So unfair!
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Have You Ever Seriously Considered Suicide?
- Thread starter Rival
- Start date
That's life.So unfair!
You play the hand you're dealt.
And then you get to dole out trite aphorisms.
I will just look up 'Aphorism' in the dictionary for the 50th time... Ah, yes. Good joke. Aha aha!
illykitty
RF's pet cat
I understand those reasons. I can empathise and sympathise, I grew up poor, had a lot of bad things happen to me (and to family members) and so on. I do also consider myself a bit of a failure and I know maybe of a few people who may think that of me. I'm 27 and haven't had much of a job and not much formal education either. But I am lucky now, because I'm not in a terrible situation, it's just that I'm highly dependent on someone and that does depress me at times. It's difficult for me to get employed and stay employed.
I'll only speak for myself in the following, to clarify the way I think. I've learned in therapy that I'm not totally powerless and that I have control over some things that could make me happier, even if I never end up earning much money or finish my formal education. Sometimes it's a matter of changing perspectives and make do with what we have. I have control over what I think, what I feel and what I do, at least to some extant and the more I practice this the better I get. Meditation helps too. I also wish I could be more of an activist so that things that are less in one's control can change, but for now I tend to write to representatives (like MPs even though mine is a jerk) and sign petitions. Sometimes circumstances end up making life very difficult to some people and it's near impossible for to get out of, you can only do so much as an individual, hence why I feel it's important to work towards trying to change society.
As for your comment on reasoning, it is logical as well as emotional for me to think about things like hope, because thinking about it objectively, things aren't always bad, at least in my case. I can always think about at least one example of a happy moment. I tend to recognise that sometimes emotional stuff can be part of logical reasoning to move forward. For instance, if you cling to hope, feel happier and have a bit more confidence you may be able to help yourself out from whatever situation you're in (if it's something in your control). That is the logical reason behind something that seems emotional - if there's a higher chance of success then it's the proper step to take. Doesn't mean it works all the time, but it's the difference between 25% chance and 50% chance, for example. Logic and emotions aren't mutually exclusive things, you just have to look deeper, behind the surface. That's just my perspective.
It's a combination of my thoughts and what I've learned in CBT. By no means I'm anywhere near "normal" or cured, I even doubt I'll ever reach that point... Doesn't mean I have to endlessly torture myself. I chose to try to work with what I have, which is easier said than done of course. I still end up feeling terribly dark at times. But taking a family member as an example, she is quite poor, recently had to start from scratch again with nearly nothing, but she's been feeling fine lately. She made some friends, she talks to people, that lifts her mood and although she doesn't have much, she chooses to live a happier life than to feel sorry for herself and dive into dark thoughts. To me that seems more logical than torturing oneself and continuously repeating in the mind what's wrong with one's life. Some things you can't change, but if one knows how to, they can try to live happier.
But the last thing I want to add, just to make sure there's no misunderstanding, I'll never blame someone for their misfortune, if they're depressed, feel hopeless and such. I'm not fond of being harsh towards people who don't know how to get out of their situation and I'll never say "just get over it". Because I've been told that and it's the most unhelpful thing in the world. And also because I have family member who are poor with no fault of their own, I don't think it's always someone's fault if they're poor. It's something some people just don't understand, unfortunately.
Jumi
Well-Known Member
The cage is partly your own making. It's a thought prison as well as living in a place of few opportunities. If there are no opportunities there and you don't want to move or do things you don't like such as studying you are limiting yourself to boredom. If you don't have any marketable skills, you need to learn them. At least in my country where unemployment is high and foreigners seem preferred for less educated jobs there isn't much to do but the right thing. A lot middle-aged people, including myself, have needed to go "back to school" to learn new skills to find employment again.
Your situation isn't particularly foreign to my experiences either. I've been at a dead end situation like yourself when I was roughly your age, living at home and there were no jobs.
Notanumber
A Free Man
My niece had a mental breakdown a few months back. It was so bad that the police were called and she was taken to a psychiatric hospital and is still being monitored.
Her parents from a very young age bullied her. Her father would shout very loudly at her and slap her legs very hard just for sitting too close to the TV. She spent most of her childhood in her bedroom just to keep out of their way as much as possible.
She left home as soon as she could, married, had a child then divorced and moved back to a rented property in our village. This meant that her parents were controlling her again and she was committed to a psychiatric hospital for the first time. When she was discharged, she took her son and moved 30 miles away. I know where she lives but her parents do not. My sister has tried to get this information out of me, but I have refused to disclose it.
Unfortunately, her son was starved of oxygen at birth and she has been his carer for the past 22 years. She found a partner who was very good with her son but became mentally abusive to her over time and this was the cause of her second breakdown.
Over the last 15 years or so, we have kept in touch by phone but didn’t meet in person until I visited her in hospital. Since she was released, we have had a couple of day trips and plan to have more when the weather picks up.
Anyway, she phoned me last night to tell me that she has won an award for the part time voluntary work that she has been doing for a good number of years in a local charity shop. It gets her out of the house and has helped her to find friends. Voluntary work has been a lifesaver for her and is something that is worth considering if nothing else is available.
Her parents from a very young age bullied her. Her father would shout very loudly at her and slap her legs very hard just for sitting too close to the TV. She spent most of her childhood in her bedroom just to keep out of their way as much as possible.
She left home as soon as she could, married, had a child then divorced and moved back to a rented property in our village. This meant that her parents were controlling her again and she was committed to a psychiatric hospital for the first time. When she was discharged, she took her son and moved 30 miles away. I know where she lives but her parents do not. My sister has tried to get this information out of me, but I have refused to disclose it.
Unfortunately, her son was starved of oxygen at birth and she has been his carer for the past 22 years. She found a partner who was very good with her son but became mentally abusive to her over time and this was the cause of her second breakdown.
Over the last 15 years or so, we have kept in touch by phone but didn’t meet in person until I visited her in hospital. Since she was released, we have had a couple of day trips and plan to have more when the weather picks up.
Anyway, she phoned me last night to tell me that she has won an award for the part time voluntary work that she has been doing for a good number of years in a local charity shop. It gets her out of the house and has helped her to find friends. Voluntary work has been a lifesaver for her and is something that is worth considering if nothing else is available.
psychoslice
Veteran Member
Do you mean medication ?.
No, Those inside the brain , the neurochemicals . Cant we regulate them ?
Can we initiate the positive ones or switch off the negative ones?
Here is an interesting article
The Neurochemicals of Happiness
Do you mean overcoming ego ?
psychoslice
Veteran Member
I'll read that later, but yes we need to have the balance that the body needs to function, and mediation can do that, a good diet and a good attitude to life, it all helps, everyone is different and so what may help me may not help you. Its no different than having a heart problem, or any other problem, we can do whatever to help the situation, and sometimes we need medication. I don't like medication but if you need it then you need it, you have to weight it up, is it better to live a life of misery and live to a ripe old age, or is it better to live a life that is bearable and live less years, I take the latter.
I'm 21. I've done 3 voluntary jobs. I need paid work to grow me up. Wtf is wrong with society when the only work available is unpaid, effectively slave labour? Work experience is for 14 y/os, not 21 y/os who want to leave home and have a family.
Notanumber
A Free Man
I don't feel as though I'm qualified to be self-employed. I specialise in nothing.
Hi all,
Om Shanti.
I am summarizing a few points ,the realization of which helped me pull myself out of depression , though the journey was long , took almost two years of repeatedly contemplating, reflecting, meditating and internalizing these points, the results were wonderful. I am a more happier and content person now .I am presenting them here with the thought that some of them may be of some support to others here .They are
1.When ever faced with a disturbing situation focus on lightening the mind.
i.e. To sense the situation and start analysing what changes I can bring within my thinking to let go off the burden and be comfortable .
2.One of the happiest moments ever is when you find the courage to let go off what you can't change!
3. No person, event or situation is responsible for my happiness; I am the creator of all my thoughts, feelings and actions.
My every thought, word and action is my creation. Situations come to me from outside, but my responses are completely my choice.
4.Happiness is my decision , I will not let my happiness be dependent on persons or situations.
If I allow others to decide my happiness I am giving them the remote control to my greatest treasure , my happiness , its like I am begging them to make me happy which I wont allow , but I will hold to this treasure and cherish it .
5.The nature of me the soul is inherently happy.
When I am happy I radiate happiness by which I become the influence over people and situations rather than they influencing and taking charge of my happiness.
6.I already have within me all the resources in the most effective ways, to fulfill my Iife's mission to be happy and be at peace with my self and with the world.
7.lt's not what others say or do that hurts us, lt's what I do - with what they say or do that hurts me, let me stop emotionally abusing myself.
8.There is no one who can shake me !
9.My role is to radiate love ,peace and happiness , and I wont allow my role to get entangled in other's roles .
Whenever there is a huge boulder in my way (obstacles in the form of situations and people ),I will not deplete my soul energy by getting entangled in it or by trying to break it with tools (question) of , why , how , if , if only,..
but with the inner power of my happiness and positivity I will jump over these obstacles and move ahead.
10.Meditation is the method to become intuitively aware of who we really are beyond the superficial labels of modern society; to experience the core energy of my being which is peaceful, positive and powerful and direct that power into my abilities to create, communicate and co-operate with others.
Om Shanti.
I am summarizing a few points ,the realization of which helped me pull myself out of depression , though the journey was long , took almost two years of repeatedly contemplating, reflecting, meditating and internalizing these points, the results were wonderful. I am a more happier and content person now .I am presenting them here with the thought that some of them may be of some support to others here .They are
1.When ever faced with a disturbing situation focus on lightening the mind.
i.e. To sense the situation and start analysing what changes I can bring within my thinking to let go off the burden and be comfortable .
2.One of the happiest moments ever is when you find the courage to let go off what you can't change!
3. No person, event or situation is responsible for my happiness; I am the creator of all my thoughts, feelings and actions.
My every thought, word and action is my creation. Situations come to me from outside, but my responses are completely my choice.
4.Happiness is my decision , I will not let my happiness be dependent on persons or situations.
If I allow others to decide my happiness I am giving them the remote control to my greatest treasure , my happiness , its like I am begging them to make me happy which I wont allow , but I will hold to this treasure and cherish it .
5.The nature of me the soul is inherently happy.
When I am happy I radiate happiness by which I become the influence over people and situations rather than they influencing and taking charge of my happiness.
6.I already have within me all the resources in the most effective ways, to fulfill my Iife's mission to be happy and be at peace with my self and with the world.
7.lt's not what others say or do that hurts us, lt's what I do - with what they say or do that hurts me, let me stop emotionally abusing myself.
8.There is no one who can shake me !
9.My role is to radiate love ,peace and happiness , and I wont allow my role to get entangled in other's roles .
Whenever there is a huge boulder in my way (obstacles in the form of situations and people ),I will not deplete my soul energy by getting entangled in it or by trying to break it with tools (question) of , why , how , if , if only,..
but with the inner power of my happiness and positivity I will jump over these obstacles and move ahead.
10.Meditation is the method to become intuitively aware of who we really are beyond the superficial labels of modern society; to experience the core energy of my being which is peaceful, positive and powerful and direct that power into my abilities to create, communicate and co-operate with others.