divorce and hymen.

[Sahar]

So you can see how simply saying 'married' is too black and white. For instance, a lot of people get married in a non-religious context. And then there are people who make those vows to each other, but do not formally get married. It's about the intentions, the love, the mentality of the people involved, in my opinion, that makes an act better or worse.

Hmmmm....don't know what to say....
Well, Madhuri in that sense I may agree that being married or not won't make a big difference. But to me what makes the difference is God being the source of sacredness of this relationship. So it's a commitment in front of God before anything else.

 

[Sahar]

Kerr and Meow Mix, I hope I replied to you too.

 

[Madhuri]

Hmmmm....don't know what to say....
Well, Madhuri in that sense I may agree that being married or not won't make a big difference. But to me what makes the difference is God being the source of sacredness of this relationship. So it's a commitment in front of God before anything else.

Ok, so it might not be sacred to you if not done before God. But is it dirty? And why?

 

[Kerr]

Hmmmm....don't know what to say....
Well, Madhuri in that sense I may agree that being married or not won't make a big difference. But to me what makes the difference is God being the source of sacredness of this relationship. So it's a commitment in front of God before anything else.

So, the reason you place such weight on marriage is because you believe that when you enter marriage you enter a commitment before God? Lol, now I feel stupid, I should have understood what you meant before. Guess that since I am not religious myself and not used to think in such ways I didn´t think of it . In any case, another question. If two people genuinely love each other and enter a serious relationship, does it matter if it is before God or not if it is done with all their heart in it?

Not sure if that makes sense, so maybe I should explain my position on marriage. In my opinion it is in its ideal form not making a commitment but rather confirming a commitment. The commitment, the love, the beauty, everything that makes a relationship good comes from before marriage, when the people involved decides to enter a serious relationship. A marriage will not save a relationship which is going downhill, and a good relationship does not need marriage to be a commitment. Assuming God exist I do personally not see how entering a relationship before him would make it more then it already is.

 

[Sahar]

Ok, so it might not be sacred to you if not done before God. But is it dirty? And why?

Which it? If it was a relationship of commitment between a man and a woman and binding mutual rights and duties, declaration of this commitment to people and settling down and building a new responsible life together, then this is marriage whether it was in a legal form or not. Of course this is not dirty, it's marriage.

Some interesting stuff:
The US mainstream society today, there has been a steady decrease (40 percent) of marriage annually from 1970 to 2002. The declining marriage rates have reached federal concerns in the past few years with US Congressional committee hearings taking place. As a part of the process toward welfare reform, a study published by the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University , United States explores the state of men and marriage in the United States . A national survey was carried out on male heterosexuals aged 25 to 34. Below are some of the findings. Unmarried Men
The survey found that men today are less likely to consider marriage as a process towards adulthood and building a family than in the past. The reasons for delaying or avoiding marriage given ranged from:

• 74% wanted to have fun and freedom.
• 46% felt the demands of work make it difficult.
• 47% felt that they were not financially buoyant enough to establish a home.
• 40% wanted to hold a nice wedding.
• 36% felt that the single life held more interest.
• 22% felt that the idea of marriage was good for others, but not for them.
• 60% did not trust women to tell the truth about previous relationships.
• 66% were worried about divorce.
• 70% felt that it was acceptable for a woman to have a baby on her own.
• 29% did not want children.
• 62% feared loss of personal freedom.

Which Men Are Marrying and Why?

 

[Sahar]

So, the reason you place such weight on marriage is because you believe that when you enter marriage you enter a commitment before God? Lol, now I feel stupid, I should have understood what you meant before. Guess that since I am not religious myself and not used to think in such ways I didn´t think of it . In any case, another question. If two people genuinely love each other and enter a serious relationship, does it matter if it is before God or not if it is done with all their heart in it?

Not sure if that makes sense, so maybe I should explain my position on marriage. In my opinion it is in its ideal form not making a commitment but rather confirming a commitment. The commitment, the love, the beauty, everything that makes a relationship good comes from before marriage, when the people involved decides to enter a serious relationship. A marriage will not save a relationship which is going downhill, and a good relationship does not need marriage to be a commitment. Assuming God exist I do personally not see how entering a relationship before him would make it more then it already is.

I don't expect those who don't believe or non religious whatever to make this promise in front of God to be marriage.

If it was a relationship of commitment between a man and a woman and binding mutual rights and duties, declaration of this commitment to people and settling down and building a new responsible life together, then this is marriage whether it was in a legal form or not. Of course this is not dirty, it's marriage.

What do you say?

 

[Madhuri]

Which it? If it was a relationship of commitment between a man and a woman and binding mutual rights and duties, declaration of this commitment to people and settling down and building a new responsible life together, then this is marriage whether it was in a legal form or not. Of course this is not dirty, it's marriage.

Ok cool, was interested to know (although im not sure what you mean exactly by 'binding mutual rights and duties').

I have to say, I am disappointed in the way that things are going in society. I am very put off by the growing culture where people go out and have casual sex. While I am not alarmed or offended by people having romantic relationships that involve sex (married or not), I do not like the emphasis on the fun of sex with multiple sexual partners. It is going to the extreme where if a person is in their late teens and hasn't had sex, it's a shock and people wonder what's wrong with you! I can see how this can be very harmful to society.

I will admit that one thing I like about the ideal of Islamic marriage is the way it seems to provide a firm security and the family commitment. In my society, I have to hope that my partner will not cheat on me because it seems like most do cheat

 

[Kerr]

I don't expect those who don't believe or non religious whatever to make this promise in front of God to be marriage.

That was not what I asked . Was asking if two people are truly in love and enters a serious relationship, does it matter if that promise is done before God or between the two individuals?

 

[averageJOE]

No. I don't.

the customs sometimes do. and not every one have the same customs.

you can't find two families in one cummunity having the same(typical) customs.



in my community unfortunately, no not the same.

sorry, but this is reality.



the customs are not fair.

however, Islam do not distinguish between man and women , it look at them the same.

So instead of trying to rise above this ignorant and primitave mentality you believe it's better to just go along with it?