Coming out as a non Christian

[an anarchist]

Hey, if you were from a Christian household and are no longer a Christian, how'd it go over with your family when you told them you weren't Christian ?
You see, thanksgiving is coming up and my family is super Christian. Can't tell my grandma that I'm not Christian anymore,can't do that to her poor heart and make her believe I'm gonna burn forever.
Rest of the family, though, I'd like to tell. I can see them laying hands on me (in prayer) and tongue speaking the non Christian out of me.
Tell me how it went over for you!

 

[Kenny]

Hey, if you were from a Christian household and are no longer a Christian, how'd it go over with your family when you told them you weren't Christian ?
You see, thanksgiving is coming up and my family is super Christian. Can't tell my grandma that I'm not Christian anymore,can't do that to her poor heart and make her believe I'm gonna burn forever.
Rest of the family, though, I'd like to tell. I can see them laying hands on me (in prayer) and tongue speaking the non Christian out of me.
Tell me how it went over for you!

I have a half-brother that said he wasn't anymore... Didn't matter pray for him anyways and still love him (God is the judge and not me) and he is still fam.

I guess the real question is why do I have to tell them and why on Thanksgiving? Why not before and let Thanksgiving be thankful that you all are still family?

Of course, people react differently.

 

[TheBannerofHomuraAkemi]

You should do whatever makes YOU feel comfortable. There's no easy answer for this.

 

[JustGeorge]

I told them as it became relevant. If they brought up Christian themes and applied it to me, I let them know that didn't work anymore. Or, perhaps I had a non-Christian religious event to talk about... it came up that way.

I never made a formal announcement, but I guess in my case only a few members were solidly Christian. A few cultural Christians, and a few who just aren't into religion.

 

[an anarchist]

I guess the real question is why do I have to tell them and why on Thanksgiving? Why not before and let Thanksgiving be thankful that you all are still family?

Id like to tell them probably because I'd love to discuss religion with them! And also, so they know where I'm at.
Thanksgiving just because that's the only time I really see most of my family.

 

[Exaltist Ethan]

I kind of have the opposite situation going on.

My parents went from Catholic to atheist, and I am well, just so interested in religions that I might as well be something similar to Omnist. I've explain to them the religions I'm interested in, like modern Unitarianism, Quakerism, and certain other groups such as Terasem and Syntheism. While my parents are atheists they don't consider themselves anti-theist and are against the groups that are against religion too. But to convince them to try anything remotely spiritual or religious is very difficult. Once, and just once, I got my mom to take me to a UU service once. That was interesting but honestly I think we were both bored while we were there. The UU sermons I like to listen to I typically listen to more than once, on the Internet, because for me listening to anything once and done goes over my head really quick. I'm come to know and respect the minister Aaron White on YouTube, he is part of the Unitarian congregation in Dallas. I really enjoy what he says, because he appears to exalt people fairly often, even if it comes from a Christian POV. Talking about things like this to my parents is very difficult however and when we do talk about religion I usually just say syntheist-type catchphrases like, "We are creating God" before they have a chance to call me a looney-toon for holding such view points. Ah well, that's life after all.

 

[Heyo]

Hey, if you were from a Christian household and are no longer a Christian, how'd it go over with your family when you told them you weren't Christian ?
You see, thanksgiving is coming up and my family is super Christian. Can't tell my grandma that I'm not Christian anymore,can't do that to her poor heart and make her believe I'm gonna burn forever.
Rest of the family, though, I'd like to tell. I can see them laying hands on me (in prayer) and tongue speaking the non Christian out of me.
Tell me how it went over for you!

Since I never believed, there was no need to "come out" and religion wasn't a topic anyway.
And I wouldn't announce my atheism if I were in your shoes. Just make it casually as if it weren't a big deal and only if the topic comes up. If it isn't a big deal to you, chances are your family won't make a big deal out of it.

 

[Ella S.]

Religion has been a point of contention between my family and I for years.

When I essentially cut them out of my life completely, my mother kind of came to her senses that she would rather have a relationship with me despite my views than not have one.

I don't think my father has really come around on the subject, nor do I expect him to.

Honestly, if I could do it over again, I wouldn't have ever come out as no longer Christian. Instead, I would have kept it to myself unless they directly asked my thoughts about something, and that's when I would answer them honestly.

I'm not sure that would have really made much of a difference, but it would have been a lot less selfish of me. There was no reason for me to burden other people with my loss of faith without them asking. In truth, I was just angry at my parents because I felt like they betrayed me by lying to me about God and Jesus my whole life.

It took me awhile to realize that they weren't lying to me about Christianity, but to themselves. I wish I understood that and approached them with more compassion to begin with. Maybe our relationship wouldn't have become so tense.

 

[an anarchist]

i wouldnt worry too much. I dont think any Christian takes it all that seriously anyway. I dont think their that dumb.

Oof

 

[Exaltist Ethan]

It took me awhile to realize that they weren't lying to me about Christianity, but to themselves.

I'm sorry but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that the religious are lying to themselves about their spirituality. The study of theology is the study of what people perceive to be perfect. That's what God is - perfection. Who are you to say that they are lying about their perception that Jesus is perfect? I realize this is interfaith and not debates and I shouldn't be criticizing the things you are saying, but atheists have a certain smugness and unassuming attitude towards their viewpoints that I loathe and detest. As long as they see Christ as perfect, which they probably do, they aren't lying to you or themselves. You can't be right or wrong for having an opinion on perfection.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

Id like to tell them probably because I'd love to discuss religion with them!

That strikes me as the worst possible primary reason.

 

[Ella S.]

I'm sorry but I fundamentally disagree with the idea that the religious are lying to themselves about their spirituality. The study of theology is the study of what people perceive to be perfect. That's what God is - perfection. Who are you to say that they are lying about their perception that Jesus is perfect? I realize this is interfaith and not debates and I shouldn't be criticizing the things you are saying, but atheists have a certain smugness and unassuming attitude towards their viewpoints that I loathe and detest. As long as they see Christ as perfect, which they probably do, they aren't lying to you or themselves. You can't be right or wrong for having an opinion on perfection.

My first reply to this was "I'm not saying all religious people are lying to themselves. Just my parents." I wanted to side-step your unwarranted rude and inflammatory remarks towards me as if they didn't happen.

However, upon a second consideration, I don't think it would be responsible for me to neglect giving you a deeper rebuttal.

First of all, the study of theology is not the study of what people perceive to be perfect. That's your belief that you're projecting on theology, and it's an idiosyncratic one. Theology is the study of God or, sometimes, the beliefs regarding gods. Sometimes certain beings are considered perfect, sometimes they aren't; while perfection and theology overlap, they are not synonymous.

Secondly, theology is not relevant to most religious believers, because most religious believers don't seriously study theology. At most, many of them might hear of theological concepts through their clergy or other people that are interested in them, but it's not usually the primary source of their beliefs.

Thirdly, you don't know my parents. I've been quite close to them and I've had discussions with them. I'm definitely more qualified to tell if they're lying to themselves than you are.

Fourthly, I assure you, it is not out of smugness that I assert that my parents are lying to themselves. It really hurts me to see them hold onto things that they themselves doubt, deep down, because they' have trouble developing healthier coping mechanisms. I don't want to go into detail about the issues they're facing or how they use religion instead of seeking proper mental healthcare, but it's frankly none of your business.

Fifthly, if you detest atheists because you stereotype them all as smug and condescending, then that says more about you than atheists. You should never stereotype or generalize any group of people. It only leads to the thoughtless bigotry you're demonstrating here.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Hey, if you were from a Christian household and are no longer a Christian, how'd it go over with your family when you told them you weren't Christian ?
You see, thanksgiving is coming up and my family is super Christian. Can't tell my grandma that I'm not Christian anymore,can't do that to her poor heart and make her believe I'm gonna burn forever.
Rest of the family, though, I'd like to tell. I can see them laying hands on me (in prayer) and tongue speaking the non Christian out of me.
Tell me how it went over for you!

It went fine. If my mum has a choice, I'd be a live and let live Christian, rather than a live and let live atheist. But I've always thought through my decisions, and young as I was (like...12 or 13?) I had a long list of reasons for my decision.

Ultimately I think my parents respected my ability to make an informed choice for myself.

I was fully expected to participate in Christmas, Easter, and other cultural expressions (not that I had any issue with this) and any denigration of Christian beliefs at these in a public manner would have been seen as impolite, rather than blasphemous...but definitely frowned upon.

For FWIW, my wife has gone from agnostic/deist to atheist over the years (nothing to do with me...more impacted by her job I think).
My kids are atheists, which I've tried not to influence or expect.

We celebrate Christmas, Easter, etc. For us, they're just family times, and if others have underpinning beliefs then all good.

I went through a period of assessing my beliefs during University, and that included explicit review of religious beliefs, as well as political ones. My mum was a little bemused that I was toddling off to church or a study group, whilst reaffirming that I was an atheist, but my ways are my ways, and she knows I'm thoughtful on that sort of thing.

 

[Sgt. Pepper]

Hey, if you were from a Christian household and are no longer a Christian, how'd it go over with your family when you told them you weren't Christian ?
You see, thanksgiving is coming up and my family is super Christian. Can't tell my grandma that I'm not Christian anymore,can't do that to her poor heart and make her believe I'm gonna burn forever.
Rest of the family, though, I'd like to tell. I can see them laying hands on me (in prayer) and tongue speaking the non Christian out of me.
Tell me how it went over for you!

I don't know what to tell you about how you should handle telling your family about no longer being a Christian. I think you should handle it as you think is best. My adopted parents and the majority of my extended family could care less if I'm a Christian or not, despite being Christians themselves. I've been estranged from my parents for over a year and from the rest of my family for about four months now. It's a long story. My in-laws, on the other hand, are concerned that I'm no longer a Christian. I think it was pretty obvious to them when I didn't take communion the last time I was in church with them, and I don't bow my head in prayer when they pray before each meal anymore either. I used to talk a lot about being a Christian and about God, but I don't anymore. They seem to respect my decision to leave Christianity because they don't pry or bother me about it or ask me why I'm no longer a Christian.

 

[Exaltist Ethan]

@Ella S. I just want to note to you that not only did I read what you said in my rebuttal, I understand what you are saying as well. I did appear bigoted against atheists, and I don't know your parents personally so they may have serious doubts of their religion. However, Ella, my parents themselves are atheists and I love them so much despite our differences in theology. And you are entirely correct that theology only makes a small portion of religion. I was wrong and you corrected my inflammatory remarks. I am just saying based on my own personal experience that how I perceive God is something to be perfect - whether that is a being or a place. Of course, that leaves up to a lot of room of personal interpretation, especially those who are henotheistic or polytheistic. And I will admit right now that I do have some serious biases against irreligion and atheism in general. But by no means am I trying to make your coming out story as hard as it was for them as hard for myself as well. People should freely be able to express themselves accordingly regardless of disdain for certain stereotypes I place on others.

TLDR: I'm sorry.

 

[Ella S.]

@Ella S. I just want to note to you that not only did I read what you said in my rebuttal, I understand what you are saying as well. I did appear bigoted against atheists, and I don't know your parents personally so they may have serious doubts of their religion. However, Ella, my parents themselves are atheists and I love them so much despite our differences in theology. And you are entirely correct that theology only makes a small portion of religion. I was wrong and you corrected my inflammatory remarks. I am just saying based on my own personal experience that how I perceive God is something to be perfect - whether that is a being or a place. Of course, that leaves up to a lot of room of personal interpretation, especially those who are henotheistic or polytheistic. And I will admit right now that I do have some serious biases against irreligion and atheism in general. But by no means am I trying to make your coming out story as hard as it was for them as hard for myself as well. People should freely be able to express themselves accordingly regardless of disdain for certain stereotypes I place on others.

TLDR: I'm sorry.

I appreciate the apology, and I know you probably didn't mean to come across the way you did. I've forgotten about the interaction already. I hope we can continue having pleasant discussions in the future.

 

[Shaul]

Is there some reason to not tell them before Thanksgiving? It might go better without the added tension of the holiday compounding things. Is there a gossip highly communicative member of the family? Someone you could “come out” to who would blab tell everyone else so you don’t have to? A mine field diffused is a mine field avoided.

However you do it I am sure you will do it with kindness and gentleness. Those are both Christian and non-Christian virtues.

 

[Aštra’el]

These days I simply tell them I worship God in my own way, which I do, while retaining significant respect for their religion and culture. They accept it as do many others where I’ve lived, and I find myself welcome in many religious circles.

Those among them who seek a more elaborate response… I can show them my paintings and let them interpret as they will. They see demons and angels, our cruel yet beautiful world around us and within, the wrath of God as well as His love, heaven and hell within me and the many wars inside and conflicts I’ve endured over my life… as they glimpse into my past, present, and future, my dreams, my fears, my fantasies and ambitions… through the sacred realm that is my mind.

Others might see something else, like ancient gods and goddesses, or their own human nature staring back at them… or some cosmic horror touching their minds from afar. Maybe all they see is just a twisted yet beautiful imagination… but everybody sees something. With art I can open gateways where fragments of my spirit reach out and touch their heart, powerfully, in a way that means something to them. That is awesome to me, and is very fulfilling.

Here on RF (and a few other places), when pressed about my spiritual-religious system, I use words in attempt to convey the numinous Above, and Below, and Within me. Elsewhere, I primarily use art… and it is far more effective.

 

[Sand Dancer]

Id like to tell them probably because I'd love to discuss religion with them! And also, so they know where I'm at.
Thanksgiving just because that's the only time I really see most of my family.

How does the prayer usually work? If they ask you to pray, maybe you can mention it then, but really quietly so Grandma can't hear it.

 

[Shadow Wolf]

They didn't like it, still don't like it and I'm pretty sure it's a sore point.