I have a problem...update

[We Never Know]

The original thread is here...
I have a problem

Update... I was supposed to have my grandson last weekend but that didn't happen because he was grounded for speaking/acting out it school and for puking after he ate which they said he did on purpose.

So I drove down to see him. When I got there my daughter, her husband, my new grandson were all in the living room watching tv, playing, etc. My son-in-law left the room as soon I came in.
Long story short, I said where is Z, my daughter said in his room because he is grounded. So I go to his room where my 8 year old grandson was confined to, only to leave to use the bathroom or eat. ....
He is setting on a chair, arms crossed just looking around his room. He had been grounded from all toys, TV, games, movies, etc. I was pretty peeved to say the least buy had a good visit with him for a while then left.
Three days later my daughter texted me about it and I said what you and his step father are doing is borderline emotional and mental abuse. And said Im going to check into it with a friend that retired from child services. I said he may as well be in a jail. She blew up and said if you do that, don't contact me again.
To me that shows she knows what she and her husband are doing wrong and yes I already have a lawyer on it.

My concern is him, not my daughter or her husband.

Let me point out.... My son-in-law is the step dad to my eight year old grandson.
He is the dad to my 10 month old grandson.

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

 

[JustGeorge]

The original thread is here...
I have a problem

Update... I was supposed to have my grandson last weekend but that didn't happen because he was grounded for speaking/acting out it school and for puking after he ate which they said he did on purpose.

So I drove down to see him. When I got there my daughter, her husband, my new grandson were all in the living room watching tv, playing, etc. My son-in-law left the room as soon I came in.
Long story short, I said where is Z, my daughter said in his room because he is grounded. So I go to his room where my 8 year old grandson was confined to, only to leave to use the bathroom or eat. ....
He is setting on a chair, arms crossed just looking around his room. He had been grounded from all toys, TV, games, movies, etc. I was pretty peeved to say the least buy had a good visit with him for a while then left.
Three days later my daughter texted me about it and I said what you and his step father are doing is borderline emotional and mental abuse. And said Im going to check into it with a friend that retired from child services. I said he may as well be in a jail. She blew up and said if you do that, don't contact me again.
To me that shows she knows what she and her husband are doing wrong and yes I already have a lawyer on it.

My concern is him, not my daughter or her husband.

Let me point out.... My son-in-law is the step dad to my eight year old grandson.
He is the dad to my 10 month old grandson.

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

This is abusive, in my mind.

My therapist told me once in some states, even sending a child to their room can be considered abusive(because you can't see them in there). I disagree with this, but I'm just saying it to let you know where the law in some places stand.

 

[stvdv]

Update... I was supposed to have my grandson last weekend but that didn't happen because he was grounded for speaking/acting out it school and for puking after he ate which they said he did on purpose.

I see no problem here, seems correct to me, but maybe you did not give all the facts

I recently saw a funny YouTube in which a dog misbehaved, and felt embarrassed and the dog went "into the corner"

Three days later my daughter texted me about it and I said what you and his step father are doing is borderline emotional and mental abuse

I experienced a lot of emotional and mental abuse, but what you described so far, what I have read, doesn't fall under it

My father only beat me once because I crawled under the car, which could have driven away. I, 4 or 5 year old, totally got it (he explained why he beat me) and felt the beating was okay (that part he did fine).

The emotional and mental abuse was 100 times worse, he did it not on purpose, he had a narcissistic father and he became one too. That I can even forgive.
Him not willing to admit he abused me emotionally and mentally I do not forgive. Nor do I forgive him to continue to belittle me

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

My advice would be to let your daughter and her husband decide how to raise their child. Of course you can share your concern (unless there are other things, esp. belittling children is bad parenting)

 

[stvdv]

This is abusive, in my mind.

My therapist told me once in some states, even sending a child to their room can be considered abusive(because you can't see them in there). I disagree with this, but I'm just saying it to let you know where the law in some places stand.

Hence I would think 100 times before calling in child services, they are known to act brutal many times

 

[We Never Know]

I see no problem here, seems correct to me, but maybe you did not give all the facts

I recently saw a funny YouTube in which a dog misbehaved, and felt embarrassed and the dog went "into the corner"


I experienced a lot of emotional and mental abuse, but what you described so far, what I have read, doesn't fall under it

My father only beat me once because I crawled under the car, which could have driven away. I, 4 or 5 year old, totally got it (he explained why he beat me) and felt the beating was okay (that part he did fine).

The emotional and mental abuse was 100 times worse, he did it not on purpose, he had a narcissistic father and he became one too. That I can even forgive.
Him not willing to admit he abused me emotionally and mentally I do not forgive. Nor do I forgive him to continue to belittle me


My advice would be to let your daughter and her husband decide how to raise their child. Of course you can share your concern (unless there are other things, esp. belittling children is bad parenting)

They never play games with him. They never watch movies with him. In my opinion he is stuck in his room out of the way.
He does get in trouble but I wonder if he acts out just seeking attentIin,,even if its bad.

 

[We Never Know]

Hence I would think 100 times before calling in child services, they are known to act brutal many times

Yes I know. They some times over react or do nothing. Which is why Im seeking legal advice.

 

[Left Coast]

The original thread is here...
I have a problem

Update... I was supposed to have my grandson last weekend but that didn't happen because he was grounded for speaking/acting out it school and for puking after he ate which they said he did on purpose.

So I drove down to see him. When I got there my daughter, her husband, my new grandson were all in the living room watching tv, playing, etc. My son-in-law left the room as soon I came in.
Long story short, I said where is Z, my daughter said in his room because he is grounded. So I go to his room where my 8 year old grandson was confined to, only to leave to use the bathroom or eat. ....
He is setting on a chair, arms crossed just looking around his room. He had been grounded from all toys, TV, games, movies, etc. I was pretty peeved to say the least buy had a good visit with him for a while then left.
Three days later my daughter texted me about it and I said what you and his step father are doing is borderline emotional and mental abuse. And said Im going to check into it with a friend that retired from child services. I said he may as well be in a jail. She blew up and said if you do that, don't contact me again.
To me that shows she knows what she and her husband are doing wrong and yes I already have a lawyer on it.

My concern is him, not my daughter or her husband.

Let me point out.... My son-in-law is the step dad to my eight year old grandson.
He is the dad to my 10 month old grandson.

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

How long was the kid supposed to be grounded for? I assume they were still letting him go to school?

 

[We Never Know]

How long was the kid supposed to be grounded for? I assume they were still letting him go to school?

Yes he goes to school. However no TV , games or movies for upto three months. No toys for days or a week.
He just sets in his room by himself on a chair.
He is allowed to leave his room to eat and go to the bathroom.

 

[Left Coast]

Yes he goes to school. However no TV , games or movies for upto three months. No toys for days or a week.
He just sets in his room by himself on a chair.

That does seem very harsh for an eight year old. Can you go see him more frequently?

 

[We Never Know]

That does seem very harsh for an eight year old. Can you go see him more frequently?

As of now, as mentioned in the OP, my daughter blew up and said if you do that, don't contact me again.
So I'm pretty sure I'm very limited if not more.

 

[JustGeorge]

Hence I would think 100 times before calling in child services, they are known to act brutal many times

DHS(or, CPS) can be some real snakes in the grass, for sure. But living in a place where you're seemingly vilified and where it seems you're unloved or unwanted...

My heart is breaking for this kid.

 

[Quagmire]

The original thread is here...
I have a problem

Update... I was supposed to have my grandson last weekend but that didn't happen because he was grounded for speaking/acting out it school and for puking after he ate which they said he did on purpose.

So I drove down to see him. When I got there my daughter, her husband, my new grandson were all in the living room watching tv, playing, etc. My son-in-law left the room as soon I came in.
Long story short, I said where is Z, my daughter said in his room because he is grounded. So I go to his room where my 8 year old grandson was confined to, only to leave to use the bathroom or eat. ....
He is setting on a chair, arms crossed just looking around his room. He had been grounded from all toys, TV, games, movies, etc. I was pretty peeved to say the least buy had a good visit with him for a while then left.
Three days later my daughter texted me about it and I said what you and his step father are doing is borderline emotional and mental abuse. And said Im going to check into it with a friend that retired from child services. I said he may as well be in a jail. She blew up and said if you do that, don't contact me again.
To me that shows she knows what she and her husband are doing wrong and yes I already have a lawyer on it.

My concern is him, not my daughter or her husband.

Let me point out.... My son-in-law is the step dad to my eight year old grandson.
He is the dad to my 10 month old grandson.

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

No advice to give, WNK. But I'm glad you have a friend with professional experience who can guide you in this, and I have to say I admire you to no end for taking the initiative on this.

I think your grandson is lucky to have you in his corner.

 

[Left Coast]

As of now, as mentioned in the OP, my daughter blew up and said if you do that, don't contact me again.
So I'm pretty sure I'm very limited if not more.

I wonder if you spoke to her again if she would be more calm. Without accusing her of anything just asking if you can come see Z again.

I also wonder if he has books he can read? Or if he has pencil/pen/paper to draw or something like that? Or if your daughter would let you bring him some of those things if he doesnt. Just something to occupy his mind.

Truly sorry this is happening, you (and Z) are not in an easy position. Again, especially since this poor boy is 8.

 

[stvdv]

Yes he goes to school. However no TV , games or movies for upto three months. No toys for days or a week.
He just sets in his room by himself on a chair.
He is allowed to leave his room to eat and go to the bathroom.

No TV, games, movies is good.

My Master and Dalai Lama too, called TV "Tele Poison" for a reason.
And "Tele Vision" means this media is used to impose their vision onto all = brainwashing, and I am not just talking about the ads

BUT

"3 months" is very bad (parenting), unless they have imposed this routine on themselves too (including sitting in their bedroom doing nothing.. also no sex), but also only if they had done it themselves for 3 months prior to making your grandson do it

Below story is the perfect example of good parenting:
Rama Krishna, a great Guru, never asked you to do something He did not do Himself first. Example: Mother comes to him telling "my son eats sugar all day, what should I do?". Rama Krishna replied "Come back to me after 2 weeks". After 2 weeks she returned, and Rama Krishna told her "tell your son to stop eating sugar!"

The mother replied "My God, why did you not tell me this 2 weeks ago?". To which Rama Krishna replied "I was eating sugar myself, and needed first to stop it myself, before I could advice you to tell your son to stop eating sugar"

This story is a major example all parents should practise, lots of hurt would be avoided

 

[We Never Know]

No TV, games, movies is good.

My Master and Dalai Lama too, called TV "Tele Poison" for a reason.
And "Tele Vision" means this media is used to impose their vision onto all = brainwashing, and I am not just talking about the ads

BUT

"3 months" is very bad (parenting), unless they have imposed this routine on themselves too (including sitting in their bedroom doing nothing.. also no sex), but also only if they had done it themselves for 3 months prior to making your grandson do it

Below story is the perfect example of good parenting:
Rama Krishna, a great Guru, never asked you to do something He did not do Himself first. Example: Mother comes to him telling "my son eats sugar all day, what should I do?". Rama Krishna replied "Come back to me after 2 weeks". After 2 weeks she returned, and Rama Krishna told her "tell your son to stop eating sugar!"

The mother replied "My God, why did you not tell me this 2 weeks ago?". To which Rama Krishna replied "I was eating sugar myself, and needed first to stop it myself, before I could advice you to tell your son to stop eating sugar"

This story is a major example all parents should practise, lots of hurt would be avoided

He comes out of his room to use the bathroom and sees his mother, step dad and little brother watching TV and playing.
That will build bitterness and hate in my opinion.

 

[Left Coast]

@We Never Know after reading through your original post again, this has been going on for quite some time now... do they have other friends or family members who have a relationship with both of you who could also talk to your daughter and her husband? Maybe if it came from more than just you it would make an impact.

 

[We Never Know]

@We Never Know after reading through your original post again, this has been going on for quite some time now... do they have other friends or family members who have a relationship with both of you who could also talk to your daughter and her husband? Maybe if it came from more than just you it would make an impact.

Yes my exwife, the mother to my daughter has tried. She gets blown off also. But she cowers down to them.

 

[Watchmen]

The original thread is here...
I have a problem

Update... I was supposed to have my grandson last weekend but that didn't happen because he was grounded for speaking/acting out it school and for puking after he ate which they said he did on purpose.

So I drove down to see him. When I got there my daughter, her husband, my new grandson were all in the living room watching tv, playing, etc. My son-in-law left the room as soon I came in.
Long story short, I said where is Z, my daughter said in his room because he is grounded. So I go to his room where my 8 year old grandson was confined to, only to leave to use the bathroom or eat. ....
He is setting on a chair, arms crossed just looking around his room. He had been grounded from all toys, TV, games, movies, etc. I was pretty peeved to say the least buy had a good visit with him for a while then left.
Three days later my daughter texted me about it and I said what you and his step father are doing is borderline emotional and mental abuse. And said Im going to check into it with a friend that retired from child services. I said he may as well be in a jail. She blew up and said if you do that, don't contact me again.
To me that shows she knows what she and her husband are doing wrong and yes I already have a lawyer on it.

My concern is him, not my daughter or her husband.

Let me point out.... My son-in-law is the step dad to my eight year old grandson.
He is the dad to my 10 month old grandson.

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

Sometimes kids need to get grounded. That shouldn’t necessarily prohibit a visit to/from grandma. That said, you’re not the parents. They are. And what they did is NOT abuse. Sounds like grandma needs to BUTT OUT.

 

[stvdv]

DHS(or, CPS) can be some real snakes in the grass, for sure. But living in a place where you're seemingly vilified and where it seems you're unloved or unwanted...

My heart is breaking for this kid.

This is a delicate situation

I would first talk with my daughter, to hear her side of the story (without husband present)

BUT before that

I would also ask my daughter if she knows mistakes I have made in bringing her up, because if she chooses to allow her child to be abused, I would know I failed her in giving right parenting.

First I would make sure to correct my own parenting mistakes (asking my daughter forgiveness for my mistakes), before pointing out there mistakes

Each parent makes blunders, first say sorry and ask forgiveness to your daughter, that will give her the power to correct her husband. If I played my part well (begging her to forgive my own parenting mistakes)...because we can only teach by example. Be perfect myself first, which must include "asking my daughter to forgive my own parenting mistakes first"

 

[We Never Know]

The original thread is here...
I have a problem

Update... I was supposed to have my grandson last weekend but that didn't happen because he was grounded for speaking/acting out it school and for puking after he ate which they said he did on purpose.

So I drove down to see him. When I got there my daughter, her husband, my new grandson were all in the living room watching tv, playing, etc. My son-in-law left the room as soon I came in.
Long story short, I said where is Z, my daughter said in his room because he is grounded. So I go to his room where my 8 year old grandson was confined to, only to leave to use the bathroom or eat. ....
He is setting on a chair, arms crossed just looking around his room. He had been grounded from all toys, TV, games, movies, etc. I was pretty peeved to say the least buy had a good visit with him for a while then left.
Three days later my daughter texted me about it and I said what you and his step father are doing is borderline emotional and mental abuse. And said Im going to check into it with a friend that retired from child services. I said he may as well be in a jail. She blew up and said if you do that, don't contact me again.
To me that shows she knows what she and her husband are doing wrong and yes I already have a lawyer on it.

My concern is him, not my daughter or her husband.

Let me point out.... My son-in-law is the step dad to my eight year old grandson.
He is the dad to my 10 month old grandson.

Seeking advice from anyone and everyone.

Let me tell you all some thing else....

Last week I just found out for the first time two years ago his step dad beat his *** with a belt, bruising his *** and both legs.
My ex wife finally informed me if that last week. Her excuse was she didn't tell me because she thought I would kill him.
That doesn't excuse her for not telling me or him or my daughter for letting it happen. Supposedly it hasn't happened again. Yeah BS!