How can I be more confident about my body image??

[Noirhaired]

I know that even in spite of having lost 10 pounds, I still have poor body image. For the past three months I have been going to the gym and two of those months have been working with a personal trainer in group fitness classes.

I think that I just don't have the "ideal female body". I have very broad shoulders to the point where I can't even fit into a size 8 without struggling, even though technically speaking at 135 pounds and 5'5" I should. My shoulders are almost 20 inches wide-- that's like a man!

I have narrow hips and while my waistline will never be 25 inches, I can definately get it below 30 inches. And even then, I would still not even look like I have a female body.

I'm just tired of people telling me that women can't have big arms or shoulders, that they should look like hourglass figures when in reality less than 20% of women are, and that I'm "husky" even though I have gone down to 26% body fat from 28%.

Why can't I just accept the way I am? Does that mean I need to be 115 pounds?

 

[dawny0826]

I know that even in spite of having lost 10 pounds, I still have poor body image. For the past three months I have been going to the gym and two of those months have been working with a personal trainer in group fitness classes.

I think that I just don't have the "ideal female body". I have very broad shoulders to the point where I can't even fit into a size 8 without struggling, even though technically speaking at 135 pounds and 5'5" I should. My shoulders are almost 20 inches wide-- that's like a man!

I have narrow hips and while my waistline will never be 25 inches, I can definately get it below 30 inches. And even then, I would still not even look like I have a female body.

I'm just tired of people telling me that women can't have big arms or shoulders, that they should look like hourglass figures when in reality less than 20% of women are, and that I'm "husky" even though I have gone down to 26% body fat from 28%.

Why can't I just accept the way I am? Does that mean I need to be 115 pounds?

I am overweight and have a broad back. I have days where I'm totally unhappy with myself and with the exception of eating poorly today, I've rejoined Weight Watchers, in an effort to lose poundage.

The truth is though, it's hard to be successful at achieving a level of comfort...within your own skin if you constantly compare yourself to others and "society's" standards of what defines beauty.

In truth, there is no standard definition to "beautiful". We are all beautiful in our own way and it's our uniqueness that defines our own personal beauty. There is no "ideal female body". It doesn't exist. It's a made up tactic that SELLS products and services....that makes people like you and I feel bad about ourselves when there's nothing wrong with us.

Should we want to be an ideal body weight to be healthy? Absolutely. Should we obsess over meeting some stupid standard that really doesn't exist? No.

Don't worry about anyone else. The very fact that you've lost ten pounds and are working diligently for your health is an awesome, awesome thing! You should be rewarding yourself for such a victory!

I would advise to focus on the small victories and outcomes rather than the larger picture. Focus on a small goal for yourself. Okay, you've lost ten pounds. What would YOU like to do next for yourself? Set a small goal and then work towards that goal. When you meet that goal, do something good for yourself because you TOTALLY deserve it.

But DO question why you want to achieve the goal? If the answer is to meet some standard that others have set...chances are...you won't be happy once you reach your goal. Focus on what makes you happy. Focus on what you'd like to be.

Tell "society" to shove it!!

 

[Noirhaired]

The main reason I want to achieve losing 20 pounds is so that for once since I have been 9 years old, I can wear clothes without feeling uphappy, and to have a flat stomach. The research linking stomach fat to cardiovascular disease scares me, considering that 50% of my extended family members have cardiovascular conditions or illnesses.

 

[dawny0826]

The main reason I want to achieve losing 20 pounds is so that for once since I have been 9 years old, I can wear clothes without feeling uphappy, and to have a flat stomach. The research linking stomach fat to cardiovascular disease scares me, considering that 50% of my extended family members have cardiovascular conditions or illnesses.

That's awesome! You'll do great. Make sure to do something awesome for yourself when you reach your goal!

 

[Djamila]

I know that even in spite of having lost 10 pounds, I still have poor body image. For the past three months I have been going to the gym and two of those months have been working with a personal trainer in group fitness classes.

I think that I just don't have the "ideal female body". I have very broad shoulders to the point where I can't even fit into a size 8 without struggling, even though technically speaking at 135 pounds and 5'5" I should. My shoulders are almost 20 inches wide-- that's like a man!

I have narrow hips and while my waistline will never be 25 inches, I can definately get it below 30 inches. And even then, I would still not even look like I have a female body.

I'm just tired of people telling me that women can't have big arms or shoulders, that they should look like hourglass figures when in reality less than 20% of women are, and that I'm "husky" even though I have gone down to 26% body fat from 28%.

Why can't I just accept the way I am? Does that mean I need to be 115 pounds?

There's never anything wrong with a woman's body (unless you're living an unhealthy lifestyle, then you're not in tune with the body you were meant to have). Every body type is the desired ideal somewhere, and although there is a biological element of course, most of our preferences overall are cultural. So there's nothing wrong.

You live in North America, I assume - so the ideal shape there if we look at American celebrities is tall and well-built, not necessarily skinny but slender and toned.

You're not going to reach that point. You're not going to suddenly grow 2 feet taller. So you just have to say - my body is fine as it is, it's mine and I love it, so now what.

The trick is dressing for your body type. With broad shoulders you should wear long sleeves or shirts with no sleeves, not the little ones that come out to the edge of the shoulder.

To balance your upper and lower body, choose simply shirts - very simply. Completely black, or purple, or yellow, or whatever color you like - no pattern, nothing.

On the bottom half, go a little wild. Textured skirts, or jeans. If you buy jeans, get them faded in the bum and thighs - this will make those areas look wider.

You could also consider a suit jacket, one that comes half-way down your buttocks. Get it tailored, it'll give you more weight on your lower half.

Women your size often have large breasts. If you do, show a little cleavage. It's very important for big-breasted women not to completely cover them or they look jiggly, fat, and strange. Get a deep v-neck or some other design that shows just a few inches of your cleavage and it'll make a big difference.

That's about all the advice I can give having never seen you.

 

[dawny0826]

The trick is dressing for your body type. With broad shoulders you should wear long sleeves or shirts with no sleeves, not the little ones that come out to the edge of the shoulder.

Djamila, I wanted to say that this is really EXCELLENT advise.

I'm a What Not to Wear a-holic. It's a show on TLC, where they teach people how to dress for their body types and give them an all over makeover and wearing the proper clothing really does make a difference.

 

[Djamila]

"Women with large breasts really need to individually pack their breasts. There's nothing worse than a woman in a DD bra and a turtleneck. You look at her and just wonder what is this single massive, bouncy lump in the middle of her chest. Show a little on top, and suddenly everything becomes clear. "Oh!" they'll say "It's titties! See, two of them!" and suddenly all the commotion in her blouse becomes attractive."



And it's true. I've worn corsets downtown a few times, and they kind of push up the breasts an obscene amount - so even I can get a little bouncy bouncy in my cleavage. There's nothing sexier that a woman who stops moving 2 or 3 seconds before her breasts.

 

[Buttercup]

"Women with large breasts really need to individually pack their breasts.

Individually pack! :biglaugh: :biglaugh: Oh somebody hand me a tissue so I can wipe my eyes!

 

[Ozzie]

"Women with large breasts really need to individually pack their breasts. There's nothing worse than a woman in a DD bra and a turtleneck. You look at her and just wonder what is this single massive, bouncy lump in the middle of her chest. Show a little on top, and suddenly everything becomes clear. "Oh!" they'll say "It's titties! See, two of them!" and suddenly all the commotion in her blouse becomes attractive."



And it's true. I've worn corsets downtown a few times, and they kind of push up the breasts an obscene amount - so even I can get a little bouncy bouncy in my cleavage. There's nothing sexier that a woman who stops moving 2 or 3 seconds before her breasts.

I always accorded the last phenomenon to a perceptual motion aftereffect while my brain readjusts.

 

[Katzpur]

I know that even in spite of having lost 10 pounds, I still have poor body image. For the past three months I have been going to the gym and two of those months have been working with a personal trainer in group fitness classes.

I think that I just don't have the "ideal female body". I have very broad shoulders to the point where I can't even fit into a size 8 without struggling, even though technically speaking at 135 pounds and 5'5" I should. My shoulders are almost 20 inches wide-- that's like a man!

I have narrow hips and while my waistline will never be 25 inches, I can definately get it below 30 inches. And even then, I would still not even look like I have a female body.

I'm just tired of people telling me that women can't have big arms or shoulders, that they should look like hourglass figures when in reality less than 20% of women are, and that I'm "husky" even though I have gone down to 26% body fat from 28%.

Why can't I just accept the way I am? Does that mean I need to be 115 pounds?

Wow, you have just perfectly described my body. We could swap some clothes if you'd like! Seriously, I am almost exactly the same size and shape as you. I did get down to 127 lbs. a couple of years ago and kept the weight off until about six months ago. I'm going to try to get back to 127 again myself in 2007. But 115? No way! I like to eat too much to punish myself that way.

 

[jacquie4000]

I think all women need to be more happy with themselves in general. I am only 5' nothing and I weight 115. I am by no means fat. I work out at the gym everyday and I have a muscular build especially in my legs. But I am 40, by no means am I going to try to lose more weight. At this point in my life it is not going to happen. Like my doctor said you are in great shape and your weight is never going to be what is was when you were 20. I have always had a very tiny waist but had muscular legs I can diet all I want it is still going to be that way. Be happy with who you are as long as you excersise and eat right you can not be perfect.

 

[Noirhaired]

To balance your upper and lower body, choose simply shirts - very simply. Completely black, or purple, or yellow, or whatever color you like - no pattern, nothing.

That has never worked for me-- whenever I wear a solid color that is very dark, like black, I just look even bigger.

On the bottom half, go a little wild. Textured skirts, or jeans. If you buy jeans, get them faded in the bum and thighs - this will make those areas look wider.

I have very very big thighs-- won't work.

You could also consider a suit jacket, one that comes half-way down your buttocks. Get it tailored, it'll give you more weight on your lower half.

This just makes me look even more boxy and chunky.

Women your size often have large breasts. If you do, show a little cleavage.

I've already tried that-- it just drew negative attention to me and noone took me seriously.

I want to actually lose enough weight to make my chest smaller-- if going down to 115 pounds means I lose a whole cup size, then I'd rather do that instead of spending a lot of money which I don't have on a new wardrobe.

 

[Djamila]

That has never worked for me-- whenever I wear a solid color that is very dark, like black, I just look even bigger.

I have very very big thighs-- won't work.

This just makes me look even more boxy and chunky.

I've already tried that-- it just drew negative attention to me and noone took me seriously.

I want to actually lose enough weight to make my chest smaller-- if going down to 115 pounds means I lose a whole cup size, then I'd rather do that instead of spending a lot of money which I don't have on a new wardrobe.

Okay then. Good luck.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

You ought to start an advice thread here at RF, Djamila...........you could help me out, too, as an insanely short woman who doesn't mind showing some leg and cleavage.



You've already inspired me enough to make sure that I keep my tennis shoes on only in our home, and to put something a little sexier on my feet for stepping out.



Oh, and I don't exactly need more confidence in my body image. I just needed to have a sense of humor about my sags here and there, my stretch marks, and my height. Learning to love my quirks, I think, has made me MORE attractive than just appearing delusional to others.




Oh, I just thought of some great advice for most any woman..........find the right bra for you. I think Oprah revealed a statistic that something like 85% of American women are currently wearing the wrong bra size. I was fitted two years ago in a local bra shop that made SUCH a difference in my shape! I had a waist before, but having the right support REALLY showed my figure...........and now I have the new "Ultimate Cleavage Bras" (two of them) from Fredericks in my size, and they weren't kidding. I have some real ultimate cleavage going on here.


Back to topic:


So, how 'bout it, Mila? I'm open to suggestions if you'd like my measurements and such. :flirt:




Peace,
Mystic

 

[Djamila]

Okay then. Good luck.

My God? LOL Every now and then I happen upon my posts and think - what was I trying to say? That sounds so short and bitter, sorry! LOL It was sincere!

 

[Radio Frequency X]

I know that even in spite of having lost 10 pounds, I still have poor body image. For the past three months I have been going to the gym and two of those months have been working with a personal trainer in group fitness classes.

I think that I just don't have the "ideal female body". I have very broad shoulders to the point where I can't even fit into a size 8 without struggling, even though technically speaking at 135 pounds and 5'5" I should. My shoulders are almost 20 inches wide-- that's like a man!

I have narrow hips and while my waistline will never be 25 inches, I can definately get it below 30 inches. And even then, I would still not even look like I have a female body.

I'm just tired of people telling me that women can't have big arms or shoulders, that they should look like hourglass figures when in reality less than 20% of women are, and that I'm "husky" even though I have gone down to 26% body fat from 28%.

Why can't I just accept the way I am? Does that mean I need to be 115 pounds?

From a biological perspective, men, on average, like healthy women. They don't like them rail thin and they don't like them fat. They look for women with healthy, clean, attractive bodies. This will never change, unless the food supply runs out and being overweight is a sign of great wealth.

 

[Djamila]

Oh, and I don't exactly need more confidence in my body image. I just needed to have a sense of humor about my sags here and there, my stretch marks, and my height. Learning to love my quirks, I think, has made me MORE attractive than just appearing delusional to others.

It's very true. Accepting yourself, and making the best of it, can help you to demonstrate your own beauty even if you're not what your culture holds as an ideal. Some times I've seen technically perfect Bosnian women who fuss over their hair and spend a great deal of time fixing their clothes while out in public. They'll never be as beautiful as a rural girl in a simply dress who has a big smile on her face and just exists in the moment, not even worrying about whether or not her strap is in the right place on her shoulder.

It's also important to remember men in any country often have completely different tastes than women believe they do.

Oh, I just thought of some great advice for most any woman..........find the right bra for you. I think Oprah revealed a statistic that something like 85% of American women are currently wearing the wrong bra size. I was fitted two years ago in a local bra shop that made SUCH a difference in my shape! I had a waist before, but having the right support REALLY showed my figure...........and now I have the new "Ultimate Cleavage Bras" (two of them) from Fredericks in my size, and they weren't kidding. I have some real ultimate cleavage going on here.

Very, very true. A good bra is one of the most important things. A general rule for most women is to go smaller around the back, and bigger in the cup. The strap of your bra on the back should be down low or you won't get any support and it's just like... putting your breasts in plastic baggies for the day.

So, how 'bout it, Mila? I'm open to suggestions if you'd like my measurements and such. :flirt:

Peace,
Mystic

You seem confident in your choices already, so I'm not really sure what I could suggest that hasn't already caught your attention.

I suppose for short women the best rule is to not wear jeans with a big flare at the bottom. They make your thighs look much larger and your calves look very small, especially if you get them cut to fit your height. A more straight leg jean is much better because it evens out your upper and lower leg, instead of being 70% thigh and 30% calf.

Also, for shorter women, 3/4-length sleeves will make you appear taller. If you're wearing long sleeves, push them up - it will help.

Dresses, you should go at the knee or just below the knee - also because they stretch you out. Never go too tight or too loose. It should be snug around your hips, and then gentle slope more or less straight down to be a little loose around your knees.

Also I notice that North American women seem much more afraid of enhancements than European women, it kind of carries perhaps a social stigma in America?

But you can be 24 and wear squish-it-in granny panties and tummy-clencher waist bands. You can put chicken cutlet-style enhancements into your bra if you need it. What goes on under your clothes is your business and your man's business only.

 

[MysticSang'ha]

From a biological perspective, men, on average, like healthy women. They don't like them rail thin and they don't like them fat. They look for women with healthy, clean, attractive bodies. This will never change, unless the food supply runs out and being overweight is a sign of great wealth.

I think this is a very good way of putting it, and it's been my experience that men, on the whole, like women who take care of themselves. It isn't a certain cookie-cutter image that men look for..........it's the attitude that men look for in how a woman sees herself.



Confidence goes a looooooonnnnggg way.



Peace,
Mystic

 

[Buttercup]

Very, very true. A good bra is one of the most important things. A general rule for most women is to go smaller around the back, and bigger in the cup. The strap of your bra on the back should be down low or you won't get any support and it's just like... putting your breasts in plastic baggies for the day.

In other words, just make sure they're individually packed right? Hehee! I love that saying. I'm going to ask my husband next time I buy a bra, "Hey sweetie, do my boobs look individually packed in this bra?" He's gonna look at me like this........:sorry1: ????

 

[Noirhaired]

I think this is a very good way of putting it, and it's been my experience that men, on the whole, like women who take care of themselves. It isn't a certain cookie-cutter image that men look for

Actually there IS a cookie-cutter image. I haven't met a single man out there who has said that he doesn't like a woman with a flat stomach, non-cellulite butts, perky boobs, and weights below 135 pounds. Even my bf has expressed that if had to make a choice between a flat stomach and big boobs, he'd choose the flat stomach.