Do your best to enjoy this life

[atanu]

I find it so sad ....

I can only repeat what you said “Do your best to enjoy .......” and “Don’t be sad”.

 

[bobhikes]

You have this backwards.

it's not about you conforming to everybody else's expectations...if I want to 'marry into another religion,' or have a same sex partner (neither one of which I did or want to do, btw...) I am not responsible for making everybody else pleased with me.

I AM responsible for not deliberately going out of my way to make others UNhappy for the purpose of making other people unhappy.

If I fall in love and want to marry a Presbyterian, for instance, and I marry him because I think he and I will be happier together than we would be apart, that's one thing.

Man, he'd have to be one hot Presbyterian...and someone that good wouldn't want to marry me. Whew. I'm safe.

If I deliberately go out and marry someone out of my faith BECAUSE I want to rebel and 'show' the folks I 'come from' that I'm really independent and that they aren't the boss of me? Well, that's an entirely different matter, wouldn't you say? that is making everybody unhappy. What's the point?

If what brings you happiness is 'showing up' others, or proving to them that you 'think for yourself' (when in reality you are proving a group-think lock step rebellion that looks just like every other group-think lock step rebellion) then...shrug..you are going to be unhappy and you won't have anybody to blame but yourself...even as you blame everybody else.

We are all in charge of our own happiness, I think....

I am happy being with happy people. If I can help them be that way, everybody wins. I don't mean 'martyring myself,' or giving up every dream in order to put their opinions first, but rather...not going out of my way to destroy others, and not making THEM responsible for my own happiness.

I just don't get all the angst. You do your own happiness stuff. You do yours, I'll do mine, don't blame everybody else, and if we all did that, we'd have a lot less....whatever this complaining about how our happiness is sabotaged by everybody else, and our misery is everybody else's fault.

Look. I'm a widow. I have terminal cancer. I'm on chemotherapy that does some really...interesting...stuff to the body. I'm broke and I'm broken...and I'm quite happy, thank you.

I'm happy because every day brings some small joy, and gives me a chance to bring a little joy to someone else. Not 'save the world' joy, but 'darn, I look good today" joy, or "I spent all this money on my hair and a stranger thinks I look good" joy, or the delight I feel when I see my son get silly over his newborn daughter, or making it through a row or two of a lace shawl without my hands cramping, or reading something fun, or seeing a stupid kitten video, or finding out that I do TOO have something to wear to jury duty on Monday, or..???

So stop obsessing over what everybody else thinks, and how the world is going to hell and it's everybody else's fault, and just enjoy the things that are enjoyable.

And wait out the things that aren't.

My challenge was to the OP (which is changed now). The OP indicated paraphrased, that you should concentrate on you own happiness and that is how you can spread happiness. My opinion If everyone seeks out just there happiness without thinking of others or refraining they will cause more unhappiness (to others) then they will have in there life. That's not to say that you shouldn't seek out happiness even if it will make others unhappy just that you need to be aware of the cost when you decide. There is no perfect fix to make everyone happy every choice you make has consequences for others and the more involved in your life the greater the consequences. Not acknowledging those consequences may make you very happy and others miserable.

 

[YoursTrue]

My challenge was to the OP (which is changed now). The OP indicated paraphrased, that you should concentrate on you own happiness and that is how you can spread happiness. My opinion If everyone seeks out just there happiness without thinking of others or refraining they will cause more unhappiness (to others) then they will have in there life. That's not to say that you shouldn't seek out happiness even if it will make others unhappy just that you need to be aware of the cost when you decide. There is no perfect fix to make everyone happy every choice you make has consequences for others and the more involved in your life the greater the consequences. Not acknowledging those consequences may make you very happy and others miserable.

According to a tried and true concept, there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving. Does that mean if I receive goodness from someone I will be less happy than if I gave it? It's relative, so I will work on being giving so I can have more happiness.

 

[dianaiad]

OK, I agree with many of your thoughts. Yes, little things can mean a lot, that is true. About your last comment, though, regarding Hallmark cards and diabetes, what do you mean?
But I do agree that we can uplift one another with little things.

Whenever I start talking that way, I get greeted, by many, with comments about how saccharine my thoughts are...and mocking comments about greeting cards with cliche'd verses and too much sugar show up.

(shrug)

Just trying to head that off.

The thing is, doing those little things actually works. What can I say?

 

[dianaiad]

According to a tried and true concept, there is more happiness in giving than there is in receiving. Does that mean if I receive goodness from someone I will be less happy than if I gave it? It's relative, so I will work on being giving so I can have more happiness.

I have found that to be true. There is more happiness in handing it out than there is in receiving it from others, though there is nothing wrong with accepting good things from others. It's just...more fun to give it.

But it's also a real blessing to receive it with grace, too. I love it when someone simply accepts help without getting all weirded out about it. If you get help, or a compliment, or something...just say thank you and hand it on 'up.'

Doesn't matter if you are theist or atheist or agnostic or ignostic or whatever. It works.

 

[dianaiad]

I am sorry to hear of your terminal cancer.

Yeah, me too, and thanks.

'course, this IS the kind that, while it can't be cured, CAN have very long remissions. I'm nearly 70. A ten year remission would be just fine with me. I'm not going to croak in three months or anything.

And yes, little joys mean a lot. But on the other hand, we simply should not overlook the world's problems. Not that I can solve them, but I put my faith and trust in God to solve the things I cannot, and I like to share that faith with others.

Y'know, I have the oddest feeling that if each and every one of us would take care of the 'little joys,' the big problems would take care of themselves.

You know....like cleaning up your own mile of freeway? Everybody does that, and suddenly we don't have trash all over everywhere.

Putting solar panels on your own roof? Do that and suddenly we don't need to be burning coal to get energy.

Treat your neighbor with kindness and be willing to help her get her lawn mowed, or his dog walked...or gather 'em all together to help load the truck going to somewhere that just got flooded out? Starvation gone. Wars not fought.

We CAN'T, individually, deal with the big problems. We can deal with the small, local ones.

Take care of our own little bits, and the big bits just...aren't there any more.

 

[Saint Frankenstein]

I find it so sad that some people spend more time looking skywards anticipating some sort of afterlife, than trying to enjoy their present existence.

Of course one will face trials and tribulations, but with luck one will also have good times as well. I am fortunate that my husband and I have wonderful children and grandchildren. I think one should do one's best to help others less fortunate if one can, which can help to give one's life meaning. If you spend too much time soaking up religion instead of getting out there and doing something worthwhile it makes you less of a person, imo.

The two aren't mutually exclusive. The vast majority of religions aren't world-denying.

 

[YoursTrue]

Whenever I start talking that way, I get greeted, by many, with comments about how saccharine my thoughts are...and mocking comments about greeting cards with cliche'd verses and too much sugar show up.

(shrug)

Just trying to head that off.

The thing is, doing those little things actually works. What can I say?

I am sure you are correct in that, thanks for explaining.

 

[Shia Islam]

I find it so sad that some people spend more time looking skywards anticipating some sort of afterlife, than trying to enjoy their present existence.

Of course one will face trials and tribulations, but with luck one will also have good times as well. I am fortunate that my husband and I have wonderful children and grandchildren. I think one should do one's best to help others less fortunate if one can, which can help to give one's life meaning. If you spend too much time soaking up religion instead of getting out there and doing something worthwhile it makes you less of a person, imo.

Whether you enjoy it or not, life is short, and will finish soon..

Looking at those in the graveyards, the one who enjoyed his life does not seem much luckier than the one who did not..

 

[Truly Enlightened]

I find it so sad that some people spend more time looking skywards anticipating some sort of afterlife, than trying to enjoy their present existence.

Of course one will face trials and tribulations, but with luck one will also have good times as well. I am fortunate that my husband and I have wonderful children and grandchildren. I think one should do one's best to help others less fortunate if one can, which can help to give one's life meaning. If you spend too much time soaking up religion instead of getting out there and doing something worthwhile it makes you less of a person, imo.

What I find so hard to understand, is why billions of people spend the best part of their lives, preparing for another life after they're dead.

 

[dianaiad]

Whether you enjoy it or not, life is short, and will finish soon..

Looking at those in the graveyards, the one who enjoyed his life does not seem much luckier than the one who did not..

That, again, is backwards. Looking at those in the graveyards, the one who did not enjoy his life doesn't seem to be any more virtuous, rewarded, or accomplished than the one who did not.

Whether there is an afterlife or not (and I do believe that there is one), all we really know is what we have now. So find joy now. (shrug)

Most religions, come to think of it, emphasize the importance of the life we live now, whether there is a 'life after' or not.

My own belief system has scriptures besides the Bible...we do believe in the Bible, btw, but the following verse is from the Book of Mormon:

Alma 34:32: “This life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men to perform their labors.”

In other words, don't get all excited about the 'next life.' NOW is the time to 'perform [your] labors." Now is the time to find joy, or help others, or 'prepare to meet God." Now is the time. Now is the time to be happy, to provide happiness to others, to find and spread joy, because, well, we don't KNOW what happens after we die.

We may believe, and have faith in an afterlife, but now is the time to do, to help, to feel, to be.

 

[Shia Islam]

Looking at those in the graveyards, the one who did not enjoy his life doesn't seem to be any more virtuous, rewarded, or accomplished than the one who did not.

Who claimed the opposite?!

 

[dianaiad]

Who claimed the opposite?!

This was in reply to your statement: Looking at those in the graveyards, the one who enjoyed his life does not seem much luckier than the one who did not..

Just looking at the issue from the other side. I find your observation to be terminally gloomy. I don't need...and don't 'do,' gloomy.

Got enough reality in my life to be looking at existential reasons to be depressed.

 

[loverofhumanity]

I find it so sad that some people spend more time looking skywards anticipating some sort of afterlife, than trying to enjoy their present existence.

Of course one will face trials and tribulations, but with luck one will also have good times as well. I am fortunate that my husband and I have wonderful children and grandchildren. I think one should do one's best to help others less fortunate if one can, which can help to give one's life meaning. If you spend too much time soaking up religion instead of getting out there and doing something worthwhile it makes you less of a person, imo.

I agree that our lives should have balance but that we should not be negligent about the state and condition of humanity. You know the saying that things like evil dominate when good people don’t speak up?

These are the very best words I could find to express what I feel about this topic.

Is it possible for one member of a family to be subjected to the utmost misery and to abject poverty and for the rest of the family to be comfortable? It is impossible unless those members of the family be senseless, atrophied, inhospitable, unkind. Then they would say, “Though these members do belong to our family — let them alone. Let us look after ourselves. Let them die. So long as I am comfortable, I am honored, I am happy — this my brother — let him die. If he be in misery let him remain in misery, so long as I am comfortable. If he is hungry let him remain so; I am satisfied. If he is without clothes, so long as I am clothed, let him remain as he is. If he is shelterless, homeless, so long as I have a home, let him remain in the wilderness.”

Such utter indifference in the human family is due to lack of control, to lack of a working law, to lack of kindness in its midst. If kindness had been shown to the members of this family surely all the members thereof would have enjoyed comfort and happiness. – Abdu’l-Baha, Foundations of World Unity, p. 39.

 

[Shia Islam]

This was in reply to your statement: Looking at those in the graveyards, the one who enjoyed his life does not seem much luckier than the one who did not..

Just looking at the issue from the other side. I find your observation to be terminally gloomy. I don't need...and don't 'do,' gloomy.

Got enough reality in my life to be looking at existential reasons to be depressed.

Man tends to deceive himself..

It's all just like a Mirage..
Youth will soon become old age..
Heath will become sickness..
Live will become dead..

Let us face the reality!

 

[dianaiad]

Man tends to deceive himself..

It's all just like a Mirage..
Youth will soon become old age..
Heath will become sickness..
Live will become dead..

Let us face the reality!

Young people will become old people...if they are lucky.
But they are young now.
Healthy people may become ill...
But they are healthy now.
Those who are alive will someday die. All live things eventually die.
But they are alive now.

Do not give today's joys to tomorrow's sorrow. Sorrow will come, or it will not, and the morning is lovely today.

And tomorrow MAY be just as lovely.

Or lovely in a different way.

Or not...but why worry about that, when today is here, and lovely, and worth living in?

For what it's worth, here's my advice:

On sunny days, enjoy the sun....and fix the roof so that on stormy days you can enjoy the sound of the rain.
But for crying out loud, don't spend your time bemoaning the clouds that do not, as yet, appear.

 

[dianaiad]

Final thoughts on happiness:

 

[Spartan]

I find it so sad that some people spend more time looking skywards anticipating some sort of afterlife, than trying to enjoy their present existence.

Of course one will face trials and tribulations, but with luck one will also have good times as well. I am fortunate that my husband and I have wonderful children and grandchildren. I think one should do one's best to help others less fortunate if one can, which can help to give one's life meaning. If you spend too much time soaking up religion instead of getting out there and doing something worthwhile it makes you less of a person, imo.

Actively religious people happier than others...

Are religious people happier, healthier? Our new global study explores this question

Life must suck being a skeptic.

 

[The Reverend Bob]

Actively religious people happier than others...

Are religious people happier, healthier? Our new global study explores this question

Life must suck being a skeptic.

Because opiates are one hell of a drug.

 

[JJ50]

Actively religious people happier than others...

Are religious people happier, healthier? Our new global study explores this question

Life must suck being a skeptic.

My life was so much better when I lost my faith by the time I married at the age of 19, my husband had lost his faith too, and he never missed it either.