I 'believe' that God is all loving and all just because that is what Baha'u'llah wrote, even though it has yet to be demonstrated.
How could such a belief be demonstrated?
I believe it's the way we look at life. It can be very difficult to reach that level of understanding and acceptance, but it can be done.
Here, in little ways: Romantize the little things in life. Think of that first cup of coffee every morning as the greatest cup of coffee you've ever had. Think how lovely and warm the dishwater is on your hands when you wash up. And above all, gratitude! Let your prayers be thank you noted each and every time.
Examples: My mother passed away before I ever started school, but by the time I loss my father more than 30 years later, I could be thankful that I got to know that man in a way my oldest brother never did, because he had a mother, too.
My youngest child was born with extensive defects. It was hard to find appreciation most days, but I managed: his giggles and grins even while seeing the syringes being prepared, his energy running down the hospital hallway dragging tubes and bags, and even now, in his forties and still full of giggles and grins and an inner strength that will not let him be "handicapped" though he tires so of his battles.
I know you struggle with having lost your husband. I'm so sorry. But turn that around,
when you're ready, to appreciation of having had such a relationship. You had a true blessing, I'm sure. God gives us His love through others, sometimes in ways difficult to recognize.