Do common religious beliefs contribute to marital success?

[Trailblazer]

Probably not on my part. There was a woman I was good friends with who was Serbian Orthodox before this but I never wanted to marry her. We even went to movies together and ate dinner after that. Having sex never came up. I remember seeing The Empire Strikes Back with her and she couldn't believe it when Darth Vader said he was Luke's father. I just wanted to be friends with her. It was definitely a big factor that Sara was a Baha'i.

I am glad that at least you admit that you would not marry a non-Baha'i. Others won't admit it.

 

[Apostle John]

-- Are common interests (aside from religious beliefs) enough to hold a marriage together?

I’ve often wondered why homosexuals get married. A few push to get married in church. A homosexual marriage can’t be anything like a Christian marriage.

 

[PearlSeeker]

-- What initially attracted you to your partner and why did you get married? Was it an emotional connection or a sexual attraction or something else?

A combination of everything - visual attraction, emotional connection, character, smile...

-- After that, what held the marriage together? Was it common religious beliefs or common non-belief?

I think it was the same/similar priority of values. For example we both wanted to have kids, marriage and family is important, being faithful is sacred, all money is ours (not my not your) ... Religious belief also played a part but meanwhile I have distanced myself from Christian faith. This isn't an obstacle because I still participate in the community and have nothing against my wife's faith and Christian values.

My wife is my best friend. The no. 1 person. No one is so close to me. I enjoy her company, talking... We (try to) respect each other... We have small fights but we quickly forgive each other... We have a weekly hour for just the two of us...

-- Are common interests (aside from religious beliefs) enough to hold a marriage together?

I don't have a recipe. I only know what worked for us. It's certainly good to have some common activity even if it's just watching a TV series. Everything that connects is welcome but I don't think it's enough (for us). It's what we call "healthy relationship" that holds together - respect, good communication, understanding... And common values (aside from religious beliefs).

 

[Trailblazer]

A combination of everything - visual attraction, emotional connection, character, smile...

I think it was the same/similar priority of values. For example we both wanted to have kids, marriage and family is important, being faithful is sacred, all money is ours (not my not your) ... Religious belief also played a part but meanwhile I have distanced myself from Christian faith. This isn't an obstacle because I still participate in the community and have nothing against my wife's faith and Christian values.

My wife is my best friend. The no. 1 person. No one is so close to me. I enjoy her company, talking... We (try to) respect each other... We have small fights but we quickly forgive each other... We have a weekly hour for just the two of us...

I don't have a recipe. I only know what worked for us. It's certainly good to have some common activity even if it's just watching a TV series. Everything that connects is welcome but I don't think it's enough (for us). It's what we call "healthy relationship" that holds together - respect, good communication, understanding... And common values (aside from religious beliefs).

Thanks for sharing. I had all that once, and my husband was my best friend, but I was widowed last year after 37 years of marriage.
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, and there is nothing we can do about it but try to continue living. It's not easy.

I don't know if I will ever get married again but I leave that to fate, which is the will of God.

 

[Trailblazer]

I’ve often wondered why homosexuals get married.

Probably because they love each other.

 

[Apostle John]

Probably because they love each other.

Maybe. Is marriage necessary to show love?

 

[Trailblazer]

Maybe. Is marriage necessary to show love?

No, not necessarily, but I don't know what you mean by love. What kind of love?

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

Why do people marry a person whose beliefs are very different or even diametrically opposed to their own beliefs? The reason I am thinking about this is because I was widowed but I would like to get married again someday, so I am thinking about what kind of man I would want to marry. Another reason I am thinking about this is because an atheist posted questions about a Baha’i getting married to an atheist on a Baha’i forum since he is engaged to a Baha’i woman. This man takes issue with the Baha’i wedding ceremony wherein the only wedding vow is “Verily we will all abide by the will of God.” This atheist said that he cannot say that vow because he does not believe a single word of it and in fact, he opposes it because he said that he would never submit to any God, even if God was to suddenly appear before him!

I am not saying I think that partners have to have the same religious beliefs, or that believer should not marry a nonbeliever. I can imagine myself marrying an agnostic atheist, but I cannot imagine myself being married to a man who feels that way about God, and Baha’i beliefs about God are clearly opposite to that sentiment, since we are to submit to God under all circumstances. So, I have to wonder what the basis is for such a marriage. I think it must be romantic love, although I might be wrong, but is this a good enough reason to get married?

This might sound like a silly question but I am wondering why people get married, aside from romantic love. When people are younger, I can kind of understand marrying for that reason, but I don’t understand why older people would marry for that reason. If I ever get married again it will be for love and companionship, not romance.

So, if you are married, or if you had been married, I have some questions for you:

-- What initially attracted you to your partner and why did you get married? Was it an emotional connection or a sexual attraction or something else?

-- After that, what held the marriage together? Was it common religious beliefs or common non-belief?

-- Are common interests (aside from religious beliefs) enough to hold a marriage together?

I think we all know marriage is not easy, although it seems so easy for some people I know, but these are all Baha’is married to Baha’is or Christians married to Christians, so I imagine that is a big part of what holds those marriages together. On the other hand, I was reading further down in that thread and an atheist Baha’i man who is married to a Baha’i woman said that most of his wife’s Baha’i friends are married to atheist or agnostic men, and they live in the United States. He also said that ironically, he had found the Baha'i/Atheist marriages have all lasted longer than many of Baha'i/Baha'i marriages he has encountered.

Since they live in the United States where the majority of people are Christians, that made me wonder why a Baha’i would marry an atheist rather than a Christian, and that made me wonder how many Baha’is are married to Christians, and how many Christians are married to atheists. I do a lot of wondering.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I married a Baha’i, but that was not because I was looking for a Baha’i, as I was not even looking for a man or to get married. I met him through my sister and my mother. I can safely say that the Baha’i Faith is what held our marriage together, against all odds, but not all Baha’is stay together as we did, many get divorced. We also had some common interests, mainly the cats, and we had similar dysfunctional family backgrounds, so we had an emotional connection from the very start.

I had been thinking that if I get married again, it would have to be to a Baha’i, but my thinking has changed. For one thing, there are very few Baha’is in my age range to pick from and the chances of me finding a Baha’i man who just happens to want to get married is highly unlikely, especially since I do not go to Baha’i activities where I might meet a man. But even if I met a Baha’i man there is no guarantee we would have compatible personalities, interests and lifestyles.

I can envision myself married to a Christian man as long as he was not antagonistic towards my Baha’i beliefs, since our beliefs about God would be similar. I can also see myself married to an atheist or an agnostic man, since I respect both positions. The only problem I foresee with marrying an atheist man would be if he was an atheist who had negative ideas about God.

All that being said, if I ever marry again, I believe it will be whoever God has destined for me to marry, just like the first time, and if I never marry again, that will also be my destiny. I believe that any effort I put forth has very little to do with what will happen to me.

I think differing beliefs can work as long as there's mutual respect.

In my first marriage, I would say that there was no respect from my ex for my beliefs or conscience, and this was key in our divorce.

I remarried; my (current) wife and I don't have identical beliefs, but we do respect each other, so we're good.

 

[Apostle John]

No, not necessarily, but I don't know what you mean by love. What kind of love?

Can they not just show each other friendship without going through wedding vows etc. I don’t know I have never been in that position.

 

[Trailblazer]

I think differing beliefs can work as long as there's mutual respect.

In my first marriage, I would say that there was no respect from my ex for my beliefs or conscience, and this was key in our divorce.

I remarried; my (current) wife and I don't have identical beliefs, but we do respect each other, so we're good.

I am glad your remarriage has worked out. I can only hope I will find someone and get married again.

 

[Trailblazer]

Can they not just show each other friendship without going through wedding vows etc. I don’t know I have never been in that position.

Why do you have a problem with them going through the wedding vows?

 

[Sand Dancer]

I’ve often wondered why homosexuals get married. A few push to get married in church. A homosexual marriage can’t be anything like a Christian marriage.

They get married for the same reasons heterosexuals do. What's a Christian marriage? Christians, especially conservative ones, have a higher divorce rate. Christian homosexuals can get married in churches.

 

[Jayhawker Soule]

I suspect that common religious beliefs is far less important than intentional mutual respect.

 

[Truthseeker]

That makes my point about Baha'is only marrying Baha'is. I have my own ideas as to why this is the case.

I did say I don't know if Sheryl Jones was a Baha'i when Rick Jones married her, because I was away from the Kettering Baha'i community at that time. She was a Baha'i when she died. I had never heard of her before she married Rick. That might indicate she wasn't a Baha'i then.

No, I didn't literally say all of the above, of course.

 

[Truthseeker]

I am glad that at least you admit that you would not marry a non-Baha'i. Others won't admit it.

It was an important factor that you were a Baha'i when I became close friends with you. I hope that's not being too honest. I think other people around here won't like it and maybe you won't like it.

Being of the same religion really shouldn't be as big of a factor as it is with me when I form relationships.

 

[Apostle John]

They get married for the same reasons heterosexuals do. What's a Christian marriage? Christian homosexuals can get married in churches.

I have heard they can get married in a few churches but it isn’t a Christian marriage if they do not observe the Bible and God’s Word.

 

[Sand Dancer]

I have heard they can get married in a few churches but it isn’t a Christian marriage if they do not observe the Bible and God’s Word.

They do though. Societal and historical context matters. Leviticus was to separate the Hebrews from the other tribes. Whatever the other tribes did was bad. Also, they didn't know about sexual orientation back then. Greek men had sex with women for babies and with male slaves for fun. They were not allowed to have sex with someone of the same societal rank from them. Anyway, no one obeys 100% of the bible, nor could you without getting arrested. We have to use new knowledge, not 2,000 year old knowledge.

 

[Kathryn]

I personally think the fewer things to argue about, the better. That's my short and sweet answer.

 

[Apostle John]

They do though. Societal and historical context matters. Leviticus was to separate the Hebrews from the other tribes. Whatever the other tribes did was bad. Also, they didn't know about sexual orientation back then. Greek men had sex with women for babies and with male slaves for fun. They were not allowed to have sex with someone of the same societal rank from them. Anyway, no one obeys 100% of the bible, nor could you without getting arrested. We have to use new knowledge, not 2,000 year old knowledge.

Practising homosexuals will not go to heaven even if they are lucky enough to get married in some church. Historically, it is written in the Bible about Sodom and Gomorrah even if you or anyone else go around falsely preaching it never happened. Homosexuals, wanting to be part of the church, should be aware of the verses in the Bible against homosexual practice and not want to undermine God’s Word. There is no evidence today what causes homosexuality so no knowledge today. I obey all of the Bible.

 

[Sand Dancer]

Practising homosexuals will not go to heaven even if they are lucky enough to get married in some church. Historically, it is written in the Bible about Sodom and Gomorrah even if you or anyone else go around falsely preaching it never happened. Homosexuals, wanting to be part of the church, should be aware of the verses in the Bible against homosexual practice and not want to undermine God’s Word. There is no evidence today what causes homosexuality so no knowledge today. I obey all of the Bible.

Ezekiel 16:48-49 talks about the real sins of S&G. Your rebuttals are why I have no interest in becoming Christian again, although the progressive Christians could possibly maybe woo me back. At least they try to be Christ-like. Did you stone your child for being mouthy? Have you killed any witches lately? It's biblical.