Dreading Days

[JustGeorge]

I'm about to begin my day. That wave of dread I've become accustomed to washes over me...

Life hasn't been great lately. Almost every day stinks, and most of it is out of my control. But I've gotta keep trudging along...

I'm not the only person this happens to. People in perilous situations(war zones, debilitating illness, etc) will obviously struggle. But there are other basic issues that will make a person apprehensive about their day: an abnormally long work shift(or a series of them), having to face a depressing event or fear. Perhaps a period of solitude for an extrovert, or a period of bustling and inescapable social activity for an introvert.

Some people are able to perpetually see a bright or optimistic side. Some are not wired for it. Some cope with physical activity. This may not be a reality for all.

How do you cope when the day is dark, and you don't know when(or if) the sun will rise again?

 

[RestlessSoul]

I try to remember the saying, sometimes attributed to Winston Churchill; When you’re going through hell, keep going

 

[Debater Slayer]

How do you cope when the day is dark, and you don't know when(or if) the sun will rise again?

Mindfulness, meditation, and any of various forms of distraction (but never suppression of feelings).

I tend to think of low points and difficult emotions as analogous to isotopes in at least one way: they have a half-life. If I can manage through that half-life without dwelling on the emotions or pursuing hypotheticals in such a way as to extend the half-life, I should be able to weather it.

 

[rocala]

I am very sorry to read of your troubles. I can sympathise as I am having a very bad year. I can only say that I am not a good source of advice lately, so I can only send you my best wishes.

 

[JustGeorge]

Mindfulness, meditation, and any of various forms of distraction (but never suppression of feelings).

I tend to think of low points and difficult emotions as analogous to isotopes in at least one way: they have a half-life. If I can manage through that half-life without dwelling on the emotions or pursuing hypotheticals in such a way as to extend the half-life, I should be able to weather it.

"pursuing hypotheticals in such a way as to extend the half-life"

What would that look like?

I am very sorry to read of your troubles. I can sympathise as I am having a very bad year. I can only say that I am not a good source of advice lately, so I can only send you my best wishes.

I'm sad to read you're having a bad year. I hope things look up for you soon, and that you are able to maintain some glimmer of starlight in your darkness.

 

[Spice]

"This, too, will pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass."

Most of my life I took one of two ways:
Sleep through it, or
Work through it.

But there have certainly been times where I could do neither. Those times usually ended up with me "calling earl" once the initial darkness began to clear.

 

[SalixIncendium]

I learned to live moment to moment rather than guessing what the day will bring. I recognize the positive things the day brings rather than focusing on the negatives.

In my experience, if I begin with the assumption that the day will be as such, that brings a foreboding feeling of dread, and the day usually will be.

 

[Debater Slayer]

"pursuing hypotheticals in such a way as to extend the half-life"

What would that look like?

Oh, I think it can take many, many forms depending on the situation. Some examples off the top of my head:

• "What if the interviewer will be rude to me tomorrow?" and then imagining multiple sub-scenarios based on that, effectively exerting unnecessary mental energy on a hypothetical that may or may not even happen instead of focusing on what one can control about the interview (e.g., preparation and studying) and how to focus on that.

• "[Insert past regret from years ago here] was such a bad decision" and then imagining what one thinks could or would have happened if not for that regret. Okay, what could be done about it now? There's no time travel, so dwelling on the regret is simply pointless now unless it leads to present action or planning involving what one can control.

• The twin of the above type of dwelling: "What if things weren't like this?" and then imagining many scenarios involving the hypothetically different present, amplifying the current distress or pain instead of fully acknowledging that things are like this now and that this acknowledgement is the first step to coping with or, if possible, changing the situation.

There are many other examples. I don't think it's healthy to suppress any of the difficult emotions, as I said; I just try to do what my therapist told me about where I could examine what "message" could be drawn from the emotions (e.g., "This needs to change" or "I need to form a plan to try to tackle this issue") and then letting the emotions dissipate. It can be similar to how physical pain usually alerts us to a medical issue that needs attention, but lamenting the pain without taking steps to treat or manage it, when or if possible, would be unhelpful.

 

[PureX]

I'm about to begin my day. That wave of dread I've become accustomed to washes over me...

Life hasn't been great lately. Almost every day stinks, and most of it is out of my control. But I've gotta keep trudging along...

I'm not the only person this happens to. People in perilous situations(war zones, debilitating illness, etc) will obviously struggle. But there are other basic issues that will make a person apprehensive about their day: an abnormally long work shift(or a series of them), having to face a depressing event or fear. Perhaps a period of solitude for an extrovert, or a period of bustling and inescapable social activity for an introvert.

Some people are able to perpetually see a bright or optimistic side. Some are not wired for it. Some cope with physical activity. This may not be a reality for all.

How do you cope when the day is dark, and you don't know when(or if) the sun will rise again?

I find that 'shrinking my vision" helps. That is to focus only on the immediate task in front of me. That is all I have to "worry about" in this moment: just getting that task resolved. And when it has been resolved, move on to the next most immediate task. One step at a time.

And in doing it this way I find that as the tasks 'pile up' into the future some of them manage to resolve themselves even before I get to them. As that's just the way life is, sometimes. And if I cannot get to them all, then so be it. All I can ever do is what I can do. To expect more than this is just self-destructive grandiosity.

All any of us can do is what we can do. So I see no point if fretting about whatever else is being asked or expected.

 

[JustGeorge]

"This, too, will pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass."

Most of my life I took one of two ways:
Sleep through it, or
Work through it.

But there have certainly been times where I could do neither. Those times usually ended up with me "calling earl" once the initial darkness began to clear.

What's calling earl?

 

[rocala]

call Earl (v.) ( also talk to Earl) (Aus./US) to vomit.

 

[JustGeorge]

call Earl (v.) ( also talk to Earl) (Aus./US) to vomit.

Fortunately, Earl and I don't speak much.

 

[Twilight Hue]

I'm about to begin my day. That wave of dread I've become accustomed to washes over me...

Life hasn't been great lately. Almost every day stinks, and most of it is out of my control. But I've gotta keep trudging along...

I'm not the only person this happens to. People in perilous situations(war zones, debilitating illness, etc) will obviously struggle. But there are other basic issues that will make a person apprehensive about their day: an abnormally long work shift(or a series of them), having to face a depressing event or fear. Perhaps a period of solitude for an extrovert, or a period of bustling and inescapable social activity for an introvert.

Some people are able to perpetually see a bright or optimistic side. Some are not wired for it. Some cope with physical activity. This may not be a reality for all.

How do you cope when the day is dark, and you don't know when(or if) the sun will rise again?

I go only for the finest highest quality dread days. I refuse cheap imitations and substitutes.

 

[JustGeorge]

I go only for the finest highest quality dread days. I refuse cheap imitations and substitutes.

Where do you shop?

 

[anna.]

I'm about to begin my day. That wave of dread I've become accustomed to washes over me...

Life hasn't been great lately. Almost every day stinks, and most of it is out of my control. But I've gotta keep trudging along...

I'm not the only person this happens to. People in perilous situations(war zones, debilitating illness, etc) will obviously struggle. But there are other basic issues that will make a person apprehensive about their day: an abnormally long work shift(or a series of them), having to face a depressing event or fear. Perhaps a period of solitude for an extrovert, or a period of bustling and inescapable social activity for an introvert.

Some people are able to perpetually see a bright or optimistic side. Some are not wired for it. Some cope with physical activity. This may not be a reality for all.

How do you cope when the day is dark, and you don't know when(or if) the sun will rise again?

1. "Do the next thing."

The line is from a poem, author unknown, popularized by Elisabeth Elliot, whose missionary husband was murdered in Ecuador in 1956. This was incredibly helpful to me when I had a severe and debilitating depression which came on during a period of trauma and stress piled on stress. I felt immobilized, like I was in quicksand, moving in slow motion, finding the short walk to the mailbox at the curb to be too difficult a task to manage, and yet I had people who depended on me, and responsibilities that waited for me like an expectant pup at dinnertime, oblivious to my incapability. If I didn't get it done, who would? I know too that wave of dread every morning when I woke up... and remembered.

Part of my way out of that (and I mostly have, for now) was by doing the next thing. No matter how small. Getting out of bed was a big next thing. Brushing my teeth. You have younger children with special challenges, I had teens and young adult children, and a broad range of catastrophes, losses, anxieties, heartbreak, and overwhelming responsibilities to situations and to older and younger family members that I thought was going to crush the life out of me. I'd always thought of myself as a pretty strong and capable person - and I folded like a deck chair.

Anyway. Do the next thing. Write a list of 3 things you can cross off, and make them small things, so you know you can cross them off. Get your boys breakfast. Start a load of laundry. Make one of them going to the bathroom or drinking a glass of water, if you need to. But do the next thing. Because of what follows here:

2. "The good feeling comes after."

This is what my therapist told me, and out of all the therapy I had at that time, this was the one thing that stuck. And she was right. The good feeling does come after. But you have to do the thing first.

So - do the next thing and the good feeling will come after. One minute at a time, one exhausted, numbed, wobbly step at a time. You can do this. And one of these days, I hope your steps will be stronger. And lighter.

Sending you light and love.

 

[JustGeorge]

1. "Do the next thing."

The line is from a poem, author unknown, popularized by Elisabeth Elliot, whose missionary husband was murdered in Ecuador in 1956. This was incredibly helpful to me when I had a severe and debilitating depression which came on during a period of trauma and stress piled on stress. I felt immobilized, like I was in quicksand, moving in slow motion, finding the short walk to the mailbox at the curb to be too difficult a task to manage, and yet I had people who depended on me, and responsibilities that waited for me like an expectant pup at dinnertime, oblivious to my incapability. If I didn't get it done, who would? I know too that wave of dread every morning when I woke up... and remembered.

Part of my way out of that (and I mostly have, for now) was by doing the next thing. No matter how small. Getting out of bed was a big next thing. Brushing my teeth. You have younger children with special challenges, I had teens and young adult children, and a broad range of catastrophes, losses, anxieties, heartbreak, and overwhelming responsibilities to situations and to older and younger family members that I thought was going to crush the life out of me. I'd always thought of myself as a pretty strong and capable person - and I folded like a deck chair.

Anyway. Do the next thing. Write a list of 3 things you can cross off, and make them small things, so you know you can cross them off. Get your boys breakfast. Start a load of laundry. Make one of them going to the bathroom or drinking a glass of water, if you need to. But do the next thing. Because of what follows here:

2. "The good feeling comes after."

This is what my therapist told me, and out of all the therapy I had at that time, this was the one thing that stuck. And she was right. The good feeling does come after. But you have to do the thing first.

So - do the next thing and the good feeling will come after. One minute at a time, one exhausted, numbed, wobbly step at a time. You can do this. And one of these days, I hope your steps will be stronger. And lighter.

Sending you light and love.

I'm glad you were able to keep navigating, and I hope things are easier for you now.

 

[Secret Chief]

I'm about to begin my day. That wave of dread I've become accustomed to washes over me...

Life hasn't been great lately. Almost every day stinks, and most of it is out of my control. But I've gotta keep trudging along...

I'm not the only person this happens to. People in perilous situations(war zones, debilitating illness, etc) will obviously struggle. But there are other basic issues that will make a person apprehensive about their day: an abnormally long work shift(or a series of them), having to face a depressing event or fear. Perhaps a period of solitude for an extrovert, or a period of bustling and inescapable social activity for an introvert.

Some people are able to perpetually see a bright or optimistic side. Some are not wired for it. Some cope with physical activity. This may not be a reality for all.

How do you cope when the day is dark, and you don't know when(or if) the sun will rise again?

This might sound glib, but for me it's just get on with it. It'll be done with and be history. Pay attention to the present and deal with the present.

 

[ChristineM]

How do you cope when the day is dark, and you don't know when(or if) the sun will rise again?

Hoping your says are picking up, you show great strength and fortitude but enough is enough for everyone.

Me I take the bad by the horns and face it, it can't last for ever, hopefully.

 

[Secret Chief]

Me I take the bad by the horns and face it

Give it some krav maga!

 

[Revoltingest]

I'm about to begin my day. That wave of dread I've become accustomed to washes over me...

Life hasn't been great lately. Almost every day stinks, and most of it is out of my control. But I've gotta keep trudging along...

I'm not the only person this happens to. People in perilous situations(war zones, debilitating illness, etc) will obviously struggle. But there are other basic issues that will make a person apprehensive about their day: an abnormally long work shift(or a series of them), having to face a depressing event or fear. Perhaps a period of solitude for an extrovert, or a period of bustling and inescapable social activity for an introvert.

Some people are able to perpetually see a bright or optimistic side. Some are not wired for it. Some cope with physical activity. This may not be a reality for all.

How do you cope when the day is dark, and you don't know when(or if) the sun will rise again?

I have no experience with this.
But one thing that perhaps enables this is
avoiding feeling down about things beyond
my control that go wrong. Accept & move on.
(Things within my control are actually more
stressful because I must plan & act.)

I don't know if this will be useful for others.
And certainly won't always be as easy as
my glibness might suggest.