Maize said:
I do believe that, where there is only a choice between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence. But I believe that non-violence is infinitely superior to violence, forgiveness is more manly than punishment. Forgiveness adorns the soldier.
-Mahatma Ghandi
What makes this Gandhi qoute interesting is that many people say that about wars in the world...(if you don't know Gandhi was a pacifist) and use it as a justification for such. I would contend for many wars that have been wages, punches thown and other acts of aggression the aggressor felt that the only options were fighting or one other option that was in their mind a non-option. I would contend that anyone with a pacifitic agenda should be goal oriented in finding those reasonable options that are not violence driven cause many times the proponets of violence are at times in a state of tunnel vision and the presenting of other options on a small scale is what it takes to avert physical force. Nothing can be lost by attempting.
When I was a lot younger I use to study Jujutsu downtown years ago and one of my teachers was a night manager at a pizza place. One day while it was close to closing am man came in with two knives, one in each hand and demanded all the money in the register. My teacher gave him the money. He asked for the money in the safe and told my teacher (the manager to get all the employees to lie down on the floor). At this point my teacher wasn't cooperative anymore cause he was afraid this guy was going to hurt someone. My old teacher was 6 3 and 195ish no fat and had studied maritial arts since he was a child --over 20 years. He was a certified aikdio instructer, jujutsu teacher, ex karate student amauter kickboxer and amatuer judo player (not competitivly). So he hopped the counter and slid over to where the thief was with the two knives balancing a cash register on his two forearms. He saw the door leading out of the store was open but that he was blocking the exit to the door by his postioning. So he circled which caused the thief to circle and when the theif got near the door he bolted out and ran away.
My teacher assumed that from the beginning which is why he circled away from the door. He told us the story in class the next and tacted on the moral to the story and motive for his actions that night. He said parapharased "When you are about to be involved in a conflict many times you can avoid it by giving the other guy a way out."
That could mean letting him save face or phyically giving him access to an escape route.
Petyton Quinn, who is a philospher I love to read and a martial arts instructor in Boulder Colorado told a story in his book, "A Bouncers Guide to Brawlroom Brawling" He said once he was in a tavern in a forgien city on a biker run. (He has a harley). A guy in the bar was hassling from across the room calling him names and such. He said, "Hey you come here" pointing his finger at the guy and the guy realzing that if he his buddies would think he was a wuss. So he did. In a lowered voice Peyton Quinn cut him a deal. He said, "Here is what is gonna happen. If you go over there and stop insulting me I will go over to the table and apoligize to your friends for my earlier comment." (allowing him to save face to avoid conflict). Than I will leave. If you dont' you and I will have problems."
Two things he said from that incident.
1) allow the other to save face to avoid conflict
2) Male Machoism is artificial. Someone sold us that line along time ago. If you don't have control of your macho emotions and hot buttons somebody else will. Which is how he talked the guy into coming over....the guy 's buttons was being percieved as a sissy by his friends. Quinn says find your own buttons and disarm them before time.
The point of that long-winded post is that many times people feel that violence is the only choice or one of two with the other being unacceptable and wheather you are on the recieving end or a 3rd party creating less drastic options can be a social skil worth investing learning time into.