Hot, Sexy, Sexual Resumes! Get Yours Before They Melt!

[Sunstone]

By serious resumes do you mean true?

Yeah! I think some true ones would be interesting. Just maybe this isn't the thread for them, though. Not sure about that.

 

[Huey09]

RESUME OF HUEY

JOB OBJECTIVE: The last intellectual left in the American State of Georgia is in forlorn search of a compatible friend to explore with him the exciting possibilities inherent in passing low voltage electrical currents through a common pair of nipple clamps while having passages of Baudelaire's poetry read aloud to her in his most earnest fake French accent. The ideal companion will be sexually open and unusually inquisitive, patient with his lack of experience, and exceptionally able to recover her composure when he eagerly shows up at her door wearing only his favorite chain mail thong.

QUALIFICATIONS: The applicant is a shy loner who nevertheless displays remarkable consideration for others. His passions include reading manga, playing video games, and inventing ever more creative excuses for why he should put off organizing his vast and strangely cherished collection of out-of-date college textbooks. Although physically inexperienced in the sexual arts, the applicant has intrepidly forged an exciting fantasy sex life that he habitually indulges in during spare moments or while taking academic tests.

WORK HISTORY:

University of Georgia Student Work Program for Indigent Perverts: In addition to successfully building up exciting levels of student debt, the applicant works part-time to pay for his personal needs, which include his manga addiction, his blind passion for wearing out-of-fashion clothing, and the liberal sums of money he desperately gives to the Athen's State Girl's Orphanage in the fervent hope that someday one of its more compassionate graduates will consent to date him.

The applicant once held a summer job as a Tree Bark Remover for a sawmill, which he found emotionally engaging work after his warped mind strangely seized upon the idea that striping bark from trees would significantly help him overcome his constant and miserable failures at mentally undressing undergraduate women.

EDUCATION:

Currently pursuing a double major in the Physics of Strange Particle Attractions and Socially Dysfunctional French Literature at the University of Georgia, Athens.

Graduate with distinctions from the California Mail Order Institute for the Advancement of Impractical Fantasies.

REFERENCES:

Professor Clem Birder, Department of Physics, Faculty Adviser to Hopelessly Troubled Students.

Jens Lowenmeyer, Bouncer, Fernstein's Ice Cream Emporium and Body Lotion Shop.

Its so...beautiful! :clap:sad4::sad4::clap

 

[Aquitaine]

Well you could write one about me, although since I'm a virgin and I mostly intend to stay that way, the resume would be rather... short. :biglaugh:

 

[Sunstone]

Well you could write one about me, although since I'm a virgin and I mostly intend to stay that way, the resume would be rather... short. :biglaugh:

Sure! I'd love to! I can't promise when it will be done, though. I'm eating supper now.

 

[Poeticus]

Members,

You should have asked Sunstone when he was on a roll. Mine is the funniest without a doubt.

 

[Sunstone]

You should have asked Sunstone when he was on a roll.

Don't be singing my death knell just yet, young man!

 

[Aquitaine]

Members,

You should have asked Sunstone when he was on a roll. Mine is the funniest without a doubt.

I think we may overwork him, and that the temporary fame may go to his head.

I expect we'll be hearing about him in the news during the next few days...

 

[Sunstone]

...the temporary fame...

The what? Fame? Only a dozen people are following this thread, if that!

 

[Aquitaine]

The what? Fame? Only a dozen people are following this thread, if that!

The temporary RF fame.

 

[Poeticus]

Don't be singing my death knell just yet, young man!

I am not, homie. I was just saying that when you were posting these resumes every hour, you were on a roll and unstoppable!

I think we may overwork him, and that the temporary fame may go to his head.

I expect we'll be hearing about him in the news during the next few days...

Hehehe. I hope not. But, if that happens, Uncle Sunstone will become a legend of RF, worthy of worship and laudation! Muahaha!

The what? Fame? Only a dozen people are following this thread, if that!

Sureeeeeee . Is that why this thread has 9 pages?

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

Members,

You should have asked Sunstone when he was on a roll. Mine is the funniest without a doubt.

Excuse me mine was excellent! Maybe yours was the funniest but you could tell a lot of creative effort went into mine.

 

[Poeticus]

Excuse me mine was excellent! Maybe yours was the funniest but you could tell a lot of creative effort went into mine.

 

[Draka]

Hey Sunstone...do me baby! lol

Oh, and are our long hot padawan/master showers to be included? :flirt:

 

[Wherenextcolumbus]

Yeah! I think some true ones would be interesting. Just maybe this isn't the thread for them, though. Not sure about that.

You go first

 

[Sunstone]

RESUME OF AQUITAINE

JOB OBJECTIVE: Properly attractive English virgin male indifferently seeks properly attractive English virgin female for light, nearly asexual companionship during long country walks, evenings by the fireside, meals together, and the distasteful, but inevitable fumblings of their marriage night. The ideal female will bring to the arrangement an extensive wardrobe of thick, woolen nightgowns, plain, white cotton knickers (no radical French cuts, please), and impossible to quickly unclasp wired brassieres. Her passionate enthusiasm for keeping to a proper English distance, even while abed, is an absolute must!

QUALIFICATIONS: The applicant is extremely warm, personable, outgoing, and friendly to one and all (But, of course, only by English standards). He is reasonably well educated, never offensively clever, but sports good sense, a keen wit, and a studiously understated intelligence. He displays no reluctance to discharge his duties to his family, friends, and society. His only alarming character trait is the extremely inappropriate, but nevertheless quite understandable, patriotic erection he gets whenever viewing Her Majesty on the telly.

WORK HISTORY:

British Broadcasting Corporation, Fact Checker and Spin Removal Specialist: In his capacity with the BBC, the applicant has demonstrated an almost alarming aptitude for removing any hint of subjectivity, opinion, or personality from the day's news. "In wet, out dry" is his motto -- both on the job and in bed. He has earned nearly constant praise from his superiors for the excellence of his work, but they have so understated that praise that he is yet to become aware of any of it.

Prior to the BBC, the applicant worked as a professional guide and translator for American tourists, during which time, he developed a severe back injury from the excessive slapping. His ears also suffered immensely from the booming voices. He nevertheless mucked through in the best possible British fashion, although to this day he is afflicted with an intrenched phobia for middle-age men and women holding cameras and brochures, and is given to uncontrollable shaking upon hearing the phrase, "car salesman".

EDUCATION:

Graduate, The Victorian School of Sexual Proprieties.

Graduate with High, but understated, Honors, The London Institute for the Suitable Suppression of Passions.

REFERENCES:

Sir Arthur Picklebottom-Evans, Private Secretary to Her Majesty charged with intercepting and destroying unsolicited love letters.

Bernice Fickleweeds, emotionally remote and unattainable early in life love interest.

 

[Sunstone]

You go first

I think now that it would be best to start a separate thread for that. Maybe in Eros. I'm not yet resolved to do it, though.

 

[Sunstone]

Hey Sunstone...do me baby! lol

Oh, and are our long hot padawan/master showers to be included? :flirt:

I'd love to! Doing it will depend, though, on when the creative waters start flowing again. No guarantees, then.

 

[lewisnotmiller]

RESUME OF AQUITAINE

JOB OBJECTIVE: Properly attractive English virgin male indifferently seeks properly attractive English virgin female for light, nearly asexual companionship during long country walks, evenings by the fireside, meals together, and the distasteful, but inevitable fumblings of their marriage night. The ideal female will bring to the arrangement an extensive wardrobe of thick, woolen nightgowns, plain, white cotton knickers (no radical French cuts, please), and impossible to quickly unclasp wired brassieres. Her passionate enthusiasm for keeping to a proper English distance, even while abed, is an absolute must!

QUALIFICATIONS: The applicant is extremely warm, personable, outgoing, and friendly to one and all (But, of course, only by English standards). He is reasonably well educated, never offensively clever, but sports good sense, a keen wit, and a studiously understated intelligence. He displays no reluctance to discharge his duties to his family, friends, and society. His only alarming character trait is the extremely inappropriate, but nevertheless quite understandable, patriotic erection he gets whenever viewing Her Majesty on the telly.

WORK HISTORY:

British Broadcasting Corporation, Fact Checker and Spin Removal Specialist: In his capacity with the BBC, the applicant has demonstrated an almost alarming aptitude for removing any hint of subjectivity, opinion, or personality from the day's news. "In wet, out dry" is his motto -- both on the job and in bed. He has earned nearly constant praise from his superiors for the excellence of his work, but they have so understated that praise that he is yet to become aware of any of it.

Prior to the BBC, the applicant worked as a professional guide and translator for American tourists, during which time, he developed a severe back injury from the excessive slapping. His ears also suffered immensely from the booming voices. He nevertheless mucked through in the best possible British fashion, although to this day he is afflicted with an intrenched phobia for middle-age men and women holding cameras and brochures.

EDUCATION:

Graduate, The Victorian School of Sexual Proprieties.

Graduate with High, but understated, Honors, The London Institute for the Suitable Suppression of Passions.

REFERENCES:

Sir Arthur Picklebottom-Evans, Private Secretary to Her Majesty charged with intercepting and destroying unsolicited love letters.

Bernice Fickleweeds, emotionally remote and unattainable early in life love interest.

LMFAO...this is my new fave.

 

[Sunstone]

LMFAO...this is my new fave.

Thanks for the feedback!

 

[Aquitaine]

RESUME OF AQUITAINE

JOB OBJECTIVE: Properly attractive English virgin male indifferently seeks properly attractive English virgin female for light, nearly asexual companionship during long country walks, evenings by the fireside, meals together, and the distasteful, but inevitable fumblings of their marriage night. The ideal female will bring to the arrangement an extensive wardrobe of thick, woolen nightgowns, plain, white cotton knickers (no radical French cuts, please), and impossible to quickly unclasp wired brassieres. Her passionate enthusiasm for keeping to a proper English distance, even while abed, is an absolute must!

QUALIFICATIONS: The applicant is extremely warm, personable, outgoing, and friendly to one and all (But, of course, only by English standards). He is reasonably well educated, never offensively clever, but sports good sense, a keen wit, and a studiously understated intelligence. He displays no reluctance to discharge his duties to his family, friends, and society. His only alarming character trait is the extremely inappropriate, but nevertheless quite understandable, patriotic erection he gets whenever viewing Her Majesty on the telly.

WORK HISTORY:

British Broadcasting Corporation, Fact Checker and Spin Removal Specialist: In his capacity with the BBC, the applicant has demonstrated an almost alarming aptitude for removing any hint of subjectivity, opinion, or personality from the day's news. "In wet, out dry" is his motto -- both on the job and in bed. He has earned nearly constant praise from his superiors for the excellence of his work, but they have so understated that praise that he is yet to become aware of any of it.

Prior to the BBC, the applicant worked as a professional guide and translator for American tourists, during which time, he developed a severe back injury from the excessive slapping. His ears also suffered immensely from the booming voices. He nevertheless mucked through in the best possible British fashion, although to this day he is afflicted with an intrenched phobia for middle-age men and women holding cameras and brochures, and is given to uncontrollable shaking upon hearing the phrase, "car salesman".

EDUCATION:

Graduate, The Victorian School of Sexual Proprieties.

Graduate with High, but understated, Honors, The London Institute for the Suitable Suppression of Passions.

REFERENCES:

Sir Arthur Picklebottom-Evans, Private Secretary to Her Majesty charged with intercepting and destroying unsolicited love letters.

Bernice Fickleweeds, emotionally remote and unattainable early in life love interest.

How you managed to pull off such a thing given my limited errr... material, is beyond me. Patriotic erection every time I see HM on the telly - hahaha!

Ah man, where do you get this stuff?!