Hatred vs Love

[dave_]

I was raised by a sociopathic mother.She didn't simply treated my badly , she messed with my brain to make me weak.As a result i grown to be a troubled individual.Not because i am full of hatred , actually that would make me strong.Anyway as i got stronger the hatred and darkness in me grows stronger.If my mother did a good job and simply treated me badly i would be more full of hatred.But there is love in me that causes weakness and makes me suffer.When love decreases and hatred grows stronger i feel stronger and crazier.This feeling is really cool.I think most serial killers try to kill the love inside them but being unable to do so they mess up.But i want to be better than a serial killer.

So how can i purify myself of love and become purely dark?

 

[Sunstone]

You're doing a good job of it already. That's to say, in my experience, those of us who think of love as weak, don't have much experience of love.

 

[`mud]

Amen to that !!
'mud

 

[Spiderman]

I was raised by a sociopathic mother.She didn't simply treated my badly , she messed with my brain to make me weak.As a result i grown to be a troubled individual.Not because i am full of hatred , actually that would make me strong.Anyway as i got stronger the hatred and darkness in me grows stronger.If my mother did a good job and simply treated me badly i would be more full of hatred.But there is love in me that causes weakness and makes me suffer.When love decreases and hatred grows stronger i feel stronger and crazier.This feeling is really cool.I think most serial killers try to kill the love inside them but being unable to do so they mess up.But i want to be better than a serial killer.

So how can i purify myself of love and become purely dark?

Did you write the book "a man named dave".

 

[Etritonakin]

badly.... she messed with.......... make me weak. ........ i grown to be a troubled ....................................

When love decreases and hatred grows stronger i feel stronger and crazier.This feeling is really cool

When I do not work out or exercise, I feel strong because I am not working against the weights or resistance that tell me just how weak or strong I really am.
However, my body becomes weaker, and I am able to do less and less -and my health becomes poor.

When love decreases, you feel that you can do anything -but you are actually deteriorating. It feels cool because it is easy and you do not feel guilt.

Your mom dropped a load of heavy weights on you that no one should have to try to lift -and they are still there -but they are not real. They are lies.
Your mother lied to you (I do not speak ill of her -I do not know the circumstances) -made you feel you were bad when you were good -made you feel guilty when you were innocent -made you feel weak when you were as strong as anyone else -perhaps stronger, because you have endured this. Realize that.

You have to recognize the lies and tell yourself the truth. You have to dump the bad programming and program yourself correctly.

You do not have to lift or bear all of that weight -all of that is not yours.
You are not responsible for that.
It is a memory, but it can be only a memory -not something which has power over you.

When you know how weak and strong YOU REALLY ARE -not what you have been told -then you can become even stronger little by little -rather than feeling crushed under the lies.

You are responsible for you -you deserve to be treated well by yourself and others, but you can only decide what you do -and treating yourself and others well does you good -and seeing the good you do others also brings happiness -even if they do otherwise (your positive effect may reveal itself later).
That is strength -that is how we become strong -individually and in society.
All you have to do is work, eat, sleep, and enjoy life -but you were not taught how to simply do those things.
You have to learn -study -teach yourself.

 

[Child of Stardust]

Love doesn't make you weak. For one, to not be able to authentically experience love will make you hated and feared (but not in a good way) by people who can pick up on the lack of it in you. The level of mistrust might not pay off, or even be deserved. But it will still happen.

That is the pragmatic reason. The other is that love feels extremely good. It makes you vulnerable, maybe. But that's not the same thing as weakness. If we totally lacked emotion (and I know love isn't the only one) it would be a dull world, no point to living. Love enriches you and the payoffs may be better for you than the drawbacks. I don't know what your values are, but I would be careful what I wished for.

 

[Sees]

I think the weakness is more about resentment, doubt, anxiety, etc....not love.

People with lots of love in their hearts are not weak.

 

[jeager106]

dave: It's my humble opinion you need some serious therapy for your "self".
Please consider that. No disrespect meant at all. Desiring to be angry makes you weak.
Love, agape love, will make you very strong.
My mother was a sociopath also. Evil woman, purely evil, would lie if the truth served her better.
She's long dead now. Don't miss her but did not wish her dead.
I'm now 68, my only sis is 66 and everybit as messed up as mother dearest.
Looks dead like her (ewww, a pun)
I HATE NO ONE. Hate is an emotion mankind does not handle well.
I do not hold resentments either. Why let some person, place or thing live rent free in my mind.
Re-sent means to re-feel. Whoindaworldwouldwantdat???????
My dad was a raging alcoholic. I mean he RAGED about everything, broke things, scared us kids to death. I greatly feared my dad. He was strong, smart for only completing the 3rd grade. I think he boozed to take the pain of living with mother.
He died an alcoholic death. He got drunk at his Pa. farm one winter, got naked, lay in the driveway and froze to death.
Mother, or mutha, was a closet drunk, hiding her behavior behind his.
She had surgery on a carodid artery, had a masive stroke, living as a celery stalk for 8 years messing her pants and needing spoon fed. The lights were on but no one was home.
Mother had a modest amout of money, 'bout 83 grand. I talked her into investing with Butler Wick. They parlayed the 83K into $280,000. Mother never got to spend a nickle. Sis forged a new will, had a crook noterize it cutting me OUT w/o a penny.
I lived only 25 miles from mutha and sis but had no idea my mutha croaked.
Was BANNED from calling hours. A cousin told me mutha died & the funeral director let me in after hours to say g'bye. I pray for mutha and sis.
I was disabled as a police officer, a bad man, 2X my size, beat me pretty badly, broken ribs, broken back, lost use of left leg. I did rehab for 9 months, 5 days a week and walk o.k. tho have permanent intractable pain.
I have 4 children. My youngest is my most beloved son. We are close.
He struggles, Bryce is his name, he's 15 & already 6' tall.
He's a handsome young man
Sis is exactly like mother, drink & pills, stays stoned. Her man is a spineless case of beer a day drunk.
Their son will not even speak with them.
Sis & her man are miserable and I do nothing to bring the misery on.
After I rehabed & could walk but I was finished as a cop. At age 49 I started college, earning 2 degrees, got a pitance of a pension from police work, at 53 I made it into General Motors as a logistics engineer making 36 bucks hourly, averaged about a hun'ert yearly.
I earned enough paying into social security to get 5K monthy from Workers comp, the police pension, social security and ended my supervision career with GM with $104,000 which is all invested .
I dun o.k.
I had lots of help.
Listen: I truely LOVE folks, will go out of my way to help another.
My second degree is in Human Resources, love that part of the job.
I'm pretty busy these days living with my most beloved, fine, lady who runs a successful business as a nutritionist. Shaklee products, best product line in the world. She's 73, fun, witty, has a home in Florida, a Jag in the garage, a nice boat she keeps stored in winter.
I love her dearly and her being blind isn't a handicap to me.
She lives in a very nice exclusive development, can't drive any longer.
There is a 2 acre pond/lake in the backyard no one fishes but me.
I love life, it's a real challenge at times.

 

[bobhikes]

I was raised by a sociopathic mother.She didn't simply treated my badly , she messed with my brain to make me weak.As a result i grown to be a troubled individual.Not because i am full of hatred , actually that would make me strong.Anyway as i got stronger the hatred and darkness in me grows stronger.If my mother did a good job and simply treated me badly i would be more full of hatred.But there is love in me that causes weakness and makes me suffer.When love decreases and hatred grows stronger i feel stronger and crazier.This feeling is really cool.I think most serial killers try to kill the love inside them but being unable to do so they mess up.But i want to be better than a serial killer.

So how can i purify myself of love and become purely dark?

I doubt your a trouble individual because of your mother. I actually heard my mother say she hated me because I looked like my father. She was in an out of therapy all while I grew up. Torture was the norm for me. I left home at 18 and vowed to not be like her. You have a choice you can be the thing that raised you or you can learn from it and be better. Seems to me as if you decided not to learn.

 

[dave_]

Did you write the book "a man named dave".

Never heard about the book.

 

[jeager106]

I have a lot of experience with maladaptive persons in society.
I was a police officer for 22.5 years before being disabled "in the line".
While in pain management therapy for my lingering painful injuries I made
friends with the 2 psychologists that owned the place. (pain management didn't work).
They spotted my raging p.t.s.d. and depression and began treating me for that.
I learned that th brother of one of the shrinks was the police chief of that community.
Remmber Jeffery Dahmer? Well Dahmer's first murder occured in that community so Dahmer was brought back to clear that case. The shrink had the opporunity to interview Dahmer in detail. The doc found Dahmer to be very intelligent, willing to talk about his, ah, er, issues.
Note also that Dahmers father lived in the community and sought treatment from the doc for his own issues. Have a homosexual son that killed and ate his victims weould be kinda hard on a dad you see.
Mr. Dahmer wrote the book " A Fathers Story " about his poor relationship with Jeffery.
Shortening this story, Jeffery had a very domineering mother with psychomaladaptive issues. ( she was nuts ).
In short, Mommie Dahmer was the main cause of Jeffery's, ah, urges to kill and eat people. Dahmer felt that if he ate his lovers they would not leave him.
This a result of his weak relationship with his father.
The point is that children can take a lot of issues from a negligent, or abusive father but react very negatively from a poor relationship with the mother.
The doc concluded that Dahmer became a homosexual murderer, a cannibal, in large part due to his really messed up mother.
This is why I encourage people, especially men, to seek therapy for childhood issues with the mother.
I asked the doc "how could Jeffery be rehabilitated?"
"No one one can do that", he said. "Best thing would be to lock him up for life or just kill the poor guy."
Dahmer was murdered in prison.
Bad mothers are indeed bad news, for children.
Do not hate, succumb to anger, it weakens the spirit.
A God based love makes one able to endure all sorts of issues while becoming
strong.

 

[Etritonakin]

Desiring to be angry makes you weak.
Love, agape love, will make you very strong.

Perhaps you did not actually mean to address me, or attributed something to me in error.

Otherwise, I don't think you understood what I wrote -and may not have read all that I wrote in order to put the rest into context.
I agree with the above -and that was essentially my point -which is why I wrote the following...

"and treating yourself and others well does you good -and seeing the good you do others also brings happiness -even if they do otherwise (your positive effect may reveal itself later).
That is strength -that is how we become strong -individually and in society."

I just used the analogy of my laziness in respect to exercise.
Otherwise, there is nothing in the post about me personally from which to deduce that I may or may not need serious therapy.

 

[jeager106]

I don't think you understood what I wrote -and may not have read all that I wrote in order to put the rest into context.
I agree with the above -and that was essentially my point -which is why I wrote the following...

"and treating yourself and others well does you good -and seeing the good you do others also brings happiness -even if they do otherwise (your positive effect may reveal itself later).
That is strength -that is how we become strong -individually and in society."

I just used the analogy of my laziness in respect to exercise.
Otherwise, there is nothing in the post about me personally from which to deduce that I may or may not need serious therapy.

You are totally right. I confused you with the OP for which I appolgize.
Reading too fast you see. I edited my post to indicate it was meant for the OP, not you.
How embarassing.

 

[Etritonakin]

You are totally right. I confused you with the OP for which I appolgize.
Reading too fast you see. I edited my post to indicate it was meant for the OP, not you.
How embarassing.

Meh -no worries -we can all benefit from the therapeutic.

 

[Koldo]

I was raised by a sociopathic mother.She didn't simply treated my badly , she messed with my brain to make me weak.As a result i grown to be a troubled individual.Not because i am full of hatred , actually that would make me strong.Anyway as i got stronger the hatred and darkness in me grows stronger.If my mother did a good job and simply treated me badly i would be more full of hatred.But there is love in me that causes weakness and makes me suffer.When love decreases and hatred grows stronger i feel stronger and crazier.This feeling is really cool.I think most serial killers try to kill the love inside them but being unable to do so they mess up.But i want to be better than a serial killer.

So how can i purify myself of love and become purely dark?

To you, what is the purpose of strength?

 

[dave_]

To you, what is the purpose of strength?

To me primary purpose of strength is decreasing suffering.The secondary purpose would be increasing freedom.

 

[dave_]

Thinking again my problem is not about love.It isn't possible to live without loving something.Also I don't hate anyone by default.My problem is with connecting and empathizing with people because this limits my freedom.

 

[dave_]

There is power in narcissism.It is like when you get narcissistic you realise your endless potential.You understand yourself and your desires better , you understand the true freedom.

 

[jeager106]

dave, the narcissitic person is consumed with self importance and often causes
problems empahising with othere.
Deep inside the narcisstic person is vulnerable to any perceived criticism.
That can lead to a very painful existance.

 

[Yerda]

I was raised by a sociopathic mother.She didn't simply treated my badly , she messed with my brain to make me weak.As a result i grown to be a troubled individual.Not because i am full of hatred , actually that would make me strong.Anyway as i got stronger the hatred and darkness in me grows stronger.If my mother did a good job and simply treated me badly i would be more full of hatred.But there is love in me that causes weakness and makes me suffer.When love decreases and hatred grows stronger i feel stronger and crazier.This feeling is really cool.I think most serial killers try to kill the love inside them but being unable to do so they mess up.But i want to be better than a serial killer.

So how can i purify myself of love and become purely dark?

Why is it always the mother that gets the blame?