Can we all agree it is wrong for a 32yo to date a teenager?

[Jumi]

I think that the best rule for this is half your age plus 7. That means a 30 year old should stay away from anyone under 22. Seems like a good rule (not law).

This kind of rule seems like a personal preference made into numbers to make it sound like it should mean something when it doesn't. Like lots of people like quoting their holy books for some hard and fast rules for other people. This is the exact same thing with the people who want to restrict sexual minorities. I don't think we should make up artificial rules for other adults or call them sickos or perverts for something that's not really our business even if we find it gross.

Harassment and protection of minors are a different thing, and there are laws in place in developed countries for those.

 

[oldbadger]

No. Please explain.

Your whole thread title and OP was about MEN dating teens, when it should have been about ADULTS dating teens, but in any case it is biased, puritanical and wrong.

Prejudiced against rights? I think the age of consent should be 21. If you can't drink in the U.S., you might not be ready to have sexual relationships with much older men.

Oh no! Now you're linking the USA's alcohol age limit to relationships.
So long as folks like you never get to rule it'll be ok.

No, I just think the age of consent should be raised to 21.

So it is about legislation after all, after telling me that it was not about legislation.

I dread to think how you'd want to sentence to offenders, and whether you would include females in the legislation.

The whole idea is horrible.

 

[oldbadger]

Nevertheless, I was referring to the Roy Moore situation specifically. It was pretty obvious in the OP even without mentioning his name.

Rubbish! You never mentioned his name in Title or OP.

Roy Moore is accused of dating a 14 yrs old .......... if any (sexual) allegations are true then that name committed a criminal offence . If not then he did nothing wrong.

And I say again, if you tried to stop a 20 year old from sexual relationships I wonder if you would stop disabled or mentally disabled people from sexual relationships..

 

[PureX]

What do you mean by 'take advantage' here ?

I mean using experience and knowledge that the teenager does not yet have to control and manipulate them into a sexual relationship that they are not ready for, and do not understand the dangers of.

 

[leibowde84]

Well that's different then. I'd definitely be against someone older dating anyone under the age of consent.

Besides the law, what makes 18 the appropriate age?

 

[leibowde84]

Your whole thread title and OP was about MEN dating teens, when it should have been about ADULTS dating teens, but in any case it is biased, puritanical and wrong.

The OP does not say that this only applies to men. As you should know, just because a question only speaks to men doesn't mean that the person asking the question only thinks that the issue applies to men.

 

[Revoltingest]

Besides the law, what makes 18 the appropriate age?

Political compromise to create an objective legal standard, albeit a far from perfect one..

 

[Kangaroo Feathers]

Besides the law, what makes 18 the appropriate age?

That's the problem with arbitrary lines of demarcation. You gotta draw them somewhere.

It's true that emotional maturity and ability to deal with an adult relationship exists as a spectrum. There are some 14 year olds out there who are fully capable of understanding and engaging in a relationship. There are 22 year olds out there who aren't. But until such time as we have laws that can deal with individuals on a case by case basis, law makers' only real option is to make their best estimate of drawing their arbitrary line in the appropriate place for MOST people.

I will happily agree that it would be good if things were different, but I don't see either the political will or the technical ability to reform the law into such a "case by case" paradigm.

 

[leibowde84]

That's the problem with arbitrary lines of demarcation. You gotta draw them somewhere.

It's true that emotional maturity and ability to deal with an adult relationship exists as a spectrum. There are some 14 year olds out there who are fully capable of understanding and engaging in a relationship. There are 22 year olds out there who aren't. But until such time as we have laws that can deal with individuals on a case by case basis, law makers' only real option is to make their best estimate of drawing their arbitrary line in the appropriate place for MOST people.

I will happily agree that it would be good if things were different, but I don't see either the political will or the technical ability to reform the law into such a "case by case" paradigm.

You really think there are 14 year olds ready for a committed relationship with adults more than twice their age?

 

[Kangaroo Feathers]

You really think there are 14 year olds ready for a committed relationship with adults more than twice their age?

Sure. Not many, but yeah, why not? You understand what non representative extreme outliers are?

 

[leibowde84]

Sure. Not many, but yeah, why not? You understand what non representative extreme outliers are?

I do. But, I have never met or seen any 14 year old that is sexually mature enough to have a sexual relationship with a grown man/woman more than twice her/his age.

 

[Kangaroo Feathers]

I do. But, I have never met or seen any 14 year old that is sexually mature enough to have a sexual relationship with a grown man/woman more than twice her/his age.

Like I said, I don't think they're common. I've never met nor seen a multimillion lottery winner, either, which is why data isn't the plural of anecdote.

 

[Jesster]

Besides the law, what makes 18 the appropriate age?

We have to draw the line somewhere, and 18 is where we usually identify people as adults capable of living their own lives (not to mention joining the military).

 

[Jumi]

If someone is capable of living on their own, I think they are "ready" for relationships. In my country this is mostly around 18-20 year olds, but there are some who start living on their own at 16. Very rarely younger than that.

 

[ADigitalArtist]

Prejudiced against rights? I think the age of consent should be 21. If you can't drink in the U.S., you might not be ready to have sexual relationships with much older men

The age of alcohol consumption isn't about emotional maturity, it's about real, physical damage alcohol can do in greater amounts to bodies that are still growing. There's no equivalent parallel in sexual consent anywhere near 18.

I just don't like adults taking advantage of teenagers. How hard is it to just wait till they are 21?

You're assuming they'e taking advantage. My mother in law is more than ten years my father in law's junior, and they started dating when she was 19. She initiated the relationship and they've been in a happy, healthy marriage for over 30 years. And I'm pretty sure she'd take issue with you saying she didn't have agency or ability to make that decision.

I would much rather investigate for coercion or power abuse on case by case basis.

 

[leibowde84]

The age of alcohol consumption isn't about emotional maturity, it's about real, physical damage alcohol can do in greater amounts to bodies that are still growing. There's no equivalent parallel in sexual consent anywhere near 18.

You're assuming they'e taking advantage. My mother in law is more than ten years my father in law's junior, and they started dating when she was 19. She initiated the relationship and they've been in a happy, healthy marriage for over 30 years. And I'm pretty sure she'd take issue with you saying she didn't have agency or ability to make that decision.

I would much rather investigate for coercion or power abuse on case by case basis.

Fair enough.

 

[Koldo]

I mean using experience and knowledge that the teenager does not yet have to control and manipulate them into a sexual relationship that they are not ready for, and do not understand the dangers of.

But who's to say they are not ready for it and that they do not understand the risks ?
Adults often control and manipulate other adults to get what they want. It's not as if being an adult suddenly makes one able to see through it. Actually, while we are at it, even teenagers often manipulate other teenagers.

 

[siti]

I never said that a 20 year old dating a 19 year old is wrong. The OP doesn't suggest anything of the sort. It says a 30 something dating a teenager. If it makes you feel better, let's just say "teenager" means 17 and below.

The OP talks about 30 something and teenagers, but someone else said twenty something with a teenager was wrong and you later suggested raising the age of consent to 21 meaning that a sexual relationship between two people aged 19 and 20 would be illegal since neither of them could legally consent. You have now moved the limit to 17. What you are demonstrating is that it is impossible to legislate to everyone's idea of what may or may not be "appropriate" and that any post-puberty age limit we choose as "appropriate" for sexual liaisons is arbitrary. Some countries do have an age difference clause in their 'age of consent' laws to prevent 14 and 15 year olds being exploited by people much older than themselves and that seems sensible. But to raise the age of consent to 21 would effectively be to say that an average 18 or 20 year old would not be sufficiently mature to make decisions about their own sexual activities. So would people that age be capable of sex crimes? Could a 16 year old be guilty of rape if they are not considered old enough to decide for themselves about sex? Because you can't really have it both ways I don't think.

What about a 32 year old with a 16 year old, assuming that the age of consent is 16?...I didn't ask about the law. I asked about whether you thought it was appropriate. Or, are you saying that anything that isn't illegal is, by definition, appropriate?

...legally yes - personally no - it certainly wouldn't have worked for me.

 

[Epic Beard Man]

Criminality aside, can we all just agree that it is wrong for a man in his 30s to date a teenager?

In the moral sense no because this has been going on for eons so long as it is legal and she/he consents. Now, from a social perspective we have been conditioned to think its wrong because of the maturity aspect and the symbolism of youth associated with infancy so-to-speak.

I've dated a 19 year old in my 30's but of course I knew it would be short lived based on our life experiences and the awkwardness in that her parents was to my age. Of course I broke it off but I no qualms about it.

I am thinking psycholgically, there is that Freudian attraction of the Oedipus/Elektra complex going on.

 

[esmith]

One can join the military at age 17. Therefore, if you can put your life on the line at 17 you can date anyone your age or older.