The point of this thread is:
Is it just to give someone instructions, encourage them, tell them "it's not too difficult", then intentionally make it so difficult that the person is forced to ask for assistance?
It's a morality and ethics question.
Let's say you want to teach your grandchild to ask for help, you think they're too independent and stubborn and arrogant such that they never acknowledge when they need assistance with a task.
So, you make a rule and tell your grandchild:
"I want you to learn to clean your room, There's several good reasons for this. Every morning after breakfast before you go to school there's 30 minutes of time. That's plenty of time to clean your room. It won't be too difficult for you. You can do it. If your room isn't clean, you will be punished. You can't be late for school, you only have 30 minutes, but that's plenty of time, I have faith in you."
Your grandchild loves you, wants you to be pleased, accepts the directive onto themself. To be sure that the rule is followed they write down the rule word for word. In order to be sure that the room is clean, they take extra care of their room the night before. They plan in advance, get everything ready the night before. They contemplate what it means to have a clean room, not wanting to miss any possible detail. And each morning after breakfast, they successfully tidy up their room, making it clean per the directions.
Each morning for a week, you check your grandchild's room, and even though they followed the directions, you are not happy. You wanted them to fail, so that they would learn the lesson that they need to ask for help sometimes. So, the following week, during breakfast, you go into the child's room, and trash it. What ever planning and preparations the child made are now meaningless. The room cannot be cleaned before going to school. Part of the directions given ( please see above ) are "You cannot be late for school". So the child tidies up as best they can, and goes to school, confused about who messed up their room.
The child comes home and their mother is waiting for them. She tells the child ( similar to the prophets in the bible stories )
"Your grandfather is very cross with you. Your room wasn't clean before going to school. You broke your grandfather's rule and now you will be punished."
And the child explains:
"There must be some mistake or misunderstanding, I did my best, I cleaned up my room the night before, but someone went in there and messed it up during breakfast. I went to school on time like he asked, and I tidied up for the entire time I had. Grandfather said it wouldn't be too difficult, if he knew someone sabatoged my room, he will surely understand. Grandfather is just and has faith in me. He told me it wouldn't be too difficult for me."
And the mother says:
"Your grandfather refuses to speak to you, he told me, that you know the rules, you broke the rules, and he won't speak to you again until you follow the rules."
So the grandchild consults the rule as it's written:
- Grandfather wants me to learn to clean my room
- In between breakfast and school I will clean my room for 30 minutes
- Don't be late to school
- If the room isn't clean I will be punished
The grandchild starts to cry. Surely if they cry loud enough and long enough their Grandfather will have pity on them, and they can discuss the situation. The grandchild cries all night, but the grandfather refuses to speak to them.
For years this goes on, the grandchild does their best, tidies their room the night before, makes all the preparations, but during breakfast, Grandfather goes in and trashes the room. The room isn't clean, the child goes to school. When they come home it might be their mother, their father, their brother, sister, aunt or uncle who comes to reprimand the child. And the child cries every night begging for mercy.
Eventually, Grandfather sends a neighbor to talk to the child. The nieghbor stops the child on their way home from school and asks them what's wrong. The child explains:
"My Grandfather refuses to speak to me, he wants me to clean my room before school. So I do my best to make it nice the night before so I can follow his rule in the morning. But every morning during breakfast someone is messing it up, and I can't clean it myself. He also wants me to go to school on time, and I've been doing that, but the room isn't perfectly clean. I've been crying out to my Grandfather every night, but he won't listen."
So the neighbor suggests:
"Maybe if you had some help cleaning your room in the morning. Then you could follow the rule?"
The child responds:
"I wrote down the rule when it was given, I am supposed to clean my room myself. He didn't tell me to ask for help. Grandfather wants me to learn to do it. He said it would not be too difficult."
The neighbor says:
"It sounds to me like it is too difficult. Try this, after breakfast ask your brother and sister to help you clean your room so it's perfect, then your Grandfather will forgive you and speak to you again."
The child responds:
"But that would be breaking the rules. I'm supposed to clean my room."
The neighbor says:
"You've already broken the rules, try it and see what happens."
The child agrees. The next morning, the room gets trashed during breakfast. But with assistance the room gets clean. When the child comes home from school, and Grandfather is waiting. The child explains:
"Grandfather, I'm sorry that my room hasn't been clean all these years. I tried to follow your rule as best i could, but someone kept sabatoging it."
Grandfather responds:
"Yes, that was me. I've been trashing your room all these years. I wanted you to learn an important lesson. Sometimes you need to ask for help."
The child responds:
"But you told *me* to do it. You wanted me to break the rule? How is that fair? You told me it wouldn't be too difficult. You lied to me? You refused to speak to me all this time. All you had to do was tell me your true intention, and I would have asked for help a long time ago."
Grandfather responds:
"Yes I lied to you, yes you were supposed to break the rule."
The child has nothing to say. Their Grandfather isn't who they thought; he is a cruel liar and a cheat. The rule is meaningless, they stop cleaning their room, they stop going to school on time, and they stop listening to their Grandfather.
