How to say 'No'?

[The Crimson Universe]

People around me are mostly into visiting temples and worshipping idols. And don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with it.
I respect their beliefs and practices. But i also want them to know, that its not my path and that they shouldn't force me to take part in their rituals.

Often i am being invited by neighbours to attend small home based Pujas of various Gods & Goddesses.
I used to attend them when i was dualist. But after my love and interest shifted towards Advaita Vedanta, i no longer want to walk on the path of worshiping a separate God. It just doesn't appeals to me anymore.

Last year Diwali one family invited me to their home for Laxmi puja and i explained to them that pujas don't interest me anymore since i was pursuing a different path.
And i think they were a little offended. It seemed to me they never heard of Advaita before or maybe they've heard of it but consider it an inferior Godless path or something.
I don't know.


How do i politely decline such invitations without offending them or hurting their feelings?

 

[George-ananda]

Give them a 'maybe, we'll see with my other activities'. And never show up.

I remember the Guru Satya Sai Baba saying: 'You can always speak obligingly but you cannot always oblige'.

I wouldn't go so far as to say you are not interested in pujas and such as I wouldn't want to dampen their enthusiasm. Let me them figure out the hint.

 

[Martin]

People around me are mostly into visiting temples and worshipping idols. And don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with it.
I respect their beliefs and practices. But i also want them to know, that its not my path and that they shouldn't force me to take part in their rituals.

Often i am being invited by neighbours to attend small home based Pujas of various Gods & Goddesses.
I used to attend them when i was dualist. But after my love and interest shifted towards Advaita Vedanta, i no longer want to walk on the path of worshiping a separate God. It just doesn't appeals to me anymore.

Last year Diwali one family invited me to their home for Laxmi puja and i explained to them that pujas don't interest me anymore since i was pursuing a different path.
And i think they were a little offended. It seemed to me they never heard of Advaita before or maybe they've heard of it but consider it an inferior Godless path or something.
I don't know.


How do i politely decline such invitations without offending them or hurting their feelings?

You can't be responsible for how they react, and I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Possibly they need a little time to take in your change of direction.

 

[SomeRandom]

People around me are mostly into visiting temples and worshipping idols. And don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with it.
I respect their beliefs and practices. But i also want them to know, that its not my path and that they shouldn't force me to take part in their rituals.

Often i am being invited by neighbours to attend small home based Pujas of various Gods & Goddesses.
I used to attend them when i was dualist. But after my love and interest shifted towards Advaita Vedanta, i no longer want to walk on the path of worshiping a separate God. It just doesn't appeals to me anymore.

Last year Diwali one family invited me to their home for Laxmi puja and i explained to them that pujas don't interest me anymore since i was pursuing a different path.
And i think they were a little offended. It seemed to me they never heard of Advaita before or maybe they've heard of it but consider it an inferior Godless path or something.
I don't know.


How do i politely decline such invitations without offending them or hurting their feelings?

Maybe a “man I’m swamped with work. But I’ll see.”
Or something similar. A vague “maybe” is usually better received than an outright “no” lol

 

[stvdv]

How do i politely decline such invitations without offending them or hurting their feelings?

I used to be unable to say no

My Guru, Sai Baba, told me something like:
If people feel offended if you refuse their "food" then it's their fault, because it's their Dharma (duty) to offer to you only what is "good for you" (meaning, what you consider good for you, not what they consider good for you)

 

[Viraja]

Oh, simply call them back to attend one of your advaita sessions/lectures, and I'm sure they will not bother you further, Greg.

 

[Viswa]

People around me are mostly into visiting temples and worshipping idols. And don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with it.
I respect their beliefs and practices. But i also want them to know, that its not my path and that they shouldn't force me to take part in their rituals.

Often i am being invited by neighbours to attend small home based Pujas of various Gods & Goddesses.
I used to attend them when i was dualist. But after my love and interest shifted towards Advaita Vedanta, i no longer want to walk on the path of worshiping a separate God. It just doesn't appeals to me anymore.

Last year Diwali one family invited me to their home for Laxmi puja and i explained to them that pujas don't interest me anymore since i was pursuing a different path.
And i think they were a little offended. It seemed to me they never heard of Advaita before or maybe they've heard of it but consider it an inferior Godless path or something.
I don't know.


How do i politely decline such invitations without offending them or hurting their feelings?

Hellooooo....Why you want to decline their need? Why not continue your path, by making the mind - advaita, and attend the temples as a robo?

If you are around, they feel pleased. Why you want to put a worry on them by declining their requests?

What will affect if you go to temple? Someone will insult you as shifting paths? You had not shifted and you just satisfying their request, but still an advaitic inside. What's there to worry for attending poojas?

Even, you know the energy level in temples? No thought can separate you from Bliss when you are in temple, without devoting to the deity. There is also benefits for body too in attending rituals.

So, why to Dvesha towards those?

Do you know Shankara went to many temples in his life?

Is there a misunderstanding around that, "Advaitins should not go to a temple"? They don't devote to the principal deity there. It's fine. But can go to temple, and it's like a dialogue with Ishwara or principal deity there by going to temple. Not as a prayer/devotion to them, but for a dialogue with them, if interested. And nothing there to worry about in attending rituals/pooja/temples, as you don't seek/desire anything from it. So, what's matter?

Is it, you don't want to waste your time going there?

or is there fear about some other?

It's very easy to say "NO" to thought of "I don't want to go to temples/poojas/rituals".

 

[The Crimson Universe]

Oh, simply call them back to attend one of your advaita sessions/lectures, and I'm sure they will not bother you further, Greg.

Will definitely try that in the future.

 

[The Crimson Universe]

Hellooooo....Why you want to decline their need? Why not continue your path, by making the mind - advaita, and attend the temples as a robo?

If you are around, they feel pleased. Why you want to put a worry on them by declining their requests?

What will affect if you go to temple? Someone will insult you as shifting paths? You had not shifted and you just satisfying their request, but still an advaitic inside. What's there to worry for attending poojas?

Even, you know the energy level in temples? No thought can separate you from Bliss when you are in temple, without devoting to the deity. There is also benefits for body too in attending rituals.

So, why to Dvesha towards those?

Do you know Shankara went to many temples in his life?

Is there a misunderstanding around that, "Advaitins should not go to a temple"? They don't devote to the principal deity there. It's fine. But can go to temple, and it's like a dialogue with Ishwara or principal deity there by going to temple. Not as a prayer/devotion to them, but for a dialogue with them, if interested. And nothing there to worry about in attending rituals/pooja/temples, as you don't seek/desire anything from it. So, what's matter?

Is it, you don't want to waste your time going there?

or is there fear about some other?

I know some advaitins worship personal gods. Even Shankara did.
But its not something i'm interested in.
I'm more of a hardcore, staunch non-dualist. Or atleast i'm trying to be.

 

[Viswa]

I know some advaitins worship personal gods. Even Shankara did.
But its not something i'm interested in.
I'm more of a hardcore, staunch non-dualist. Or atleast i'm trying to be.

Yeah. I can understand. But, what's the issue in going to temples? or attending poojas? One should not go to a temple/Church/Mosque without devotion?

Why not satisfy their small need to accompany them to temples without any hesitation, and go there like a picnic/sight seeing, whatever the sight maybe?

Just sing the bhajans for the beauty of singing, not in devotion.

Are you fear that, if you go/sing/attend, you might become a devotee?

Are you feared of others might influence you and separate you from Advaitic Path - like Brainwash you?

 

[The Crimson Universe]

Yeah. I can understand. But, what's the issue in going to temples? or attending poojas? One should not go to a temple/Church/Mosque without devotion?

Why not satisfy their small need to accompany them to temples without any hesitation, and go there like a picnic?

If visiting temples or attending pujas doesn't appeal to a person, then one doesn't need to do such things.
If one still does it (i.e. unwillingly) just to please others in society, then such a person is not being genuine. :=)

 

[SalixIncendium]

How do i politely decline such invitations without offending them or hurting their feelings?

I use, "No, thank you." It's worked quite well for me in the past.

If they ask why, I would politely explain that I don't practice bhakti yoga, or if it's a non-Hindu, I would explain I'm not a theist and don't participate in worship.

 

[Viswa]

If visiting temples or attending pujas doesn't appeal to a person, then one doesn't need to do such things.
If one still does it (i.e. unwillingly) just to please others in society, then such a person is not being genuine. :=)

Fine. Be a Genuine person and do only what appeals you, if that's your wish.

Take care.

Thank you.

 

[Aupmanyav]

"How to say 'No'?: Definition of no | Dictionary.com
Go. Attend the function, bow to the idols (they are yours, and mine, old friends, don't you like to meet old friends?), accept and relish prasāda. You know it is tasty. Forget about diabetes, a little would not harm anyone. You are an advatist and not one from Abrahamic religions. Bowing to idols will not make Brahman angry. The idols too are none other than Brahman. 'Sarvam Khalvidam Brahma'. Why, then, the confusion?

 

[Viswa]

"How to say 'No'?: Definition of no | Dictionary.com
Go. Attend the function, bow to the idols (they are yours, and mine, old friends, don't you like to meet old friends?), accept and relish prasāda. You know it is tasty. Forget about diabetes, a little would not harm anyone. You are an advatist and not one from Abrahamic religions. Bowing to idols will not make Brahman angry. The idols too are none other than Brahman. 'Sarvam Khalvidam Brahma'. Why, then, the confusion?

Hey Aup, you are right.

But, seems to me that, he made up his mind that, he will do what only appeals him. It's like how you are more strong that, Existence as well as Non-Existence and Science will come up with an answer for sure.

Looks like Everyone has every appealing things, including me, and we are free to do so whatever we want or don't want to.

Greg, don't want to go to temple and rituals. Then it's upto him. We had shown him what means to be Advaitin, but he wants to take up a new route, like you and me and many has individually.

Let one pleasure and suffer of their own appealing things as it is their own life and decision.

Take care.

Peace.

 

[shivsomashekhar]

Often i am being invited by neighbours to attend small home based Pujas of various Gods & Goddesses.
I used to attend them when i was dualist. But after my love and interest shifted towards Advaita Vedanta, i no longer want to walk on the path of worshiping a separate God. It just doesn't appeals to me anymore.

This is the Vivekananda flavor of neo-vedanta.

All Smartha Brahmins are Advaitins and they worship various gods as Saguna Brahman (see Panchayatana puja - Wikipedia). Shankara never said that he lost interest in worship. Till the end, he was engaged in traditional worship (Vasudeva, Shiva, Sharada, etc).

But this form of worship would not have worked for Victorian age Westerners - they would have instantly dismissed it as polytheistic paganism. Therefore, it was necessary for him to create a new flavor of Advaita.

 

[Viraja]

This is the Vivekananda flavor of neo-vedanta.

All Smartha Brahmins are Advaitins and they worship various gods as Saguna Brahman (see Panchayatana puja - Wikipedia). Shankara never said that he lost interest in worship. Till the end, he was engaged in traditional worship (Vasudeva, Shiva, Sharada, etc).

But this form of worship would not have worked for Victorian age Westerners - they would have instantly dismissed it as polytheistic paganism. Therefore, it was necessary for him to create a new flavor of Advaita.

I concur with this view. I do not know anything about Advaitha but in a recent talk by an eminent spiritual guru (Govindapuram Shri Balaji Bhagavadar, a Smarta brahmin) in Tamil language, I heard how 'Advaita Acharya' (one of the associates of Chaitanya Mahaprabhu) who is also known to be an incarnation of Lord Shiva himself, used to do saguna brahman worship, namely nama japa majority of the times. The speaker (Shri Balaji Bhagavadar) said in olden times many used to frown at him because their understanding of Advaita did not include saguna brahman worship, but traditionally saguna brahman worship rightfully has its place in Advaita.

Just adding my 2c.

 

[The Crimson Universe]

Many here on this thread said, that even Advaitins worship personal gods and yes, i'm aware of that, but the idea of worshipping a separate entity is not really my thing.

To me, one remains totally on the mercy of this higher entity. And this 'dependency' is something that i really don't like.

If something breaks down in my house, i would rather prefer to have the knowledge and skill to fix it myself, instead of depending on someone else.

In the path of bhakti, i have observed when i was a dualist long ago, that help from above doesn't come to all.
Even if it comes, it doesn't come easily. One has to wait a huge long time, in order for his prayers to be heard. Many of us (including myself) don't have the patience to wait forever just to get an answer from above.

In my case, the answer didn't come from above, even after praying daily for many hours with full of devotion. From this i came to the conclusion, that God doesn't really care for his children.
That he is not really as compassionate as people claim HE is.
Again, this is just my understanding and not the final truth.

Due to this bitter experience, i chose the path of enquiry, learning, studying, discussing etc.
I believe if i can apply the divine knowledge in my wordly life, my problems will not completely go away, but will be reduced to greater extent.
:=)

 

[Viswa]

Many here on this thread said, that even Advaitins worship personal gods and yes, i'm aware of that, but the idea of worshipping a separate entity is not really my thing.

To me, one remains totally on the mercy of this higher entity. And this 'dependency' is something that i really don't like.

If something breaks down in my house, i would rather prefer to have the knowledge and skill to fix it myself, instead of depending on someone else.

In the path of bhakti, i have observed when i was a dualist long ago, that help from above doesn't come to all.
Even if it comes, it doesn't come easily. One has to wait a huge long time, in order for his prayers to be heard. Many of us (including myself) don't have the patience to wait forever just to get an answer from above.

This is the reason why i chose the path of enquiry, learning, studying, discussing etc.
And if i can apply the divine knowledge in my wordly life, my problems will not completely go away, but will be reduced to greater extent.
:=)

Hey Greg. I very much feel free to person like you, who be very open and discuss even personal things, where in some other forums, people cover their identity, I don't know why they do so.

I have a question.

If some come to you and say "You didn't seeked the salvation/beauty of presence of God but only Knowledge, and God's mercy had made you go away from Bhakti path and move towards knowledge. It's not your own effort put down your seeking bhakti to God, but God's mercy made you leave the bhakti path and start to enquire things deeply which you deeply desired for. Without that help, you would have deluded yourself in false bhakti. True bhakti is not seeking knowledge from God, but being in that presence of that form of God always. As you don't seek this wholesome Bhakti but only for knowledge you made Bhakti, God been mercy to you and made you go in right path you seeked for knowledge".

What will you say to them?

 

[The Crimson Universe]

@Viswa Yes, it does occur to me every now and then, that perhaps it was his wish i strive towards the path of learning. But still i would have loved it if he answered my prayers.