I Have A Problem I Need Advice

[Krie]

this guy named Aaron was my x b/f who i discovered cheated on me. Then i decided to stay his friend and i got with this guy named blake. When i was with balske a year later Aaron comes back and confuses me by telling me that he still loves me. I was confused and me and Blake broke up. Then a couple of months later when i was with Shane he came and did the same thing that he did with me and Blake but the next day me and shane broke up. I fell for aaron's lies and was going to fall into his pit when i found out that he was doing the same thing to other girls. So i got pissed at him. Then he said that he only thought of me as a friend and that he would not do it again. And now that i am with Bastion he tried to make out with me. I pushed him away and told bastion immeadiately. But Aaron is a ******* awesome lier and told Bastion that i came on to him. But i didn't. I have never cheated on anyone. I don't know what to do to get his trust back. Aaron is a lier and everyone believes him. And i am so close to losing the person that i truely love, and that i wish to marry. All b/c of the truth. Any advice?

 

[SoyLeche]

Just curious - how old are you? If you are in High School, just remember that it isn't the end of the world.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. Explain to Bastion what happened. If he continues to believe someone that "everyone knows is a liar" instead of you, he's not worth the time and effort you are putting in.

 

[Mike182]

hey Krie :hug: sorry we haven't spoken in a while, if i may, i will PM you tonight (im just off out now)

i would suggest you just get together with Bastion, and just tell him the whole story - you can't really do anything other than lay all the cards on the table, and let him make up his own mind.

i hope it goes well for you
love,
mike

 

[Krie]

he feels like he needs a phychic to help him

 

[michel]

I can't think of anything to suggest what has already been voiced; just come out with the who sorry tale to Bastion, and leave it up to him.

 

[Krie]

he keeps telling me that he will still be with me if i confess that i did it but i am not going to lie to him and say that i did. I am not going to apologize for something that i didn't do wrong.

 

[SoyLeche]

he keeps telling me that he will still be with me if i confess that i did it but i am not going to lie to him and say that i did. I am not going to apologize for something that i didn't do wrong.

You shouldn't have to. If he can't accept that you are telling the truth - end it now! It can only get worse from there.

 

[Sunstone]

SoyLeche just gave you excellent advice, Krie. It might be difficult to break up with someone you love "simply" because he doesn't believe you are telling the truth and instead believes someone he should trust less than you yourself, but no matter how difficult it is to distance yourself from Bastion (if Bastion doesn't trust you), it would be most wise to do so.

Bastion's lack of trust (if he proves to lack trust in you over the liar) will eventually destroy his love for you, although perhaps not his passion for you. Yet, without that love, passion can become ugly and abusive, rather than inspiring and caring.

In the second place, you will be able to find someone else you love and want to marry. It is a myth that because we love someone intensely they are necessarily the right person for us to marry. I have loved many good people in my life who were not a right person for me to marry, and every friend I have with any experience at all in love and marriage would agree with me that they too have loved people who were not the right people for them to marry.

Lastly, I think your instinct to ask for advice is an excellent one. Please deeply consider taking SoyLeche's advice. If you think it's too bold, then consider that to anyone who's been there and done that, your situation might be as transparent to them as it would be transparent to you what a person many years younger should do about a situation you yourself faced at their age.

Best wishes!

 

[Krie]

i don't want it to end. b/c i really love and trust him and the only thing that is slack in the relationship is his trust in me. Which i understand b/c of his x who he was to marry, cheating on him.
My mom also just was put in the hospital i am so stressed i can't think clearly at all i just wish that he could see the truth.

 

[Super Universe]

I would suggest this:

Take some time off from relationships. You seem to be quite young. Do you really need to find the love of your life at only 17?

Just tell everyone that you wish to have some personal time. They can still be your friends at school but afterwards spend the time with your family or go to a library.

Read a book. Donate your time at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen, or old age home. Plant a garden in your backyard.

 

[Krie]

I would suggest this:

Take some time off from relationships. You seem to be quite young. Do you really need to find the love of your life at only 17?

Just tell everyone that you wish to have some personal time. They can still be your friends at school but afterwards spend the time with your family or go to a library.

Read a book. Donate your time at a homeless shelter, soup kitchen, or old age home. Plant a garden in your backyard.

that is just it though. B/c of aaron's lying no one believes me. b/c he is such a good liar. And now Bastion is placing our relationship in the hands of a phychic.

 

[SoyLeche]

that is just it though. B/c of aaron's lying no one believes me. b/c he is such a good liar. And now Bastion is placing our relationship in the hands of a phychic.

I really don't know anything about the situation or the people involved - other than what you have said in this thread - but from what I've heard, Bastion doesn't sound like the type of guy I'd want my sister dating. I like the idea of taking a break. You've got a lot going on right now, put the focus somewhere other than dating for the moment.

 

[Krie]

he is my survival though. If i lose him i lose the sholder that i cry on and the only one i trust

 

[SoyLeche]

he is my survival though. If i lose him i lose the sholder that i cry on and the only one i trust

That's another problem. Your happiness doesn't depend on anyone but yourself. Don't give anyone the power to make you unhappy - they don't know what to do with it.

 

[Circle_One]

It seems to me that you've let, in one way or another, this boy Aaron ruin a lot of relationships for you.

Obviously if Bastion doesn't trust you, then where exactly is the good in the relationship? The love is not real without trust. If he really loved you, he would trust you fully. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't really love you, simply because you love him right now?

It's not the end of the world if you lose this guy and from what I'm reading, he's not worth fighting for to begin with.

You need to find happiness within and with yourself before you can truly find happiness with someone else.

 

[evearael]

With a friend along as a witness, inform Aaron that you no longer wish to associate with him or his lies. He is not a friend.

With a friend along as a witness, inform Bastion that it's either you or Aaron. If he does not believe you, he is not worthy of you. No psychic is necessary. Trust is vital to a relationship. Be firm. Give him a day to decide, if you wish. If he cannot, break it off. Don't let yourself be dragged around.

I know it is agonizing, but hang in there. You will find love and joy, but it is exceedingly rare at 17. I know you are eager to find your true love, but don't let that eagerness trap you in a poor relationship. You can do better than this guy. You deserve better than him. Focus on everything else in your life that needs attention. Take good care of yourself. Nurture and appreciate yourself for the wonderful person that you are. Someone who is worth having will appreciate you for your strong sense of self, will cherish you and have faith in you.

 

[Sunstone]

i don't want it to end. b/c i really love and trust him and the only thing that is slack in the relationship is his trust in me. Which i understand b/c of his x who he was to marry, cheating on him.

When trust is slack, love can turn abusive. That's not so much an opinion as it is a mere observation from 49 years of watching and listening to people.

It's fine you understand his motives for a lack of trust, but the lack of trust remains regardless of how well you understand it. And understanding it will not protect you from abuse, should abuse occur.

Lastly, nearly everyone is at one time or another betrayed by a lover in one way or another. It is not the responsibility of our future lovers to heal the wounds from betrayals by our past lovers. It is our own responsibility to heal our own wounds. No one can do it for us even if they try. Women and girls often fall into the trap of thinking they can change or rescue men and boys, or the trap of thinking they are responsible for other people's feelings. Does any of that describe how you're approaching this?

 

[jewscout]

without some trust no relationship can work,
the only thing a lack of trust will do will create negative energy that will not contribute to a healthy relationship.
And as much as you love Bastion, it must go both ways.
if he doesn't trust you it will only go from bad to worse. Tell him the truth, give him time to think it out, and see what he has to say. Communication is always the key.

 

[jewscout]

....that being said i'm not sure if i'm the kinda person who should be giving out relationship advice at this juncture in my life

 

[9harmony]

i don't want it to end. b/c i really love and trust him and the only thing that is slack in the relationship is his trust in me. Which i understand b/c of his x who he was to marry, cheating on him.
My mom also just was put in the hospital i am so stressed i can't think clearly at all i just wish that he could see the truth.

BIG RED FLAG!

i was married at 18 to a man who caught his former girlfriend in bed with his best friend. Me being naive, thought i could love him so much that it would never be an issue between us. But after 25 years of marriage, this event which happened to him, still holds it's grip on our relationship, though i have always been faithful, he just cannot get it through his head that i will not betray his trust.
I caution you...not to make the same mistake i made. Old wounds heal slowly, if at all. It's his issue, but one i pay for on a continual basis, and it's no fun.

just be careful...