Extroverted Advice

[JustGeorge]

I'm an extrovert.

I'm not loud, or flashy(other than my personal style). I'm not the type to go out(who would watch the kids?), and I don't have a list of social activities(again, who would watch the kids?) But my need to socialize is fairly high, and I need frequent conversation to keep my spirits up.

I read advice often about how to handle being an introvert in an extroverted world, but seldom anything for the other way around(and most of what's out there seems to specifically relate to lock down days). There's the assumption that if you're an extrovert, all you have to do is call up some pals and go out. I don't have that ability.

How have other extroverts handled being in somewhat isolated positions without driving themselves nuts?

(I'm not looking for advice on changing my situation, merely changing my mindset.)

 

[The Sum of Awe]

I'm an extrovert.

I'm not loud, or flashy(other than my personal style). I'm not the type to go out(who would watch the kids?), and I don't have a list of social activities(again, who would watch the kids?) But my need to socialize is fairly high, and I need frequent conversation to keep my spirits up.

I read advice often about how to handle being an introvert in an extroverted world, but seldom anything for the other way around(and most of what's out there seems to specifically relate to lock down days). There's the assumption that if you're an extrovert, all you have to do is call up some pals and go out. I don't have that ability.

How have other extroverts handled being in somewhat isolated positions without driving themselves nuts?

(I'm not looking for advice on changing my situation, merely changing my mindset.)

I can only offer a couple ideas, not sure if they'd work. - Instead of calling up your friends to go out, what about just calling up your friends and talking to them over the phone?

How about inviting them over to your place? Have a get together in the yard might be beneficial.

 

[JustGeorge]

I can only offer a couple ideas, not sure if they'd work. - Instead of calling up your friends to go out, what about just calling up your friends and talking to them over the phone?

How about inviting them over to your place? Have a get together in the yard might be beneficial.

Its a sound idea, but I've only got one friend(considering only people I interact with in person). She does come over once or twice a week.

I sometimes call my sister, but she works a lot.

I feel I've exhausted my social resources to their fullest potential, that's why I'm hoping to change my mindset.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

Its a sound idea, but I've only got one friend(considering only people I interact with in person). She does come over once or twice a week.

I sometimes call my sister, but she works a lot.

I feel I've exhausted my social resources to their fullest potential, that's why I'm hoping to change my mindset.

Could you do a routine at some time of the day where you wander out to a local coffee shop?

I know a very extroverted single lady, and her key routines for her own sanity are micro-conversations with people at local stores that she frequents, plus her regular gym classes.

That gives her a baseline of in person social interactions, and I know she shopped around for a coffee shop she could walk to, and was friendly enough for a morning chat while they got her drink ready. She goes slightly off peak to avoid the commuter rush so it's calmer and they can talk more.

She also has a cat she talks to as if it's a person, so 'sanity' might be a stretch...

 

[Quagmire]

I'm not very extroverted so I'm mostly just guessing, but I would guess that part of being extroverted is having a desire to express yourself ("got all this stuff going on inside my head. Wouldn't it be nice to get it all out and put it somewhere so I can see what it looks like when it isn't swimming between my ears" ), especially in a way that other people might appreciate.

To that end you might consider getting more serious about your writing. Maybe join an online writing group for ideas, support, feedback.

I'm checking one out right now but I just started posting there today so I don't know if I can recommend it yet. If you're interested, I'll let you know how it goes.

 

[JustGeorge]

Could you do a routine at some time of the day where you wander out to a local coffee shop?

I know a very extroverted single lady, and her key routines for her own sanity are micro-conversations with people at local stores that she frequents, plus her regular gym classes.

That gives her a baseline of in person social interactions, and I know she shopped around for a coffee shop she could walk to, and was friendly enough for a morning chat while they got her drink ready. She goes slightly off peak to avoid the commuter rush so it's calmer and they can talk more.

She also has a cat she talks to as if it's a person, so 'sanity' might be a stretch...

Only if you're volunteering to watch the kids...

There really isn't anyone to do that, honestly. I do have a gym membership, and the kids can go into the gym daycare while I work out(unless they pull that stunt where they throw the chairs and get 'dismissed' for the day), but local culture is very 'keep to yourself', especially in my generation. You can sometimes get the older folks going, but they go mostly in the morning(and for multiple reasons, when we do go, its in the afternoon).

I've got 10 of those buggers... (clearly, I lost sanity somewhere after the first....)

After troubleshooting ideas(and implementing them) over the course of a number of years(guided by a therapist, even), I'm convinced a more robust social life won't happen. I've made peace with it. I worked on it, didn't work, now I gotta work on me...

 

[The Sum of Awe]

Its a sound idea, but I've only got one friend(considering only people I interact with in person). She does come over once or twice a week.

I sometimes call my sister, but she works a lot.

I feel I've exhausted my social resources to their fullest potential, that's why I'm hoping to change my mindset.

What do you have in mind for what you want to change your mindset to?

Just wanted to say, you're always welcome to come chat with us in the Discord chat, it's nice having you there

 

[Koldo]

Only if you're volunteering to watch the kids...

There really isn't anyone to do that, honestly. I do have a gym membership, and the kids can go into the gym daycare while I work out(unless they pull that stunt where they throw the chairs and get 'dismissed' for the day), but local culture is very 'keep to yourself', especially in my generation. You can sometimes get the older folks going, but they go mostly in the morning(and for multiple reasons, when we do go, its in the afternoon).

I've got 10 of those buggers... (clearly, I lost sanity somewhere after the first....)

After troubleshooting ideas(and implementing them) over the course of a number of years(guided by a therapist, even), I'm convinced a more robust social life won't happen. I've made peace with it. I worked on it, didn't work, now I gotta work on me...

T-Ten children?!
Can't the older ones watch the smaller ones for a small period of time?

 

[Debater Slayer]

I'm an extrovert.

I'm not loud, or flashy(other than my personal style). I'm not the type to go out(who would watch the kids?), and I don't have a list of social activities(again, who would watch the kids?) But my need to socialize is fairly high, and I need frequent conversation to keep my spirits up.

I read advice often about how to handle being an introvert in an extroverted world, but seldom anything for the other way around(and most of what's out there seems to specifically relate to lock down days). There's the assumption that if you're an extrovert, all you have to do is call up some pals and go out. I don't have that ability.

How have other extroverts handled being in somewhat isolated positions without driving themselves nuts?

(I'm not looking for advice on changing my situation, merely changing my mindset.)

I'm highly extroverted as well, and like you, I'm a quiet person. I'm not the boisterous type of extrovert.

I have been through multiple periods during which I couldn't hang out with people and felt extremely drained as a result. During those times, I relied a lot on online chats and on talking to multiple people so that when one wasn't available for any reason, I would have someone else to talk to.

I have found calls to be the best thing for socialization second only to face-to-face interactions. They don't recharge me as much as hanging out does, but they're still far better than silence or complete solitude.

As far as changing your mindset goes, I have found it helpful to remind myself that not hanging out frequently takes nothing away from how genuine and intimate some of my friendships are. We can still have deeply meaningful, close friendships even when we can't hang out much.

 

[JustGeorge]

I'm not very extroverted so I'm mostly just guessing, but I would guess that part of being extroverted is having a desire to express yourself ("got all this stuff going on inside my head. Wouldn't it be nice to get it all out and put it somewhere so I can see what it looks like when it isn't swimming between my ears" ), especially in a way that other people might appreciate.

To that end you might consider getting more serious about your writing. Maybe join an online writing group for ideas, support, feedback.

I'm checking one out right now but I just started posting there today so I don't know if I can recommend it yet. If you're interested, I'll let you know how it goes.

Good idea. Do let me know how it goes over there. Maybe I need something else to focus on...

I think you're absolutely right. I have a lot of stuff I'd like to share, and the cats just don't care about it.

What do you have in mind for what you want to change your mindset to?

Just wanted to say, you're always welcome to come chat with us in the Discord chat, it's nice having you there

Thanks.

I'll be sure to stop in more often.

T-Ten children?!
Can't the older ones watch the smaller ones for a small period of time?

Haha, no, no. Ten cats.

Three children. Sometimes the oldest can watch the youngest, but I'd entrust my middle son only to a group of bikers, or a group of nuns. (Preferably biker nuns, but they're in high demand.)

I'm highly extroverted as well, and like you, I'm a quiet person. I'm not the boisterous type of extrovert.

I have been through multiple periods during which I couldn't hang out with people and felt extremely drained as a result. During those times, I relied a lot on online chats and on talking to multiple people so that when one wasn't available for any reason, I would have someone else to talk to.

I have found calls to be the best thing for socialization second only to face-to-face interactions. They don't recharge me as much as hanging out does, but they're still far better than silence or complete solitude.

As far as changing your mindset goes, I have found it helpful to remind myself that not hanging out frequently takes nothing away from how genuine and intimate some of my friendships are. We can still have deeply meaningful, close friendships even when we can't hang out much.

Yeah, you're right. I have only a few friends(and some of those people are online), but their friendship means a lot to me.

 

[We Never Know]

I'm an extrovert.

I'm not loud, or flashy(other than my personal style). I'm not the type to go out(who would watch the kids?), and I don't have a list of social activities(again, who would watch the kids?) But my need to socialize is fairly high, and I need frequent conversation to keep my spirits up.

I read advice often about how to handle being an introvert in an extroverted world, but seldom anything for the other way around(and most of what's out there seems to specifically relate to lock down days). There's the assumption that if you're an extrovert, all you have to do is call up some pals and go out. I don't have that ability.

How have other extroverts handled being in somewhat isolated positions without driving themselves nuts?

(I'm not looking for advice on changing my situation, merely changing my mindset.)

Introvert here, I think. This best describes me....

 

[JustGeorge]

Introvert here, I think. This best describes me....

View attachment 74443

I'm not the type to try to fit in, either. I'll sit by myself, too, if I have to.

I just hate having to sometimes.

 

[We Never Know]

I'm not the type to try to fit in, either. I'll sit by myself, too, if I have to.

I just hate having to sometimes.

It doesn't bother me. Sometimes I prefer it.

 

[JustGeorge]

It doesn't bother me. Sometimes I prefer it.

That's what makes you an introvert, I suppose.

 

[Trailblazer]

I'm an extrovert.

I'm not loud, or flashy(other than my personal style). I'm not the type to go out(who would watch the kids?), and I don't have a list of social activities(again, who would watch the kids?) But my need to socialize is fairly high, and I need frequent conversation to keep my spirits up.

Are you sure you are an extrovert? Have you taken any personality tests? Like you, I need to be talking to people to keep my spirits up, which is why I am on RF so much, but I am an introverted personality type. However, I am discovering I like being in a group of people if I like the people and it is for a common purpose. I discovered that by attending the GriefShare group at the church. I could attend Baha'i activities if I wanted to but oddly enough, I do not enjoy attending Baha'i activities because I never feel like I fit in, but I feel like I fit in with the Christians at GriefShare.

There's the assumption that if you're an extrovert, all you have to do is call up some pals and go out. I don't have that ability.

I am just like you in that regard, I cannot find any pals to go out with. I never made friends because I had my husband for 37 years, but now he's gone so I'd like to make friends but I don't know how to. People seem to think it is so easy but it is not easy for me since I never did it before.

I think part of my problem is where I would meet anyone, except at religious activities, since I don't drink so cannot go to a bar or a club...
I do not enjoy religious activities, I find them boring.

 

[JustGeorge]

Are you sure you are an extrovert? Have you taken any personality tests? Like you, I need to be talking to people to keep my spirits up, which is why I am on RF so much, but I am an introverted personality type. However, I am discovering I like being in a group of people if I like the people and it is for a common purpose. I discovered that by attending the GriefShare group at the church. I could attend Baha'i activities if I wanted to but oddly enough, I do not enjoy attending Baha'i activities because I never feel like I fit in, but I feel like I fit in with the Christians at GriefShare.

I haven't taken any personality tests lately(I'll be honest, I don't put a lot of stock in such things). I'm glad you found the folks at GriefShare.

I am just like you in that regard, I cannot find any pals to go out with. I never made friends because I had my husband for 37 years, but now he's gone so I'd like to make friends but I don't know how to. People seem to think it is so easy but it is not easy for me since I never did it before.

It really can be a struggle. I miss the days when you could say "wanna come over and play?" Sadly, once you pass the early teen years, that takes a whole new meaning(and not one I'm interested in).

I think part of my problem is where I would meet anyone, except at religious activities, since I don't drink so cannot go to a bar or a club...
I do not enjoy religious activities, I find them boring.

I don't mind a drink now and then, but I'd rather buy my own and either drink at home or someone's house. Cheaper that way.

 

[Trailblazer]

It really can be a struggle. I miss the days when you could say "wanna come over and play?" Sadly, once you pass the early teen years, that takes a whole new meaning(and not one I'm interested in).

I never had any of those days so I cannot miss them... I tagged along after my older sister when I was a child.
Then when I was in my later teens I had a few close friends in high school but I had no friends in college.

If I had 10 cats and also dogs and 3 kids and a husband I'd probably be looking for a place to run and hide, but maybe that is the difference between an introvert and an extrovert.

 

[JustGeorge]

I never had any of those days so I cannot miss them... I tagged along after my older sister when I was a child.
Then when I was in my later teens I had a few close friends in high school but I had no friends in college.

If I had 10 cats and also dogs and 3 kids and a husband I'd probably be looking for a place to run and hide, but maybe that is the difference between an introvert and an extrovert.

I sometimes look for an escape from car talk, but other than that, I'm good.

The cats and dogs never talk about cars.

Swatty talks a lot. (But still, never about cars.)

 

[Trailblazer]

I sometimes look for an escape from car talk, but other than that, I'm good.

The cats and dogs never talk about cars.

Swatty talks a lot. (But still, never about cars.)

So your husband is still into cars?
Just thank God you have a husband... what I would give to have one, and he could talk about anything he wanted to...
My late husband talked a lot about world news and politics and I didn't like it at the time, but I would give anything to get it back.

Any man who marries me can do anything he wants and have anything that he wants except other women, and he could even have sex if I loved him.
That's the @Trailblazer advertisement for the day.

 

[JustGeorge]

So your husband is still into cars?
Just thank God you have a husband... what I would give to have one, and he could talk about anything he wanted to...
My late husband talked a lot about world news and politics and I didn't like it at the time, but I would give anything to get it back.

They all talk about cars lol Even the 4 year old! If it gets too much, there's a couple semi offensive songs I can sing to get them off it...

Any man who marries me can do anything he wants and have anything that he wants except other women, and he could even have sex if I loved him.
That's the @Trailblazer advertisement for the day.

You need flashy colors with an ad!