I find myself in an interesting place

[Buddha Dharma]

I've kind of been having a crisis in my Buddhism for the course of a month or so. I've been advised not to act fast on it, so I haven't.

I have taken time and thought about a lot of things. I still identify with Buddhism, I'd say about 80%, but I find more and more that it probably isn't where I want to remain.

I want to spread my wings more. Specifically, I want to explore Hindu philosophy with a little more freedom. In the Dharmic religions you don't learn by simple head knowledge. You've got to do some practice.

Bhedabheda Vedanta still continues to catch my interest. That being said, I'm not going to jump out of one pan into another because I'm more cautious and thoughtful than that.

Seeker is about where I'd say I am, with the qualifier of Dharmic. I still see myself within a Dharmic worldview broadly.

As stated- I find that 80% of Buddhism or so is actually what I am convinced of. However, there's some big doubts and problems I've been having.

Anatta has always been problematic for me. It hasn't helped that I struggle with depression, and when I do> I need self-affirmation. The Buddha himself gave permission to find what works for you. I find that I need an Atman concept the more I reflect on it, and that places me outside of Buddhism.

I know the Buddha would have understood the move I'm taking. I've taken a heads up from someone on this forum though, and for now the Buddha remains my guru. He will always be one of my teachers. His teachings have changed my life, and this has been a heart-rending ordeal.

Ever since I became a Buddhist give or take 10 years ago, I never had a crisis of my faith. I know it's alright. I was raised to be skeptical and some of that has appeared in my psyche as well. I find myself doubting.

I've been away for a few days pondering these things, as well as I am busy.

I would say I identify as Dharmic, spiritual, and seeking. In that order.

I was not sure where I should put these thoughts. I wanted to share them. This makes my chosen User Name quite interesting now.

 

[Srivijaya]

Anatta has always been problematic for me.

It's a problematic concept and used by westerners with a nihilistic bent to justify their wish/belief in annihilation. No-self they call it, which is BS of the highest order. Search and find.

 

[Buddha Dharma]

It's a problematic concept and used by westerners with a nihilistic bent to justify their wish/belief in annihilation. No-self they call it, which is BS of the highest order. Search and find.

Yes I am aware of that. I actually understand Anatta quite well, I'm just not sure I find it too useful personally.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

I've kind of been having a crisis in my Buddhism for the course of a month or so. I've been advised not to act fast on it, so I haven't.

I have taken time and thought about a lot of things. I still identify with Buddhism, I'd say about 80%, but I find more and more that it probably isn't where I want to remain.

I want to spread my wings more. Specifically, I want to explore Hindu philosophy with a little more freedom. In the Dharmic religions you don't learn by simple head knowledge. You've got to do some practice.

Bhedabheda Vedanta still continues to catch my interest. That being said, I'm not jump out of one pan into another because I'm more cautious and thoughtful than that.

Seeker is about where I'd say I am, with the qualifier of Dharmic. I still see myself within a Dharmic worldview broadly.

As stated- I find that 80% of Buddhism or so is actually what I am convinced of. However, there's some big doubts and problems I've been having.

Anatta has always been problematic for me. It hasn't helped that I struggle with depression, and when I do I need self-affirmation. The Buddha himself gave permission to find what works for you. I find that I need an Atman concept the more I reflect on it, and that places me outside of Buddhism.

I know the Buddha would have understood the move I'm taking. I've taken a heads up from someone on this forum though, and for now the Buddha remains my guru. He will always be one of my teachers. His teachings have changed my life, and this has been a heart-rending ordeal.

Ever since became a Buddhist give or take 10 years ago, I never had a crisis of my faith. I know it's alright. I was raised to be skeptical and some of that has appeared in my psyche as well. I find myself doubting.

I've been away for a few days pondering these things, as well as I am busy.

I would say I identify as Dharmic, spiritual, and seeking. In that order.

I was not sure where I should put these thoughts. I wanted to share them. This makes my chosen User Name quite interesting now.

Hmm. How has anatta been problematic for you, if I may ask?

 

[Buddha Dharma]

Hmm. How has anatta been problematic for you, if I may ask?

Problematic in a small, but also big way. I find that the view that the seeming self is without substance is hard to accept because of how consciousness appears. That being said, I also understand the reasons the self sense can be misleading.

I have always had a problem with saying that means the sense of myself is entirely false. I think that discovering Bhedabheda's view of the Jivatman showed me there are other approaches out there I can consider.

I understand all the interpretations of Anatta by the way, and I know the voidness one is false. I still find Anatta too minimalist and I find myself returning to that quite frequently. I have long admired some of the Vedantic understandings of the Atman, and even thought the Buddha may not have fundamentally disagreed with them.

It just seems like I find this investigation too catching, so I need to do something about it.

To add: there is also that experience I had in meditation practice that I mentioned in a few other threads. That I had a very deep trance when I envisioned myself as pure actual consciousness. That made me consider an Atman more.

 

[Srivijaya]

To add: there is also that experience I had in meditation practice that I mentioned in a few other threads. That I had a very deep trance when I envisioned myself as pure actual consciousness. That made me consider an Atman more.

That's the crucial point. Anatta is a meditative method of relinquishment and acknowledgement of what is dropped. It doesn't have anything to say about the consciousness which perceives this.

 

[Buddha Dharma]

That's the crucial point. Anatta is a meditative method of relinquishment and acknowledgement of what is dropped. It doesn't have anything to say about the consciousness which perceives this.

Yes true. I don't want to be simplistic and say there aren't other factors in my decision. I've been thinking about this for awhile.

 

[von bek]

I think I've come through what you are experiencing. Above all, be honest with yourself.

 

[Buddha Dharma]

I think I've come through what you are experiencing. Above all, be honest with yourself.

Thanks. I just don't want to go running to Hinduism off the bat- as though Hinduism is a small thing one can simply and easily jump into. That's why I identify as Seeker, and because this is my first major crisis of religion in my adult life. I may want to take this time to consider other religions more.

I need time to collect.

 

[Srivijaya]

You couldn't find a better forum than RF to have a religious crisis in.

 

[Buddha Dharma]

Funny because RF might be what helped bring on this crisis

That's okay though. Maybe I need to grow. I come on too strongly sometimes, and I need to stop it.

 

[wizanda]

I would say I identify as Dharmic, spiritual, and seeking. In that order.

Always seeking spirituality is the Dharmic Way to the Tao... Like comprehending the mind of Buddha is an asset; yet comprehension of reality doesn't stop there.

In my opinion.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Problematic in a small, but also big way. I find that the view that the seeming self is without substance is hard to accept because of how consciousness appears. That being said, I also understand the reasons the self sense can be misleading.

I have always had a problem with saying that means the sense of myself is entirely false. I think that discovering Bhedabheda's view of the Jivatman showed me there are other approaches out there I can consider.

I understand all the interpretations of Anatta by the way, and I know the voidness one is false. I still find Anatta too minimalist and I find myself returning to that quite frequently. I have long admired some of the Vedantic understandings of the Atman, and even thought the Buddha may not have fundamentally disagreed with them.

It just seems like I find this investigation too catching, so I need to do something about it.

To add: there is also that experience I had in meditation practice that I mentioned in a few other threads. That I had a very deep trance when I envisioned myself as pure actual consciousness. That made me consider an Atman more.

The way I understand Anatta coming from a Tibetan view is we are all a string of being. So, instead of a "soul" being fixed, it is ever changing just as we are the same person when we were young but at the same time we are a different person continuously changing in mind and body/form.

I dont know about mystics and honestly dont feel it needs to be mystical. I kinda understand what you mean about coming away from Buddhist thought. For me, the two hang ups I have is divorcing myself from any fixed sense of identity (LGBT, woman, culture, etc) and live as our identities change. Its a learning curve on handling what naturaly will pass. I honest dont think its a "Buddhist" thought just one way to look at life among other ways.

The other hang up for me is rebirth to enlightenment. I see it more The Dharma is helping us die in peace but how many times we are reborn since we are a string of being, I honestly dont know.

You dont really have to pull yourself away from the Dharma. I do think with Hinduism, visit a temple a couple of times during Puja. I went once, outside the language barrier, I was welcomed with very kind and curious faces.

Anyway, The Buddha does say dont take his word for it. The only Dharmic concequence is youd be in a round of rebirth until you end suffering. But, thats all in perspective, really. No push to believe. We can know, say, the earth turns to create the illusion that the sun rises and falls but that doesnt mean we have to go into astrology to believe it.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

Sorry thats so long. You dont have to reply.

 

[Buddha Dharma]

You dont really have to pull yourself away from the Dharma

I don't see myself as doing that really, but I suppose that could be perspective. I've always seen Hinduism and Jainism as pursuing the same Dharma ultimately as Buddhists do. That view hasn't changed.

 

[Revoltingest]

The way I understand Anatta coming from a Tibetan view is we are all a string of being. So, instead of a "soul" being fixed, it is ever changing just as we are the same person when we were young but at the same time we are a different person continuously changing in mind and body/form.

I dont know about mystics and honestly dont feem it needs to be mystical. I kinda understand what you mean about coming away from Buddhist thought. For me, the two hang ups I have is divorcing myself from any fixed sense of identity (LGBT, woman, culture, etc) and live as our identities change. Its a learning curve on handling what naturaly will pass. I honest dont think its a "Buddhist" thought just one way to look at life among other ways.

The other hang up for me is rebirth to enligtenment. I see it more The Dharma is helping us die in peace but how many times we are reborn since we are a string of being, I honestly dont know.

You dont really have to pull yourself away from the Dharma. I do think with Hinduism, visit a temple a couple of times during Puja. I went once, outside the language barrier, I was welcomed very kindly and curious faces.

Anyway, The Buddha does say dont take his word for it. The only Dharmic concequence is youd be in a round of rebirth until you end suffering. But, thats all in perspective, really. No push to believe. We can know, say, the earth turns to create the illusion that the sun rises and falls but that doesnt mea we have to go into astrology to believe it.

I recommend avoiding believing too many things.
Just observe without seeking.

Caution!
The above advice is worth what you paid for it.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

I recommend avoiding believing too many things.
Just observe without seeking.

Caution!
The above advice is worth what you paid for it.

Eh. I see The Dharma as facts rather than beliefs. But Ive grown more close to my art and sense of creativity that focus on knowledge, as so The Buddha taught, isnt really strong enough to follow it as a devotion. Im pretty much set. I did my seekin' already, now Im enjoying learning something knew along the way.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

I don't see myself as doing that really, but I suppose that could be perspective. I've always seen Hinduism and Jainism as pursuing the same Dharma ultimately as Buddhists do. That view hasn't changed.

In your view, what is Jainism?

 

[Buddha Dharma]

In your view, what is Jainism?

I am interested you'd ask. I like it primarily for it's seriousness about non-violence, and it's Anekantavada concept. Otherwise I'd just be telling you what any encyclopedia could about Jainism. I'll assume you wanted to know what Jainism is to me.

 

[Unveiled Artist]

I am interested you'd ask. I like it primarily for it's seriousness about non-violence, and it's Anekantavada concept. Otherwise I'd just be telling you what any encyclopedia could about Jainism. I'll assume you wanted to know what Jainism is to me.

Yeah. Even with The Dharma people can read more than one thing in a single passage. Whats nice is The Buddha taught in a way to where different views are okay. But, yeah, I meant what means to you. Id have to look it up in a bit. Probably run across some foreign words.