You put your faith in your personal understanding of God, as viewed through your own lens.
I value controlled studies over anecdotes because it gets us closer to understanding reality. Prayer has never been shown to work at any rate greater than chance. Which is to say it doesn't work. You're the one banking on chance here, apparently.
I can't speak for others, including former Christians, but I believe that praying to God was a complete waste of my time and energy. When I was a child and teenager, I would frantically pray to him, asking and pleading with him to protect me from being abused and bullied both at home and at school. But despite my sincere and desperate prayers to this "loving and merciful" God, I was severely abused and mistreated at home for thirteen and a half years and bullied and harassed at school for twelve years. I stopped praying for a while until I was in my early twenties and the PTSD began to set in, and like a naive fool, I began to pray to God again for help with dealing with the PTSD and comfort in my suffering. But again, all of my sincere prayers apparently fell on deaf ears of my supposedly "heavenly father," or else the so-called loving and merciful God was never present in my life because he doesn't exist.
I don't mind saying that being a devout Christian was very detrimental to my mental health and emotional well-being, and I will never be a Christian again because of everything negative I experienced during the thirty years I was one. I renounced my Christian faith and my belief in God two years ago, and since then, I've learned to stand on my own two feet and care for myself without relying on the biblical God or on my spiritual beliefs. I also realized that my beloved husband of thirty years has been the only caring and loving protector I've ever had in my life. He is the only person that I've ever known in my life who has ever unconditionally loved me, cared for me, provided for me, and protected me from harm. In fact, no one in my adopted family ever tried to protect me from being abused and neglected at home or bullied and harassed at school while I was growing up. Nobody in the rural town I grew up in—not my neighbors, teachers at school, the pastor and congregation of the church I attended, or anyone else—ever tried to protect me from being abused at home and bullied at school. My supposed loving and merciful "heavenly father" never lifted a finger to help or protect me during the years I lived in a living nightmare of constant abuse, bullying, and neglect. To be honest, I saved myself from the abuse and neglect when I stood up against my abusers shortly after I turned eighteen, and I've been standing up for myself ever since. The bullying and harassment at school stopped once I graduated.
If the biblical God really does exist, then he can go to hell as far as I'm concerned. He left me to suffer in an abusive home while growing up. Long story short, I don't need or want him in my life. I don't believe that he deserves my love, respect, or reverence, but I do believe that he has rightfully earned my contempt for him and my loathing of him. I've lived with PTSD and trauma as a result of that abuse all of my adult life. I lived in a living nightmare of abuse while growing up, but I saved myself shortly after I turned eighteen when I physically confronted my abusers and threatened to call the police on them if they ever laid another hand on me. Of course, the bullying and harassment at school stopped once I graduated from high school. I finally realized that I don't need God in my life to experience joy and peace, to be a good person and make moral decisions, or to help me if I need it, heal me if I'm sick, protect me from harm, or save me if my life is in danger. However, I know that I can completely rely on my husband to help me if I need it or if I'm sick, to protect me from harm, or to save my life, as he has done in the past. God, on the other hand, has demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt that I cannot trust and rely on him to help me. And, if he exists, he has proven to me beyond a doubt that he is about as loving and merciful as the deadly king cobra.