I know I may seem to be the last person to depend on when offering advice on how to cope with an affection outside a marriage that you're looking to bar. Surprisingly, hubbie and I have had plenty of experience here. So, allow me to try to help:
- I see you yearning for a exploring the strong connection between you and this woman. First, forgive yourself for having that strong connection after you recognize that it exists, and that it is overwhelming. You are not weird, awful, evil, a bad husband, etc. These things happen in even the best of marriages from time to time, but it is the decision on how to communicate these feelings to your spouse and/or the person of interest. Once the decision is made to communicate your feelings and after you have done so without blame toward anyone....
- Listen to the feelings of your spouse and/or the person of interest. You'll hear a range of either anger, ecstasy, jealousy, fear, or a combination of all. This may or may not even be the most difficult part, but it's HUGELY important. And that is listening without injecting more of what you would like, dislike, want, or fear. Once you have successfully listened actively to the person or people you have communicated your desires to....
- Prioritize your time spent throughout the day and night. I know this seems a really super odd suggestion, but looking over how your spend your time is a good indicator of what you find important. A time journal to document for a few days helps you to see how your time spent lines up with your values and ethics, and is a remarkable exercise in mirroring what you are doing at the moment - which reflects what may be motivating you to participate in your activities and relationships.
- Finally, don't just decide to pursue, maintain, or end your time with the woman you're strongly attracted to, but decide which half-dozen people you would like to surround you in the next phase. Focusing entirely on what you want or don't want with this woman is narrowing your world down to her and her alone as an addition to your entire life. I highly suggest expanding your circle of influence beyond her, and make time and connect with people at work, your neighborhood, family, and friends. When you expand your network of people you have an affection to, you are better able to frame how she fits in the entire scheme of things and people you enjoy being around.
- One last thing....And this is another odd suggestion....clear out any clutter in your car, your office space, your closet, your home that has been bugging you for a while. Trust me, sometimes when there is physical clutter somewhere that you see, the mind is cluttered and affected. Just clean it out and see what happens. I've found at times a super-charged clarity in my life when I've been faced with a difficult decision after I clear out clutter in a specific space. And just make it ONE cluttered space and then see what happens.
Good luck! :hug:
Yesterday I cleared the workshop of clutter,then the Car,then the shed,cut down a few dead tree's,i see some good advice here x
