Friendships and Relationships

[dgirl1986]

Friendships do not seem to be what they use to be. Not from what I understand anyway and I am not sure if social media has had an impact on this at all.

I have probably 1 or 2 friends that I can actually rely on to say what they mean. I find majority of the people who call themselves my friend are super flakey, unreliable and just all around pretty self centred. You dont hear from them for like 6 months or dont see them for a year even though you try to get in contact and organise to hang out. Then suddenly BAM they want you to do something with them and they get really upset at you if you genuinely cant do it.

I also wonder how it is that people are still managing to enter relationships and get married. I dunno if I have skewed view of the current situation but it seems that if it doesnt appear perfect people want to throw it all away. Or actually throw it all away for really materialistic reasons.

Thoughts? Maybe I analyse it too much or my idea of adult relationships was a little rose tinted?

 

[Penumbra]

Friendships do not seem to be what they use to be. Not from what I understand anyway and I am not sure if social media has had an impact on this at all.

I have probably 1 or 2 friends that I can actually rely on to say what they mean. I find majority of the people who call themselves my friend are super flakey, unreliable and just all around pretty self centred. You dont hear from them for like 6 months or dont see them for a year even though you try to get in contact and organise to hang out. Then suddenly BAM they want you to do something with them and they get really upset at you if you genuinely cant do it.

Personally, I've found it very easy to make both male and female friends as an adult. Most of my co-workers are now good friends of mine who I spend time with outside of work.

I also wonder how it is that people are still managing to enter relationships and get married. I dunno if I have skewed view of the current situation but it seems that if it doesnt appear perfect people want to throw it all away. Or actually throw it all away for really materialistic reasons.

Thoughts? Maybe I analyse it too much or my idea of adult relationships was a little rose tinted?

I haven't experienced that.

There's kind of an informal game I play called, "Is there a possibility I would ever date this person in some hypothetical world?" Meaning, if I was not with a partner and was therefore open to relationships, would I be open to dating that person? I'm not sure why I play that game in my head, but it's kind of to see how easy it would be if I were single at any given time. The answer I find is that most guys that I meet do not qualify. There's one guy at work that passes, no neighbors that pass, no guys that I know at the gym that pass, etc. So if I were single right now there'd only be one guy that I'd have any interest in.

...

Either all that, or it's the internet's fault.

 

[LuisDantas]

I may be well off base, but it seems to me that for most people the actual reliability of friendships and relationships is strongly dependent on social and economic realities.

Brazilian society has been overextending itself on economic demands. The effect on social relationships really shows; people are far more self-centered and far less trustworthy than they used to be 20 or 30 years ago.

 

[dust1n]

I have probably 1 or 2 friends that I can actually rely on to say what they mean. I find majority of the people who call themselves my friend are super flakey, unreliable and just all around pretty self centred.

That sounds about right. I don't think that's really a temporal thing. Lots of people are unreliable for all sorts of things. I wouldn't take it personal.

 

[dgirl1986]

That sounds about right. I don't think that's really a temporal thing. Lots of people are unreliable for all sorts of things. I wouldn't take it personal.

i dont really take it personal these days, its more frustrating than anything. Seems to difficult to find someone who isnt so freaking flakey.

 

[Straw Dog]

Friendship is probably one of the most important things that makes human life worth living. No joke. We need companionship to survive and to find happiness. It's just as important as romantic and sexual relationships. Perhaps that's why a complete love requires it.

 

[Penumbra]

i dont really take it personal these days, its more frustrating than anything. Seems to difficult to find someone who isnt so freaking flakey.

Most people are flakey.

My approach is to only have expectations for my partner and a close friend or two, and no expectations for anyone else. If they're good friends, then great! If not, then that's ok!

 

[Quagmire]

You dont hear from them for like 6 months or dont see them for a year even though you try to get in contact and organise to hang out. Then suddenly BAM they want you to do something with them and they get really upset at you if you genuinely cant do it.

Hey dgirl? Try this: look at the part I isolated from your post, pretend you don't know any of the people involved including yourself, and pretend you don't know what the relationship between these people actually is.

Then, read it again from that perspective and try to guess what the relationship is between the people involved.

 

[Me Myself]

i dont really take it personal these days, its more frustrating than anything. Seems to difficult to find someone who isnt so freaking flakey.

I´ve personally always find it to be this way.

though sometimes just listening to flakey people in the right way ends with them revealing stuff to you and telling you they dont know what they said it, and you are just really good listener and after you have some secrets of them there is a feeling of barriers coming down that may mean you can tell them more serious stuff.

Though hard to expect them to keep it as a serious secret depending on the person.

I could put my hands on fire for one of my friend´s secrecy, for the other two not so much, but they have other virtues and ways in which they show loyalty.

Ultimately, it´s like a friend says "I know my people". You just gotta know those with whom you hang out with. But yeah, it´s frustrating.

 

[Me Myself]

Friendship is probably one of the most important things that makes human life worth living. No joke. We need companionship to survive and to find happiness. It's just as important as romantic and sexual relationships. Perhaps that's why a complete love requires it.

I´d say at least more important than sexual relationships, but that´s me

 

[Panda]

Friendships do not seem to be what they use to be. Not from what I understand anyway and I am not sure if social media has had an impact on this at all.

I had to move away to go to uni and so did a number of my friends, social media is a great way for me to keep in contact with them

I have probably 1 or 2 friends that I can actually rely on to say what they mean. I find majority of the people who call themselves my friend are super flakey, unreliable and just all around pretty self centred. You dont hear from them for like 6 months or dont see them for a year even though you try to get in contact and organise to hang out. Then suddenly BAM they want you to do something with them and they get really upset at you if you genuinely cant do it.

Again not entirely the same experience with me. I have had the same issues with trying to arrange meetings with people BUT I've also been on the other side of that with the same people. I know though that just know most of my friends are either in their final year of university or recently started graduate jobs and are having to adjust. I think the mark that you really are a true friend with someone is when you can meet up for a few beers after months without seeing them and still being able to be entirely at ease like no time has passed.

 

[The Sum of Awe]

A friend is a person who is part of your social group; they don't have to be reliable or anything. I'm sure most people would be there if they knew you were in serious danger, especially those of your social group.

 

[dgirl1986]

Most people are flakey.

My approach is to only have expectations for my partner and a close friend or two, and no expectations for anyone else. If they're good friends, then great! If not, then that's ok!

I think in reality I have two good friends...who I never see due to circumstances lol but i speak to one of them weakly online and the other daily.

 

[dgirl1986]

Hey dgirl? Try this: look at the part I isolated from your post, pretend you don't know any of the people involved including yourself, and pretend you don't know what the relationship between these people actually is.

Then, read it again from that perspective and try to guess what the relationship is between the people involved.

Father and daughter? lol

 

[Quagmire]

Father and daughter? lol

BINGO.

 

[Quagmire]

Father and daughter? lol

BINGO.

Just a little unsolicited advise: it's OK to have that kind of a relationship with your friends, but do yourself a favor and try and make sure you have a few other adults on your speed-dial too.

 

[dgirl1986]

BINGO.

I guess the experience counted for something lol.

 

[dgirl1986]

Just a little unsolicited advise: it's OK to have that kind of a relationship with your friends, but do yourself a favor and try and make sure you have a few other adults on your speed-dial too.

I just dont see the point in one sided friendships

 

[Me Myself]

A friend is a person who is part of your social group; they don't have to be reliable or anything. I'm sure most people would be there if they knew you were in serious danger, especially those of your social group.

Different people define "friend" differently.

I don´t have a Facebook, but I laugh at it´s concept of what a "friend" is.

 

[Quagmire]

I just dont see the point in one sided friendships

I think that's wise. :yes:

Just remember that if you keep falling into that role, it's probably due to the fact that you're comfortable there.

Always a good idea to try and make contact with some people outside of your comfort zone (cuz that's where all the new stuff is).