I am trying to come to terms with my looks, wanna help?

[dawny0826]

I really like 9-10ths_Penguin's post because he addresses two factors that are important to consider.

1. If your face impedes upon your ability to be the fully productive human being that you deserve to be - therapy is probably the best option.

2. He provided a great example of a president of a company who lived with a deformity and did quite well, I would assume because of the confidence that he projected. And I think that this is what you should focus on as well - finding that confidence to where you don't have to hide your face from people. Confidence draws people in. Not arrogance of course, but a good sense of self and a confident attitude - people pick up on this.

For what it's worth, I don't think you're a bad looking guy. And I'm not shallow enough of a person to stare and gawk and mistreat you as a result of your "flaws". A reaction to anything that's different is natural but if I was curious enough, I'd ask you a respectful question about it and get over it.

It pains me in a way to think that hiding a portion of your face would need to be the answer. I think it exemplifies how cruel and stupid people can be UNLESS it's something that would genuinely make you feel more confident in yourself.

 

[Erebus]

CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy that is, not the fetish ) addresses the way you think about yourself and others and could be helpful. I also agree with what others said about trying an eye patch, I think you could pull it off quite well

 

[blackout]

I've thought about that before. I wonder if I am too proud for one? I dunno.

I also think how would it be perceived in a business meeting at a board room for example where we are discussing a big project. Is it comical, so to speak. What do you think?

No. I think Quagg's on'to something here.
I actually think it would be VERY distinguishing
if you wore it "correctly". (ie... with style and confidence)

This is not to say that you wouldn't sometimes joke about it
in the right contexts,
but the thing is
you wouldn't just be "wearing it for fun".
Life has given you REASON (an excuse ) to wear one.
The pirate thing is VERY sexy when worn right.
I"m not saying you should dress like a pirate on the seas of course,
but you can SET your own course as a MODERN DAY "pirate".
(ie... someone who steers the way to his own destiny
and opens ways for himSelf that are closed to others).

Beyond that, and I have said this before
you are a VERY cute and good looking man.

If you wore patches like "ties"
with differing fabric patterns
it would Set you apart in a very positive way I'm sure.
And it would make you strikingly memorable.
YOU just need to be comfortable about it
and have a relaxed and distinguished sense of humor about it.

For me it would create a distinguishing aura of mysery and intreigue.
I say that as a woman.

I think you could pull it off very stylishly
and in business
it would make you memorable in a uniquely postive way.

OK. Last thing.
Back at my first college,
the guy I thought was the absolutely most adorable guy on campus,
had only half of his one arm.
He was born that way.
Still he played guitar,
and at least on the outside
seemed confident of who he was.
He was unavailable though that first year
because a blonde hippie chick
who thought she was gods gift to creation
kept stringing him along.

I was glad the next year when he became involved
with a MUCH NICER if not "plainer" girl.

But truly now..... I digress.....

 

[monta]

I don't think an eye patch is necessary and it seems like it would be an uncomfortable nuisance. From the pictures it is noticeable but not jarring. I'm sure you get double takes from time to time, which I'm sure is a pain in your behind but I don't think an eye patch will end that, if anything the eye patch will likely increase the number of nosey enquiries. If it makes you more comfortable of course wear the patch, but if you are trying to make other people more comfortable I would give it a miss.

 

[blackout]

An eyepatch would look just fine I think...we'll it looks good on some people anyways. To be honest, I would go with shorter, cleaner cut hair though...something more mature and rugged...less "boyish" looking in order to pull it off. Anyways, not to make you change who you are or anything like that, but I would just try it out and see. I think it would actually cause to focus other people's attention more on the "look" of the eyepatch rather than the actual deformity itself. Who knows? That might be a good thing.

I do agree that you need to create a whole "look"
if you're going to wear the patch.

I feel that many people would benefit more
if they created a "look" for themSelf.

With that said,
I personally find longer hair on guys/men very attractive,
I always have.
This depends also on the individual of course,
but I think longer hair "becomes" you.
As well though, I'm sure you could find a number of shorter looks
that are complimentary.
I'm just taking a guess here from past pictures,
but I think that part of the reason you wear your hair long
is to detract attention from your eye,
giving you a way to cover it over if you choose.

This is my thought.
If you decide to transition to an eye patch
you might want to change your whole look at once.
That way it isn't "Mike's wearing an eye patch now"
but
"Wow! Look at Mike! He's done a whole makeover".
Inclining people to look at your WHOLE PERSON
and not just your patch.
Your patch would just be a part of your whole overall new look.
You could still have a "longer bang" look with shorter sides or whatever.
But I think a whole makeover would make the tranition
comfortable, fun and smooth for you.

k. I'm done now.

 

[blackout]

I"m not pushing the patch BTW.

It's just what I would do.
(but, I'm a woman who micro braids her hair and puts tiny beads on it... soo... irate

Still you do look just fine the way you are. :hug:

 

[Just_me_Mike]

Thanks everyone. One other thing is my left ear is also deformed or not existent really. So I have a tendency to cover that as well. Though sometimes I have worn quite short hair, but obviously it is more comfortable to me to have longer hair.

I'll keep thinking about it, and might try toastmasters or something like that to build some confidence.

 

[Autodidact]

I include this because David Ogilvy is considered a genius in the history of advertising for thinking of putting a eye-patch on the model to make him dashing.

 

[stillsearching]

Thanks everyone. One other thing is my left ear is also deformed or not existent really. So I have a tendency to cover that as well. Though sometimes I have worn quite short hair, but obviously it is more comfortable to me to have longer hair.

I'll keep thinking about it, and might try toastmasters or something like that to build some confidence.

I will have to post a picture of my ears for you. My ears are "floppy" so they fold inside themselves and because I fold them in without thinking there are many people that see it (and it isn't attractive).
I just looked to see if there was a picture of it out there and only cats and dogs came up.

But it is me and they just have to deal with it. I actually have a lot of people that think it is funny/cool. Keep your hair longer if you don't want to deal with people staring at it.

I would also go with the patch if I were you. I think you could pull it off great! Ultraviolet had a lot of good pointers about it. And a few weeks ago I saw a guy with one at the store and I loved that he wore it with confidence.

 

[Autodidact]

There you go, Mike, an actual heterosexual woman eager to see you in your hot new eye-patch. Please post pic if you decide to go that route.

 

[Autodidact]

Hey, Mike--I think in the long run you'll find that a woman really appreciates an intelligent guy who can hold a conversation, listen, be sensitive to other people's oddities, and is a decent person. In other words--you. I predict love in your future.

After all, if an old, short, fat, butch dyke like me can land a hottie like my sweetheart, it should be more than possible for you.

 

[Yona]

You could also make up a cool story of how you lost your eye.

"I lost it in an IED explosion in Baghdad while saving 5 little girls and 2 kittens, no big woop."

 

[Autodidact]

Yeah, like Yona said, "I don't really like to talk about how I got my purple heart."

 

[Bismillah]

Mike don't they have prosthesis for eyes such as glass eyes? I think you might be most uncomfortable in the presence of strangers? I would most likely wear a pair of nice glasses since they are very innocuous, at least in Arizona. Sorry I think my advice is terribly obvious.

 

[Autodidact]

Hey, Mike, think about this: Somewhere out there is a lonely but lovely woman who could be happy with an interesting, original guy like you. So do whatever gives you the confidence to go out there and find her.

 

[dust1n]

I don't hate myself (I don't think anyway), I don't think I am horrible looking, but it seems my deformity is such a HUGE weight on my social skills, that I fumble many would be personal and business relationships. How can I fix this? Should I get therapy?

We all have self-esteem issues from time to time as we all have our 'weak' areas, I suppose, especially in social situations, but I wouldn't go with an eye-patch except our of style. I couldn't imagine that many business relationships even take the situation into hand, maybe a quick look of confusion, but who doesn't do that when we see something out of the norm. We are quick to pin point lots of little trivial things about each other and make some judgment of it, but at least in your case, anyone who is judging is probably going to feel some guilt associated with it, unless they are just a giant *********, in which case, you are far luckier than they are.

As far as personal relationships, I would kinda consider it a gift; you have an instant filter to weed through superficial, shallow, uninteresting people.

 

[Just_me_Mike]

For the record I have a lovely and sexy wife of 10 years, I have one adopted son who is autistic and a biological son as well. In my younger days (I am 34 now) I never had a problem with women.

My problem today as an adult is largely business related, because it is tough as hell out here and I find my gentle nature doesn't translate well.
I have a hard time being fake and playing the game. So when I meet new people I never know if they have an angle or actually want to be friends etc...

Does that make more sense?

 

[stillsearching]

For the record I have a lovely and sexy wife of 10 years, I have one adopted son who is autistic and a biological son as well. In my younger days (I am 34 now) I never had a problem with women.

My problem today as an adult is largely business related, because it is tough as hell out here and I find my gentle nature doesn't translate well.
I have a hard time being fake and playing the game. So when I meet new people I never know if they have an angle or actually want to be friends etc...

Does that make more sense?

Then definitely go with the eye patch. You will seem more mysterious to them and you will seem more confident. If you can play that game then the other parts of it will fall into place.

 

[Autodidact]

For the record I have a lovely and sexy wife of 10 years, I have one adopted son who is autistic and a biological son as well. In my younger days (I am 34 now) I never had a problem with women.

My problem today as an adult is largely business related, because it is tough as hell out here and I find my gentle nature doesn't translate well.
I have a hard time being fake and playing the game. So when I meet new people I never know if they have an angle or actually want to be friends etc...

Does that make more sense?

I'm not surprised. In fact, I feel quite vindicated. So it's more of a business problem. Interesting. Ever tried the patch?

And sorry for the assumption.

 

[Just_me_Mike]

I'm not surprised. In fact, I feel quite vindicated. So it's more of a business problem. Interesting. Ever tried the patch?

And sorry for the assumption.

No problem, I appreciate the attention and advice.
I have tried a generic patch before but it never fit right. I suppose you can get them custom made for a type of face. I'll have to check on that.