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Forgiveness
- Thread starter Jimmy
- Start date
an anarchist
Your local loco.
From my personal experience, forgiveness frees you from so much.
Forgiveness is the only way to free yourself from your own past. How many people going to therapy today wouldn't need to bother if they only understood that their own background was filled with people who weren't perfect, who made mistakes, or worse, who were made into monsters by their own past?
an anarchist
Your local loco.
well said
Trailblazer
Veteran Member
I was just talking to my counselor about this since forgiving a loved one is an issue for me. She said what she tells her clients is that there is no "should" when it comes to forgiveness since every person and every situation is different. She also said she thinks that religion puts too many expectations on people to forgive and I could not agree with her more.
Jimmy
King Phenomenon
I disagree with your counselor.
Jimmy
King Phenomenon
Should one wish ill will on the person that hurt them? Or maybe your just saying they should just be indifferent toward the situation. Personally someone who has done me wrong naturally brings out feelings so being indifferent is irrelevant.
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Twilight Hue
Twilight, not bright nor dark, good nor bad.
I'd rather be at peace rather than forgive.
Forgiveness means it dosent matter when it probably should. But you can be at peace about it.
Trailblazer
Veteran Member
That's your choice.
Trailblazer
Veteran Member
I am saying there should be no shoulds. Whatever you feel you feel and to go against your feelings is dishonest. What's the point?
Do courts of law forgive criminals and let them walk the streets? Why then should others forgive a wrongful action? It makes no sense.
When you forgive someone who committed a wrong it is like saying what they did was okay, but it wasn't okay, so you are not doing that person any favor to let them think it was okay.
Trailblazer
Veteran Member
Forgiveness means it did not matter when it actually did matter... Why pretend?
One does not need to forgive to be at peace. That is a time-worn cliche.
We Never Know
No Slack
Trailblazer
Veteran Member
In my mind it is not about being right, it is about letting someone think what they did was right when it was wrong.
There can be no justice when wrongdoing is forgiven and treated like it never happened.
If, however, a person wants to forgive someone who wronged them just so they can feel good about themselves, have at it, but don't pretend you are doing the person you forgave a favor. The other person might like you for forgiving them but it is no favor unless they realize they did wrong and you are just forgiving them out of the goodness of your heart.
This is not any different from God forgiving us by His grace, even though we did not deserve to be forgiven, since we did wrong.
TagliatelliMonster
Veteran Member
TagliatelliMonster
Veteran Member
Emphasis on "sometimes".
Meaning, no always.
Hermit Philosopher
Selflessly here for you
No, that’s not forgiveness (something not mattering), that’s indifference.
mikkel_the_dane
My own religion
And I disagree with you. Haha!!! This is so funny.
Shadow Wolf
Certified People sTabber & Business Owner
I agree. Forgiveness shouldn't be a blanket expectation. Some people clearly don't deserve it amd will continue to wrong us regardless, so they are off the list. Some won't acknowledge the wrong done so that's a barrier tiwards forgiveness in itself. There just are some times people don't deserve it.
If we take the dictionary definition of "forgive" to mean letting go of anger and resentment, then I agree with the OP.
However, I think there's a bit more to it than that when it comes to forgiveness. In order for me to forgive someone for an act, they must display some form of contrition. There needs to be a desire for forgiveness. In the case that someone thinks the act was acceptable, I can move past the act and let go of anger and resentment without actually forgiving the person for what they've done.
After all, their actions are about them, not about me.
However, I think there's a bit more to it than that when it comes to forgiveness. In order for me to forgive someone for an act, they must display some form of contrition. There needs to be a desire for forgiveness. In the case that someone thinks the act was acceptable, I can move past the act and let go of anger and resentment without actually forgiving the person for what they've done.
After all, their actions are about them, not about me.