture of me, and my husband proceeded to wrest the phone from his hands and make a complete fool of himself. I used him for comic material for an hour or so. Funny stuff.

He called back the next day. And the next. And kept calling for a month, until he convinced me that I should drive to the East Coast to meet him. I did. We got engaged that first night we met in person.

There was already love before that point, and in those phone conversations. So yes, I believe its possible.

We've been married 11 years. They've been mostly good years. Sure, he's a bonehead, and I'm a battle-axe, but I like boneheads, and he likes battle-axes, so it works out well.

No regrets.

Something similar happened to me once and I was just wondering if it could happen again.

 

[Trailblazer]

No.

Why not?

 

[ADigitalArtist]

I met my husband online first. We were pretty young and we became fast friends. I was very ready to call him friend by the tike we met in person but I don't think I could have even called him a crush before until after we met. I need to have more info about mannerisms in public and how people interact with the world around them to catch feelings I think. But I ended up marrying the guy I fell in love with as a teenager so...milage may vary.

 

[Vinayaka]

I was not suggesting that the couple have a marriage online, I was wondering if a person could love a person enough to marry that person without meeting that person first.

In that case, I don't think so. Words on a screen can be incredibly misleading. Lots of stuff isn't known, or can be covered up. It would be very scary.

 

[Trailblazer]

Hell, I can love someone that dosent even exist!

That's true. You could fall in love with a bot!

 

[JustGeorge]

Something similar happened to me once and I was just wondering if it could happen again.

I think it could(but it appears my opinion is unpopular here).

I would recommend phone or zoom along with written communication, though. There is a realness to the voice, and its easier to 'see' the real person. Texts and emails are polished. If you haven't already, give a call. You'll learn a lot more about a person that way.

 

[Brian2]

Can someone who never met you, someone who has only exchanged e-mails and texts with you, love you?

Can you love someone you never met, someone with whom you have only exchanged e-mails and texts?

Do you think it is necessary to meet a person in order to fall in love with them?

Do you think it is necessary to meet a person in order to plan to marry them?


If you have ever fallen in love with someone you never met, please share what happened.

If you have ever fallen in love with someone you never met, what happened when you met the person? How did you feel? Did you still love the person? Were you disappointed or did you love the person even more after meeting the person?

Thanks, Trailblazer

It's easy to fool yourself about these things and mistake other feelings for love.

 

[Evangelicalhumanist]

People say all the time they love so and so movie star and would marry them if they had a chance.

They may well suppose that, and say that. The likelihood of their being correct is pretty small.

I'm no different, by the way. I've seen movie stars that I found (without actually meeting them) incredibly attractive. I've thought, "I'll do whatever he wants, whenever he wants." And for a little while, if the excessively unlikely opportunity arose, I might. But I doubt, sincerely, that I would do it for very long.

When it really comes down to it, what makes us bind ourselves so completely to another person that we'll stay when they're ill and nurse them back to health, or love them when they inevitably get a little thicker around the waist, a little grayer (or balder), perhaps a bit crotchety when they're not getting their way, has very little to do with how they look.

Funny, but my lover's recent pictures don't look anything like the ones from 30 years ago. And yet, when I look directly at him -- it's still his face. That's love.

 

[Trailblazer]

I was thinking along very similar lines as @Augustus. You can love 'someone' but that person may not actually be the person you're interacting with. Which to some extent is true if everyone since everyone has an inner self and a presented self.

But the same thing could happen if you met the person in person. They could hide their inner self and present a self they want you to see. Which begs the question, how do you really get to know someone well enough to feel comfortable marrying them?

But the disparity between those two states can be much more vast if you only interact through text.

Or it could come out in the text message. That happened to me.

 

[Trailblazer]

I need to have more info about mannerisms in public and how people interact with the world around them to catch feelings I think.

That's a good point. I will have to keep that in mind.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

But the same thing could happen if you met the person in person. They could hide their inner self and present a self they want you to see. Which begs the question, how do you really get to know someone well enough to feel comfortable marrying them?

Or it could come out in the text message. That happened to me.

It's a lot easier to read people when they're in front of you, interacting with the world, than only known to you via text. I'm not saying it can't happen, if they're honest and you intuit their writing correctly, it wouod just be a lot harder. Maybe impossible for me, since I would feel a great sense of reservation until interacting in person.

 

[Trailblazer]

In that case, I don't think so. Words on a screen can be incredibly misleading. Lots of stuff isn't known, or can be covered up. It would be very scary.

That's true. A person can say they love you and make all kinds of promises but the only way one can know if they are sincere is if they actually follow up on the words, and that requires being there in person.
To cite a Baha'i phrase - Let deeds not words be your adorning!

 

[ADigitalArtist]

But the same thing could happen if you met the person in person. They could hide their inner self and present a self they want you to see. Which begs the question, how do you really get to know someone well enough to feel comfortable marrying them?

Or it could come out in the text message. That happened to me.

Also it occured to me ot also doesn't help that I'm autistic and have difficulty always reading people's intention even when I have all the facial/vocal/body language let alone just text. xD

 

[Vinayaka]

That's true. A person can say they love you and make all kinds of promises but the only way one can know if they are sincere is if they actually follow up on the words, and that requires being there in person.
To cite a Baha'i phrase - Let deeds not words be your adorning!

33 must almost be a record. Good on you.

But staying on topic, I just think the probability of being duped is much much higher on-line than in person. I know a young man here who also comes on some forums I go to. He is incredibly literate, comes across as totally sane, and has wonderful conversations. In real life he's not a bad guy at all, but definitely not marriage material.

 

[Trailblazer]

I think it could(but it appears my opinion is unpopular here).

So what? Having double-digit cats is also unpopular.
You have actual experience from which you speak. That is invaluable.

I would recommend phone or zoom along with written communication, though. There is a realness to the voice, and its easier to 'see' the real person. Texts and emails are polished. If you haven't already, give a call. You'll learn a lot more about a person that way.

I agree about the phone conversation. I can tell you more in a conversation if you want. I do not want to divulge the actual situation on the forum right now but you already know something about it.

 

[Trailblazer]

It's easy to fool yourself about these things and mistake other feelings for love.

That is true, but on the other hand it might really be love.

But I don't think one can know if it is really love till the face-to-face meeting.
The problem with the texts and e-mails going on too long is that there could be a big disappointment when that meeting takes place

 

[Trailblazer]

Maybe impossible for me, since I would feel a great sense of reservation until interacting in person.

Yes, I agree. A zoom meeting would be the next best thing to a meeting in person if the in-person meeting is not possible for a while.

 

[Trailblazer]

But staying on topic, I just think the probability of being duped is much much higher on-line than in person.

Yes, that is almost a given.

 

[JustGeorge]

So what? Having double-digit cats is also unpopular.
You have actual experience from which you speak. That is invaluable.

I agree about the phone conversation. I can tell you more in a conversation if you want. I do not want to divulge the actual situation on the forum right now but you already know something about it.

I guess sometimes its good to be unpopular!

I would love to hear more about what's going on. Always feel free to drop me a PM.