Can someone love someone they have never met?

[exchemist]

I agree, and I also had that kind of love. Real love gets stronger, not weaker, over time.
However, I don't think that means that we cannot love a person we do not have a deep knowledge of, marry them, and get to know them better. But I think we have to know something about their character before we marry them.

I should certainly hope so! Marriage has to last, after all.

But there are plenty of marriages, especially in former ages, in which people married for other reasons and then the love between them developed subsequently. I was reading the other day about Henry VII (Henry Tudor), who chose to marry Elizabeth of York in order to bring to an end the rivalry between the houses of York and Lancaster that had led to the Wars of the Roses, which tore England apart in the c.15th. So it was initially a political marriage. However they became very fond of one another. According to the Wiki article on her:-
Thomas Penn, in his biography of Henry VII writes that "[t]hough founded on pragmatism, Henry and Elizabeth's marriage had nevertheless blossomed throughout the uncertainty and upheaval of the previous eighteen years. This was a marriage of 'faithful love', of mutual attraction, affection and respect, from which the king seems to have drawn great strength."[25]

(One son became Henry VIII of England, and two of their daughters became queens of Scotland and France.)

 

[Trailblazer]

I should certainly hope so! Marriage has to last, after all.

But there are plenty of marriages, especially in former ages, in which people married for other reasons and then the love between them developed subsequently. I was reading the other day about Henry VII (Henry Tudor), who chose to marry Elizabeth of York in order to bring to an end the rivalry between the houses of York and Lancaster that had led to the Wars of the Roses, which tore England apart in the c.15th. So it was initially a political marriage. However they became very fond of one another. According to the Wiki article on her:-
Thomas Penn, in his biography of Henry VII writes that "[t]hough founded on pragmatism, Henry and Elizabeth's marriage had nevertheless blossomed throughout the uncertainty and upheaval of the previous eighteen years. This was a marriage of 'faithful love', of mutual attraction, affection and respect, from which the king seems to have drawn great strength."[25]

(One son became Henry VIII of England, and two of their daughters became queens of Scotland and France.)

Thanks. That was not only Useful but also Informative.
There is always more than one way to look at things such as marriage.
I think that 'faithful love', mutual attraction, affection and respect are vitally important.

 

[Shaul]

YES, of course

Blind people are very much capable to love. Love transcends the senses

Huh, I guess blind dates can work out.

 

[Shaul]

Old people may plant trees whose shade they themselves will not enjoy and fruit they themselves will never taste out of love for future generations they will not see. I'd say that is such a love.

 

[HeatherAnn]

Infatuation, definitely,
Love - no since love is striving for what’s best, with some understanding of who they really are, what they like, need etc.

 

[Trailblazer]

Infatuation, definitely,
Love - no since love is striving for what’s best, with some understanding of who they really are, what they like, need etc.

So you don't think that striving for what’s best, with some understanding of who they really are, what they like, need etc is possible until you actually meet someone in person? You don't think that can be learned through e-mails and texts?

 

[HeatherAnn]

So you don't think that striving for what’s best, with some understanding of who they really are, what they like, need etc is possible until you actually meet someone in person? You don't think that can be learned through e-mails and texts?

Yes, that’s right.
Sure, you can learn some things, but countless things like nonverbal communication, hygiene, habits, lifestyle etc can only be learned in person.

It’s definitely possible & probably common to fall into infatuation with the idea of someone over the internet. I did - but then had a reality slap & that hurt.

 

[Trailblazer]

Yes, that’s right.
Sure, you can learn some things, but countless things like nonverbal communication, hygiene, habits, lifestyle etc can only be learned in person.

It’s definitely possible & probably common to fall into infatuation with the idea of someone over the internet. I did - but then had a reality slap & that hurt.

Nonverbal communication but also verbal communication since a phone conversation is not the same as an in-personal conversation. One can discuss lifestyles but one does not learn about hygiene and habits unless they live with someone. I would never live with a man unless I was married to him, so I would have to learn those things after I got married.

However, those are not the primary things I am concerned about, I am mostly concerned whether I would have a physical attraction to the man and I cannot know that unless I meet him in person. I am very visual so I could not live with a man I am not attracted to. It is not about a sexual attraction as much as him being appealing to the eye.

Then there is the emotional connection and I think that is of primary importance since that is what causes people to be attracted to each other. You can emotionally connect in e-mails and texts but you cannot know if you have an emotional connection until you meet someone. I had an immediate emotional connection with my late husband, we married 3 weeks later, and that lasted for 37 years.

 

[HeatherAnn]

Nonverbal communication but also verbal communication since a phone conversation is not the same as an in-personal conversation. One can discuss lifestyles but one does not learn about hygiene and habits unless they live with someone. I would never live with a man unless I was married to him, so I would have to learn those things after I got married.

However, those are not the primary things I am concerned about, I am mostly concerned whether I would have a physical attraction to the man and I cannot know that unless I meet him in person. I am very visual so I could not live with a man I am not attracted to. It is not about a sexual attraction as much as him being appealing to the eye.

Then there is the emotional connection and I think that is of primary importance since that is what causes people to be attracted to each other. You can emotionally connect in e-mails and texts but you cannot know if you have an emotional connection until you meet someone. I had an immediate emotional connection with my late husband, we married 3 weeks later, and that lasted for 37 years.

That’s great you and your husband had a good connection & kept your marriage going for so long! You know, you 2 are the exception! I’m sorry about him passing. I imagine you miss him.

Some may be skeptical but there is an intuitive thing about meeting someone in person - you can sense things, if you pay attention. For years, I didn’t pay attention, partly because I didn’t want either to feel uncomfortable if negative aspects were addressed or even just acknowledged. My faith crisis began peeling layers away so I’m seeing more & more every day - not just of religious & herd mentality dysfunction but also my bs detector is getting more in tune around others.

Some things I can sense on line - but a lot goes missing.

I also believe living together without marriage is probably not best… unless maybe once both are past child-rearing times.

 

[Trailblazer]

That’s great you and your husband had a good connection & kept your marriage going for so long! You know, you 2 are the exception! I’m sorry about him passing. I imagine you miss him.

No words can convey how much, but life has to go on.

Some may be skeptical but there is an intuitive thing about meeting someone in person - you can sense things, if you pay attention. For years, I didn’t pay attention, partly because I didn’t want either to feel uncomfortable if negative aspects were addressed or even just acknowledged. My faith crisis began peeling layers away so I’m seeing more & more every day - not just of religious & herd mentality dysfunction but also my bs detector is getting more in tune around others.

Some things I can sense on line - but a lot goes missing.

I am very intuitive, that is my personality type, an INFJ, but I can intuit things in what people write as well as in person. People can put on act in person, but words in writing can speak volumes, if you have enough of those words. More importantly, words are just words unless they are followed up by actions. Nevertheless it is necessary to meet someone if you are thinking of marrying them.

I also believe living together without marriage is probably not best… unless maybe once both are past child-rearing times.

I am way past that age but I still would never live with a man I am not married to as that is against the Laws of my religion. I also don't think it is a good idea, or necessary, because I believe that is two people are in love and committed to each other they can and should get married. I know that is an unpopular idea nowadays and most religious people don't abide by it, I march to the beat of my own drummer and it has worked for me so far.

 

[Brian2]

Nonverbal communication but also verbal communication since a phone conversation is not the same as an in-personal conversation. One can discuss lifestyles but one does not learn about hygiene and habits unless they live with someone. I would never live with a man unless I was married to him, so I would have to learn those things after I got married.

However, those are not the primary things I am concerned about, I am mostly concerned whether I would have a physical attraction to the man and I cannot know that unless I meet him in person. I am very visual so I could not live with a man I am not attracted to. It is not about a sexual attraction as much as him being appealing to the eye.

Then there is the emotional connection and I think that is of primary importance since that is what causes people to be attracted to each other. You can emotionally connect in e-mails and texts but you cannot know if you have an emotional connection until you meet someone. I had an immediate emotional connection with my late husband, we married 3 weeks later, and that lasted for 37 years.

I didn't realise your husband had died even though I remember he was in hospital.
They say it is best to wait a while after the death of a partner before doing anything.
That can be easier said than done however, especially when time is running out for us.
You'll probably make the right decision if you don't rush into anything.

 

[Trailblazer]

I didn't realise your husband had died even though I remember he was in hospital.
They say it is best to wait a while after the death of a partner before doing anything.
That can be easier said than done however, especially when time is running out for us.
You'll probably make the right decision if you don't rush into anything.

Well, I did not want anyone on the forum to know but the cat got out of the bag because Duane told a few Baha'is and @JustGeorge in PMs. I am glad he told her now because now I have a woman to talk to about this situation with the dating but I was mad at him at the time since I did not want anyone to know.

Well, since I consider you my friend I will tell you the story. I went on a Baha'i dating site called Two Doves shortly after Lewis passed just to find men to talk to, since some men just want to be friends, but this one man responded and was really interested in me and we got e-mails going back and forth daily. He was widowed about ten years ago, and he is four years younger than me, and he wants to get married. I am glad he is younger because I will never marry a man who is much older than me again. He thinks he is in love with me and I have to say it is reciprocal, but I told him there is no way I can know if he is the one for me unless he comes to visit me. He lives back east and owns a farming business and he has been having problems with his business so that is one reason he has not been able to come and meet me.

Yes, time is running out for us at this age so I don't want to wait too long. I am in no hurry to get married but I would like to meet him so I will know if he is the one for me. As you know Baha'is do not have sex out of wedlock but I am in no hurry for that so that is no reason to rush into marriage. I did that when I married Lewis but that was because I did not want to wait to have sex, but those days are over. I don't even know if I will want to have sex with this man, but that is another story.

 

[Truthseeker]

Well, I did not want anyone on the forum to know but the cat got out of the bag because Duane told a few Baha'is and @JustGeorge in PMs. I am glad he told her now because now I have a woman to talk to about this situation with the dating but I was mad at him at the time since I did not want anyone to know.

Glad it worked out despite my efforts.

 

[Trailblazer]

Glad it worked out despite my efforts.

No, it worked out despite my hoping you would not tell anyone.
There is one poster here we both know who would take full advantage of my sharing on this thread if she saw it...
Just pray to God she does not see it.

 

[Brian2]

Well, I did not want anyone on the forum to know but the cat got out of the bag because Duane told a few Baha'is and @JustGeorge in PMs. I am glad he told her now because now I have a woman to talk to about this situation with the dating but I was mad at him at the time since I did not want anyone to know.

Well, since I consider you my friend I will tell you the story. I went on a Baha'i dating site called Two Doves shortly after Lewis passed just to find men to talk to, since some men just want to be friends, but this one man responded and was really interested in me and we got e-mails going back and forth daily. He was widowed about ten years ago, and he is four years younger than me, and he wants to get married. I am glad he is younger because I will never marry a man who is much older than me again. He thinks he is in love with me and I have to say it is reciprocal, but I told him there is no way I can know if he is the one for me unless he comes to visit me. He lives back east and owns a farming business and he has been having problems with his business so that is one reason he has not been able to come and meet me.

Yes, time is running out for us at this age so I don't want to wait too long. I am in no hurry to get married but I would like to meet him so I will know if he is the one for me. As you know Baha'is do not have sex out of wedlock but I am in no hurry for that so that is no reason to rush into marriage. I did that when I married Lewis but that was because I did not want to wait to have sex, but those days are over. I don't even know if I will want to have sex with this man, but that is another story.

It sounds like you are not rushing into things. Do your homework and don't get ripped off or end up in a relationship that you do not really want.

 

[Trailblazer]

It sounds like you are not rushing into things. Do your homework and don't get ripped off or end up in a relationship that you do not really want.

Thanks Brian. I think I will know what I want when I see it, if that ever happens.

 

[exchemist]

Well, I did not want anyone on the forum to know but the cat got out of the bag because Duane told a few Baha'is and @JustGeorge in PMs. I am glad he told her now because now I have a woman to talk to about this situation with the dating but I was mad at him at the time since I did not want anyone to know.

Well, since I consider you my friend I will tell you the story. I went on a Baha'i dating site called Two Doves shortly after Lewis passed just to find men to talk to, since some men just want to be friends, but this one man responded and was really interested in me and we got e-mails going back and forth daily. He was widowed about ten years ago, and he is four years younger than me, and he wants to get married. I am glad he is younger because I will never marry a man who is much older than me again. He thinks he is in love with me and I have to say it is reciprocal, but I told him there is no way I can know if he is the one for me unless he comes to visit me. He lives back east and owns a farming business and he has been having problems with his business so that is one reason he has not been able to come and meet me.

Yes, time is running out for us at this age so I don't want to wait too long. I am in no hurry to get married but I would like to meet him so I will know if he is the one for me. As you know Baha'is do not have sex out of wedlock but I am in no hurry for that so that is no reason to rush into marriage. I did that when I married Lewis but that was because I did not want to wait to have sex, but those days are over. I don't even know if I will want to have sex with this man, but that is another story.

I'm sorry to hear about this. I'm sort of impressed you are considering a new partner, seeing as you are my age. I decided not to look for someone after my wife died. I just don't think I could summon up the effort - and I lived on my own for quite a while before I got married, so I don't feel life on my own is intrinsically ghastly. I have some nice female friends, but that's enough. I wish you luck, but obviously don't rush and regret it.

 

[Trailblazer]

I'm sorry to hear about this. I'm sort of impressed you are considering a new partner, seeing as you are my age. I decided not to look for someone after my wife died. I just don't think I could summon up the effort - and I lived on my own for quite a while before I got married, so I don't feel life on my own is intrinsically ghastly. I have some nice female friends, but that's enough. I wish you luck, but obviously don't rush and regret it.

I don't know how long ago your wife died but maybe one can get used to living alone.
Many widowed men choose not to remarry, and if they do consider it they usually wait a number of years to look for someone. However, at my age I do not have the luxury of time.

We are all different. I never lived by myself for more than a year or two, before I got married, and I do not like being alone all the time. Sometimes I like being alone but sometimes I get lonely. But it's more than that, as there are many things I cannot handle as a single woman, mostly related to my house and property and all my cats. I also need a lot of ongoing emotional support, the kind of support I cannot expect to get from a friend.

I am not saying I will do the same again, but I rushed into marrying my late husband and I never regretted it, and although we did have problems I always loved him. As I said to @Brian2 I have no reason to rush into marriage since I don't need sex. I just need a companion, and hopefully he will also be a handyman and a landscaper.

The man who says he is in love with me lives in the United States but he is in London right now on some business. He called me a little while ago but his call got dropped.