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I make no assumptions, I am saying if you make a child, it is your responsibility to ensure that child can succeed in life. The child did not choose to be born. If you are married and have a child, it is best that you stay together and resolve your differences until that child reaches adulthood. This is also proven through multiple studies. Children raised in a 2-parent family have a better outcome then children raised by divorced or single parents. If you will make a miserable life for your children by being married, then the divorce needs to put the children's need first and the parents needs second. You made the children and have the responsibility to give them the best chance at life possible or else you shouldn't have them. As to the OP, if you are going to have a 3-year contract, it is fine as long as there is no kids involved. If you plan to have kids, you should have to extend the contract until you kids reach adulthood. If you cannot do that don't have kids. This is all opinion as neither the 3-year plan nor my 18-year plan are ever going to exist.You are assuming that unhappy marriages, or marriages that are merely a facade are in the best interest of the children. I didn't intend to get this serious in this thread, but since you bring up the topic of children -- The scientific consensus on the effects of unhappy marriages on children highlights several significant impacts. Children in homes with constant conflict or stress may develop issues such as chronic depression or behavioral problems. They often internalize their parents' conflicts, which can lead to low self-esteem and self-doubt. These children might blame themselves for their family's unhappiness and question their actions and worth.
When people say think of the children, what they are really saying is think of the idealistic and unrealistic attitudes of tradition.
4 Reasons Why a Bad Marriage Is Worse for Children Than Divorce
Staying in a toxic marriage can cause more damage than good. Here's how:www.psychologytoday.com
How Staying in an Unhappy Marriage Can Affect Your Children | Weiss-Kunz & Oliver, LLC
What are some ways staying in an unhappy marriage can affect your children? Contact an Elmhurst divorce attorney for details and assistance.www.wkofamilylaw.com
I'm not sure about that. Marriages usually don't come with an end of term agreement. Divorces and separations are usually unplanned events resulting in custody battles.
Perhaps that would be something to work out in the 'contract details'.
You get this is a fictional contract that is proposed I would be against because it doesn't take into consideration children. It prioritizes the parents and I will not except that. If you have kids in this proposed 3-year contract, you should be made aware that you have an 18-year contract now to take care of the kids. The kids will be a priority if you decide to get divorced. I get the world is messed up and reality is that both parents typically care only about their lives even with kids. The kids are made to make them look good, provide for them or live out the parent's fantasies. But this is a fictional OP neither the 3-year contract or my 18-year contract is ever going to be law because people only care about themselves.
ppp
Well-Known Member
How is that not marriage?
ppp
Well-Known Member
Ok. Let me rephrase. A good grounds for divorce is wanting to no longer be married to that person.
Of course neither will become law.
I was just sayin'... (Keep in mind, I've just gotten out of bed and chose this very complicated post to wake up on!) I wouldn't approve of the contract mentioned(either for 3, 5, or 18 years): either get married, or don't. I don't oppose two people living together without marriage, though. The necessity for marriage always confused me on some level. Not the idea of two people sharing their lives. That makes sense. But that the government steps in... I guess if you have a religious reason, that's great, too. But just because its a societal norm? Don't understand.
I guess I don't know anyone who had kids to make themselves look good. I've heard stories that it can happen, but, never seen it myself. Most had kids because of the desire to become a parent, to share their lives with a child. And most parents balance their needs pretty well with that of their kids. There are a few absolutely terrible parents, but most try their best, succeed reasonably(and a few unbalance the other way and never see to their own needs). At least from what I've seen, in my tiny place in the world.
ppp
Well-Known Member
Citation needed.
ppp
Well-Known Member
Since what you said has no relevance to what I meant, that isn't particularly relevant. But you maintain away.
Who said anything about "getting bored"? You are just shoving your bad faith assumptions in there.
Maintain away, George.
Thanks.
Wu Wei
ursus senum severiorum and ex-Bisy Backson
Legally...no, not good grounds at all.
If you are married and do not want to be, there have to be reasons, beyond boredom and slightly annoyed, or a wandering eye, grass is always greener, attraction to another..... In that case you probably could have saved yourself a lot of trouble and not got married in the first place...but then is you don't want to be married you may want to look at your reasons for getting married in the first place so as not to repeat your mistakes
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While it is true that most parents in a marriage try their best for their kids, almost all the parents I know that are divorced use their kids as pawns to get advantage over the other parent. I've also seen the studies where staying together can be harder on kids then divorced parents that hate each other but where do they get these statistics. Who polls divorced parents to determine if they hated each other and stayed together to raise kids vs hated each other divorced and raised kids. Yes, there are parents that put the kids first both in divorce and marriage and I would bet they have common interest in their Kids so don't hate each other.Of course neither will become law.
I wouldn't approve of the contract mentioned(either for 3, 5, or 18 years): either get married, or don't. I don't oppose two people living together without marriage, though. The necessity for marriage always confused me on some level. Not the idea of two people sharing their lives. That makes sense. But that the government steps in... I guess if you have a religious reason, that's great, too. But just because its a societal norm? Don't understand.
I guess I don't know anyone who had kids to make themselves look good. I've heard stories that it can happen, but, never seen it myself. Most had kids because of the desire to become a parent, to share their lives with a child. And most parents balance their needs pretty well with that of their kids. There are a few absolutely terrible parents, but most try their best, succeed reasonably(and a few unbalance the other way and never see to their own needs). At least from what I've seen, in my tiny place in the world.
ppp
Well-Known Member
I think you undersell your willingness to debate. You simply take the route of innuendo to 'win' as it were.This is why I generally sit out the debate section.
It seems like a feisty attitude is required, and I'm simply too lazy to muster one up for hypothetical scenarios. Not 'in it to win it', don't care. We disagree. That's all.
Thanks for the interesting thread, either way.
Enjoy your morning.
ppp
Well-Known Member
?? Huh? Are you outside the US?
I've heard of the 'pawn' scenario... it disgusts me. Divorce if you must, but don't bring the kids into your issues.
I had a 'whoopsies' pregnancy when I was 20, with my then boyfriend. We stayed together a few years, but I ultimately left. He'd become abusive; I ended up 'sneaking out'(with our son, whom he wasn't capable of raising on his own at that time).
After the dust settled, I tried to befriend him. It completely baffled everyone. Why didn't I want to 'pay him back'? I figured I was stuck dealing with this man on some level, as we would be raising this child together, even if in different houses. Though there was some feistiness when I married(he'd thought I'd come back eventually), he eventually settled to realize he oughta be nice to this new guy who was doing so much for his son, and they became friends, too!
My son is going to be 18 next year... being kind went such a long way. It helped my son to know we were a united front, too.
Here's a few links on handfasting I found interesting, @Jayhawker Soule :
www.brides.com
www.wedding-spot.com
celticlifeintl.com
It seems that the couple generally lived together after the handfasting, and if a child resulted, it was usually made permanent.
Everything to Know About the Handfasting Ceremony
Handfasting is a Celtic tradition usually done during a wedding ceremony. Learn all about the tradition and its meaning straight from an expert and get our top tips on how to make it part of your own big day.
What Is a Handfasting Ceremony? An Ancient Tradition in Modern Times | Wedding Spot Blog
What is a handfasting ceremony, and how did it survive from ancient times to today? We break down this wedding tradition for you.
Handfasting – Celtic Life International
celticlifeintl.com
It seems that the couple generally lived together after the handfasting, and if a child resulted, it was usually made permanent.