Dear Revoltingest

[savagewind]

The titular salutation must precede every request.

Am I wrong?

Titular; Adjective form of "title."

Dear is not a title. And Revoltingest is his name. Hey Who dropped me off on this planet.

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest,
Did you murder her?

Dear reader,
Thank you for your most insightful request.
But a gentlemen never kills & tells.

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear There is hope in the genetic code,
I have two questions. One is why am I sometimes frightfully undecided what letter or letters to capitalize?
I hope two questions isn't too many.
My second question is why am I not worried that no one is listening?
Signed,
Hopelessly insane

Dear Hopelessly Insane,
Thank you for your double barreled inquiry. Capitalization is a relatively straightforward matter, although you might note that I deviate
from the norm by capitalizing the lesser words (eg, "the", "a", "of") in titles. As long as you capitalize the first letter in proper names,
the 1st letter in the first word in a sentence, & all letters in initialisms & acronyms, you will fare well, & impress your fellows with your
sense of propriety. The reason that you have no worries about attention paid by those who should listen to you is that you are emotionally
mature & secure. Well, it's either that or you are a clueless dolt. But either answer should be cause you to swell with pride.

 

[Revoltingest]

Am I wrong?
Titular; Adjective form of "title."
Dear is not a title. And Revoltingest is his name. Hey Who dropped me off on this planet.

Dear reader,
Thank you for your useful question. "Dear Revoltingest" is a title in the unconventional fashion that "Dear Abby"
became a moniker for Abigail Van Buren. As for who dropped you off on this planet, I believe it was Kleeborg.

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest, the thought of the local Sheriff deputizing me gave me a chubby. Is this natural for an aging man?
I have dreams about the shot show in LasVegas where I have large sums of cash and a badge only to wake up before the dream is complete.

Dear Bulging In Berea,
Your reaction to being given the legal authority to thump the little people is perfectly normal for any red blooded male.
But for an aging fellow, the mere ability to experience such tumescence is a rare & wonderful thing, which makes it
abnormal. I also suggest sleeping in late, so that you may "finish" in Las Vegas.

 

[savagewind]

Dear Secretary,

Why does Revoltingest post a thank you note for frubals? Is it to get some people's dander up? Why would my temperature rise when I see a private message message alert? It is because I tend to think it is not benign whenever I see one.

Me

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear reader,
I currently have no secretary to answer your question of him/her.
(Due to frequent kilt malfunctions, help does not last long here.)

 

[Renji]

Dear Revy,

Will I still have a girlfriend after Se Jin and I cooled off?

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revy,
Will I still have a girlfriend after Se Jin and I cooled off?

Dear Aching In Asia,
Thank you for your question, but I am only able to offer advice & insight, not predictions about the future.
However common sense would suggest you will have a girlfriend, but I don't know who she will be.

 

[Renji]

Dear Aching In Asia,
Thank you for your question, but I am only able to offer advice & insight, not predictions about the future.
However common sense would suggest you will have a girlfriend, but I don't know who she will be.

So what advice can you give me for me to have a new and perhaps better gf? Follow up: Are you happy with your 11"?

And yeah, I like the "aching in Asia" title.

 

[Revoltingest]

So what advice can you give me for me to have a new and perhaps better gf? Follow up: Are you happy with your 11"?
And yeah, I like the "aching in Asia" title.

Dear Aching In Asia,
Thank you for your follow up query. Based upon my extensive research into your posts, I recommend paying attention to your mental health,
continuing to mature, find work you enjoy, & remaining aware of your own & others' humanity. A snappy haircut & a few Hawaiian shirts would
also be a plus. Romance will ensue as surely as the monsoon rains will come. Please inform us all of your amorous adventures as they unfold.

 

[atanu]

Dear Revoltingest

A friend is too shy. He has what is known as Wirey syndrome. He lets out air to relieve distension of abdomen, synchronizing with some sound. Recently, on few occasions, he found passers by looking oddly at him and then he discovered that he was actually on I-pod. He is now afraid of his forgetfulness. Do you have any cure? No no. That's not me, if you were suspecting so.

My friend says thanks.

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest
A friend is too shy. He has what is known as Wirey syndrome. He lets out air to relieve distension of abdomen, synchronizing with some sound. Recently, on few occasions, he found passers by looking oddly at him and then he discovered that he was actually on I-pod. He is now afraid of his forgetfulness. Do you have any cure? No no. That's not me, if you were suspecting so.
My friend says thanks.

Dear Indisposed In India,
Your "friend" would benefit from examining his diet for which foods exacerbate his social malady. He could also try a product called "Beano".
But I caution him to consider how many of his friends enjoy the entertainment value of his emanations, lest he become friendless & alone.
I hope this helps you....er....him.

 

[Reverend Rick]

Dear Revoltingest, I am intrigued by your recent subject of flatulence. I have often enjoyed going to the supermarket and going the opposite way of some of the customers who have to go down every row.
I would let one go and then turn the corner before anyone heard or saw me and go to the next row and do it again stinking up the whole market and enjoy watching people trying to figure out who the offending person was.

Many times they would suspect someone else and I have received intense pleasure from these antics. I have even gone as far as going to taco bell and ordering bean and onion burritos before shopping.

I've found this is a good way to move to the front of the line at the deli as well saving me valuable time and energy. Gut laughing increases this pleasure as well.

Is this normal? Everyone needs a good laugh now and then and it is much cheaper than going to a comedy club with a two drink minimum.

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest, I am intrigued by your recent subject of flatulence. I have often enjoyed going to the supermarket and going the opposite way of some of the customers who have to go down every row.
I would let one go and then turn the corner before anyone heard or saw me and go to the next row and do it again stinking up the whole market and enjoy watching people trying to figure out who the offending person was.
Many times they would suspect someone else and I have received intense pleasure from these antics. I have even gone as far as going to taco bell and ordering bean and onion burritos before shopping.
I've found this is a good way to move to the front of the line at the deli as well saving me valuable time and energy. Gut laughing increases this pleasure as well.
Is this normal? Everyone needs a good laugh now and then and it is much cheaper than going to a comedy club with a two drink minimum.

Dear Cutting In Kentucky,
Thank you for letting this question rip. Your game of "laughing gas" is not only normal, but even is a popular competitive professional sport
in England called "Hide & Squeek". It's origins date back to the 17th century, when British sensibilities were becoming quite stilted & repressed.
So when an irresistible force (nature) met an immovable object (propriety), something had to give, it was personal responsibility which collapsed,
& was replaced with sophisticated blaming rituals. To this day, the well bred Brit will not acknowledge his, hers or anyone else's cutting of the cheese,
lest the law of Smelt-It-Dealt-It be invoked. An example for your viewing pleasure....
[youtube]6_6et9YDxHk[/youtube]
The Queen Farts! - YouTube

 

[Reverend Rick]

Dear Revoltingest, one follow up question if I may......

Is it normal for it to run down your leg when you fart?

Lastly, why do they call it cutting the cheese?

 

[Revoltingest]

Dear Revoltingest, one follow up question if I may......
Is it normal for it to run down your leg when you fart?
Lastly, why do they call it cutting the cheese?

Dear Bonus In Beria,
This is one of the injuries you risk in your sport. To experience this "boxer bonus" is technically known as "sharting",
& is grounds for disqualification from the competitive event. The term of "cut the cheese" originates in France,
where fermented milk products smell the same whether coming or going.

 

[atanu]

Dear Indisposed In India,
Your "friend" would benefit from examining his diet for which foods exacerbate his social malady. He could also try a product called "Beano".
But I caution him to consider how many of his friends enjoy the entertainment value of his emanations, lest he become friendless & alone.
I hope this helps you....er....him.

Hello dear Revoltingest

My friend thanks you. He says his forgetfullness is cured. He ate lots of beans. He now says: beans means fartz. He has visited a real doctor now.

 

[Revoltingest]

Hello dear Revoltingest
My friend thanks you. He says his forgetfullness is cured. He ate lots of beans. He now says: beans means fartz. He has visited a real doctor now.

Dear reader,
Thank you for alerting us all to your....er, your friend's positive outcome.

 

[Renji]

Dear Revy,
Which is more enjoyable, Physics or Calculus?