Choosing a child's religion vs. a child's career

[dawny0826]

You seem to be dancing around the central issue here. Which one are you saying?

- that you're trying to direct your kids to follow the same spiritual path as you, knowing that they might choose something else.

- that you don't hide your faith from your children but don't make any particular effort to steer them to your religion.

Yes. I steer my children towards my faith and parent them as I feel I should, per my faith, knowing good and well that they might choose something else later on in life.

I have no reason to hide my faith from my children. We approach religion openly, honestly and provide our children the ability to question. They can object to it, reject it and they will not be forced to do anything.

Here's the kicker, buddy, I can't force them to believe anything, nor would I want to. They will take from these experiences what they choose to.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Yes. I steer my children towards my faith and parent them as I feel I should, per my faith, knowing good and well that they might choose something else later on in life.

I have no reason to hide my faith from my children. We approach religion openly, honestly and provide our children the ability to question. They can object to it, reject it and they will not be forced to do anything.

Here's the kicker, buddy, I can't force them to believe anything, nor would I want to. They will take from these experiences what they choose to.

Would you consider it to be okay to steer your children to a particular career the way you steer them toward a particular religion? Would you consider it acceptable to treat them as, for instance, dentists-to-be until such time as they tell you that they don't want to be dentists?

 

[dawny0826]

Would you consider it to be okay to steer your children to a particular career the way you steer them toward a particular religion? Would you consider it acceptable to treat them as, for instance, dentists-to-be until such time as they tell you that they don't want to be dentists?

If I identified srengths and talents in either daughter that would make them a great candidate for career, I might suggest such a career and support them as they desire my support. On the flipside, if my daughters choose careers that aren't conducive to a self-sufficient lifestyle or are dangerous, I might verbalize my opinion.

These are their choices to make.

My children are only living with me until they reach adult hood. Once they are adults, they are responsible for making their own choices. I listen to them now. They have input now, at twelve and nine. As I mentioned to you, my nine year old ASKS to go to church on Sundays when I opt not to go. My twelve year old isn't as comfortable with it and when she asks to stay home, we stay home. I parent them consistent to my religious, spiritual and moral beliefs. It's not a dictatorship. We're a family.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

A recent post in another thread reminded me of something that's puzzled me for a while now: generally, we consider it inappropriate to choose a child's career for him/her, but plenty of people don't have a problem with choosing a religion for them.

I think the same issues are at play in both: we recognize that a career can be a major part of a person's identity, and that it robs a person of self-direction to try to dictate what sort of adult the child will grow to be.

Isn't the same true for religion? Religious beliefs can be even more central to a person's identity than their career, so doesn't it disrespect the personhood of the child to try to dictate their choice of religion than it is to try to dictate their choice of career?

Thoughts? Is it fair to compare religion and a career this way?

Like SF said, he would allow them to change it later in their lives.

Unlike if you want your child to have a specific job, which you would most likely be wanting them to continue doing as a long-term job. If you are wanting them to grow up to do a job temporarily (such as making them start at a specific job before starting a career with another job of their own choosing, or having them work on the family chores until they move on) then it is not exactly inappropriate, at least how I see it, because parents generally know what is best for a child to start out in to get them experienced for the future.

I started out at a telemarketing job, my dad wanted me to take that job because he said it would get me enough money to save up for when I choose my future job. Now I no longer work there and I work on a farm by my own will.

I was raised in to be Baptist and/or Lutheran, being that my family went to both churches, the Lutheran one always in the winter because the Baptist one was a lot farther away. Anyways, my family just quit going to church altogether at one point, just having very little time and simply not caring to. Not sure what religion they think I am a part of because we never really discuss it, but I'm sure they don't care. I told my mom that I was an atheist when I was a while back, she didn't really care, at that point I knew it wasn't necessary to even tell them.

If my dad had wanted me to work at (for example) the telemarketing business as a life-long career, that wouldn't be equivalent with how they raised me into religion, considering they didn't care but raised me a Christian.


Your parents choosing a lifelong career = Your parents choosing a lifelong religion.

Your parents choosing a starter career = Your parents raising you to believe something and later you can believe whatever you want.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

If I identified srengths and talents in either daughter that would make them a great candidate for career, I might suggest such a career and support them as they desire my support. On the flipside, if my daughters choose careers that aren't conducive to a self-sufficient lifestyle or are dangerous, I might verbalize my opinion.

These are their choices to make.

My children are only living with me until they reach adult hood. Once they are adults, they are responsible for making their own choices and I'm open to listening to them now, when they have a strong desire to do or not to do something.

I notice that you didn't actually answer my question.

 

[Reverend Rick]

If your restriction is just "any career that allows you to support yourself", I wouldn't consider that "pushing", no.

Thanks Jeff, she is taking International Business for her under graduate degree. She also works a part time job for her personal money.

She will be in the Neitherlands this fall to finish up her degree. She is still driving the car I gave her in high school. I give her everything she needs and nothing she don't.

Having an MBA myself, I have been able to help her with her studies from time to time.

The kid is very much her own person, she realises what she is going to have to do to have a happy life. On another note, the shorty has a first degree black belt, and could kick the old man's butt so I doubt I or anyone else will be pushing her too far.

 

[dawny0826]

I notice that you didn't actually answer my question.

I thought I answered your questions quite fine. Let me try again.

Would you consider it to be okay to steer your children to a particular career the way you steer them toward a particular religion?

I already answered this. Let me repost:

If identified srengths and talents in either daughter that would make them a great candidate for career, I might suggest such a career and support them as they desire my support. On the flipside, if my daughters choose careers that aren't conducive to a self-sufficient lifestyle or are dangerous, I might verbalize my opinion.

Would you consider it acceptable to treat them as, for instance, dentists-to-be until such time as they tell you that they don't want to be dentists?

No. And I suppose now, you're going to insinuate that I'm a horrible parent, for assuming my children to be Christian until they tell me different.

As I've alread told you - religion is a different animal altogether. It's such an imbedded part of my life as a parent - it's impossible for there not not be continued religious influence in their lives. I can't cut off my arms and function. My faith and spirituality are a lot like limbs. I wouldn't be a worthwhile person if I hacked at myself, so that my children weren't exposed to that which ****** people like yourself off.

 

[Reverend Rick]

My son is a Catholic while I am not. He made that decision as a young adult and I respect it.

 

[Willamena]

A recent post in another thread reminded me of something that's puzzled me for a while now: generally, we consider it inappropriate to choose a child's career for him/her, but plenty of people don't have a problem with choosing a religion for them.

I think the same issues are at play in both: we recognize that a career can be a major part of a person's identity, and that it robs a person of self-direction to try to dictate what sort of adult the child will grow to be.

Isn't the same true for religion? Religious beliefs can be even more central to a person's identity than their career, so doesn't it disrespect the personhood of the child to try to dictate their choice of religion than it is to try to dictate their choice of career?

Thoughts? Is it fair to compare religion and a career this way?

The province chose my religion, being that of my parents, though I never practiced it.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

No. And I suppose now, you're going to insinuate that I'm a horrible parent, for assuming my children to be Christian until they tell me different.

Nope. I'm just trying to figure out the reasoning behind your position. It seems conflicted to me, but I assume you don't feel that way; I'd like to know why.

As I've alread told you - religion is a different animal altogether. It's such an imbedded part of my life as a parent - it's impossible for there not not be continued religious influence in their lives. I can't cut off my arms and function. My faith and spirituality are a lot like limbs. I wouldn't be a worthwhile person if I hacked at myself, so that my children weren't exposed to that which ****** people like yourself off.

If faith and spirituality are that important to you (and if your kids are also important to you) then why wouldn't you allow your children the same ability to express their faith and spirituality that you enjoy? If constraining your faith would be like hacking off your limbs, then why would you try to constrain the faith of your children?

 

[dawny0826]

Nope. I'm just trying to figure out the reasoning behind your position. It seems conflicted to me, but I assume you don't feel that way; I'd like to know why.

I don't know how to clarify for you.

If faith and spirituality are that important to you (and if your kids are also important to you) then why wouldn't you allow your children the same ability to express their faith and spirituality that you enjoy? If constraining your faith would be like hacking off your limbs, then why would you try to constrain the faith of your children?

I do allow my children to express as they see fit. I'm an open person, Jeff. I educate my children on a variety of religious topics, but, naturally, the most predominent religious concepts in our lives are Christian focused. We focus a lot on universal concepts such as love, forgiveness, charity, kindness and honesty. Honesty is very important in my household.

My children are free to embrace whatever spiritual walk makes them happy or none at all. My sincere hopes for them is that they will love themselves, love others, forgive, give selflessly and live in honesty.

I just want them to be happy, healthy and productive. I do hope for spiritual fulfillment in their lives. I am a spiritually fulfilled person and I hope that I'm setting a positive example, which is really what I'm doing - setting an example that they can choose to follow, borrow from or ignore.

 

[Reverend Rick]

I don't know how to clarify for you.



I do allow my children to express as they see fit. I'm an open person, Jeff. I educate my children on a variety of religious topics, but, naturally, the most predominent religious concepts in our lives are Christian focused. We focus a lot on universal concepts such as love, forgiveness, charity, kindness and honesty. Honesty is very important in my household.

My children are free to embrace whatever spiritual walk makes them happy or none at all. My sincere hopes for them is that they will love themselves, love others, forgive, give selflessly and live in honesty.

I just want them to be happy, healthy and productive. I do hope for spiritual fulfillment in their lives. I am a spiritually fulfilled person and I hope that I'm setting a positive example, which is really what I'm doing - setting an example that they can choose to follow, borrow from or ignore.

I would say your children are very fortunate to have you and your husband for parents.

 

[dawny0826]

I would say your children are very fortunate to have you and your husband for parents.

I think yours have been blessed as well, Rick.

 

[Father Heathen]

It's only natural for people to instill their own beliefs, values, culture, etc. in their children (even the most secular and liberal of individuals do it.) What's important is that they're also encouraged to think critically and objectively for themselves and to make personal choices as individuals as they grow and mature. The problem is when the end result is a two-dimensional automaton, devoid of depth or substance, which is usually from rigid fundamentalism rather than religion in general.

 

[dawny0826]

It's only natural for people to instill their own beliefs, values, culture, etc. in their children (even the most secular and liberal of individuals do it.) What's important is that they're also encouraged to think critically and objectively for themselves and to make personal choices as individuals as they grow and mature. The problem is when the end result is a two-dimensional automaton, devoid of depth or substance, which is usually from rigid fundamentalism rather than religion in general.

Well said. Nice to be parenting alongside you.

 

[Reverend Rick]

It is so cool to see your adult children do certain things you did but really never mentioned or guided them to do.

The best thing I passed down is a work ethic and giving of my time to charity.

 

[dyanaprajna2011]

I think they're both wrong. You educate your child(ren) on the different religions, and when they're old enough, you let them make their own choice. That's what me and my wife have decided for our kids. My two oldest kids go to church with their grandmother, yet have some distinct Buddhist beliefs they get from me. For instance, my daughter, who fully believes what her fundamentalists Baptist church teaches, also practices meditation and has recently decided she wants to be a vegetarian.

In practical terms, when you're raising kids, you don't abandon your beliefs and leave the kids at home when it's time to do a religious activity. You take them with you, you involve them in family and cultural tradition. Don't front as if there's something wrong with that, because there isn't.

Is there anything wrong with it? No, but not all parents do it that way. I often don't include my kids in my religious activities. If they ask to, then I will.

All the while Liberal Godless Atheists are afraid of yet another generation of religion and Conservatism they try to indoctrinate other folks children for their own selfish objectives.

Don't fool yourself. Both sides do this.

 

[Reverend Rick]

Don't fool yourself. Both sides do this.

And both sides would be wrong when they do this. Children are not pawns.

 

[Tumah]

Do you think its appropriate to choose what country your child grows up in? Ultimately choosing the country culture your child grows up in, will become a large part of the child's identity. If you choose to raise your children in a country that espouses religious freedom, then your child is likely to maintain that same belief. Is that respectful?

Ultimately, this is not the type of question you would expect to hear from an actual parent. Every parent is faced with balancing the desire to raise their child in a manner that they believe is most beneficial to them, while still giving their child room to grow in self-identity. There is no way to completely remove all cultures and philosophies from a child's background. Instead we try to do what we believe is best for them in all aspects and when it is time to let them take flight, we hope for the best for them

 

[dyanaprajna2011]

And both sides would be wrong when they do this. Children are not pawns.

I completely agree.