If you're ok with 10 cats then that's fine. My ex had cats and they started accumulating. She wanted cats so she could stop the loneliness and because should thought they'd never leave her.
Well, cats are good company but that is a double-edged sword because cats usually die before we do. So the irony is that they DO leave us. If one does not want to be lonely it would have been better to have children because they usually outlive their parents.
I have never been lonely but that is not because of the cats. I really do not need people or animals around in order to not be lonely. I like being alone and I never get lonely because my mind is always active.
I love all animals. The cats are better company than people because people just chat about the most trivial things. At least cats do not talk, they are just there. I do not mind talking to people about things that matter, like on these forums, but I am not going to waste my precious time talking about houses, cars, vacations, clothes, hairdos, food, and all the materialistic things people talk about... bor-ing.
This is why you both have to talk about your and his emotions. If neither of you know how each other feels, how can anything be solved?
That’s correct. I talk to him about my emotions all the time so he has a pretty good idea how I feel about everything. He is the one who won’t open up. I guess it is a trust issue and he has said as much. It is like pulling teeth to get him to talk about how he feels. In one breath he says he is in physical and psychic pain, and then he says he is just fine, that nothing is really wrong. Those two states of mind are contradictory so what am I to do with that?
I think he is unhappy with our lifestyle but he never thinks about what he could do to change it, he just keeps doing the same things over and over again. Granted there is not that much we can do to change our lifestyle right now, but we could do small things, like going out to eat or for a drive. It’s not like we are on a budget, we have lots of money. I am no help because I do not do anything different either, but at least I think about it and hope for it, whereas he is just settled into a routine.
Yes, I think so too. Blaming yourself is probably one of the worst things possible you could do to yourself and it's also a double edged sword.
I know that blaming myself is not good, but don’t you think that is better than blaming others? I am getting better at not blaming myself and I think that is because I do not really feel guilty like I used to because I think I am doing the best I can with my difficult living situation. But I still do blame myself and it is usually related to something happening to an animal. I will even blame myself if a bird gets hurt and I cannot save him. But really, whose fault is it if I did everything I could DO to save him?
This might sound silly to you as an atheist, but I think it is really God’s fault that wild animals die, because that is how God set up the Creation. So much for the loving God.
Usually females are better at emotional intelligence. If you are emotionally developing and he is not, then you need to take note of that.
I am always emotionally and mentally developing, but I have no idea what goes on in his head most of the time. The only time I find anything out is when we have a fight and things get revealed.
Actually, he is much more emotional than I am, and that’s the problem. I am very analytical and logical so it is difficult for me to deal with his emotions when he is irrational. Mostly it is just anxiety, but it is over things that don’t really matter, like he misplaced something or he thinks he has so much to do and not enough time to do it. I cannot make him understand that whatever it was it will turn up and even if it doesn’t it is not the end of the world. I cannot make him understand he has plenty of time. I am the one who has little time. He just gets argumentative when I point these things out even when I am nice in doing so.
I have anxiety too, but it is related to being in cars in traffic and things happening to animals and these are real fears over things that matter. I have a reason to be afraid in cars, the way many people drive, and I have a reason to be afraid of animals getting sick and dying given how many cats we have lost.
Why do you love the cats more than yourselves?
Now, that is a loaded question, and I can only speak for myself. It is not my belief that I should love myself, although I think it is okay to take care of my basic needs and maybe have some fun once in a while.I do not buy psychological theory that loving oneself is a good thing because that goes against my religious beliefs that say that we should love God and others more than ourselves.
Self-care is one thing, but I believe that selfishness is the root of all evil. True happiness does not come from fulfilling one’s selfish desires; physical pleasure and material happiness are fleeting. Connections with people is meaningful and it promotes spiritual growth but I do not consider socializing connecting if all people talk about is superficial things.
This is maybe something to think about. You may have wants but you don't know what they are, yet.
I have some wants that I know about but they are not needs, so that is why they fall by the wayside. However, if I had more free time I could be doing some things I used to do that I am not doing now. Just going out to eat once in a while would be something different, and I know I could get my husband on board with that. I also like to travel but I cannot see us going together because someone has to take care of the cats. We used to hire a pet sitter but now we also have outdoor animals and birds we feed, so I cannot expect a pet sitter to do all of that.
I guess if I was motivated enough I could find someone, but right now I am too busy with other things. I have it in my mind that I might take a trip by myself, but I do not like driving or flying, so I would go on Amtrak. I have several atheist friends I met on forums and they all live near one another in the Midwest, and I told them that eventually I will come over and meet them. They have all been retired for years. I used to travel alone before I got married so it is no big deal. My husband would not care if I left him at home, he has plenty to do and he has his routine. Neither one of us wants to leave the cats but he worries more about that than I do. When we used to have only four cats, we took them with us on trips, so that solved the problem.
I've noticed that you have difficulty differentiating between hardships in life vs emotional turmoil. People may have many hardships in life but stay content. However, someone may have few hardships or many and be miserable.
People vary in their hereditary constitution. I have a predisposition to anxiety and depression since both my parents had these and my sister and brother also had these conditions. My brother has managed it with natural remedies but my mother and sister were on antidepressants. My father had all kinds of coping mechanisms; drinking, smoking and overeating as well as collecting things. He died in 1964, before antidepressants were in common use. Many years ago, I took psychotropic drugs but then I went for homeopathic treatment and never needed drugs again. Another way I deal with my feelings is that I write, as you can see.
I do not think that most people have had the hardships or the emotional turmoil I have had in my life. You do not even know the half of it. I know how most people live because I have worked in an office with people from 42 years.
For those who do have hardships, I think one big reason most people can cope with hardships is because they have family and friends. I have opted out of having children and all my family except my brother are deceased. I could have more friends if I wanted them, but that is yet another responsibility. It is much easier to have my friends on forums rather than in person. That could change when I am ready to change it, after I retire and have more time.
Another way people cope with hardships is to grab onto the material world and all it has to offer. They buy stuff, eat, drink, have sex, go on vacations, etc. They use these things to cope, but I do not want to live for the world because I lived that way for years and I now know it brings no true happiness. Besides that, living that way is the opposite of what Baha’u’llah has enjoined me to do. I am either going to be a Baha’i or not, I cannot be a hypocrite.
I've noticed you tend to use the two interchangeable as if they're the same thing or similar. At one instance you're talking about your relationship with your husband and the next weeds and bushes. I've noticed this in quite a few posts. Why do you think you do that?
I am very tangential in my thinking so that is why I jump all over the board, but also I have a lot going on and these things are related to one another. My husband should be happy that the handyman just did all the yard work I had wanted him to do and the plumbing. There is a list of additional things the handyman is going to do and I know I will feel a whole lot better once some of these things are done. My physical environment has a big effect upon my mood because I am very visual. I can imagine myself being much happier in a spiffy condo but we have to have the house because of the cats. But would I really be happier? The grass is always greener on the other side.
I probably sound unhappier than I really am because of course I am talking about my problems, not the good things in my life. I really do not have anything to complain about because I am very well off financially, I have perfect heath, a stable marriage, a job that I like, and I could retire right now if I wanted to.
As I think I told you before, it is the houses that have caused most my grief. I let them go because I was spending too much time on forums, but now I have finally decided to cut back how many posts I engender so I can take care of the houses and yards. The two tenants I have now are long term and I have a good working relationship with them, so I do not see myself having any problems with them. As such, my life has the potential to stabilize, but I live one day at a time and rarely think about the future.I do the best I can and deal with whatever happens as it comes along.
