I am me

[Kori]

My name is Korey. I was born in Orlando, FL, United States of Oppression. My mother died shortly later and my father put me up for adoption, my grandmother adopted me, she lived in Sanford, and my father lived with her not that it made a difference since he has been in jail or prison on and off half of my 31 years of life. As a child I was happy although very sheltered and to be honest a moron. I cannot remember when but I think at age 12 I was sexually assaulted by a male. I blocked it out of my mind till I was like 25 or 26. However on Oct. 28 1998 she died and the world I ever knew crumbled. 6 months later my father got into a car crash and killed 2 unborn babies, he took a plea of 7 years, he was a horrible driver with a record of crashes. From Oct. 1998 till about a year and a half later I bounced around 5 different places, friends places, then on my 16th birthday I was put in a foster care group home. At age 17 I began to self educate myself. A little after I turned 18 I was on my own. It was good for awhile but I started to drink at 21. It was heavy but not a problem because I always drank alone, well until my father got out of prison. I let him live with me and I had some hatred towards him. We got into fist fights. From age 22-30 it's kinda a blur but I did quit heavy drinking because I got arrested for domestic violence against my father. My ex-stepmother was there but it was towards my father. Ever since I was 14 till now I have hated her. twice in my life she has attacked me. The first was at age 14 the second 31 and my father took her side both times. Moving on From then until recently things were not good. My first girlfriend and first love that I met in foster care used the idea of going to the police to claim rape was going on for a short time but I broke away from that quickly. My father kept on betraying me taking my ex-stepmothers side over mine. And recently I decided I want nothing more to do with him. I needed money for food and he wouldn't give me any, this as after he lost almost all my stuff, books, clothes, etc, and wont give me my cat back. I haven't had a Girlfriend or sex for that matter in over 10 years. 7+ I just couldn't trust again. 3+ I did ask for numbers and got some but it when nowhere. Not even a date. I am not into one night stands because I am afraid of STD's. Now there is a girl I love but she just came from a bad relationship and isn't willing to date. I know the feeling.

Sorry if this is unfocused it's just a lot of this is painful. And there is more to it. I have been betrayed a lot by "friends", family, my first love. It's not easy. But it could be worse I suppose. I'm not good at this sort of thing. Sorry.

 

[Terese]

You have my sympathies.

 

[Kori]

You have my sympathies.

Thank you but I was hesitant to post this before now because I just felt like what happened to me wasn't so bad. Plus I still needed to get to know the forum.

 

[Sunstone]

But it could be worse I suppose.

When a close friend of mine told me her life story, I thought it was the worse thing I'd ever heard: It was to my ears, unimaginably brutal and horrifying. Then she told me she considered herself lucky because she knew a boy who'd had it far worse than her. I highly admire the attitude both she and you have, because you don't indulge yourselves in self-pity. In my experience, self-pity is what really destroys people. There is something about human nature that, given time, can heal from most things unless we fall into pitying ourselves. I think you and she are heroes not to do that.

 

[psychoslice]

Kori, you sound like a beautiful human being, and all that has happened to you was so cruel, you didn't need any of that in you young life, a life that should have been loving and secure, I feel that you can be a strong person which is good, that will get you through so much. Your parents are only human beings doing the best they can, they themselves may have been brought up in the same manner, and so it gets passed down to each generation, until someone like you puts a hold onto that negative baggage.

Always remember that you parents can be only children, they can be toxic, but they know no better, sometimes the children have to be the parent, which is hard, but someone has to do it, for they are weak, and never knew how to grow up and be good parents, yes they are still children.

 

[Kori]

When a close friend of mine told me her life story, I thought it was the worse thing I'd ever heard: It was to my ears, unimaginably brutal and horrifying. Then she told she considered herself lucky because she knew a boy who'd had it far worse than her. I highly admire the attitude both she and you have, because you don't indulge yourselves in self-pity. In my experience, self-pity is what really destroys people. There is something about human nature that, given time, can heal from most things unless we fall into pitying ourselves. I think you and she are heroes not to do that.

"The enemy of any productive life is self pity" - Robert Kennedy Jr.

I do have moments of not feeling good enough. Mainly with the girlfriend and sex thing. Masturbation for the WIN. I have a question could my views on having an bizarre attraction to dominating women be apart of my horrible experience with my first love? I think so but I wonder sometimes.

 

[psychoslice]

Sorry double posting

 

[psychoslice]

I love that name, Kori, its a real American name.

 

[Kori]

I love that name, Kori, its a real American name.

My real first name is Korey. I was named after the doctor who saved me. I didn't mention it because I know little about but I was born with bad blood I had to get a complete blood transfusion. I think it was still experimental in the 80's. But I do not know much about the event. Not the blood or the method to save me from it.

 

[Sunstone]

I have a question could my views on having an bizarre attraction to dominating women be apart of my horrible experience with my first love?

It could be. I know it's likely for a person (man or woman) to be attracted to a domineering man or women if one or more of their significant caregivers early in life was domineering. So, for example, suppose your grandmother was domineering -- that could result in your being attracted to a domineering woman.

But of course, your first girlfriend could have shaped your tastes too.

 

[Sunstone]

"The enemy of any productive life is self pity" - Robert Kennedy Jr.

Good quote.

 

[Kori]

It could be. I know it's likely for a person (man or woman) to be attracted to a domineering man or women if one or more of their significant caregivers early in life was domineering. So, for example, suppose your grandmother was domineering -- that could result in your being attracted to a domineering woman.

But of course, your first girlfriend could have shaped your tastes too.

I think its more like I'll let the woman be in control in the bedroom to help avoid the false accusations of rape. And liking it also helps.

 

[Sunstone]

And liking it also helps.

Nothing wrong with liking it.

 

[Sunstone]

I have a question could my views on having an bizarre attraction to dominating women be apart of my horrible experience with my first love? I think so but I wonder sometimes.

Actually, I should have told you that there's a way at least some trained therapists (which I am not) figure out the answer to questions like that one. If you're curious, and have a therapist, you might ask them about it.

 

[Kori]

Actually, I should have told you that there's a way at least some trained therapists (which I am not) figure out the answer to questions like that one. If you're curious, and have a therapist, you might ask them about it.

I'm shy. Plus I kinda don't want to mess with my kinky ideas.

 

[Sunstone]

I'm shy. Plus I kinda don't want to mess with my kinky ideas.

Fair enough.

 

[psychoslice]

My real first name is Korey. I was named after the doctor who saved me. I didn't mention it because I know little about but I was born with bad blood I had to get a complete blood transfusion. I think it was still experimental in the 80's. But I do not know much about the event. Not the blood or the method to save me from it.

Well I am glade that you are here today, you strong little thing you.

 

[Kori]

Well I am glade that you are here today, you strong little thing you.

The 5'10 120lbs of me. Yeah I weigh that little it's hard for me to gain weight.

 

[Jumi]

You've taken a step towards healing. It's a good road to be on though we may stray from it at times, don't let it get you down.

There are folks here who are survivors of various bad things. I guess there's some strength in knowing you're not alone on the road to recovery.

 

[allfoak]

All things are a matter of perspective.
The level at which one suffers anything depends upon how emotionally involved we get with the circumstance.
If one has a good perspective then they do not get so emotionally involved in circumstance but see the larger picture of how their suffering fits in with the rest of life.
When we can see that others suffer as well, sometimes through much worse circumstance it helps to endure what it is that we ourselves are experiencing.


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