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Can you forgive?

Spirit of Light

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
Audie said:
I do not "cling to the past".

I am guessing that you've had nobody inflict a deeply
traumatic life threatening experience on you.

No counselor told me that I must "forgive" or "cling".
Last freakin' thing I would want to do is cling.

You might put "imho" with what you post as "fact" or "truth".

(IMHO =in my humble opinion.)
Click to expand...

Well after 12 years of being bullied every day, been tried killed 2 times, been in a bus accidant where i was 2 cm from being killed by a steel pole, yes i had some traumatic times, but i have forgiven everyone who have harmed me.
And i have accepted that there has been and will come times where i get hurt again.
 
Audie

Audie

Veteran Member
Amanaki said:
Well after 12 years of being bullied every day, been tried killed 2 times, been in a bus accidant where i was 2 cm from being killed by a steel pole, yes i had some traumatic times, but i have forgiven everyone who have harmed me.
And i have accepted that there has been and will come times where i get hurt again.
Click to expand...

Glad you've made it thru and found what works for you.

Your formula is not likely to be for everyone.
 
Shad

Shad

Veteran Member
Amanaki said:
Are you able to forgive everything?
Click to expand...

Probably not. I think if someone murders a friend or family member with no remorse nor acknowledgement of guilt I wouldn't forgive them. However it is hard to judge what my reaction would be in scenarios I have not experienced.
 
Spirit of Light

Spirit of Light

Be who ever you want
Audie said:
Glad you've made it thru and found what works for you.

Your formula is not likely to be for everyone.
Click to expand...

I can only say what worked for me, and that is what i do every time i post here. I never talk for others. what i have experienced what i believe in and what i can teach others is what i experienced my self but yes i do follow the teaching of Buddha, but i always do my own refelction of what the truth is.
 
Baladas

Baladas

An Págánach
Theoretically, yes. In my opinion, it depends exactly what you mean by "forgive".
I seek to let go of resentment because it is a poison, but I am of the opinion that not everyone should be reconciled with.
A lot of people equate the two.
 
dianaiad

dianaiad

Well-Known Member
Amanaki said:
Are you able to forgive everything?
Click to expand...

Almost. Certainly I have been able to forgive everything done to ME. It seems arrogant...in fact, it is incredibly arrogant...that the one group of people I have problems forgiving have never done anything to me or mine. In fact, I count that group in my own genealogy, and my father's name comes from them.

It's odd. I don't feel any need to 'forgive' the Japanese...and they DID harm my family. Because of one of their Kamakasi pilots. Dad has lived with only one kidney for close to 80 years, and that is finally, it looks like, going to kill him. Well, that and everything else that comes with being 93, but it's the kidney thing that is giving him the most grief. HE has forgiven them...shoot, he admired them even as they were shooting at him. I do, too...

So. The Germans. Why can't I forgive THEM? And it's not even most of 'em...just those two generations that allowed what happened to happen.

It's arrogant. It's prideful. I have no right to forgive or not forgive. I know it's my problem....but that's it. I wish I could. I can, and do, forgive everybody else, even, or perhaps especially, those who have personally harmed me and mine. Why not them?

Why hang on to something that, quite frankly, only causes ME problems? It sure doesn't matter to the folks I have problems forgiving. THEY don't give a hoot. Doesn't matter to them whether I forgive them or not, or whether I go see their country or not, or refrain from buying their products if I can avoid it...It's really dumb and I know it. In fact, most of the people I have problems with are the same age as my father, if not dead already. So....what the heck is my problem?
 
Hockeycowboy

Hockeycowboy

Witness for Jehovah
Premium Member
Audie said:
However you came to that it makes sense.

Some things, let it go. As Buster
Scruggs put it "I dont hate my
fellow man, even when he's tiresome
and surly and tries to cheat at poker.
I figure that's just the human material,
and anyone who finds in it cause for
anger and dismay is just a fool for
expecting better."

But what does it mean to "forgive"?
Some people say it so quick, for
them it is like a way to be wonderful.

The psycho who killed someone's
kids and is leering at them in court?
"I forgive him."

Really? I dont believe it.

Someone does you wrong but
sincerely apologizes, makes it
good? Of course, forgive, but,
like with little things, and no apology,
you let it go-but dont forget.

Only a darn fool would forget.

Now, for myself, I dont harbour
grudges, plot revenge, fuss over
little things. My mind does not
find any entertainment in it.

There was someone who hurt me
very badly, physically and mentally.
Do I seeth with rage? No. There are
people like him, you get in their path it
is as impersonal as getting in the
way of an avalanch.

Forgive? Never. It makes no sense.
I have come to terms with my anger,
saying "I forgive" would change nothing,
except make me wonder why I am
being phony.

Someone else mentioned, "no
forgiving someone whoharmed
my child."

Of course not. Those who say they
could have not been tested, and
in my belief, those who say they
did forgive are just, well, darn
fools for trying to pretend.
Click to expand...
I agree — (oh no! Not w/ you! Just kidding) — if you notice, I said “if they ... apologize.” Some things, if the offender’s attitude is not repentant, there’s no basis for forgiveness. (Even Jehovah didn’t forgive everyone. If He did, He never would’ve killed anyone.)

That being said, if you can ‘let it go’, i.e., the anger and the hurt, it’s best... and, ‘let them go’, too. Keep your distance.
 
Hockeycowboy

Hockeycowboy

Witness for Jehovah
Premium Member
Evangelicalhumanist said:
I really did mean it when I said that "so far" I can forgive everything...and have. The real point of that, though, is that I am the clear winner for that ability, not anybody else.

It is a truth that I was a very badly battered child, nearly killed twice, and I honestly believe there was also sexual abuse, but memory can be tricky, so I couldn't swear to it. I spent years in treatment for being what was then called "a disturbed child," and it wasn't until I was somewhere around thirty that I suddenly realized that the ways in which I acted out were, in some part, a consequence of how I'd been treated.

Now, see, that realization came, and at almost the same instant, the realization that my father (who never saw my face), my mother and stepfather, and all the foster families were all "acting out" their own pasts, just as I was.

I mean this, I swear -- in that moment, I forgave everything, and none of it has ever bothered me since -- even when I got the report of my whole childhood from the Children's Aid which confirmed most of the damage done to me. The burden that was lifted from me was so immense, that I became, in some important and good way, another person.

In forgiving others, I won. Honest.
Click to expand...
Wow! Appreciate your candidness. I’m glad that you were able to overcome such adversity! From people who were *supposed* to be caring.
Too bad we can’t choose who our parents are, huh?
I kinda had it rough growing up, but not as bad as what you experienced. You seem to have made the best of it! Wish you all the best!
 
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