'Have a Blessed Day' versus 'Hope You Get Lucky Tonight'

[ChristineES]

If I ever see you, I will offer you a hug.

And I would accept it, if you let me know who you are. (hugging strangers would kind of creep me out, in this day and age).

 

[Storm]

In any case, I hope you grappled with this issue enough, so that if, during your next shift at Appleby's, a fellow waitress utters the phrase to a departing customer who then seems annoyed, you might be able to explain it to her.

As I said, I haven't needed to pander to your ilk in a very long time. Of course, the fact that I ever waited tables (ever being one summer in high school) is all the excuse you need isn't it? A servant is a servant, nobody worthy of respect would ever wait on you.

And you wonder why.

 

[Storm]

I'm not sure if I've talked about my typical reaction to "have a blessed day", but I'll tell you now: I try not to let it bother me. That's it.

Now... despite my best efforts, it DOES bother me. I have a feeling that the people who say it, if they're bothering to pay attention, would be able to see that I react to the expression. It's off-putting. It creates a distance between me and the other person.

See, I sympathize with this, too.

But I also think it's largely a residual(?) effect of being a minority. All the real offenses build up until we jump at shadows and see intent and meaning that just isn't there. And I think it's on us to be cool about it anyway, instead of lashing out at people who mean no harm. Not as mascots or tokens, just as decent enough folk.

I'm not exactly perfect in that regard, which I'm sure shocks you to the core. But I do believe it, and I do my best. It's stupid and unfair and it sucks royally, but it also just comes with the turf.

 

[9-10ths_Penguin]

No, not everyone knows that such a statement is insulting, I am not sure why you think she or anyone else would know, believe it or not, people are not clairvoyant. You know what I meant about that. At least, I think you should have.

To realize that the expression might be unwelcome, a person doesn't have to be clairvoyant; they just have to realize that not everyone they encounter shares their beliefs.

I think part of the problem is that in a lot of places, people don't appreciate the fact that non-theists exist in their communities. They might realize in an abstract way that Richard Dawkins exists and is out being godless somewhere, but they don't believe the nice people in their own community would be like that.

... which is why I think it's positive for atheists to be "out" if they're able. Not to try to proselytize to people, but just to put a human face on atheism for people who might otherwise see it as some nebulous external thing that they don't need to accommodate instead of as Brian, the guy down the street who jump started my car that one time.

 

[ChristineES]

To realize that the expression might be unwelcome, a person doesn't have to be clairvoyant; they just have to realize that not everyone they encounter shares their beliefs.

I think part of the problem is that in a lot of places, people don't appreciate the fact that non-theists exist in their communities. They might realize in an abstract way that Richard Dawkins exists and is out being godless somewhere, but they don't believe the nice people in their own community would be like that.

... which is why I think it's positive for atheists to be "out" if they're able. Not to try to proselytize to people, but just to put a human face on atheism for people who might otherwise see it as some nebulous external thing that they don't need to accommodate instead of as Brian, the guy down the street who jump started my car that one time.

It doesn't make sense to me. People are making too much out of a tiny thing. Saying "Have a blessed day" is not even in the same league as "You'd be happier if you follow Jesus" or "I hope God gives you favor today". The word "blessed" seem to mean "happy" to her (if taken in context) I've had Hindus say "Hare Krishna" to me and I just smiled and nodded back. I've had Pagans respond by saying "praise the goddesses) or something similar. It didn't even come close to bothering me. It didn't mean they were pushing their faith on me, it meant they were expressing their own faith. I just see nothing wrong with that.

 

[4consideration]

Sorry for the delay in responding.

Let's put both on an even playing field. Let's assume two people initiate and express a parting sentiment to a stranger, one with HABD, the other with HYGLT. I would contend that 1) both can offer a pleasant sincere hope for the future 2) both are laden with a self-righteous assumption that the stranger shares a particular belief system 3) both can be misunderstood and be seen as insulting depending on the context and location.

I don't really think you've established an even playing field. I get what you're trying to say, and you have a right to not like what she says, since it does not fit with your own perspective, or personal belief system.

I was simply pointing out it seems she was saying whatever she normally says according to what she thinks is a good and well-wishing farewell, and you were suggesting countering it with a reply you don't use with everyone -- and as a response to her farewell. I think that matters, because however much you might feel justified in using that response because you don't like her farewell, to me it seems you want to offend her in the same way you feel offended. You brought up the Golden Rule earlier as if that means if you feel offended, you ought to be justified in coming up with a response that offends right back. IMO, it's not even close.

1. I agree with your #1.

2. I don't agree that both are necessarily "self-righteous" assumptions. They may be self-righteous, or not. I only think it's justified to see hers as an assumption. I will not assume self-righteousness on her part, because I see no justification for doing so. I do assume it on your part, because it is something you came up with because you were ticked off at her.

3. I think you're just attempting to justify coming up a response you hope will offend, and presenting it as though she has no right to be offended by it because she says something you find offensive.

I do not assume that she believes I am not saved per se. She does not know. I do assume rather that she has chosen HABD as a parting gesture at her job because she believes the majority of her customers will appreciate it and that anyone should appreciate it because she likes it being said to her. This decision to homogenize is an error base on arrogance or ignorance..

I would also assume she says what she says because she would appreciate hearing it and assumes the majority of people would appreciate it, too. I don't think using an expression one expects to be well received to be based on arrogance. She may be ignorant of the fact you find it offensive, but I think it's reasonable for a person to use expressions they think most people will like.

Partially, but not completely. I make a reasonable extrapolation based on the fact that all of my customers in the same community who have used HABD, also have spoken of their status as Godly, Chosen, Good Christian or similar. Because this is a hypothetical based on a real dilemma, I can test my assumptions.

I think you're adding arrogance as an assumption regarding this woman because that's the way you see your own customers who use this expression. You don't come across as though you like them, and probably can't tell them off, so I think it's easier to get one in on this server who's not in a position to argue back. Personally, I don't like it when people come across with a holier than thou sort of attitude. It grates on my nerves. But...I haven't seen you mention that she treats you in an objectionable way.

Relegating me to the neutral default and not her, is in no way analogous.

I think it is. You're the one that seems to want the neutral expression. I have no control over what she says.

I simply said a reply to HABD with something like "Have a Nice Day" is much closer to a nice farewell than "Hope you Get Lucky."

 

[Debater Slayer]

I got off the phone with my ultra-fundamentalist aunt earlier. She said something to the effect of "May you be in God's protection."

I utterly dislike most of her views, but I also realize how much she believes that she does me good when she wishes me things like the above and how much such things mean to her, so I wasn't bothered at all.

Now, to anyone reading this, have a blessed day!

 

[Uberpod]

Sorry for the delay in responding.

Not a problem - but I have been waiting.

I don't really think you've established an even playing field. I get what you're trying to say, and you have a right to not like what she says, since it does not fit with your own perspective, or personal belief system.

Whose she? I erased the waitress, and reset the context to create an even playing field.

I was simply pointing out it seems she was saying whatever she normally says according to what she thinks is a good and well-wishing farewell, and you were suggesting countering it with a reply you don't use with everyone -- and as a response to her farewell. I think that matters, because however much you might feel justified in using that response because you don't like her farewell, to me it seems you want to offend her in the same way you feel offended.

That is a point of difference so that is why I reset it. Just when I thought she was out, you bring her back in !!!

You brought up the Golden Rule earlier as if that means if you feel offended, you ought to be justified in coming up with a response that offends right back. IMO, it's not even close.

No, In the OP I brought up the Golden Rule to establish that I derived my farewell wish from my own experience just as I believe HABD users have done. I probably should say that I was on Bourbon Street in the French Quarter at the time.

1. I agree with your #1.

Good, we are one third there.

2. I don't agree that both are necessarily "self-righteous" assumptions. They may be self-righteous, or not. I only think it's justified to see hers as an assumption. I will not assume self-righteousness on her part, because I see no justification for doing so. I do assume it on your part, because it is something you came up with because you were ticked off at her.

His or her willingness to say it to a stranger I would say suggests it is quite clearly self-righteous.

3. I think you're just attempting to justify coming up a response you hope will offend, and presenting it as though she has no right to be offended by it because she says something you find offensive.

I don't hope it will offend. I hope it will be well received, and it would be well received on Bourbon Street. I wanted to come up with something I sincerely think is good, but might be interpreted differently from different frames of reference or in different locations.

I would also assume she says what she says because she would appreciate hearing it and assumes the majority of people would appreciate it, too. I don't think using an expression one expects to be well received to be based on arrogance. She may be ignorant of the fact you find it offensive, but I think it's reasonable for a person to use expressions they think most people will like.

There is a more generic options fro strangers. On one level, I honestly have a hard believing anyone would be offended if I wished them a safisfying sexual experience. I do see there is room for misunderstanding that could be awkward or embarrassing, however.

I think you're adding arrogance as an assumption regarding this woman because that's the way you see your own customers who use this expression. You don't come across as though you like them, and probably can't tell them off, so I think it's easier to get one in on this server who's not in a position to argue back. Personally, I don't like it when people come across with a holier than thou sort of attitude. It grates on my nerves. But...I haven't seen you mention that she treats you in an objectionable way.

You might be onto something here. I do like my customers just not when they pop out a HABD. I do not make it an issue with them because they are paying me, and they are not paying me to give them a lesson in civility. I actually tolerate quite a bit of racism, sexism, and homophobia, though I do have my limits. For instance, If someone uses the n-word, I tell them that it does not work for me. I may gently say that not all members of a group are the same, but that's all. So, when it comes to a situation when I am freer to express myself, and in situations when I am doing the paying, I may feel extra pressure to respond.

I simply said a reply to HABD with something like "Have a Nice Day" is much closer to a nice farewell than "Hope you Get Lucky."

Yeah - it is nicer, but it amounts to acquiessense. I usually say "You too." I do not have a big issue with wishing someone a blessed day, someone who believes in blessings. I do not completely like doing that because it might mean that they think I believe in blessings as well. HYGLT may be a bit more emotionally charged because of the prudish nature of this particular culture, not because there is anything actually wrong in it.

 

[bain-druie]

I personally love the idea of using 'HYGLT' in response to 'HABD', for several reasons:

1. Rather than trying to offend, I'd see it as a way to present the fact that other viewpoints exist than your own, which is an excellent thing for ANYONE to be reminded of. Why should the minority views be the only ones to be reminded of this? Rather, the reverse would be more appropriate as a way of keeping the big picture in mind.

2. It's especially important to be reminded of reality when your personal views are in the vast majority and that vast majority also tends toward an absurd persecution complex, lauding people who say things like 'HABD' as courageous soldiers of the faith. Uh, no, you're just catering to your own narrow cultural bias, which makes others feel suffocated and awkward. Developed-world Christians tend to fondly imagine themselves as persecuted so they can feel better about themselves, while the really courageous ones are those who suffer *actual* persecution for their faith (and there are some in other intolerant societies).

3. Christianity tends to be burdened with taking itself far too seriously; 'HYGLT' is a witty, gentle reminder to lighten up, there are things ALL of us can relate to (such as the wish to get lucky tonight).

I think the fact that OP author is in the South, a notorious bastion of Christendom in the States, and I'm in another cultural bastion of Christendom (So-Cal) after the awesome experience of a really unbiased place (Nor-Cal) makes the contrast more irritating. Not to speak for anyone else, but I know I often feel smothered, surrounded by a faith I view as fundamentally harmful to humanity.

I love my Christian friends and family, but I get very tired of living with their irrational expectations and assumptions about reality. It sometimes makes me nauseous; and I don't believe it's a good thing for them never to realize their views are far from acceptable to everyone with a moral compass.

I'm pagan, and I refrain from saying things like 'May the goddess be with you' or whatever, because I don't believe in shoving my gods at people. Neither the gods nor the humans in question appreciate it. But that's me; other people can say what they wish, as long as they extend me the same courtesy and realize they have no right to take offense at a response made to their public biases.

My 2 cents. ^_^